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Author Topic: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting  (Read 8022 times)

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Offline 7359915653

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I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« on: May 23, 2011, 09:07:42 PM »
I'm posting here on behalf of my 14 year bisexual lover/friend who I've been with and f'ed unprotected for the last 15 years.  Well, I came-up positive in Dallas on 5/17/2011.  I had f'ed him in Houston on 3/5/2011 anal with ejaculation bare back.  He states that his lymph nodes were swollen March 8th, 9th with low grade fever.  I had swollen lymph nodes and fever for a whole week couldn't do anything starting Thursday 12/16/2010 at 4pm.  Continued but went to work and went home directly on 12/17/2010.  Saturday was unbearable with lymph nodes expanding and lots of fever 103, weakness until that Friday.  I believe I was seroconverting, but maybe I'm wrong.  I did do BB with two dudes late March and the other Mid April.  Never was sick, never had lymph nodes expanding after that. 

Question: My bisexual lover/friend on 5/23/2011 did the swab HIV test at a clinic in Houston in a well established testing facility and it came-up negative.  Is this a reliable measure or should there be caution placed upon the result? I thought he would be positive because I'm thinking I probably contracted this right around 12/13/2011 Monday. 

Question:  Is it possible that I could f'd my man and I'm positive and yet he wouldn't contract this virus?

Question: Is my friend just not producing enough virus to show-up on a swab test?. 

My friend has a family.  He's been crying and looking at his kids with tears and of course they don't why - "why is daddy crying?"  His wife knows something is up because she is being very nice to him.  He's been my man for a while, but I never had the balls to break-up that accidental marriage.  I'm afraid that he'll think he can go sleep with her and not give her the virus because of this result.  Please help? Its been an unbearably stressful week of valleys and more valleys. 
05/17/2011 - Dx
VL 2422 copies/ML; 1100 CD4/ waiting on appointment with HIV specialist.
08/31/2011 - <60 copies/ML; 750 CD4/46.4% CD4..
03/29/2012 - <20 copies/ML not detectable; 904 CD4/47.6%

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2011, 09:27:16 PM »
This does not belong in Am I Infected?.

First of all sorry about your own diagnosis and welcome to our forums.  

If you were infected and you have had uprotected sex with your partner there is a chance that he is infected as well and just hasn't developed antibodies as yet.  There is also a chance that he is just lucky and has dodged this bullet.

And if he is allowing you to penetrate him he is not "straight", let us be clear about that.

He will need to be tested at 13 weeks after your last unprotected encounter in order to get a conclusive answer.  There is no way to guess or know at this moment.  Swollen lymphs and whatever other symptoms will not tell you much.  Stop the unprotected intercourse and get him tested.  Then you will know how to proceed.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline 7359915653

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2011, 09:45:47 PM »
I put it in "Am I Infected" because he isn't sure he is infected even though the test came back negative.  I know I'm infected - this process of telling partners is aging me fast.  Aftermath is not pretty - lot truths come out and houses made of cards begin to sway.
05/17/2011 - Dx
VL 2422 copies/ML; 1100 CD4/ waiting on appointment with HIV specialist.
08/31/2011 - <60 copies/ML; 750 CD4/46.4% CD4..
03/29/2012 - <20 copies/ML not detectable; 904 CD4/47.6%

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2011, 10:02:31 PM »
I put it in "Am I Infected" because he isn't sure he is infected even though the test came back negative.  I know I'm infected - this process of telling partners is aging me fast.  Aftermath is not pretty - lot truths come out and houses made of cards begin to sway.

The Rev is correct. If you have conclusively tested positive, this thread should properly be in Living With HIV. I'm sure a Moderator will move it for you if that is the case.

MtD

Offline David Evans

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2011, 10:18:19 PM »
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I'm moving this to "Just tested positive," because I think you'll get much more support and information there.

David
Moderator.

Offline mecch

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2011, 06:22:00 AM »
The only way you can know if you are a recent seroconversion is if you have HIV- tests before your sickness.  
When was your last test, if any, before the test that says you are HIV+?

Your friend is HIV- unless there was a recent risk before the HIV- negative test.  When he gets tested again, its always the same deal - HIV quick test won't necessarily show if there is a very recent infection.

Its normal to worry about your friend. And by extension, worry about what he does or doesn't do with his wife.  
However, the biggest concern is your own actions, from here on out.  Worry about your own risks to your health and the risk you can put others in.

Its a bit, I dunno, late at least, for you and your friend to be worrying about his wife.  But, at least now you know everyone has to be more responsible about their own actions, and more honest, and maybe think about those kids, too.  

What were you all thinking barebacking all these years and him in a secret relationship with you but also with a wife???  With you barebacking other guys, but also this guy, who is also screwing his wife???  Is that the deal??

Yep, its a mess.   I hope those two are spared.

Welcome to the forum.

« Last Edit: May 24, 2011, 09:04:49 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline wolfter

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2011, 08:50:40 AM »
Am a bit curious.  Since the only person who didn't have a decision in all this mess was the wife, what is being done to protect her?  This has been a recuring theme with people thinking they are in committed relationship and them becoming infected because of someone else's deceit.

I hope for all involved that your straight sex partner tests negative.
productivity breeds content

Offline mecch

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2011, 09:07:21 AM »
I just wanted to say, its not to dump guilt on your head. We all got the HIV - it doesn't really matter anymore how. What matters most is the "from now on" -- that we take some responsibility at least to protect others. So I hope you are ready for that and hope that you are spared the awful mess of one or the other of these parties also being HIV.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Ann

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2011, 09:44:16 AM »
Seven, welcome to the forums.

Your bisexual lover tested far too soon and his test result is no where near conclusive as it was only 20 days after your last incident of BB with him.

He needs to test again at six weeks, as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this time. A six week negative is highly unlikely to change but he MUST confirm his negative result at the three month point. On the other hand, a 20 day negative can change. He absolutely must have further testing done to determine his accurate hiv status.

Until he has a conclusive negative result he MUST use condoms with his wife. In fact, if he is BBing with others as well as you outside his marriage, he should always be using condoms with his wife. He should always be using condoms outside his marriage as well, or sooner or later he WILL bring hiv home to her. He needs to stop playing hiv roulette with his own life and with that of his wife's.

ANYONE you have BBd with will need to be tested at three months past your last BB encounter with them in order to find out their accurate hiv status.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline 7359915653

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On 12/13/2010 I took a blood test for arthritis concerns and an HIV test which was due (but I hadn't really done anything risky because I was over weight, low energy and didn't have the energy to do anything so I knew it was going to be negative but I test anyhow just to be careful) so I took the test and the result but of course were negative according to the HIV 1/2 Screen RFLX WB Non-Reactive Non-Reactive result with blood taken at 4:44 PM.  On 12/16/2010 I began to have chills and it was only 70 degrees outside as I walked into a building.  Got home and went to bed.  Got-up for work the next day forcing myself to go but went right home and took a two week vacation of which I became ill on Saturday with my Lymphnodes swollen, a rash on my thigh I hadn't seen before, a fever that was at 102-103, and sweats that were light (had been a long time since I had gotten the flu).  At first I thought my doctor had prescribed some medications that would cause problems and have my lymphnodes reacting as well as fever, and rashes on my thighs.  I called him and he said that he didn't have any openings and that its probably just a bug and that I'll be over it soon.  I emailed him about this situation of which he requested I come-in on Monday.  I went into his office on Monday, in which he began to bereit me for emailing him since he doesn't get paid for them (he says all of this in a nasty tone while I'm sitting there with 103 fever suffereing).   He then says I'm out of control of which I'm sitting there not saying much.  Its as if he is talking to himself.  He continues to say I have an inappropriate tone with him and barely evaluates me.  I leave with some OC suggestions.  This fever and lymphnodes continued wretchedly for a week and three days of which I felt very weak afterward.  I didn't realize this until I began to read about HIV but that sounded like an initial sero event to me.  I'm negative on Monday, but by Friday I'm positive without having sex in between...
05/17/2011 - Dx
VL 2422 copies/ML; 1100 CD4/ waiting on appointment with HIV specialist.
08/31/2011 - <60 copies/ML; 750 CD4/46.4% CD4..
03/29/2012 - <20 copies/ML not detectable; 904 CD4/47.6%

Offline mecch

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting Response to Mecch
« Reply #10 on: May 27, 2011, 08:11:04 AM »
On 12/13/2010 I took a blood test for arthritis concerns and an HIV test which was due (but I hadn't really done anything risky because I was over weight, low energy and didn't have the energy to do anything so I knew it was going to be negative but I test anyhow just to be careful) so I took the test and the result but of course were negative according to the HIV 1/2 Screen RFLX WB Non-Reactive Non-Reactive result with blood taken at 4:44 PM.  On 12/16/2010 I began to have chills and it was only 70 degrees outside as I walked into a building.  Got home and went to bed.  Got-up for work the next day forcing myself to go but went right home and took a two week vacation of which I became ill on Saturday with my Lymphnodes swollen, a rash on my thigh I hadn't seen before, a fever that was at 102-103, and sweats that were light (had been a long time since I had gotten the flu).  At first I thought my doctor had prescribed some medications that would cause problems and have my lymphnodes reacting as well as fever, and rashes on my thighs.  I called him and he said that he didn't have any openings and that its probably just a bug and that I'll be over it soon.  I emailed him about this situation of which he requested I come-in on Monday.  I went into his office on Monday, in which he began to bereit me for emailing him since he doesn't get paid for them (he says all of this in a nasty tone while I'm sitting there with 103 fever suffereing).   He then says I'm out of control of which I'm sitting there not saying much.  Its as if he is talking to himself.  He continues to say I have an inappropriate tone with him and barely evaluates me.  I leave with some OC suggestions.  This fever and lymphnodes continued wretchedly for a week and three days of which I felt very weak afterward.  I didn't realize this until I began to read about HIV but that sounded like an initial sero event to me.  I'm negative on Monday, but by Friday I'm positive without having sex in between...

I am not the only one in this forum who is having a hard time understanding your posts.

Why are you talking about your December appts with the doctor???  

Please confirm that you have a WB diagnosis of HIV+ from May 2011, for example the test in Dallas on 5/17/2011..... 

This is the one you are talking about in your other thread, then?

Also, you need to open your eyes to reality:  

You just posted this:
"but I hadn't really done anything risky because I was over weight, low energy and didn't have the energy to do anything so I knew it was going to be negative but I test anyhow just to be careful"

But your first post said you have been topping your bf unprotected for 15 years!  That's risky. 15 years of risk.

Also, you said you were barebacking with others in March and April of this year.  AFTER the December sickness.  More risk.

And this sentence leaves me utterly confused:

"I didn't realize this until I began to read about HIV but that sounded like an initial sero event to me.  I'm negative on Monday, but by Friday I'm positive without having sex in between..."

So when did you get a positive test???  December 2010, or May 2011???


« Last Edit: May 27, 2011, 08:36:52 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline 7359915653

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #11 on: May 27, 2011, 09:37:19 PM »
You are right, I'm making no sense; that's why I'm sending these posts so I can get your prospective on my thoughts post diagnosis. 

08/2010--negative; 12/13/2010 Old Doctor, routine HIV test indicates negative; 12/16/2010 suspected Seroconversion event begins and lasts nearly two weeks; 05/17/2011 new doctor and a positive result.

Sexual behavior between August 2010 and December 13th, 2010: didn't have sex with my straight lover during this time nor 6 months before that, condom protected sexual partner (one only) in Fort Worth who is a friend on 12/5/2011 who ejaculates outside of my body but wears a condom during penetration which he stops (he is negative), too busy to have sex 8 days prior to 12/13/2010, recovering from medical procedures from August 2010 to November 2010--no sexual encounters (dry spell). 

I'm negative on 12/13/2010 a Monday but by Thursday 12/16/2011 I'm experiencing a seroconversion event.  During this time period (August 2010-December 13 2010)  I haven't had but one condom protected sexual partner.   

On 5/13/2010  I believe I saw my old doctor use a syringe that was not wrapped to take my blood-- I thought to myself how fancy it's on a silver tray already and not with the orange and bright colors but just a black syringe.  I liked the way the dark rubber and clear glass like tube of the syringe made an interesting color match with the silver tray.  My old doctor has many HIV+  patients.  Could he have made the mistake of using a dirty needle and infecting me with HIV?
05/17/2011 - Dx
VL 2422 copies/ML; 1100 CD4/ waiting on appointment with HIV specialist.
08/31/2011 - <60 copies/ML; 750 CD4/46.4% CD4..
03/29/2012 - <20 copies/ML not detectable; 904 CD4/47.6%

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #12 on: May 27, 2011, 10:37:01 PM »
On 5/13/2010  I believe I saw my old doctor use a syringe that was not wrapped to take my blood-- I thought to myself how fancy it's on a silver tray already and not with the orange and bright colors but just a black syringe.  I liked the way the dark rubber and clear glass like tube of the syringe made an interesting color match with the silver tray.  My old doctor has many HIV+  patients.  Could he have made the mistake of using a dirty needle and infecting me with HIV?

This is absurd.  You can count on one fact: if you are positive (which I am now questioning) you acquired it from unprotected sexual relations --not from some medical "accident."

You need to have your positive status confirmed with a Western Blot.  Otherwise you are just speculating in every respect.
« Last Edit: May 27, 2011, 10:38:55 PM by Rev. Moon »
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline mecch

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #13 on: May 28, 2011, 10:31:21 AM »
If you are seriously going to consider a dirty syringe as the infection source, OK.

But your DATE for your dirty syringe story is IMPOSSIBLE because you said it was MAY 2010.

And you "think" you had a seroconversion in December.  

First, December is way too long, 8 months.  After your feared contact. Dirty syringe. 

So, its not the dirty syringe, OK? 

Second, since you did not have a test after feeling ill in December, you CANNOT know if that was a seroconverison.  You were not "positive" therefore a few days after being negative.

Also, if you want help sorting out your experiences, please clearly respond -

What kind of HIV test did you have this month, May 2011?  If its a quick test, you may not be HIV+ and you may be giving yourself MENTAL TORTURE for no reason.

OK?
« Last Edit: May 28, 2011, 10:33:04 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline 7359915653

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #14 on: May 28, 2011, 11:41:32 PM »
Uggggh, I made an error in my post (5/13/2010 should be 12/13/2010).  Am I POZ [cue scene from 'Funny Girl' when she's at her first audition and she's asked "Can you skate?" - Same gesture but "Am I Poz?" Of course I am.  I wish it fucking was the other way where I could say I am a ditzy blonde and I click my ruby reds and off I go back home.   Nope, blood test with doctor confirms I have this problem as well as 2422 little sparkling copies of this virus in every ML of blood. 

I'm a mess - I can't think anymore.  I'm driving down the road and I start thinking to myself that what if my HIV specialist says that there are problems or inflammation which causes me to age faster whatever - I just start crying in public for no reason. 

Anyhow, yeah the idea that a doctor would have a dirty syringe in his office vs. a slut (perception) like me.  I wasn't a slut, didn't have the energy to be one.  My alarms were going off because of the odd behavior he was demonstrating to me that day I had 103 fever, chills, a rash and swollen lymph-nodes.  One of you has voted down the syringe theory and it is duly noted.   

As I was thinking back on my experience one night in January 2011 a voice said just out of the blue "can't you tell by the way his nurse and staff act what he is like with them (they never speak, they never smile, they conduct their business and that's it, they avoid any conversation) - domineering and mean.  I pictured him harassing them to the point that they are trained to be like that.  It never dawned on me that what I experienced with him on my visit 12/20/2010 was what they lived and tolerated from him all the time - tyrannical control.  I think he hated me because I was so open and questioning things he was doing - I realize he was insecure about himself for some reason.  He sent a letter certified signature via mail making accusations that I was rude, raising my voice at him (all lies and didn't understand why).  When I walked out of his business with a billing paper that December 20th day (but faxed a copy back to him) he refused to fill my prescriptions anymore.  He just left me there

I was referred to him by someone on a hook-up website I was chatting with.  He got me through my other medical issues that I was recovering from August 2010 - January 2011.  Why would he want to do this to me - to teach me a lesson not to question him? That isn't reasonable for me to suspect him?  A doctor? But my intuition is screaming at me.  If I was doing anal bareback sex, no condom usage for topping or anything, then I would have thought that was the instance I got it.  But like I wrote, from August 2010 till January 2011 I was recovering from other issues and I didn't have sex except for the one dude I mentioned in early December 12/5/2010 who is negative with no risky sex. 

I think he did it.  I think he hated my questioning his information (never with a nasty tone just questioning like "so a sleep study is necessary because..).  Motive is the only thing missing right now otherwise I would feel free to take matters into my own hands and begin to plan the demise of his business and life.  That motive may be that he made a mistake - he will never own up to it, a court of law will never defend (just look at the way you've pointed out to me that I'm a dizzy slut and have no standing here and that the idea someone would do this is absurd and question whether I'm diagnosed as HIV positive).  I'm alone.  My inside voice and gut feelings were telling me that something was up with that doctor.  I just didn't know and now I sit here with this monster inside of me that I've got to manage and for what, so I can live my lonely life, so my conservative family can point their finger and whisper behind my back there goes that AIDS freak, keep the kids away from him, tell him that were busy. 

I can't bring it up in public because of the consequences of making such an accusation, no lawyer will bring it to court.  I can't help but wonder if he has done this to other patients of his? 

God how I wish this would have happened the easy way - I pick-up some HOT and I mean HOT muscular hairy Latin man with a dick as thick and long as can be with some HOT as sex with me getting pounded in the ass hard, then he calls me the next morning not to say "oh you were so great" or "I want some more papi," but rather "Oh I forgot to tell you, I have HIV and I don't take medicine for it."  Then it would have been real easy - completely my fault and no questions asked, no torment.  But this situation leaves doubt, leaves questions, and on top of finding out I've to deal with this virus I have doubts as to how it came to be in me.  But oh well, I'm sure I'll get torn apart on this narrative as well - and it needs to be that way so I'll second guess my plans to tear-up his existence ala Hannibal Lector style. 
05/17/2011 - Dx
VL 2422 copies/ML; 1100 CD4/ waiting on appointment with HIV specialist.
08/31/2011 - <60 copies/ML; 750 CD4/46.4% CD4..
03/29/2012 - <20 copies/ML not detectable; 904 CD4/47.6%

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #15 on: May 28, 2011, 11:47:53 PM »
Uggggh, I made an error in my post (5/13/2010 should be 12/13/2010).  Am I POZ [cue scene from 'Funny Girl' when she's at her first audition and she's asked "Can you skate?" - Same gesture but "Am I Poz?" Of course I am.  I wish it fucking was the other way where I could say I am a ditzy blonde and I click my ruby reds and off I go back home.   Nope, blood test with doctor confirms I have this problem as well as 2422 little sparkling copies of this virus in every ML of blood. 

I'm a mess - I can't think anymore.  I'm driving down the road and I start thinking to myself that what if my HIV specialist says that there are problems or inflammation which causes me to age faster whatever - I just start crying in public for no reason. 

Anyhow, yeah the idea that a doctor would have a dirty syringe in his office vs. a slut (perception) like me.  I wasn't a slut, didn't have the energy to be one.  My alarms were going off because of the odd behavior he was demonstrating to me that day I had 103 fever, chills, a rash and swollen lymph-nodes.  One of you has voted down the syringe theory and it is duly noted.   

As I was thinking back on my experience one night in January 2011 a voice said just out of the blue "can't you tell by the way his nurse and staff act what he is like with them (they never speak, they never smile, they conduct their business and that's it, they avoid any conversation) - domineering and mean.  I pictured him harassing them to the point that they are trained to be like that.  It never dawned on me that what I experienced with him on my visit 12/20/2010 was what they lived and tolerated from him all the time - tyrannical control.  I think he hated me because I was so open and questioning things he was doing - I realize he was insecure about himself for some reason.  He sent a letter certified signature via mail making accusations that I was rude, raising my voice at him (all lies and didn't understand why).  When I walked out of his business with a billing paper that December 20th day (but faxed a copy back to him) he refused to fill my prescriptions anymore.  He just left me there

I was referred to him by someone on a hook-up website I was chatting with.  He got me through my other medical issues that I was recovering from August 2010 - January 2011.  Why would he want to do this to me - to teach me a lesson not to question him? That isn't reasonable for me to suspect him?  A doctor? But my intuition is screaming at me.  If I was doing anal bareback sex, no condom usage for topping or anything, then I would have thought that was the instance I got it.  But like I wrote, from August 2010 till January 2011 I was recovering from other issues and I didn't have sex except for the one dude I mentioned in early December 12/5/2010 who is negative with no risky sex. 

I think he did it.  I think he hated my questioning his information (never with a nasty tone just questioning like "so a sleep study is necessary because..).  Motive is the only thing missing right now otherwise I would feel free to take matters into my own hands and begin to plan the demise of his business and life.  That motive may be that he made a mistake - he will never own up to it, a court of law will never defend (just look at the way you've pointed out to me that I'm a dizzy slut and have no standing here and that the idea someone would do this is absurd and question whether I'm diagnosed as HIV positive).  I'm alone.  My inside voice and gut feelings were telling me that something was up with that doctor.  I just didn't know and now I sit here with this monster inside of me that I've got to manage and for what, so I can live my lonely life, so my conservative family can point their finger and whisper behind my back there goes that AIDS freak, keep the kids away from him, tell him that were busy. 

I can't bring it up in public because of the consequences of making such an accusation, no lawyer will bring it to court.  I can't help but wonder if he has done this to other patients of his? 

God how I wish this would have happened the easy way - I pick-up some HOT and I mean HOT muscular hairy Latin man with a dick as thick and long as can be with some HOT as sex with me getting pounded in the ass hard, then he calls me the next morning not to say "oh you were so great" or "I want some more papi," but rather "Oh I forgot to tell you, I have HIV and I don't take medicine for it."  Then it would have been real easy - completely my fault and no questions asked, no torment.  But this situation leaves doubt, leaves questions, and on top of finding out I've to deal with this virus I have doubts as to how it came to be in me.  But oh well, I'm sure I'll get torn apart on this narrative as well - and it needs to be that way so I'll second guess my plans to tear-up his existence ala Hannibal Lector style. 

Ok.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline CaptCarl

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #16 on: May 29, 2011, 02:30:54 AM »
But this situation leaves doubt, leaves questions, and on top of finding out I've to deal with this virus I have doubts as to how it came to be in me.  But oh well, I'm sure I'll get torn apart on this narrative as well - and it needs to be that way so I'll second guess my plans to tear-up his existence ala Hannibal Lector style. 

Seven-
Yes there are doubts, but I don't think they're the doubts you are voicing. It's more the doubt about your entire story. It is rambling, vague, confused and incoherent. The paranoia that both this thread, as well as your other one here, display so obviously is suggestive of an issue that has nothing to do with evil scheming doctors, "straight" boyfriends, or anything else you've been yammering on about. It comes across as a substance abuse issue more than anything else. Good luck Dude, your going to need it.
CaptCarl
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #17 on: May 29, 2011, 10:09:03 AM »
Seven, it is highly unlikely in the extreme that any doctor is going to attempt to give you hiv in order to "teach you a lesson". Nobody in their right mind is going to risk their medical license or a huge malpractice suit this way. You've admitted to freely barebacking with many people over the years and logic tells me that someone somewhere down the line lied to you or didn't accurately know his hiv status. I hope you come to terms with this soon.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline 7359915653

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Re: I am Poz; Straight Lover tested but still doubting
« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2012, 01:17:50 PM »
I was a sheer mess when I wrote this.  I found all of my answers.  The doctor didn't want to treat me so he sent me a good bye separation letter about the time I posted that intial post. 

It is possible to test negative days before Seroconversion. 

I have mental concerns (major depression) which is being addressed and whic comes through in the intial post). 

I'm living on HAART though I'm at 1100 CD4 cells.  I have someone who lives me and cares about me, now I've got the responsibility to live, and so I shall. 
05/17/2011 - Dx
VL 2422 copies/ML; 1100 CD4/ waiting on appointment with HIV specialist.
08/31/2011 - <60 copies/ML; 750 CD4/46.4% CD4..
03/29/2012 - <20 copies/ML not detectable; 904 CD4/47.6%

 


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