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Author Topic: It ends with me  (Read 2133 times)

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Offline klouny

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  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
It ends with me
« on: June 02, 2011, 02:06:34 PM »
~~I don't know if this is the right place to post this or not, but if it isn't I hope it gets to the right place, but really all it is, is a rant~~

well first of all I want to start out be screaming my lungs into a pillow . . . . sigh. . . okay on to what I wanted to say.

today I got a link from a guy I've been talking to online for some time, I even knew him before I was diagnosed or seroconverted. he's poz and has been for two years now I believe, perhaps even longer.

he sent me this ling ---> http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43006725/ns/health-aids/t/starting-hiv-meds-quickly-helps-protect-partner/

since one day when we were talking about me seeing my doctor for my next appointment and talking about possible medications I might have to take. well we talked and it seemed something he was adamant and passionate about, he was once in the medical field so I knew he had some decent background on HIV. not great, but decent compared to others.

anyways, he seems to have this idea that condoms are . . . well crap, that they don't work and it's just another " propaganda" type deal. which I had to double-read at first,  that's a load of B.S!!
he then talked about his ideas of intimacy; which for the most part talked about not using condoms. EVEN if you're in a serodiscordant relationship.

now correct me if I'm wrong, but even if you are UD, there is still a SMALL chance of transmitting the virus onto your partner. and I'm sorry but I won't pass this thing on to someone just because I wanted to get off, specially not someone I am in a relationship and care about. NO it's not a " death sentence", but it's not a walk in the park. everyone here that's lived with this longer than I have knows this.

I am just sick of hearing that crap excuse of, " condoms are uncomfortable", " I can't cum with them on". it's all crap

but maybe I am being naive, maybe I am being childish, stupid, whatever you want to call it.
perhaps I am just ranting because I saw his view as being one of which I have come across where poz men
in the fear of being rejected will lie about their status JUST to get off.

I'll never do that, and if I ever falter I would rather cut off my own penis. this is MINE to live with, not anyone elses. I will never put someone through the fear, and pain that I went through when I was alone in a bed sick out of my mind, my family worried about me during the holidays, not knowing what was wrong.

p.s please no comments about the guy, I already gave him a piece of my mind and made the decision to never speak to him again. for this and other reasons
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2011, 02:26:06 PM »
Unfortunately some people will always grab onto one tiny point in the bigger pitcure to validate what they want to believe . Its sounds like maybe that's what the guy you are talking about did with being undetectable and his dislike of condoms , who knows  , you may be able to be a good influence on him if you continue talking .

Offline klouny

  • Member
  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2011, 02:51:05 PM »
unfortunately I was thinking along the lines that he might be someone I could learn from, a good person to be somewhat influenced by. but I can see I was wrong, I thought that age equalled knowledge, and while he is a very bright man. he is a bit pigheaded at the same time.

yes it seems he grasped a small point, and only read what he wanted off of that study.
too bad he seems to be the type to relate knowledge and age, like some people. and our age difference ( he's 37, I'm 20)
he sees the fact that I have limited life experience as me being "you're young and naive, this doesn't pertain to you", " I wouldn't know about this since I'm so young". asinine comments like that just because I'm young. so I don't know, perhaps I should continue to speak to him. maybe talk some sense into him, or just let him see that he might have been wrong about this study he read.  or perhaps I'll let him keep thinking what he wants.

I just need to cool my head
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline Solo_LTSurvivor

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  • Posts: 1,176
  • Twerk Baby Twerk
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2011, 03:00:42 PM »
so I don't know, perhaps I should continue to speak to him. maybe talk some sense into him, or just let him see that he might have been wrong about this study he read.  or perhaps I'll let him keep thinking what he wants.

Unfortunately many people towards the more mature end of the spectrum when it comes to ages, are quite set in their ways and no matter how hard you try, you will find it a difficult undertaking to try and change someone; especially when they have rationalized their individual justification for their specific beliefs and actions - which sounds like the case with this 37 year-old guy.

It sounds better on paper but you could really accomplish more by focusing your energy elsewhere  ;) 

The moral of the story: in many cases you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
don't equate intelligence with lack of masculinity
Jim Phelps, Mission Impossible
____________________________

Seroconverted: Early 80s
Tested & confirmed what I already knew: early 90s

Current regimen: Atripla. 
Last regimen:  Epzicom, Sustiva (since its inception with NO adverse side effects: no vivid dreams and NONE of the problems people who can't tolerate this drug may experience: color me lucky ::))
Past regimens
Fun stuff (in the past):  HAV/HBV, crypto, shingles, AIDS, PCP

Jan 2012: 818/21%
Apr 2012: 964/22%
Jul. 2012: 890/21%
Oct. 2012: 920/23%

Still UD after all these years

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,686
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2011, 03:43:35 PM »


                  Hey  Klouny I was fed that crap when I was your age !

                 I loved older men , the butcher the better   :o

                  I have lived with HIV for  30 years   ???

                  I find  using  rubbers   extremely HOT !   I always have .

                  Years , many many  years ago , A friend told me to put  BB's in a rubber and use it !

                    OMG  :o :o :o

                     Well moving on . I'm sort of mature now .

                     Beware of your  peers  , YOU WILL BECOME THEM !   

                    Have a Jerk ~ off   session with him !

                      No body contact please .

                      Put lotion IN the CONDUM and jerk him off !   8)

                      Then tell me he can't cum in a condom . 
                 

                         Too many men out there to play the  'I'll give you HIV game "

                                                          be well ,
                                                                          have fun & be safe !!!!!
                                                                                                             Weasel

               
" Live and let Live "

Offline klouny

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  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2011, 04:34:13 PM »
I love older men too  :D ( seems they are my weakness lol )
but I also LOVE a guy who asks me to have safe sex, means he's thinking about both of us
before he's thinking about a quick romp. that I admire in a man, I truly do.

he's totally turned me off, I don't want to get anywhere close to his pee-pee. nope
I'll continue to talk too him, he's not a bad guy, maybe a bit stubborn but not bad.
maybe we can both learn from each other. hopefull good things

and I hope I don't become my peers. . . most of my peers are women  :-[
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #6 on: June 02, 2011, 05:22:15 PM »
I love older men too  :D ( seems they are my weakness lol )
but I also LOVE a guy who asks me to have safe sex, means he's thinking about both of us
before he's thinking about a quick romp. that I admire in a man, I truly do.

he's totally turned me off, I don't want to get anywhere close to his pee-pee. nope
I'll continue to talk too him, he's not a bad guy, maybe a bit stubborn but not bad.
maybe we can both learn from each other. hopefull good things

and I hope I don't become my peers. . . most of my peers are women  :-[


I think its great that you are relying on your own instincts and knowledge rather than some one of any age . What you think is the important thing in cases like this .   

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2011, 07:02:00 PM »
His choice is that he wants sex without a condom. 
It doesn't need to be yours at all.  Bravo for you.

If communication isn't two-way with him, and he condescends to you labeling you "young" - its fair to guess he might be a selfish and rigid thinker and really someone you can't get too invested in. 

Relationships are about compromise from day one and some people are COMPLETELY unable to compromise.  For instance, people with preset criteria about who is an appropriate partner and how exactly the sex should be.  Their way.  zzzzzzzz
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mikeyb39

  • Member
  • Posts: 938
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2011, 09:01:12 PM »
If folks are honest, who prefers a condom over natural?  isn't that the reason why 95 percent of us are here? everyone has to be responsible for themselves. 
11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
12/09/2010  started Atripla
02/18/2011  cd4-425, vl-800
06/10/2011  cd4-447, vl-70
10/10/2011  cd4-666, vl-80
01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
06/10/2012  cd4-614, vl-UD
12/14/2012  cd4-764, vl-UD
09/01/2013  cd4-785, vl-UD
03/06/2014. cd4- 1078, VL-UD
09/05/2014  cd4-850 , VL-UD

Offline klouny

  • Member
  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2011, 09:07:07 PM »
I agree with you there, it doesn't and it isn't my choice.

so far he seems , from what I know about him he seems to be the type who throws flowers where walks.
he's so smart, so he can't find people that understand him and talk to.
when he was young he was SO beautiful, so people didn't understand.

I mean . . . wow, every heard of humility?
he just doesn't seem like the person I would want to invest time with, even in a platonic level.

If folks are honest, who prefers a condom over natural?  isn't that the reason why 95 percent of us are here? everyone has to be responsible for themselves. 

the way he sees it, it's that it would be a good thing if there were positive people.
I really fail to see the logic in that, but then again I'm just " young and naive " to him so I might be missing
the bigger picture. he also thinks the reliability of condoms is all propaganda another government scam of sorts.
if two people are consenting I see no problem with it and they are both positive, sure go ahead.
but that's as far as I agree with that
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline Hellraiser

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  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2011, 03:14:13 AM »
So let's separate the article from the guy.

The guy sounds like a total douchebag, no offense.  I don't know him, but your description of him sounds quite obnoxious.

The article states that a hiv positive person who has an undetectable viral load and no other STI's is 96% less likely to transmit hiv to another person via unprotected sex.  Speaking in absolutes this does not make it impossible just far less likely than an untreated individual.  So this in addition to condom usage (which is also not 100%) is basically a second form of protection in the fight to stop new hiv infection.  This finding also bolsters the idea of treatment as prevention which I see as a good thing for pozzies eventually being treated universally.

What two adults do in the bedroom regarding their sexual practices is really their own business as long as both parties are completely informed about the issue.  I tend to think that consensual unprotected sex between a serodiscordant couple in which the hiv+ individual has been UD for quite some time would fall on the side of not terribly risky.  This has been fairly commonly agreed upon by a handful of studies in addition to just making sense to me.  If there is no detectable virus in your blood, then it should follow there is not enough active infective agent in semen to infect another individual.  Just my opinion and I do not in any way shape or form represent that as fact.

Offline hope_for_a_cure

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Re: It ends with me
« Reply #11 on: June 03, 2011, 07:17:33 AM »
the way he sees it, it's that it would be a good thing if there were positive people.

he also thinks the reliability of condoms is all propaganda another government scam of sorts.

This throws up a BIG RED FLAG!  Move on, find a more levelheaded person to become involved with. 

Offline klouny

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  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #12 on: June 03, 2011, 01:42:03 PM »
This throws up a BIG RED FLAG!  Move on, find a more levelheaded person to become involved with. 

* sigh * I thought the same thing  :-\
he's sent me another e-mail, probably describing why it is impossible to infect someone while on meds or rambling on.
I find it easier to talk to wall than him right now. so I guess my only choice is to move on.

~~~thanks everyone for your feedback :)~~~
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline klouny

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  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
Re: It ends with me
« Reply #13 on: June 03, 2011, 01:49:14 PM »
What two adults do in the bedroom regarding their sexual practices is really their own business as long as both parties are completely informed about the issue. 

I agree with you on that, so long as both know the risk they are taking and can consciously make their own decisions about it.

the study said the couples were not only instructed in safe sex practices but also given condoms, it doesn't clearly say though if the couple were strictly using protected sex or without condoms.  the study also states and I quote
"However, officials emphasize that this medical approach should never be used as an approach for safe sex practices."
which I brought up to him in our conversation; to which he took as offensive using the words " safe sex practices" since there is NO such thing ( accourding to him ). he also like to preach that people who are infected with HIV or any STD for that matter, should not educate or " preach " about safe sex practices. since they themselves could not stay safe.

~~~ case closed~~~~
this guy is a lost cause, AND a douche-bag
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

 


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