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Author Topic: I Have Questions upon Questions....  (Read 3444 times)

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Offline Neil007

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I Have Questions upon Questions....
« on: April 18, 2011, 12:44:37 AM »
Hi AMF!! I've been reading some of topics while waiting to ask a few questions of my own. You all seem to be helpful and sincere, so here goes:  Im a 35year old  male. In a "relationship" of 4years with an HIV+ woman.  For awhile now we've been "limpin' along" due to a myriad of reasons. She's been diagnosed for about 20yrs now. I found out a couple of years ago when she had fallen ill and was in the hospital. I was handed her discharge papers , and they mentioned  a follow up with her ID... I freaked out!! She was out of it for awhile so It took some time before I could question her about it---worst time of my life(perhaps, until now)
 In the past, I had some tests done and have been indeterminent and then neg(last one, 02/11)  We've used protection most of the time, and when we didnt, it was a choice WE made. I still have  resentment over not being part of the decision making process early on(one of our issues) A week ago we, got together after a brief timeout.  Mass quantities of alcohol were involved, and condoms werent. I went to the bath after a few acts and felt like I was peeing razorblades. I look down and there was blood on my penis. .I had  2 abrasions on the tip the size of capital letters in this font, and even a lil cut in the pee hole. Not deep, or at least it didnt scab--- I got outta there to think and now Im here.
I dont know when it occurred, so I dont know how long I coulda been exposed to the virus. As far as testing  goes, The health board will make me wait at least another month since I tested in February and they arent free here (money IS an issue) I havent said anything to her. Im not sure where we are in our relationship anymore anyways. I do know this was putting myself at risk of course. Im wondering "how much?" I guess... When were getting along I made sure she took her meds, alot of the time she would forget or just plain not want to. her vl was undetectable, her cd4 was 45.I found out that during our break, her virus mutated and she was off meds for about 4 months. Before we hooked up, In casual convo, I asked about her numbers. She said that she didnt really remember but they had changed. She had a new prescription, but wasnt taking as prescribed all the time. Her Next ID visit is in two weeks. She also has HPV and I did notice a couple of warts--not nearly as many as she has had in the past though. Is HPV an STI? I believe I have it as well. I havent seen  a doctor about them. (again, money, but Ive seen hers and Im not an idiot, they look the same).  I have 2 warts on my shaft near the base of my penis, and one on my navel(How did that get there, anyways?) STI's heighten risk is my understanding,right? Or is that HIV makes you susceptible to HPV? From reading on here, would that matter--my understanding is that cervicovaginal fluid is where the risk is-- and if I read the post right, my warts near the base could only reach that in my dreams!! Is the risk in the physical contact with STI or the fact that they are in your bloodstream?  Are there complications for men with HPV, and HIV? Is it anal/colon cancer? The person who  infected her died of it. Not wanting to speculate, thats why Im here. I probably couldnt get a straight answer outta her about vl if i tried--she says that she has issues with recall, due to hiv/stroke, plus she lies(another issue) Does that play in to how infectious she is? Vl,that is.. Does cd4? I DO know that is low. When I met her it was in single digits. How much are home tests? I cant afford much, so in regards to exposure when should I test? Is there anything I should be looking for or aware of in the meantime (without going crazy) With respect, some of the posts I read had ME anxious, lol  Is there something I should be doing? Reading? Might sound like a silly question, but since it is fragile, does pee kill hiv?
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 04:14:11 AM by Neil007 »
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Offline Ann

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2011, 06:39:49 AM »
Neil,

You have had a risk and you do need to test. From everything you've described about her recent health care, I doesn't sound like she is still undetectable. And yes, a person's infectiousness depends on the viral load (not the CD4).

I can't tell by what you've written exactly when your last incident of unprotected intercourse with her - or anyone else - was and so I can't tell how far into the window period you were when you tested in February, or if this incident happened after your last test. Please clarify.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week (or more) negative must be confirmed at the three month point, but is highly unlikely to change.

When you see us talking about cervicovaginal fluids, we are talking in terms of hiv only. HPV is also an STI, but it is much easier to transmit and all it takes is skin-to-skin contact. You need to get your HPV sorted out. There's not much point in going into the relationship between hiv and HPV in hiv positive men as we do not know if you are hiv positive or not. Those are questions to ask if and when you get an hiv positive diagnosis.

If you plan on staying with this woman - or any other woman - you need to start making sure you have condoms and you need to start making sure you USE them, every time, no exceptions.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Good luck with the testing. You may be able to find a free testing center near you that you don't know about by using POZ.com's Health Services Directory. Use the top search engine, the bottom search engine is more geared to people who already know they're poz.


Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Neil007

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2011, 07:26:04 AM »
One week ago, yesterday was when I engaged in risk behavior. Having been tested in Feb., the Board of Health in the state I live wouldnt give me one for at least another month. They actually tell you to come back 3months after you've last had sex if you dont give them at least 3months downtime when they ask. Having been there recently I was worried that they might turn me away if I went there early.  The dates actually do work out, I believe.  I'm wondering now about ARS--I guess everyone that has had a risk does.. Do syptoms typically occur? I guess nothing is "typical", though.  I cant help but ask. I didnt even know about PEP---It never came up in 4years!! My point in asking about the HPV-hiv connection was wondering if the HPV that we both have increases risk.  I went googling and could not find anything definitive. Thats were I came across the "pee theory" about being able to render the virus harmless by peeing after sex--I guess that might sound silly, but I thought Id ask.... Thanks for listening/reading
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Offline Ann

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2011, 07:47:24 AM »
Neil,

Thank you for clarifying the time-line. The earliest you should test after your incident last week is at six weeks, so you'd have to wait until around the 23rd of May anyway. Provided that result is negative, you'd have to wait another six weeks for a conclusive result.

Did you check out the Health Services Directory I linked you to in my first response? There may be a testing center near you that you do not know about. Even if the test is not free, some places charge very little for the rapid tests. Use the directory and call around to the various places to find out just what sort of money they want. You may be surprised.

You absolutely cannot go by the presence or absence of symptoms when it comes to primary hiv infection. Some people become very ill while others notice nothing at all. Some people coincidentally catch some bug that's going around and wrongly assume they're going through seroconversion. The ONLY way to determine your hiv status is through testing at the appropriate time.

I've never heard of the presence of HPV increasing risk. Some STIs can, but I've not heard of HPV being one of them.

While peeing immediately after intercourse may flush some pathogens out of your urethra, I can't really see it having much an effect on hiv. If hiv has already latched onto one of the types of cells present in the urethra that it is able to infect, peeing isn't going to dislodge it. The ONLY thing that has been proven to prevent hiv infection during intercourse is the use of condoms.

You need to get productively busy with other things while you wait for the appropriate time to test. Don't fall into the trap of micro-examining your body or otherwise looking for symptoms. All you'll do is cause yourself stress and anxiety and that in itself can make you feel sick.

Ann
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 07:50:07 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Neil007

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2011, 02:43:20 PM »
Thanks Ann!!

I did look at Health Services Directory. There are 3 places that I didnt know of. So Im hoping one will pan out. I can go back to the Department of health as well. I guess the waiting game begins. In your last response, you mentioned , "....If hiv has latched onto one of the types of cells present in the urethra...." Did you mean literally ONE or was that theoretical? Anyways, thanks for your help--Im glad I didnt get a bottle of tequila and curl up in a ball! Maybe I can get some sleep now
                             
                                                                      Neil
<3 is <3

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2011, 03:33:23 PM »
Ann has been her usual very thorough self with you. I will only add the ray of hope that HIV is a fragile virus and harder to transmit from female to male rather than the other way around. Those are significant factors that work in your favor.

Meantime while waiting to test just get busy with other things in your life. It will help the time to pass.

Good luck to you.
Andy Velez

Offline Neil007

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2011, 04:32:59 PM »
Thanks again
<3 is <3

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #7 on: April 18, 2011, 05:01:12 PM »
You're welcome.

Andy Velez

Offline Neil007

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  • Posts: 10
Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2011, 09:27:50 PM »
I am so curious... I want talk 'bout feeling ill..I guess Im a little scared, though. ?Yes symptons---and they mean nothin-- I just know how I feel. I wouldnt even prodcast it, but, i know how I feel...It seems that I cant talk to "y'all" without worrying that I'm antsy/prejudging/or phobic---I guess i need support--I actually kinda took a poke at people- readng the posts is "something".. guess I'm  just scared---she called me tonight...I realize this isnrt "datin r us" so i'm lost..
<3 is <3

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2011, 04:20:23 AM »
Neil,

You need to chill out. Whatever the results of your tests may be, you're going to be ok. Really.

Get off the internet and get busy with something fun or productive and the time will go much faster than you might imagine.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Neil007

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2011, 07:40:32 PM »
Have chilled out, put the booze away as well-----My At risk behavior involved it as well as my last post...In moving forward, I have found a perspective partner. She knows that my girlfriend(ex?) is poz. I would make sure that condoms were used--as would she, since she is a family member of my "girl" I don't think that what I have goin on with me is psychosomatic, but, who actually does? I have taken advice and remained busy--still have weeks to go, though. I'm wondering (because of the rash--like "goosepimples, only poppin  when I'm tired, then disappearing around my hairline and a small patch on my torso,  sneezing attacks and "hungover" feeling about 2x a day) If in the case that I'm diagnosed as "positive" I'd  obviously avoid putting someone else through what Im going through. I can't fathom that with condoms or not right now.  Maybe I want a "confessor" to tell me that condoms would make it ok even if I am/ gonna end up positive.  I do realize that that isnt your mission, of course!! I guess that's why i figured to post--dont wanna screw up a friendship with someone who knows whats goin on with me over a short event.. I know about condoms, like I mentioned, I also know how it felt to worry a bit even after having used them when I was between tests. I'm not trying to get myself warned, nor timed-out. Just wondering if "symptoms"--- And if in hindsight, they actually are, means that you have some sort of obligation or  responsiblity? Either way, after rereading this---"Im good" Not really in the mood anymore
« Last Edit: May 02, 2011, 08:28:40 PM by Neil007 »
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Offline Neil007

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2011, 07:42:54 PM »
I guess---I'm asking, given the timeframe is there a chance that I could be contagious/infectious  with HIV?
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Offline Ann

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2011, 06:16:36 AM »
Neil,

Re-read my first reply to you. I said you should be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

It doesn't matter if you are infectious or not. Condoms prevent hiv infection. Go back and re-read my first post to you!

By the way, the symptoms that sometimes accompany seroconversion do NOT come and go like you describe yours are doing.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Neil007

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2011, 01:23:55 PM »
I did re-read(even before sending my last post) I guess its harder than it seems to bide time. I do get the condom thing like I mentioned in my last post--that was my point. As far as my feelings of "symptoms" .............1. Didn't go into them all---youve heard it and it wont change anything.   2. I didnt mean to necessarily describe " coming and going", my point is that I'm aware when I am tired, not bothered all the time. No one sneezes all the time, but I have been rippin off 15 in row for the past week. Feeling a lil lethargic is subjective as well. . My rash/goosebumps does NOT bother me all the time, tho. It seems to only get get under my nerves--not literally--when I'm tired. It wasn't the specifics of symptoms i was complaining about----all subjective anyways. I guess I had never thought of the use of condoms(before I "knew" about my ex) as a moral obligation. I had an epiphany--albeit, convenient for me, due to the additional drama I allowed in my life.
<3 is <3

Offline Neil007

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2011, 05:14:48 PM »
Okay I took the test today---I believe Im a week early, will that matter? I  asked for the oraquick test. For some reason, I assume it was "oral" Anywho, blood was drawn for the hiv test(as well as for Hep c, chlamydia and gonorrhea). BUT, I have to come back tomorrow for the results. Tonight will be hell!!If it is poz--do they use the same blood for confirmatory or do I have another waiting period? What woud be next western bloc or Elisha? I guess I'm getting ahead of myself..
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Offline Ann

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2011, 08:17:26 PM »
Neil,

It depends on the clinic and also how much blood was drawn. Sometimes they will draw fresh blood and do another standard antibody test and if that also is positive, they will then do a WB. If they have enough blood from the first draw, they might do a WB before even notifying you of the result.

You need to chill and just wait for the result. If you have questions about what procedures they use, you'll have to ask them as they vary from place to place.


Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Neil007

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #16 on: May 20, 2011, 11:34:02 AM »
  :)!Today is a good day! neg results at 5 weeks 2 days! Feeling good forgot to ask for condoms at health board---I'll spring for 'em I guess!
<3 is <3

Offline Ann

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Re: I Have Questions upon Questions....
« Reply #17 on: May 20, 2011, 12:00:05 PM »
Neil,

Any negative result is a good one. You will still have to confirm your negative result at the three month point.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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