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Author Topic: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?  (Read 7146 times)

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Offline 112scott

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Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« on: June 07, 2011, 02:37:29 PM »
I am a uncircumsized man, in a wonderful long-term relationship with another man (both HIV - and do not fool around outside of our relationship).  Last week, while working at a resort in a gay-friendly community, I decided to go into the steamroom off of the mens lockerroom.  Once I was there, another man came in, sat next to me, and began masturbating himself.  I should have left, but instead he reached over and grabbed my penis and balls (I am uncircumsized) with a very wet hand (it is a steamroom).  My concern is that he may have had some of his own precum mixed in on that hand, and it may have touched my foreskin or glans.  I made him stop, told him I wasn't interested, left and showered.  He told me he was a bottom (I can't remember if he said aggressive bottom, or magnetic bottom, or something like that -- I was pretty shaken).  I don't ever want to put my partner at any risk (although I told him about the incident since we don't keep secrets of any kind from one another).  This is the only time anything like this has happened in our 10 years together.  Do I need to test?  Was there any risk at all?  Am I fine?  I had a test at 16 days and it was negative, but I know that's too early if I am correct... Help... I'm still not sleeping well and this is consuming my mind.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2011, 06:17:59 PM »
You are worrying needlessly. It doesn't matter whose cum touched whose penis or any of the details you are throwing into the mix. HIV is a very fragile virus and it is not passed in any of the ways you are concerned about.

The sexual transmission of HIV is all about unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Those are the only confirmed risks.

There is no need for testing further nor for concern on your part. Let it go and get on with your life. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2011, 06:56:03 AM »
Scott,

I agree with Andy that you did not have a risk.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER MUTUAL MASTURBATION, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline 112scott

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Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2011, 07:05:48 PM »
Thanks, I think I understand, but I have to ask...

The CDC says that there are several ways to acquire HIV sexually.  And, while unprotected anal and vaginal sex are considered high risk, they also list unprotected oral sex, sharing sex toys, etc, all as risks.  I just want to know how your group -- which I hope is right -- came to the conclusion that it's only through unprotected anal and vaginal sex, and that there is no risk at all in what I did.

I also need to ask... I want to resume sex with my long-term partner... Any risk to him from the mutual masturbation (without ejaculation) that I reported? 

I'm sorry -- I'm not being paranoid -- just very protective of someone I love deeply...

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2011, 07:12:10 PM »
HIV is unable to reproduce outside its living host (unlike many bacteria or fungi, which may do so under suitable conditions), except under laboratory conditions; therefore, it does not spread or maintain infectiousness outside its host. There is your answer for the sex toys.  

You never had an exposure an there was no reason in the world as to why you stopped your sex life except for your guilt and being uneducated into the ways HIV is transmitted.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2011, 07:14:50 PM by RapidRod »

Offline 112scott

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Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2011, 07:29:19 PM »
Rod,

Please understand.  I know that guilt is involved.  I told my partner what happened.  In terms of our relationship, we're beyond that already.  But, also please understand that we've been monogamous for 10 years... and before this partner, my only other sexual experiences were with my former partner (who I was with from 1982 to 1998).  That goes all the way back to college days. 

Call me uneducated about HIV, but there is so much conflicting information out there from some very credible sources (CDC, NIH, etc).  And, quite frankly, I just want to protect the one I love the most.  I didn't mean to offend you by the question.  I just wanted to be sure.

Offline Ann

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Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2011, 08:56:16 AM »
Scott,

You need to understand that many "credible sources" like the CDC employ a CYA - cover your ass - stance when it comes to hiv infection. They haven't moved on from the early 80s when there was very little known about hiv.

We know what we know about hiv transmission thanks to three studies. These studies looked at serodiscordant couples (one was poz, one was neg). In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barriers for oral, not one of the negative partners ended up poz. NOT ONE. One of the studies went on for ten years and involved hundreds of couples.

We also know a lot more now about hiv transmission on the cellular level. Hiv can only infect a very few, very specific types of cells. These cells are found in the urethra and in the lining of the anus and vagina. They are not found on the surface of the skin and there are also very few of them in the oral cavity. This is why, sexually speaking, only unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse are true risks. And we have those three studies that validated what we know on the cellular level.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline 112scott

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  • Posts: 5
Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2011, 12:57:44 PM »
Thanks Ann.  I appreciate your response, which helps me understand things better.

I had been reading that the cells under a mans foreskin are also highly receptive to HIV, and I am uncircumsized (have foreskin).  I know that the studies about foreskin and HIV reduction were regarding heterosexual intercourse (penile-vaginal), but guess that my worried brain made the leap to think that if the guy had some precum on his hand and touched my foreskin, that could infect me.

I am a worrier -- what can i say?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2011, 04:39:27 PM »
Yah, and that is still not risky. That's what you can say to yourself.
Andy Velez

Offline 112scott

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Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2011, 05:47:33 PM »
Thanks one and all for your reassurance.  I'm sorry if I upset anyone by my persistence in asking questions around what happened.  You have all been very helpful, and this event is now behind me... I know you have a lot of people with legitimate concerns, and I was not one of them.  But I appreciate you helping me through this unsual event in my life.  You're good people (but I think you already know that)

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Is mutual masturbation really zero risk?
« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2011, 08:57:12 PM »
OK. You're welcome. Now get on with your life.
Andy Velez

 


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