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Author Topic: Scared...but I know I shouldnt be!  (Read 2406 times)

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Offline wolseley

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Scared...but I know I shouldnt be!
« on: May 31, 2011, 02:55:49 PM »
Hello AM:

I'm having panic attacks. About a week ago I was with an erotic massage parlour attendant. I'm a 24 year old male, from toronto, uncircumcised with genital HSV-2. I had my last HIV test in March 2011. Result was negative, of course. I don't engage in unprotected sex. I had done so once by mistake many years ago which resulted in my herpes.

I'm going to try to be as descriptive and clear as I can so I may receive an accurate assessment.

Here's what we engaged in:
She offered me a body slide which is when the bodies rub together. She sat at different positions. Once on my chest and groin area. At both times I could feel her wet vaginal fluids.

She rubbed my testicles on her vagina and she also rubbed her vagina on my penis. Definitely on the shaft and possibly on the head. Like I said, she was wet.

I did not go inside her. I know that for a fact.

At one point she also put my penis in her mouth.

I know that oral sex is no risk because of saliva and she wasn't vomiting blood so I can throw that out the window. I also know that HIV doesn't transmit via genital rubbing, but I'm worried about my HSV-2 status and the contact of her vaginal fluids. I didnt have an outbreak atthe time but what if I had shedding? And what if her vaginal fluids were the infectious cervical kind?

I know HIV inactivates outside the body, but how quickly does it do so? I'm really worried that HIV might have somehow survived.

I've read the transmission page on the site and it states that stuff like body rubbing and massage are fun no-risk activities, but does the definition of body rubbing include genital rubbing with infectious fluids?

Think of it like this: if my penis was covered if the girls vaginal fluid outside of being inside her, would I be at risk?

Unfortunately I dont know the status of the massage attendant. Please assume she is HIV+.

Ann, I've read on your previously posts that you used to engage in genital rubbing with your ex-boyfriend of many years. I don't mean to pry, and you certainly do not need to answer if you are uncomfortable with it, but were fluids involved and did he rub everywhere with his head...... if you know what I mean? Again, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I know this is extremely private.

So am I at risk? Should I get tested or can I continue consider myself HIV negative conclusively with no fear that I'll get sick down the road or....god forbid...infect someone else. I'm really scared of potentially infecting someone without knowing it. I had two dates this week, and I cancelled both of them because I was too scared of what I might give to them.

Thank you for your time and assessment. It is greatly appreciated.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared...but I know I shouldnt be!
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2011, 04:18:44 PM »
None of the activities which you are mentioning are risks for HIV transmission.

Sexually only unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse are confirmed risks for transmission of HIV.

You are worrying needlessly about HIV. There is no need for you to test for HIV.

Give it up and get on with your life. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline wolseley

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  • Posts: 4
Re: Scared...but I know I shouldnt be!
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2011, 05:31:47 PM »
Thank you Andy for your prompt reply!

I still have some concerns though:

Does my HSV-2 status increase the risk since I know herpes can double the risk?

Even with vaginal fluids on my penis head and foreskin, I'm good?

You said it has never been documented. But that doesn't mean it can't happen. What's the science behind it, and has frottage ever been looked at by HIV specialists/researchers?

Thank you for your patience in dealing with my fears and uneducatedness.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Scared...but I know I shouldnt be!
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2011, 07:17:22 AM »
wolseley,

Unless you had an open and active herpes lesion, then you weren't at risk and even then you would only have been at risk if you had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. You didn't. You did not have a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline wolseley

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  • Posts: 4
Re: Scared...but I know I shouldnt be!
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2011, 11:52:49 AM »
Thank you Ann and Andy for your replies. I'm going to try my very best to move past this event and overcome my fears. I may decide to still test for peace of mind and reassurance to end any residual fears.

Thank you again.

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 24,897
Re: Scared...but I know I shouldnt be!
« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2011, 01:54:33 PM »
Well testing would only be for your peace of mind. A negative result would be a slam dunk for you.
Andy Velez

Offline wolseley

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  • Posts: 4
Re: Scared...but I know I shouldnt be!
« Reply #6 on: June 02, 2011, 10:01:27 AM »
Sorry, I just wanted to clarify:

I DO NOT need testing? Even if the girl in question was confirmed to be HIV+? I can just forget about it without fear of getting sick in the future. (though I usually test once a year for STIs anyway).

And, there is NO DOUBT in your minds that I wouldve been infected Regardless of what I might say, and that, if I was in a monogamous relationship I could continue unprotected sex with ZERO worries of infecting my partner?

Thank you. And so sorry for all the questions.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Scared...but I know I shouldnt be!
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2011, 11:16:46 AM »
wolseley,

Even if the woman is hiv positive, you still do not need to test over this incident.

I'm poz and I was with an hiv negative man for eight years. We used to engage in frottage quite a bit as it was the next best thing to unprotected intercourse, without the risk of unprotected intercourse. (We used condoms for intercourse.) He remained hiv negative and is hiv negative to this day. 

If we thought you were at risk, we'd tell you.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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