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Author Topic: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?  (Read 7609 times)

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Offline leatherman

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #50 on: May 23, 2011, 02:43:33 PM »
'Cause getting the AIDS while in a monogamous relationship is far more acceptable to society that from dating and hook-ups.
no, not that getting it is more acceptable but more surprising. Obviously a person in a 5yr monogamous relationship shouldn't be expecting a wayward partner or a diagnosis of HIV. I doubt people will ever live their "married" lives together having safe sex because they expect the other partner to cheat. Quite the opposite, people expect honesty and commitment in a marriage/partnership.

One would think with the clamouring for gay marriage that monogamous gay relationships were actually the norm. If gay relationships are not that monogamous after all, then why the hoopla for the marriage since they'll just end up with divorce costs (or worse, HIV) when the supposed monogamy turns out to be a failure.

that kind of study Teddy suggested could surprise us and show how few, fragile, and rare truly monogamous gay relationsips actually are.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


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Offline thunter34

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #51 on: May 23, 2011, 02:53:47 PM »
that kind of study Teddy suggested could surprise us and show how few, fragile, and rare truly monogamous gay relationsips actually are.

Just the gay ones, dear?
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Joe K

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #52 on: May 23, 2011, 02:59:57 PM »
One would think with the clamouring for gay marriage that monogamous gay relationships were actually the norm. If gay relationships are not that monogamous after all, then why the hoopla for the marriage since they'll just end up with divorce costs (or worse, HIV) when the supposed monogamy turns out to be a failure.

that kind of study Teddy suggested could surprise us and show how few, fragile, and rare truly monogamous gay relationsips actually are.

The quality of gay relationships, has nothing to do with gay marriage. The idea of gay marriage is that it is part of full equal rights for all citizens period. There are no qualifiers required to grant full equal rights to all Americans, regardless of anything and to suggest there is, only serves to diminish what we seek. Every American should have the exact same civil rights and what we might do with those "rights" has no bearing on our right to have them.
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Offline woodshere

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #53 on: May 23, 2011, 03:11:00 PM »
no, not that getting it is more acceptable but more surprising. Obviously a person in a 5yr monogamous relationship shouldn't be expecting a wayward partner or a diagnosis of HIV. I doubt people will ever live their "married" lives together having safe sex because they expect the other partner to cheat. Quite the opposite, people expect honesty and commitment in a marriage/partnership.


What I was getting at is that discussions about a cheating ex infecting you vs being a whore and becoming infected translates to me like a victim vs. you got what you deserved scenerio.  Does it really matter??

that kind of study Teddy suggested could surprise us and show how few, fragile, and rare truly monogamous gay relationsips actually are.

I can think of far more important things to research than this. 
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Ann

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #54 on: May 23, 2011, 03:15:11 PM »
Every American should have the exact same civil rights and what we might do with those "rights" has no bearing on our right to have them.

Well said.

I suspect that often times when hiv rears its head in a monogamous relationship, that it's an undetected, unsuspected left-over from before that particular relationship began.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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Offline Buckmark

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #55 on: May 23, 2011, 03:46:42 PM »
Just the gay ones, dear?

You read my mind, Tim!
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
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Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #56 on: May 23, 2011, 04:07:16 PM »

What I was getting at is that discussions about a cheating ex infecting you vs being a whore and becoming infected translates to me like a victim vs. you got what you deserved scenerio.  Does it really matter??



I had an accident with a teabag.  I am a victim.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #57 on: May 23, 2011, 10:48:38 PM »
'Cause getting the AIDS while in a monogamous relationship is far more acceptable to society than from dating and hook-ups.  I guess its a better form of HIV if contracted in a so called "monogamous" relationship.



No, my question has nothing to do with that.  It has to do with whether gay, longterm partners really should still use condoms.  I have no idea what the numbers are for people getting infected thinking they were in monagamous relationships.  I've read some studies that say 80% of ALL people have cheated at one point in their relationship.  That seems high, but I actually believe it.  I don't remember the study.  Even if that study was off, I would bet it is at least 50/50.  We know gay men are more likely to get HIV from infidelity.  So, I was trying to get at whether there is data that being in a gay relationship proves to be no safer than just hooking up on Manhunt, or somewhat safer, or way more safe.   

Offline Solo_LTSurvivor

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #58 on: May 23, 2011, 11:36:41 PM »
So, I was trying to get at whether there is data that being in a gay relationship proves to be no safer than just hooking up on Manhunt, or somewhat safer, or way more safe.   

I don't think that you'd be able to find an answer to your question.  There are just too many variables to consider, and the only way to obtain a representative sample which can actually prove your hypothesis would be establish a control group which was totally restricted from having any outside contact whatsoever away from their respective partners.  In other words, you'd have to remove all access to outside influences and force them to be completely monogamous.  We know that ain't gonna happen.... I'm not saying that all men are inclined to cheat, but there is a general consensus that many will get the itch to stray after being coupled up with one person; now whether they act upon it is a different story.

As for my personal experience, I can't begin to tell you how many profiles I see online these days where someone professes to be involved but has express permission to play (either with or without their partner).
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Offline woodshere

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #59 on: May 24, 2011, 09:39:07 AM »
So, I was trying to get at whether there is data that being in a gay relationship proves to be no safer than just hooking up on Manhunt, or somewhat safer, or way more safe.    

Makes absolutely no difference!!  Once you decide to do it raw the risk is there no matter who you are with.  I still go back to victim vs. whore.  I think that when someone gets hung up on the fact that their partner cheated/lied and infected them it some how sets that person apart from someone who became infected through a hook-up, etc. Almost like, as has been alluded to earlier, the hook-up person shouldn't be surprised.  In the end both are infected.  I suppose it's all a matter of coming to terms with being HIV+, some of us accept the fact immediately, others struggle.

I am of course referring to infection via barebacking as opposed to the OP's original statement that as best as he can remember he was infected performing oral sex.

« Last Edit: May 24, 2011, 09:42:28 AM by woodshere »
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline mecch

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #60 on: May 24, 2011, 12:37:23 PM »
In the past years as more and more people are casually barebacking for one reason or another, in the cruising for sex scene, it seems so LESS tenable for committed gay HIV- couples to abandon condoms for their sex.

In the 80's I would NEVER have thought of giving up condoms in the most committed of relationships even.

At the end of the 90's I was ready to give them up with a boyfriend, and we put all the rules on the table. Always condoms for tricks outside the relationship.  

I would guess in the casual sex scene there is a lot more barebacking now then in 2000.  What do you think?  So the temptation to bareback, for guys playing outside their relationships, its more present, no?

Anyway my longterm bf seroconverted while we were together.  But our sex life was dead so I didn't seroconvert.  Then a year or two later, we broke up and I managed to seroconvert within months.  How silly.

I never heard of these seroconversions in committed HIV- couples in the 90's.  Maybe people didn't say it had happened, I dunno.  Now it seems a bit too common. 
« Last Edit: May 24, 2011, 12:39:44 PM by mecch »
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Offline tednlou2

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #61 on: May 24, 2011, 10:00:27 PM »
Makes absolutely no difference!!  Once you decide to do it raw the risk is there no matter who you are with.  I still go back to victim vs. whore.  I think that when someone gets hung up on the fact that their partner cheated/lied and infected them it some how sets that person apart from someone who became infected through a hook-up, etc. Almost like, as has been alluded to earlier, the hook-up person shouldn't be surprised.  In the end both are infected.  I suppose it's all a matter of coming to terms with being HIV+, some of us accept the fact immediately, others struggle.

I am of course referring to infection via barebacking as opposed to the OP's original statement that as best as he can remember he was infected performing oral sex.




Well, it does matter.  Many gays, especially, get into relationships not just for companionship, but to reduce their chances of teh AIDS.  If gay relationships prove to not provide much safety from HIV, then I'm saying maybe campaigns should tell gays in relationships that they shouldn't feel safe like their straight brother or sister can.  I wasn't making any value judgments that some deserve it or shouldn't be surprised.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #62 on: May 24, 2011, 10:14:26 PM »
Well, it does matter.  Many gays, especially, get into relationships not just for companionship, but to reduce their chances of teh AIDS. 

Teddy, are you saying this was the reason you fell in love?
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #63 on: May 24, 2011, 10:17:33 PM »

Well, it does matter.  Many gays, especially, get into relationships not just for companionship, but to reduce their chances of teh AIDS.  If gay relationships prove to not provide much safety from HIV, then I'm saying maybe campaigns should tell gays in relationships that they shouldn't feel safe like their straight brother or sister can.  I wasn't making any value judgments that some deserve it or shouldn't be surprised.

So after six months in this "so called" monogamous relationship would you put the partner's name on your checking account, house deed, and all investments/assets?  No, of course not -- so why do gays do it with their body?  Sorry, that's not a "long term" relationship but those are exactly what gets described here over and over as OMG MY PARTNER INFECTED ME WE WERE MONOGAMOUS AND BAREBACKING HE BROUGHT HOME TEH AIDS I HATE HIM

And I won't even get into the queens that decide barebacking with the partner is OK as long as their "outside" relationship activities are done with a condom What moron believes that is gonna happen? Pa-leez... mebbe if you figure a way to attach a camera to their dicks and monitor them while they're at the adult bookstore.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2011, 10:19:44 PM by Miss Philicia »
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #64 on: May 24, 2011, 11:12:35 PM »

 OMG MY PARTNER INFECTED ME WE WERE MONOGAMOUS AND BAREBACKING HE BROUGHT HOME TEH AIDS I HATE HIM


And then he told errrbody and their momma that I was a hooker!!!!1

To quote a certain wise individual that I love dearly, these "infected by cockhopping, unfaithful boyfriend" stories are becoming the new trend. Immaculate infections are like so five minutes ago.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #65 on: May 24, 2011, 11:20:13 PM »
...
Many gays, especially, get into relationships not just for companionship, but to reduce their chances of teh AIDS.  If gay relationships prove to not provide much safety from HIV, then I'm saying maybe campaigns should tell gays in relationships that they shouldn't feel safe like their straight brother or sister can.
...

Seriously?  You believe gays get into relationships to avoid contracting HIV?  Not only have I never seen any evidence of this, but it sounds like a flimsy basis for a relationship that is bound to lead to one or the other partner straying.  You could much more easily and cheaply avoid HIV by using a condom.   ::)
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #66 on: May 24, 2011, 11:52:13 PM »
If I finally stop being single and settle down with some sucker of a homosexual do you think I can cure myself of teh AIDS?

::ponders::

::goes to ask in the Research & News section::
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline bocker3

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #67 on: May 25, 2011, 07:33:33 AM »

Well, it does matter.  Many gays, especially, get into relationships not just for companionship, but to reduce their chances of teh AIDS. 

Are you serious here??  You actually think that people get into a relationship because of a VIRUS?  You've laid out some head scratchers before, but this one takes the cake.
Good luck in your relationship if you are in it to avoid HIV -- oops......  too late.

M
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Offline woodshere

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Re: Sometimes accidents do happen. Why is it so hard to accept?
« Reply #68 on: May 25, 2011, 09:16:27 AM »
If gay relationships prove to not provide much safety from HIV, then I'm saying maybe campaigns should tell gays in relationships that they shouldn't feel safe like their straight brother or sister can. 

Once you start fucking raw with anyone, the "safety" net is gone. 

I do have a public service announcement for the campaign you suggested:

Since you met the love of your life 3 weeks ago, you might think it's safe for him to pound your ass with his bare throbbing cock until he fills your hole with his seed.  WRONG!!!  He is a lying cheating bastard who will eventually fill your chute with his AIDS infected spunk.  Sorry to disappoint you about "that getting in a relationship thing" so you can bareback like rabbits.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

 


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