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Author Topic: Recently went through seroconversion... now what?!  (Read 4402 times)

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Offline brady85

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Recently went through seroconversion... now what?!
« on: May 20, 2011, 01:24:59 AM »
So I'm starting a new chapter in my life... a chapter I had hoped I would never face but here I am... HIV+.  I was exposed in mid April 2011 and had a positive ELISA w/ indeterminant WB on April 30, 2011.  Now, 2 weeks later, I'm still sad, disappointed, and possibly depressed.  I will be meeting with the ID doctor my PCP has reccommended next Friday, May 27.  I'm a bit scared but not too bad.  I actually have a gay brother who was diagnosed HIV+ about 10 years ago.... another reason I feel so STUPID for letting this happen to me!  I never thought this would happen to me  :(!  Accepting this is real has been difficult, very difficult.  The person who gave it to me didn't know they were infected... their doctor misdiagnosed their seroconversion just a few weeks before our encounter.  He had recently relocated to the area and we meet out at a club.  This was the first time I had taken someone home from the clubs in Philly but he had persistenly pursued me the entire night and was a very nice guy.  We didn't use a condom and after I came down with a 103 fever, horribly sore throat, and finally a mild rash on my face, neck, and upper chest just a few weeks later, I knew something was wrong.  When the test results came back, I knew.  He got tested and had the same results.. he has since found out his ex bf cheated on him and is also poz... I got this cuz someone cheated all the way down in FLORIDA... the one place I knew to stay away from for this very reason... UGH... I'm soo frustruated.

It's hard to not think about it.  I also feel very fatigued and find it difficult to focus at work.  I'm so sad and disappointed in myself that I didn't protect myself better.  I just never thought, ya know?  Now all I can do is type "HIV cure" in the Google search bar... I feel hopeless.  Being gay and finding a partner is hard enough... now I have to deal with HIV too?!?!  Why me?!   ???  I know I need to be strong but it's hard, very hard.  I've always been an active healthy guy... except for protecting myself during sex.  Hope do you have hope when things seem so hopeless...  :-\  The one good thing is that a friend has come to stay with me to help cope during this ordeal.  It's good to have someone I can talk to and get support from.  I wish I could tell my family but my parents don't support me or either of my 2 gay bros.  I still can't believe two of us are now HIV+... it makes me feel so foolish!  He became infected at the end of his drug rampage back in the day... I thought that had a lot to do with it... I didn't do drugs... ugh!  I used to be a happy person.  It's hard to be happy now :(  And my lymph nodes are still swollen... this experience sucks!  I guess one thing to look forward to is that the state I now live in just approved medical marijuana... another year and maybe I'll be able to toke up and not get fired?!  I haven't been to the gym for a few weeks now... I haven't been able to find the motivation but I know I need to... ugh.. everything feels like so MUCH now... :(

Anyway, it is helpful to learn about the disease and hear everyone's experiences.  I wish reading and learning could cure this thing... maybe one day though the research will lead to something.  I guess the one guy who was "cured" gives a shred of hope... I dunno.. at the same time, it kinda sounds like they found a needle in a hay stack.  I hope everyone is doing well out there... I just felt like venting might help..

Offline invntd

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Re: Recently went through seroconversion... now what?!
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2011, 02:58:56 AM »
It's not easy but over time you get to terms with things, that things aren't changing, and you keep learning new stuff every day, I was DX in Jan, (5months ago)

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Recently went through seroconversion... now what?!
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2011, 03:11:14 AM »
Hi Brady,

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

An HIV Diagnosis is a huge shock and should be treated as such. It takes time to adjust to the diagnosis and you should allow yourself that time. It is important.

I am newly diagnosed myself and still think about it everyday, but such thoughts are not as terrifying as before. The more you educate yourself about it and talk with people who have been living with the virus for years, the more confidence you will gain. And in your case, you have the support of your brother.

Hang in there and good luck, you will be alright

PS- From what you say it maybe superfluous, but please get your Western Blot done again.
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline brady85

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Recently went through seroconversion... now what?!
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2011, 05:29:19 PM »
No repeat of the WB is needed... I got the RNA test done for viral load... it was positive... I think it was like 10,000...

I'm trying to hang in but again, it's tough and I feel soo foolish...

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Recently went through seroconversion... now what?!
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2011, 12:57:53 AM »
Brady, it takes some time to adjust to this. I think I can speak for the majority of people on this forum in that we didn't expect it to happen to us and all of us felt/feel foolish about our actions that led to our diagnosis.

Hang in there, it will get easier.
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline dusty257

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Re: Recently went through seroconversion... now what?!
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2011, 09:09:16 AM »
Hey Brady, just wanted to share with you that I am in similar situation (ie. recently diagnosed, and probably from the same state based on what you included in your posts). I go Tuesday for my first appt with the ID doctor. Not sure about any numbers, I know that I went for a routine physical on April 15th and on April 18th got a phone call saying I was positive, a less than two minute telephone call changed everything. I was never sick or had any symptoms, just had a unsafe encounter in January.

If you want to talk sometime just hit me up.

 


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