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Author Topic: Heartbroken  (Read 566 times)

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Offline tednlou2

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« on: July 04, 2015, 01:06:59 AM »
Tuesday, I talked to my friend by phone, about the loss of his cat.  I told him how sorry I was.  Elle (Ellie), our 13 year-old dog, was playing like normal.  She did her not very subtle demand for canned food, by taking her paw and moving the ceramic bowl around on the hardwood floor.  After talking to my friend, I asked Elle to make a deal, that she would live to at least 16 and go in her sleep.  She accepted the canned food deal, so I thought she agreed. 

Strange how these things go.  Wednesday, she didn't get up to go pee in the morning, like she normally does.  I thought she was just tired from playing in the yard.  Later, she threw up food, which still had food from the night before.  She had recently been on antibiotics for a leg sore, so I thought maybe they screwed up her stomach, like they often do.  But, she was so lethargic, and we figured this was more than just antibiotic issues.  Around 11pm, we decided to take her to the ER.  Our 16 year-old had gotten suddenly ill and died within about 8 hours.  We didn't want to take chances on bloat. 

The vet ruled out bloat, so we thought maybe it was worms.  A stray cat had been coming into our yard and crapping.  Well, it was much worse.  Liver labs 10x the upper range of normal and a mass on her liver.  They kept her overnight, to give her fluids and meds and to do an ultrasound the next morning. 

It is so hard to comprehend how there were no signs.  How could she be herself all the way up to that day, and then so sick.  One would think she would be lethargic, not wanting as many treats and food, over the course of weeks or months.  I've had friends tell me about human relatives, who were the same way-- totally normal and then so sick at once, with cancer spread throughout their body.  No signs at all. 

She was happy to come home, but could not get comfortable last night.  My anxiety was so bad, because it pained me she could not get comfortable.  Today, she has slept since 4pm-- some 8 hours so far.  I was so happy to see her rest.  Brian and I tiptoed, so we would not wake her.  She's on some meds.  One is a liver med, which is suppose to protect liver cells.  Surgery and/or chemo is an option.  That would cost thousands, with no guarantee.  Even if we could afford it, I could not put her through a surgery, which may not do anything.  She would be in more pain and more sick.  The plan is to give her the meds and see if she starts feeling better.  Some people feel you should just put a dog down right now.  If she had been sick for a long time, I could understand that.  But, she was totally fine up until Wednesday.  Maybe she will start feeling better.  Her gallbladder was full of sludge, which they are also treating.

I've not had to make the decision, to put a pet down.  My cat got suddenly ill and died in my arms.  Her illness to death was about a week.  As I said, our 16 year old started feeling sick around midnight and died just as we picked her up, to carry her into the vet at 8am.  While so heart broken, I was so glad they went so quickly (relatively speaking) and we did not have to make the decision.  That decision is just awful.  I imagine you always feel they will start feeling better.  I guess if she does not start feeling better and doesn't eat, then we will know.  She still goes outside on her own.  She did eat a little.  She is sleeping, instead of being so uncomfortable.  She's not on any pain or sleeping meds.  I hope this rest will reveal a dog more active tomorrow.  With cancer, I know we will likely have to make that decision, even if she starts feeling better for a while.  She slept by my side, when I was sick.  She knew I was not well, even when I didn't know just how sick I was.  She also wouldn't leave our other dog's side, when she was sick.  She grieved the loss of her big sister.  She went through what can only be described as a depression, for a few months after she died.

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2015, 01:15:09 AM »
Elle in better times, at grandma's.

Charlie sleeping by her side tonight

Charlie showing her with kisses, when she came home

Offline Almost2late

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2015, 01:33:56 AM »
Beautiful dogs.. Hoping no pain for your Ellie.. I don't have any dogs now, we got cats since my wife became allergic to them.. I remember when we lost our main koon fluffy to diabetes, it was a very sad time for all of us.. I'm more of a dog person and am looking forward to getting a hypoallergenic dog after we move outta state.. Hope your dog gets well.

Online zach

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2015, 01:50:00 AM »
ah that hurts... so sorry ted, it's hard to watch a pet go
« Last Edit: July 04, 2015, 01:55:02 AM by zach »
An honest tune with a lingering lead has taken me this far

Offline anniebc

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2015, 01:53:12 AM »
Thinking of you and Ellie tonight.

Jan :'(
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Theyer

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2015, 03:11:31 AM »
Dear Ted , With out doubt Ellie is still enjoying being loved & responsibly cared for by you all .this fact will not disappear for her . Your dogs lives could not be better .Love Peace and calm acceptance to your household.
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline initforlife

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2015, 08:04:06 AM »
Ted. Thinking of you and  Ellie . I Know how it is I also have a 16 yr old dog who has gotten sick a few times in the last couple of years. and I thought I would have to put her down  .but I just couldn't she rebounded both times .I know how hard it is to watch a dog or cat you love be sick.  Hugs!
sometimes it is best to say nothing at all. then to offend

Offline bubba53

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2015, 08:05:51 AM »
I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved Ellie.
My heart goes out to you , our pets are our children.
We've been together almost thirty years and have gone through
this more times than I care to think about.
I'm happy you Have Ellie at home , and she is comfortable .
"Who put the pepper in the....Vaseline  ? " Coffee Butler

Offline bocker3

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2015, 09:44:58 AM »

Will be thinking of you and Ellie -- your story and those pics really do show that, regardless of what the future holds, you've both been wonderful to and for each other.  Nothing will ever change that!

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Offline Buckmark

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2015, 03:56:00 PM »

I'm so sorry Ellie is so ill.  It is, as you say, simply heartbreaking.  No matter what happens and what decisions you have to make, I wish peace for all of you.

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline BT65

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #10 on: Yesterday at 12:11:18 PM »
Ted I am so sorry. Thank heaven she's got you to care for her, I know that will make things better for her whatever the outcome is. Keeping you in my daily anxieties.

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #11 on: Yesterday at 01:28:11 PM »
Im thinking about you today Ted .

Offline mitch777

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #12 on: Yesterday at 04:02:13 PM »
You know I saw this on your FB page Ted but I just wanted to say again that Elle is loved and she knows it. It's never easy.
32 years hiv+ (oct. 2013) with a curtsy.

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #13 on: Yesterday at 04:05:30 PM »
Thanks everyone!  It really means so much. 

Her cousins came to visit for the 4th.  We got her to eat a little.  Sunday, she looked so much better-- her eyes, her awareness, tail wagging, and she ate on her own.  We thought she was turning around.  However, she threw up the food.  This time it was just the food and none of the green gunk, which I guess was bile. 

At 7am today, she wanted to go out and had her tail wagging.  She was barking at some noise.  We sat out by the pond for an hour, before it got hot.  Since she's gone so long without nutrition, we decided to take her back to the vet.  She has got to get nutrition, to even start feeling better.  They are keeping her again, to do that. 

They discussed surgery and/or chemo.  Surgery would run $3k to $4k and chemo would cost about the same.  And, that often doesn't give much more time.  We just can't see putting her through that, at age 13.  If she was younger, then I probably would.  We hope she can turn a corner and get to eating and keeping it down.  If she doesn't, the vet said we would have to make a decision, because starvation would be cruel. 

It is just so hard to contemplate making that decision, for a dog that walked in on her own, wagging her tail, and going up to others in the waiting room.  I've told my brother he let his dog go way too long.  He kept trying and trying.  But, I get it.  You continue to think the improvement is just a day away, especially when they are still alert, walking on their own, wagging their tail, etc.  So, we hope this last hospitalization will make a difference.  This has all happened in just 6 days.  Right now, it seems unthinkable to give up now.  We will just have to see what happens. 

Again, I feel the love.  Thanks again.

Offline ImisstheOldTimes

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Re: Heartbroken
« Reply #14 on: Today at 08:52:04 AM »
Hi Ted,

I'm so sorry to hear that Elle is not doing well.  I've had to put down my first poodle over 8 years ago, I still have "Sadie's Playlist" to some music she either enjoyed or made me think of her.  She was a shelter dog, and I only had her a few years, but I came to love her quickly. She unfortunately was also diagnosed with heartworms, that eventually after a couple years turned into what I would call pneumonia, as she sounded gurgly when she breathed, the doc told me it was more humane to put her down, and it was very heart breaking...I still have her tag...I've had my current babies for over 7 years now...and can't imagine not having them...

My heart goes out to you during this tough time,
Life is a BANQUET, and most poor suckers are starving to death!

                             ~Auntie Mame


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