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Author Topic: Really need to get myself out of this funk, sad Abso is no fun.  (Read 264 times)

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Offline absopozilutely

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  • Posts: 248
  • Love to chat/text/talk/encourage!
I'm tired of crying and being sad, of not being able to concentrate. Here's the backlog, my mom got sick, she left work early and wanted to downsize the house, we as a family all 5 of us lived together mostly helping each other out doing what we could. It was nice, but the house sold, and it sold quick. So my brother and I decided to move in together which we did, but this weekend I had to move my parents 3 hours away from me. Wow, that was a lot harder then I thought and it made me get into this funk now that I can't pull out of. I can't even talk to Irish about it because everyone says the same thing, it was time to grow up. But it's my mom, she's no longer 2 doors away, or calling my name for me to come. I hate this, I hate it so much. I just need you all to help cheer me up, because it's been a shitty year. :( I just want something to happen to make me smile because all I want to do is cry right now.

Love,
Abso.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.

Online Irish Eyes

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 263
Boo, turn that frown upside-down.

Clouds come rolling into our lives, not to carry rain or storms, but to add colour to the sunset sky.
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      Undetectable

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,512
  • red pill? or blue pill?
I'm tired of crying and being sad, of not being able to concentrate. Here's the backlog, my mom got sick, she left work early and wanted to downsize the house, we as a family all 5 of us lived together mostly helping each other out doing what we could. It was nice, but the house sold, and it sold quick. So my brother and I decided to move in together which we did, but this weekend I had to move my parents 3 hours away from me. Wow, that was a lot harder then I thought and it made me get into this funk now that I can't pull out of. I can't even talk to Irish about it because everyone says the same thing, it was time to grow up. But it's my mom, she's no longer 2 doors away, or calling my name for me to come. I hate this, I hate it so much. I just need you all to help cheer me up, because it's been a shitty year. :( I just want something to happen to make me smile because all I want to do is cry right now.

Love,
Abso.

Abso what is your main daily activity?  Work? School? Other? What are some of your goals for this year? For the next few years?  For 1 decade from now?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline BT65

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  • Posts: 9,917
Abso, when my mom died a little over 7 years ago, my world stopped.  I'd been through a hell of a lot with my parents; my mom was always in my corner, always my cheerleader whenever something happened, helped me through so many low periods in my life. And never gave up on me.  During the last couple years of her life, I would talk to her at least twice a day, albeit on the phone. 

When her lung cancer returned and got terminal, I helped take care of her (along with Hospice and my oldest sister).  Before this happened, I had been horribly strung out on a lot of different meds mixed together.  Then, because of my bizarre behavior (due to the mixture of meds) I was court ordered into the local mental health hospital and quit the meds cold turkey.  So, my mom was able to see me get off those, and I was able to help her in the last months of her life.  It was an honor after everything she had done for me.

So, sorry for going on, but I totally understand missing mom.  There's no one that can take mom's place for sure.  Maybe some weekend soon you can go see her?  I'm sure she (and you) would love that.  And if she needed to move that distance, then remember she needs to do what's right for her. 

Hang in there, your mom is still close to you, even though you may live 3 hours away.

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Jeff G

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  • Member
  • Posts: 11,416
  • How am I doing Beren ?
I understand life transitions and change can be tough . I remember when I got my first apartment and got moved in, as soon as it was done and the door closed I burst out crying at the thought of living there all alone . I was incredibly sad and it took me years to understand why I felt that way . I finally realized that a house does not make a home and I had to make my own happy home like the one I left .

You didn't say in your post but your mom and dad may need space of their own and this may be something that they need as well as it being a good thing for you . It may not feel like it right now but with the right attitude and focus you can start planning on what you want to do and what is right for you .

Online Irish Eyes

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 263
I recon it's just as hard for them.

They arn't way out in the country celebrating their 'freedom' doing summersaults and cartwheels all day long.

Boo, they miss you too, guaranteed.
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      Undetectable

Offline absopozilutely

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  • Posts: 248
  • Love to chat/text/talk/encourage!
Mecch- most of my time I'm at work, I am starting to work on building a network of friends in my area.
Betty- I love your kind words, I am lucky that my parents are still around for me. I just hate the distance but honestly I rarely saw my parents anyways, it was just the ease of knowing they were right there. It just feels odd, and I have a tough time calling my apartment home yet, I'm sure I will someday but for now I don't like it. lol
Irish- thanks bsve LY, I loved your quote.
Jeff-my parents have never lived alone in the 30 years they've been together. So yes I'm sure they will end up loving this, for me it's knowing the next steps of life, time flies by far to fast and I just want it to slow down, I'm 24 now, that's a slippery slope to 30.
Mecch2- my goals, hmmm I haven't the faintest idea. Why do you ask?
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,512
  • red pill? or blue pill?
I asked what your primary activity is because that activity can be the arena to build fulfilment. 

Someone who doesn't define goals can easily feel and actually be "adrift".

20's is a time to discover a lot of things and have a great time and get a lot of good energy coming back, for energy put out.

Define some goals for:  job, professional growth, for financial security.

Define some goals for love life, for sex life.  There are probably a lot of sexual discoveries coming your way...   

Define goals for social life. 

Define goals for exploring the world and new interests - cooking? travel? music (live music maybe)? art? dance? clubbing? exploring recreational drugs?

Define goals for great physical achievements? - training the body. Sports. Extreme sports?  Endurance?

Geez when I was 24 I was burning with desire to do so many new and exciting things.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Online initforlife

  • Member
  • Posts: 136
Sorry you are feeling down abs. I was like that when my last daughter went off to college. Life changes can be hard. and I'm sure your parents miss you too. but look at it as a new beginning a new day a fresh start. They are just a phone call away.  My parents live 3 hrs from me too. Dad passed in feb of this year right before I found out I was hiv poz I miss him lots. So three hours really isn't that far and it will give you a place to go for a weekend getaway  Hugs hope you cheer up soon! 
I should have known he was bi

 


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