Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 15, 2014, 12:49:33 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 638731
  • Total Topics: 48491
  • Online Today: 183
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 6
Guests: 134
Total: 140

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Now I´m poz ! And what about my familly????  (Read 4749 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Now I´m poz ! And what about my familly????
« on: June 16, 2011, 11:41:45 PM »
Well, Hi everybody...  I´m new here and I need to tell about what I feel I cannot tell to anybody...  I read this forrum and I think it is really good, comments are respectuos and pertinents, and I need to talk (write) to people that can understand what I feel right now...

I´m a man in my 30s, I´m married and I have a son. 

I also had some bisexual experiences in the last years, some few, with people I did know well, only for sex and well, enjoying them... 

And during last one, we had a problem with the condom and I´ve been exposed.  I made the tests some weeks after that and I could not believe it, it was positive...

Of course, I´ve never imagine this could happen to me...  Last days, I read a lot about HIV and so on and I accept more or less this fact to me.  I also try to occupy me a lot to avoid thinking or falling in a depressive state.

The problem is with my family...  I feel so guilty because my wife could have been exposed to...  There so many things.: of course I want to tell her as soon as possible, but more than any thing, I´m afraid this can make disappear my family, to be rejected...  I feel very alone here, the country I live in is a conservative country  and the structure around AID is very poor, this disease is today still very taboo...

For now, I´ve only seen my genelast medic, I will see a specialist maybe next week....  My wife is so far away to imagine that I could have had a relation with another people, that it could have been a man and that I exposed her to it...



We had so many projects, the 5 last years were terrible for us and for that we were looking for moving on to another country...  So sad to receive a good new from migration and the day after the test result; in some weeks we will have a health test...

For accepting HIV won´t be so hard, I always lived difficult  and risky things ; I could have died many times ; but I can stand imaging how will react my wife to these news ; I really feel miserable and sad...  Someone has lived something comparable?



edited by Ann by Valmont's request
« Last Edit: June 23, 2011, 11:09:51 AM by Ann »
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline jacken

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2011, 12:07:24 AM »
Hi Valmont, sorry to hear about your diagnosis. You are in the right place to share your feelings. I was recently diagnosed as well but can't image the situation you are going through right now.

For now, take care of your health. Doctors will give you some advice. If possible, try to sort things out one at a time. Sooner or later, you will have to tell your wife when you are ready and have her tested if she is at risk. There is no easy way to tell but a simple truth.

((((hugs))))

Offline Raf

  • Member
  • Posts: 256
  • Bald by choice
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2011, 12:14:33 AM »
Hi Val, welcome to the forums!

I cannot imagine your situation, it's really complicated. There are so many things to consider.... first of all, you're still on the initial shock of receiving the Diagnostic, and then there is your family.

It's hard what I'm going to say but...you have to disclosure your status to your wife, there's no way around it. she needs to get tested  as soon as possible to see if she's infected or not. Let's say that she's not infected (I'm praying for that), she still will notice your constant medical visits, or the meds if the doctor whenever decides to put you on treatment. It's hard to hide this disease from the people who lives with one.

There's the possibility of losing your family (or not, maybe your wife can surprise you and give you support) by disclosing your status, but you cannot hide this, specially if your wife is at risk. I don't know...it's not fair for her to discover this when you reach another country, far away from her family.

I know by first hand how is the stigma of aids in south america (I live en Venezuela and it's not better than ecuador. The only good thing here is the national aids program, but that's all)... but it's important for her to get tested. I wonder if she's got tested too just like you? you can insist for an HIV test anyway.
Dx: 05/14/2008
Latest HIV Meds combo I've been taking:

Kaletra + Combivir (since 05/16/2008 - today)

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: Now I´m poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2011, 12:25:36 AM »
Hi Jacken and Raf...  Thanks for answering me, your words sound good for me...

About my wife, I am completelly clear that I will tell her about the descease very soon, I hope I can find a good medic to help me, it will also be very important to test her soon.  About this, there is no discussion...  then, let´s see what will happen, what will be her decision...  This make me so sad to have been irresponsable only for new experiences to more, to have exposed her to these kind of things...

In South America, there is the National Aid Plan, my generalist told me it was very well estructurated, with access to specialist and medecine, I´ll know this very soon...



edited by Ann by Valmont's request
« Last Edit: June 23, 2011, 11:54:05 AM by Ann »
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline +/-

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2011, 01:07:42 AM »
Sorry to hear about your dx but welcome to the forums. Here I have found loads of helpful information from others who having been in our shoes for quite some time now.

My story is quite similar to yours with the slight difference that I have told my wife immediately once I knew I was positive. I'm not say that it was easy for her to accept but as time goes by, if she loves you, things will get better.

I never thought this could happen to me and never thought about being tested, but the one time I tested myself, I found out that I had the virus and probably have exposed my wife too. Luckily enough upon telling her, she got tested, once, twice, 3 times - within the window period and she us negative.

So my point is  that you have to tell your wife as soon as possible and she need to get tested too if she was exposed.

Perhaps she can assist you during your lab tests as well. I'm sure it will help.

Good luck and be strong!

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2011, 01:32:15 AM »
+/-, maybe you are right...  But I prefer to make this with a medic, where I live, it is different from Europe or maybe US and there is so little information about AIDS and HIV so people still have a lot of prejudices, that is why I prefer acting with medical asistance, in my case, the actitute of the girl that told me my result has been capital for me to see a future and not to look for "solutions" as suicide, Im not sure I can find the good words... 

Today I was to my generalist medical to talk with him about this and he recommanded me an especialist, he also told me that they knew how to do it...  Anyway, I wont wait more than a week, I wont be able...

Those days I was alone because my wife was travelling for work...

It may sound egoist, but I dont want to take the risk of seeing my familly destroyed, I still believe the way how she will know for me will be important...

Or Im wrong??? 
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline +/-

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2011, 02:02:40 AM »
What I am saying is that she has the right to know and much more if she was exposed she also need to be tested as soon as possible. You cannot hide from her anymore, sooner or later she will find out and perhaps that will even be worse, if she finds out on her own.

What if things were the other way round? I think you would expect her to tell you, right? So you should do the same. This has nothing to do with living in Europe or in the USA, it's just a dialogue with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you care for her, tell her and get her tested mate.

Make sure that from now on, you practise SAFE sex with her!

Take care.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,644
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2011, 03:42:33 AM »
...you have to disclosure your status to your wife, there's no way around it. she needs to get tested  as soon as possible to see if she's infected or not.
Its the right thing to do.
I hope she isn't HIV+.  And that your marriage and family survives intact.
Welcome to the forum.
From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need 1875 K Marx

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #8 on: June 17, 2011, 10:31:38 AM »
Thanks for your answers, of course you are right, there is nothing nationalities, she has the right of knowing and sure, there is no way around this, I clear about that for the very begining.... But I tell her and then???  The matter is more that way...  I believe the way how I can annouce it is such as important as the news themselves...  I can t arrived and say:
"- Hi darling, oh, I have a big new I did not tell you before, Im HIV +...  O sure, how this happened?  I had an a sexual relation with someone outside our marriage...  Ohhh, moreother, it was with a guy...   And about you?  Then, maybe you have been exposed because Ive never imagine that I could have been contaminated...  But live still go on, no?  And I still love you..."

Ive been irresponsable for having a sexual relation outside of the marriage, but I love my wife and my familly (might sound cynical...  Dont believe I feel pround of me...).

I took the decision to tell her but imagine in a day how her life is going to change...  It is not only about HIV, there so many thinks behind this...

I spoke with the  medic that Igoing to see next week and he recommended to wait , he will help me to communicate this to my familly as a part of his job. I do prefere telling her this with a medic next week.

And of course, for now, I will always practice safe sex...
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline jacken

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #9 on: June 17, 2011, 11:03:12 AM »
I spoke with the  medic that Igoing to see next week and he recommended to wait , he will help me to communicate this to my familly as a part of his job. I do prefere telling her this with a medic next week.

That is a good idea. I really hope that your wife will be neg and your family will come out of this even stronger.

Whatever you do, be prepared for the worst.

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #10 on: June 20, 2011, 09:22:47 PM »
Ive been to the specialist today, in the VIH program.  The doctor was really great, the structure surprised me, and people was really kind there.  

The med examined me and found me well, I have a lot of examens to do and I know that some machine for Viral Load are not working...  The doc told me that he is expecting CD4 very low and high VL for a new infection, then to wait 6 months and depending of the second result, to decide to start or not a treatment...  

I still believe I've been contaminated for a short time, but medic and from last year I had incommun health problems.  Anyway, I believe the most important is not to know when or with whom, but to go on and live towards the future, or no????

Thank you for the advises you gave me, I think there were wise and thanks a lot for your support.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2011, 05:00:14 PM by Valmont »
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #11 on: June 21, 2011, 04:56:00 PM »
Ive just told her yesterday.  It was a strong shock but I hope we will go on together in this new situation, thanks to everybody helps...
« Last Edit: June 21, 2011, 05:03:47 PM by Valmont »
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline jacken

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #12 on: June 21, 2011, 06:27:56 PM »
I hope you will be able support each other and keep the family strong. Best wishes.

Offline karry

  • Member
  • Posts: 271
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #13 on: June 21, 2011, 10:05:25 PM »
Hi Val!
You are on the right tract. Keep taking it a step at a time like you are doing.
She will certainly be shocked, angry, sad, depressed, like we all must have been at the time of our diagnosis or when we learn of something we are not expecting. Please give her the space, patience and understanding she needs to go through this time.

Take care! I am sending you lots of good vibes of support at this time.
Karry
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #14 on: June 22, 2011, 01:08:33 PM »
Thank you so much Jacken and Karry, for now we are supporting strongly each other.  It not great, this is a catastrophe, we are very sad but try to go on with life...


I would like to know how I can edit my first post, there so many especific personnal information I put that can make me been reconoziced and this is a very big stress to me...  THIS IS IMPORTANT.
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline jacken

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #15 on: June 22, 2011, 01:50:20 PM »
Thank you so much Jacken and Karry, for now we are supporting strongly each other.  It not great, this is a catastrophe, we are very sad but try to go on with life...


I would like to know how I can edit my first post, there so many especific personnal information I put that can make me been reconoziced and this is a very big stress to me...  THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Good to hear. It will get better. Good luck!

Do you see "Modify" button on the upper right corner of your first post? Click on that button and you should be able to edit your post.

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #16 on: June 22, 2011, 01:52:50 PM »
Thank you.

I have "modify" botton only for newest message, not for those Id like to change...
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,064
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #17 on: June 22, 2011, 01:53:43 PM »
No, there's a time limit on the ability to modify an old post. I think it's 48 or 72 hours. If you need personal information eliminated from the first post, Valmont, you will need to send a PM directly to a moderator requesting that they do so with their administrative abilities.
"Ive slept with enough men to know that Im not gay"

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: Now Im poz ! And what about my familly????
« Reply #18 on: June 22, 2011, 02:57:38 PM »
Oky, Miss, I will insist (Ive done it yesterday, but no reply...)
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.