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Author Topic: My Story  (Read 2655 times)

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Offline Mick

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My Story
« on: May 22, 2011, 03:37:39 PM »
I'm a 27 year old male and I've always had a strange fascination with transsexuals, but never acted upon it. The other day, I decided to look on craigslist in the t4m section. I met with a TS that night and after a while she convinced me to receive anal sex. The first time was short, as it hurt and she didn't use any extra lube. The second time was a little longer, still no extra lube but I guess my ass was wet from the previous time. She didn't finish inside me (or at least she claims) and I did see her put the condom on, but being inexperienced and not thinking I didn't look at the condoms after the fact. I remember seeing one on the dresser that appeared in-tact.

Naturally, the next day I was freaking out as I'd never done anything like this before. I read about how anal sex without extra lube makes the condom a lot more prone to breaking. So I called her and she assured me the condoms didn't break and she always uses protection and she was just tested a month ago. Still, I don't know her so how can I trust anything she says?

Last night I read about PEP here and drove my ass to the hospital to get tested and inquire about it. Of course the HIV test came back negative, still waiting on the results of the other tests. I asked the doc about PEP and she prescribed me Combivir and Tenofovir, which I started taking about 45 hours after possible exposure. She also said I had some minor lacerations on my anus (which I guess is to be expected after your first anal experience) which would put me at greater risk. I'm seriously freaking out, thinking about the possibility that I may not be able to have children because of one stupid night. Not to mention my career will be over, since being HIV+ in my field of work is a no-no.

I assuage my fears a bit by reading that the odds of contracting HIV after just one encounter of even fully unprotected sex is pretty low and I mean I don't even know if she's HIV+, but ugh she is a sex-worker (I didn't pay for it, but she told me she is a "pro") so I feel like the odds are pretty high. I'm trying to get her to go get tested this week.

I don't even know what I'm trying to get out of posting this here. Venting, I guess. I know you guys can't just tell me everything is going to be alright. Plus with the PEP regimen now I have to wait even longer to find out, but I don't want to go test positive and then kick myself for not doing PEP. Ugh, I'm a mess.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2011, 05:21:58 PM »
The most important fact in all of this story is that you saw the insertive partner put a condom on. It is not quite clear to me if the transperson was wearing a condom for both times. Assuming the answer to that is "yes," then you actually did not do anything risky.

But you have to be sure about the use of the condom both times. If it had failed you would have known it because when that happens it's very clear. THe condom ends up looking like a hoop with fringe on the other person's penis. It's not about itty bitty little holes the way some people fear.

If you are certain about condoms having been used then I don't see the need for PEP. But that's an importnat if and only you can answer that question.

Should you choose to continue with PEP then you have to said 13 weeks from the completion of the PEP cycle to get a final, conclusive negative result.

In the future pay more attention to what is happening when sex is happening. You can have intercourse in either role with anyone you choose. BUT the insertive partner must always be wearing a condom. No exceptions. 

Good luck when you test. If condoms were used both times then I would expect you to test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2011, 05:29:52 PM »
I saw her go put them on, but I only saw one after the fact. She may have thrown the first one out or put it on a different dresser. I've gone over everything I can remember from that night. I was really nervous and unsure of what I was even doing there and honestly for some reason the thought of HIV didn't even enter my mind. I wish I had the presence of mind to check the condoms after she pulled out both times, but hindsight is 20/20, I guess.

I'm such a wreck right now. What a horrible feeling this is.

Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2011, 08:13:37 AM »
Just wanted to take a moment to thank the mods of this site for their amazing patience in dealing with this subforum. Reading some of the threads here, I don't know how you guys do it. Even in my case, I'm probably overreacting a bit since I have no real reason to think she would try to maliciously remove the condoms while I wasn't looking. There's just that little sliver of doubt that comes without knowing 100% for sure that I just can't shake from my mind.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2011, 08:49:51 AM »
I agree that in all likelihood condoms were used both times. Contrary to what many "civilians" fear, sexworkers are often the most scrupulous about using condoms because they want to protect their own health.

Your fears are largely in the domain of "what ifs." Probably just to ease your mind getting tested at 13 weeks is a good idea. You can if you wish get tested at 6 weeks. A negative at that point will point VERY strongly to continuing to test negative. And yes, I do expect you to test negative if you decide to do that.   
Andy Velez

Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2011, 07:03:09 PM »
Thanks, Andy. Your words are very reassuring. I'm debating whether or not to stop PEP, if only because the need to wait an extra 28 days for a conclusive result may kill me. I feel like I'm overreacting, but I can't shake it. I don't know.

Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2011, 08:08:27 PM »
Some hopefully good news for me. I spoke to the TS today and just came out with how scared I am and she assured me again that the condoms were on the entire time. I offered her money to go get tested with me tomorrow and she accepted. She thinks I'm crazy, but you can't put a price on peace of mind. Hopefully she comes back negative tomorrow. I know there's still a window in there that she could've been infected, but I'll worry that much less.


Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2011, 04:26:40 PM »
She tested negative. Phew. What a load off. I know she could technically still be poz, but I'm a lot less worried now. She seemed genuinely offended that I didn't trust her and kept insisting that the condoms were on the entire time and she never has sex without them.

Gonna stop PEP and then get tested at 13 weeks just to be sure. Thanks Andy for your input on all this.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2011, 04:38:29 PM »
You're welcome.

I expect you to test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2011, 05:06:17 AM »
I didn't think I'd be posting here again until I had test results to share, but my paranoia is getting the better of me so I have what is probably a stupid question to ask. Would a clinic ever give someone a fake negative test result if the person claimed fear of domestic violence or something? It was pretty clear that she was there to show me the results and I wonder how far HIV+ confidentiality goes in that regard. Would it be considered a forged instrument or no?

I really apologize if this is a stupid or offensive question.

Offline Ann

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Re: My Story
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2011, 08:41:38 AM »
Mick,

No, clinics will not falsify hiv test results for any reason. They could lose their licence doing something like that.

Why would you think she would obtain falsified documents? Have you been threatening her with violence if she tests positive? I certainly hope that is not the case - but your question makes me wonder.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2011, 10:56:27 AM »
No, of course not. I'm just stupidly paranoid.

Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2011, 06:36:19 PM »
Welp, I couldn't take the waiting anymore and went for a rapid test at exactly 5 weeks which came back negative. Despite everything working in my favor (she tested negative, it was a brief encounter, no semen, condoms were most likely on the entire time) I've still been a nervous wreck these past weeks. It didn't help that I developed epididymitis a week later and thought I had gonorrhea or chlamydia. Turned out it was non-bacterial and I did it in the gym (funny coincidence, huh?). I've had horrible body aches and peeling skin on my fingers that all started a week after the incident so I'm sure now that I've tested negative at this point it's all anxiety. I haven't had any swollen lymph nodes, no fever, no rashes.

Anyway, my question is considering all this, would you guys say I can effectively stop worrying now? I understand I still need the 3 month confirmatory test, but is that just a formality at this point? I've been reading a lot of what Dr. H at medhelp.org says and apparently healthy people almost always test poz after just a few weeks. I'm very healthy, almost never get sick, no allergies or anything like that. Also, does the fact that I was on PEP for 3 days affect my testing window at all?

Thanks again for all your help.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #13 on: June 24, 2011, 09:25:15 PM »
From what you have reported you actually didn't have a risk. So all of this "stuff" is just a lot of drama.

If you can't get on with your life then maybe it's time to get some professional help. We can't address that problem here.

But I can tell you that we're not going to indulge you in more what ifs about this. If you continue to carry on about a non-risk situation you are going to find yourself getting a Time Out from the site.

Andy Velez

Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #14 on: June 25, 2011, 12:25:33 AM »
Andy, I don't think that's very fair. I don't know for a fact that the condom was on the entire time. I'm just taking her word for it. People do lie. Believe me, all I want to do is move on from this.

What bugs me is that when I asked her why she didn't use any lube her reply was, "Because that's what makes the condom break." Someone who's been having this kind of sex for as long as she's been doing it (professionally no less) should know to use water based lube. I've done it once and I know. She even told me that she never had a condom break on her. That has to be a lie, no? I mean I had a condom break once during vaginal sex with a girlfriend. Yeah she tested negative, so that would imply that she does practice safe sex. Either that or she's just been really lucky and possibly her luck ran out within that window period.

I freely admit that I am likely overreacting to this whole situation. Deep down I do agree with you, I think that I'm okay, it's just that nagging little doubt that maybe she's being dishonest about the condom, maybe she was infected within the window period. I've never been involved in a sexual situation where I wasn't the one in control, so it's messing with my head a bit. I'm not one of these people you get here who freaks out over getting HIV from a barber shop and posts incessantly about it.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2011, 02:20:31 AM by Mick »

Offline Ann

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Re: My Story
« Reply #15 on: June 25, 2011, 09:50:49 AM »
Mick,

It sounds like this is all about you not being in control. That's not an issue we're prepared to deal with here.

You can continue to test if that's what you need to do for your own peace of mind, but I do not expect your five week negative to change as I do not believe you were at risk.

And yes, you will be given a time out if you insist on going on and on about this matter.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Mick

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Re: My Story
« Reply #16 on: June 27, 2011, 03:19:03 AM »
Ok, just humor me this one last time please.

What is it about my story that has you guys so convinced that I'm not at all at risk? Believe me, that you 2 think I'm being ridiculous puts me more at ease, so I'm not complaining about it. I'm just trying to understand it, because in my head it was a potentially risky encounter.

Is it the fact that the TS tested negative a few days later? That relieved me too initially, but then I started to wonder about the possibility that she was infected within the window period. She is part of a high risk group after all.

Or is it that she insists she wore a condom the entire time? Again, I only saw one used condom and there were 2 separate penetrative acts. Granted, I didn't go looking for them so she could've tossed the other in the trash or on a different dresser. I just find it hard to trust the word of a stranger when it comes to my health. Not to mention someone who may not be in a normal state of mind, all things considered.

I really don't mean to be a pain about this, but you guys are telling me I don't even need to get tested except for my own peace of mind. You really believe that there is absolutely no chance that I've been infected and I don't need any further testing?

Offline Ann

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Re: My Story
« Reply #17 on: June 27, 2011, 07:12:46 AM »
Mick,

People use condoms to protect themselves. I seriously do not think she would have removed it. That is the only reason I do not think you were at risk.

However, as I said, if you continue to test, I fully expect you to continue to get negative results.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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