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Author Topic: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages  (Read 3234 times)

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Offline Jerry71

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Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« on: September 12, 2006, 10:05:12 PM »
Ok so I met someone and his name is Rod and we have been seeing each other for over two weeks now and I really like him alot. But on the other hand my family found out about it and they are not speaking to me anymore why I just don't understand why they can not be happy that I have someone. Yeah I know I'm HIV+ and that should not change the way my family looks at me or treats me any different than my sister who is not positive and dates only men. So I have basically been staying out of there drama out there house and getting on with my life. I'm paying my own bills and Rod comes by to visit now and this really pisses my family off but what can they do. I live in my own place but it is located on there property. I pay my own utilities and I purchace my own food to eat and cook my own food and don't ask anything from them but just for them to be happy that I have found someone. Why is it that they can be happy and have a life and have someone to love them? And I on the other hand I can not have friends or a boyfriend to even come to my own home? Its just a shame. So Im not letting them push me around anymore and if they don't like it I will find some where else to live and get on without them in it.

Living with HIV and dating someone can have it's advantages and it's disadvantages! Also living next to your folks in Virginia can be like living in hell. But all it takes is to get a back bone and say kiss my ass! :-*
« Last Edit: September 14, 2006, 04:55:09 PM by Jerry71 »

Offline ImagineFL

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2006, 10:17:01 PM »
You just keep doing what you are doing Jerry... your happiness has to be your #1 priority.

Happiness = healthiness

Drop me a line if you need a sounding board, sweaty.

Patsy

Offline Alain

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2006, 10:17:46 PM »
.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2006, 09:03:33 PM by cowandalehouse »

Offline Teresa

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2006, 10:17:58 PM »
Jerry,

Family can suck sometimes! You have to do what makes you happy. You are a grown man and you have to live your life for yourself not for your family. I know you love your family and your family loves you and that will never change.

Its time for you to be happy and you deserve it.

Wishing you and Rod all the luck in the world!

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2006, 10:24:02 PM »
Honey,

Tell your family to eat you. Keep seeing that boy. :-*

MtD

Offline ImagineFL

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2006, 10:27:30 PM »
Honey,

Tell your family to eat you. Keep seeing that boy. :-*

MtD

DITTO!

And then eat him!   ;)

Patsy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2006, 10:34:26 PM »
*
« Last Edit: October 31, 2006, 10:01:22 PM by emeraldize »

Offline LatinAlexander

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2006, 10:47:06 PM »
LET LOVE CONQUER THE WORLD!!!!!!! (Specially yours) :D

GO FOR IT!!!! (And do not forget to send the invitation for the marriage)

Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline Eldon

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2006, 10:48:01 PM »
Hello Jerry, it is Eldon and it is good to hear from you.

As far as the circumstances goes, your HAPPINESS is the most important thing in your life Right now. Keep doing what you have been doing and do not let your folks rock the boat with your new relationship. Sometimes as Alian said; they just don't understand the position that you are in with your life and they cannot relate to you and your feelings.

A family love will never change regardless of the circumstances. Some harsh words may be exchanged but that is normal in any family setting. Afterwards, when they cool down and think about it, they like What? This happens most of the time. I'd rather see you happy anyday, rather than being depressed.

I am happy for you. So, do what is BEST for you!


Have the BEST Day!

Offline Basquo

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2006, 11:04:11 PM »
You know Jerry, I get very mixed signals from my family.  Usually it's about serostatus and money.  If I date an American doctor or a Hispanic hairdresser, it's either "Go for the money, Son," or "Don't let him super-infect you!" or both.  Not that I date a lot, but Mum was most displeased at hearing I got a tattoo in Montreal, and I can just hear the wheels turning in her head:  "What self-respecting man is going to love my son if he has a visible tattoo?!"

I think deep down they want the best for us, and want us to be happy, but on the surface they want us to be the perfect son, and are disappointed in themselves because they think somehow they are responsible for us being HIV+.  They don't realize that no one expected to see that coming. And they most likely don't have anyone that they can talk to about it.  I'm still not sure if my mom can talk to anyone but her sister and my sister about me.  My paternal grandmother knew because my dad's wife told her, but she's gone now.  

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I think they are still trying to guide our lives even though we are grown boys.  They don't want to let go, and as charming and handsome as we are, I guess I really can't blame them.

Cheers from the Cute Boys Club,
Creighton

Offline Jerry71

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2006, 11:17:25 PM »
Thanks guys for your suggestions and as for me and Rod goes we will continue to see each other if time gives us that. You would just have to meet my mother to try and understand where she is coming from its one of those growing up in a straight environment and not really getting to know about the gay scene.

She or my step farther will never except my decision. She has made her point so clear now and has not said anything about it at all. Her main point is for me to get help and go to church and be healed and saved and all of this gay stuff will just leave my body and I will return as a straight man living with hiv still. But guess what that was when I lived in her home and was forced to go to church and all that. Not in this day an time Im gay Im Hiv+ and Im happy just being me and having someone next to me to love always. Funny thing after I have told Rod about my mother he told me he would not like to meet her. So my opinion he will never have to run in to her.

Offline Robert

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2006, 11:36:17 PM »
Jerry...


This is such wonderful news.  Rod is certainly a blessing come true. In fact, he's so many blessings, it's hard to count them all.  .  1:  You have a man in you life:  HOORAY!!!.  2:  You're standing up to your MOther.  3:  Becoming more independent everyday. 4:  More self assure!! 5:  You're having guests over.  6: You're getting out more. 6: And that old Cartesian logic:  I am loved, therefore I am.   

It's that old snowball effect all over again...things just keep getting better and better. 

robert

(who wants to think the Gathering in Montreal has something to do with this but probably not.  It's all your doing.  CONGRATULATIONS!)
..........

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2006, 11:37:48 PM »
that sounds wonderful ~ please keep us posted

Offline poobear

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2006, 12:02:14 AM »
Jerry,
    Conrats on your relationship and your new outlook.  Just want to tell you I can relate so much with mother wanting you to go to church and get healed and not be gay anymore.

   Let me tell you how much in denial my parents are in.  I told them I was HIV+ when I was diagnosed 12 years ago.  They had a hard time with that.  They don't realy talk about it.  DENIAL..

    I have been in a relationship for 10 years with my girlfriend.  I just told my parents that we were a couple a few months ago.  The rest of my family knew but them.  Well they acted so shocked when I told them.  They told me they would never accept it.  They still Love me, but do not accept me being in a same sex relationship.  They are still in DENIAL.  I think it is more comfortable for them to live there.  I figure let them live in an ignorant world.  I don't  have to suffer because they think I am living in sin.  Maybe one of these days they will realize how happy I am and accept it.  I mean comon I was living with her for 9 years, we bought a house together, and I never had a boyfriend.  I guess they thought since I was HIV+ nobody could Love me like that.

    Well anyway have fun and make you happy,  that's what it is all about is you.
                                                               Rachel

Offline wellington

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2006, 12:14:21 AM »
Oh brother. The ole religion will cure your homosexuality ploy. I swear the clergy indoctrinate that at an early stage to propogate the madness.

You're under your own roof, paying your own way, and being rather kind to your family I would expect. Live your life and don't worry too much about what they think, taking every opportunity to educate them, would be my advice.

Offline Jerry71

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2006, 12:15:56 AM »
Rachel glad to know that Im not the only one out there that have parents that are living in the stoneage. All i want out of my life is to be happy and enjoy my life for what time we have left together.

Offline writerbrad

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2006, 03:02:16 AM »
Jerry, I have dated someone positive and actually, it has been difficult. It seems, we both had our own issues and somehow found ourseoves better off with people who weren't positive. I'm not saying I wouldn't date someone who is positive, but fidning that special someone capable of being committed for more than amonth is difficult for a lot of people. have you had issues with fidning someone? How has you experience been?

writerbrad
Bradley

Offline Jerry71

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #17 on: September 13, 2006, 08:27:15 AM »
Writerbrad,

To answer your question:  Have I had issues finding someone? Yes I can say that it is really hard to find someone that is positive and or not positive. I live in the bible belt of Virginia and my parents are total against same sex relationships. So for the past two years I have not dated or seen anyone or in that case been on a date with a man or anyone at that case. I just found Rod on Poz Personals and we happened to be in the same area and we are both HIV+. I'm just happy that I have someone now that I can pick up the phone and talk too him and know that he is not to far away to go and see each other from time to time. In the area I live in it is hard just to find someone that has HIV or who would date someone with HIV. Seems there are more out there but there to damn scared to come out and omit they are gay and afraid that there parents or family will not accept them anymore. Life is too short for someone to wait for there parents to accept there childrens choice of relationships.

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #18 on: September 13, 2006, 12:48:32 PM »
Everyone's family is different when dealing without coming out. Fortunately for me my older brother (who is 14 years older) came out in the 1970s and blazed the trail for me to come out in the 80s. My father was fine with it but my mother was devastated. She has a very strong personality and I knew I was going to have to be tough with her. I basically told her that she was going to have to deal with it and treat me with respect or she wouldn't see me anymore. She had lost all contact with my older brother shortly after he came out. I knew that was one of the big regrets of her life so I used that to my advantage. After her nervous breakdown she eventually came around and now we have a great relationship. She is friends with a lesbian couple who live across the street and has even publicly challenged neighbors who have criticized having lesbian in the neighborhood.

Offline Jerry71

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #19 on: September 14, 2006, 07:24:39 AM »
I going to stop being nice to any guy that I ever meet again. It gets you no where. This disease sucks, and living alone sucks. I am happy for all of you that have found someone out there and have someone to spend time with. I will be the one in the corner alone and depressed.  Not going to let this little problem get to me anymore going to move on and hope something comes up better. :-\
« Last Edit: September 14, 2006, 04:30:16 PM by Jerry71 »

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #20 on: September 14, 2006, 07:28:10 AM »
Jezza,

I'm sorry this has happened to you doll. :-*

MtD

Offline Teresa

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #21 on: September 14, 2006, 07:30:19 AM »
(((((((((((Jerry)))))))))))

 :-*
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Jerry71

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #22 on: September 14, 2006, 11:32:38 AM »
I guess I'm going to go on a meds vacation.


Edited to say Im not going to let this bother me anymore and Yes I did take all of my meds today!
« Last Edit: September 14, 2006, 04:31:58 PM by Jerry71 »

Offline Alain

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #23 on: September 14, 2006, 02:06:27 PM »
.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2006, 09:00:53 PM by cowandalehouse »

Offline wellington

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2006, 03:03:05 PM »
*hugs* Jerry.  Hang in there mate. Wish I was close enough to give you a spank on the butt and take you out to a movie, or something.

Think about the things that you wish could change, then strategize on how to accomplish those goals. Every journey begins with a single step. Believe in yourself, bud.

Offline swede_dish

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #25 on: September 14, 2006, 03:34:59 PM »
Much love from Lotus and the rest of us in Northern Michigan
"I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. "
-Bette Midler

Offline almalibre

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Re: Dating someone that is Hiv+ has its advantages and disadvantages
« Reply #26 on: September 14, 2006, 04:48:15 PM »
  Hello...

   Your situation seems not healthy to yourself, if you are taking care of your bills and still being kind to  your family and they not responding in the way that they supposed to. Shame on them, you are allow to date anyone in the world poz or not, keep going and show them that you have a right to love and be loved by someone who you think is adequate to your lifestyle and needs. The lack of respect they giving you it's not goin to take you all nowhere.
   I hope Rod understand your situation and decide to go along with you in this long an narrow path that you are into.  I had the same problem with my parents and my whole family when I told them that I am Transexual,  it wasn't easy an fun at the beginning but the time and my patience gave me a response from them. With my strengh of  my spirit and the help of friends  and people who accepted me always I  taught my parents an family that i'm  still here and I'm not going to change o heal myself of what I really am.
     The #1 priority in your life now is you, and alway you, your happines i'ts very important for your health now... 
     I  wish you the best , don't stop now that you started !!!  show them hoe impotant it's for you to be with Rod and that there it's nothing wrong being the way the you are.
Love to all ...***

 


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