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Author Topic: Serodiscordant relationship.  (Read 2701 times)

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Offline jupiter

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  • Posts: 89
Serodiscordant relationship.
« on: May 22, 2011, 03:15:42 AM »
I recently met a man who is about 10 years younger than I and I told him of my status. we talked about it and i am feeling so unsure of things.  We talked a little and he thinks he may have slept with positive people in the past. We had been getting on very well and there was alot in common between us. We have taken things slow and havent had sex.
He was a little shocked. I didnt want to bombard him with too much like tell him to go to the site or anything like that. I thought it was best to let him digest what I had told him.  I like this guy alot and I know there is a risk he may not want to pursue a relationship as this may or may not be a deal breaker. I thought it was worth a shot.
Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on this?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2011, 03:26:25 AM »
I recently met a man who is about 10 years younger than I and I told him of my status. we talked about it and i am feeling so unsure of things.  We talked a little and he thinks he may have slept with positive people in the past. We had been getting on very well and there was alot in common between us. We have taken things slow and havent had sex.
He was a little shocked. I didnt want to bombard him with too much like tell him to go to the site or anything like that. I thought it was best to let him digest what I had told him.  I like this guy alot and I know there is a risk he may not want to pursue a relationship as this may or may not be a deal breaker. I thought it was worth a shot.
Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on this?

Sounds like he might be a Righteous Mortal (a neggie who can deal with a poz intimate partner) so Matty the Damned sez "go for it!". :)

MtD

Offline poz1970

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  • Posts: 480
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2011, 04:36:20 AM »
Good luck!!

Never go to bed angry with each other!

J
"The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to  heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavne

Offline wolfter

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Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2011, 07:59:05 AM »
His initial response wasn't to head for the hills so that is probably a good sign.   He has probably slept with Poz people in the past?  You sure he isn't just trying to find someone like himself to share his life with?  Either way, good luck and good loving!
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline mikeyb39

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  • Posts: 922
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2011, 09:00:39 AM »
I had a similar experience a couple weeks ago this guy started chatting with me probably 12 years younger than me. We chatted for a while and talked about setting up a date after a few chats, then the talk sorta turned to the sex thing, I post that I am positive BTW.

He proceeded to say 'you know I'm negative right' and I said yes and he said that that was one of the things that attracted him to me is that I was positive, so I was like hmmmmmm.  He said he wasn't a chaser but he wasn't afraid and he only liked bb sex.  I don't think i could knowingly have sex with a negative guy bb, my conscience would kill me, even-though he was a hot, sexy bottom i wanted to kick myself a few times.

Maybe its not the same experience as you, but I've been seeing alot of younger guys that aren't afraid of having HIV. 

I hope I didn't hijack you're post Jupiter, I didn't mean too just wanted to throw this experience off my chest
11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
12/09/2010  started Atripla
02/18/2011  cd4-425, vl-800
06/10/2011  cd4-447, vl-70
10/10/2011  cd4-666, vl-80
01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
06/10/2012  cd4-614, vl-UD
12/14/2012  cd4-764, vl-UD
09/01/2013  cd4-785, vl-UD
03/06/2014. cd4- 1078, VL-UD

Offline denb45

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  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2011, 09:30:02 AM »
  I like this guy alot and I know there is a risk he may not want to pursue a relationship as this may or may not be a deal breaker. I thought it was worth a shot.
Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on this?

Nothing ventured , nothing gained, most negative people aren't uneducated about HIV transmission, don't let that stop you by any means, I'm in a 17 yr. relationship w/ a Neg, so, don't be scared, remember communication is the key, if this develops into more, just make sure both of you are on the same page  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline hope_for_a_cure

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  • Posts: 1,502
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2011, 09:39:46 AM »
It sounds like you have an interest in this fella.  Just take it slow and let nature take its course.  Best of luck!!


Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2011, 10:12:47 AM »
Jupiter, I agree with the others - go for it!

There is one thing I'd like to caution you about though - ask him to test before you two ever do  become intimate. If he isn't already testing regularly, then he does not accurately know his hiv status and he may only think he's hiv negative.

Good luck! :)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline jupiter

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  • Posts: 89
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2011, 05:27:25 PM »
Thank you all so much.
I will see. There were a few awkward silences.
I sent him a text message after we met up to thank him for lunch and to thank him for his understanding. He didnt write back so im not sure if he needs time to digest or what? but I will keep you posted. I am a little worried though.

Offline jupiter

  • Member
  • Posts: 89
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2011, 05:46:00 AM »
I am now not sure he has taken it so well .he was very short on the phone when we spoke today. we were supposed to meet on wednesday and sunday  for a workout at the gym as we normally do  and he has canceled both. damn disclosure is the hardest part of living with hiv

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2011, 07:00:34 AM »
I am now not sure he has taken it so well .he was very short on the phone when we spoke today. we were supposed to meet on wednesday and sunday  for a workout at the gym as we normally do  and he has canceled both. damn disclosure is the hardest part of living with hiv
Yep it is hard isnt it.  On the bright side (by comparison) if disclosure is the hardest part of living with HIV, for you, that means things are going pretty well for the other possible constraints of living with hiv.

I posted about disclosure a few weeks ago and I think that if we can manage to see this as a pyschological challenge, and principally not even our own, but the person who has to do something with that info (we are hIV+), then its quite promising.

Just as long as there are plenty of fish in the sea and that some of them, the one for you that is, will be OK with it.  And there are certainly plenty of HIV+ people in the same sea, so...
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline jupiter

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  • Posts: 89
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #11 on: May 24, 2011, 07:11:48 AM »
well it is probibly not the hardest but its not fun. It makes it hard to open up to someone else thay may come along

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2011, 07:20:07 AM »
Yes. But finally there will be someone right.  Have to open a lot of oysters to find the pearl?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline RedBear

  • Member
  • Posts: 34
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #13 on: May 27, 2011, 10:01:28 PM »
Go for it.  Been with my partner over 10 years...he's neg.  He's been with me through it all and not once has he ever treated me any  different.  He is my rock.  With any luck yours can can be too.  The truth is that when I found out, we both,as well as his dr. Assumed he would test pos too...Lord knows we were't saints with one another. The dr. Tested him multiple times to be sure...I figured he'd run for the hills...but he stuck it out, dressing the bedsores and all.  good Luck!
« Last Edit: May 27, 2011, 10:03:35 PM by RedBear »
Finish each day and be done with it.  You have done what you could.  Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.  Tomorrow is a new day.  You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with you old nonsense. 
                              Emerson

Offline LM

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  • Posts: 409
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #14 on: May 27, 2011, 10:19:15 PM »
I don't know, I think if I met someone special, I would wait around.. I don't know.. two months of relationship to disclose. To see if there would be any future anyway. But it's something I definitely fear doing.

Offline buca45

  • Member
  • Posts: 187
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #15 on: May 28, 2011, 01:22:09 PM »
A bit of background on my marriage to a neggie to let you know that when the right one comes along you will know it.
I was in an open LTR with a man for 16 years. 13 yrs into it and I learned I was poz. We stayed together but things were just not the same. We decided to split and did so amicably and now we are better friends for doing so.
A few weeks into my being single and I met a number of men for random hookups. I decided to start telling them my status and one by one they dropped out of my life...quickly. I thought I was doomed to be single for the rest of my life and was just starting to come to terms with that prospect.
Then one night I go out and this beauty of a man walks up to me and introduces himself. After a few minutes of talk, I just blurted out "I'm  HIV Positive". He looked at me and said "So are you just looking for other positive men too or can we be friends?"
We talked for four hours that night and it just kept getting stronger and stronger. A few weeks later he gifted me with a key to his place and a set of his car keys. Since I did not have a car of my own then, I drove his to work. One day I was putting some groceries in the trunk and came across about 6 or 8 brochures about HIV. He actually started educating himself about my condition and how to play safe.
Here we are 14 years later and all is going well with him still neg. Had it not been for him, I think I would have died a dozen times over. He has been with me through it all and we have promised to spend the rest of our days together.

Moral of this story: If it is meant to be, any man you relate your status to will look past it, learn what to do to live with all this disease brings with it and will give you the opportunity to be the real you. Until then, keep being 'real' and don't let anyone else's fears and insecurities get the best of you. If this is all it took for him to decide to let you down (after he told you he had been with other positives) then he is not the one you need in your life.
Good luck and keep your head up!!

"Love and Laughter and Happiness Ever After"

Offline nownow

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  • Posts: 12
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #16 on: May 30, 2011, 11:11:40 PM »
How does a killer (without expensive drugs or nonprogressor) stigma retrovirus give me the opportunity to be the real me?

Offline buca45

  • Member
  • Posts: 187
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #17 on: May 31, 2011, 12:42:09 AM »
You are living with and fighting a virus, it is not, in any way, an indicator of who you are as a person. For those who are looking for a LTR and allow this to be the deciding factor, in a negative way, are simply not worth your time or energy.
I say again, there are men who are looking for a person to love regardless of HIV. Hard to find...sometimes but that is true in all aspects of life.
"Love and Laughter and Happiness Ever After"

Offline nownow

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Serodiscordant relationship.
« Reply #18 on: May 31, 2011, 06:20:41 PM »
i understand

for companionship, cuddling, cooking together -- life affirmative and good for survival

adult stuff with no "high school nonsense!"

 


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