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Author Topic: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?  (Read 7649 times)

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Offline red_Dragon888

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Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« on: May 12, 2011, 12:24:46 AM »
I have a friend who is in a relationship that is coined Intergenerational relationships.  He is in his 50's while his new, and I mean two weeks since they met, lover is 23.  Both are HIV positive and they both seem to be in love, but I hesitate to mention to my friend that I feel that the relationship maybe doom.  I bite my tongue to say anything for I tend to see a future breakup with my friend or the young lover in pain from a broken heart. I also feel that if I give my fears to him, it could end our friendship.

They will not hear any objection from me, but could they really have a long term relationship?  I hope so.  Is there anyone who knows of such relationships that really lasted?  I know of one, but they ended up being in an open relationship since they are no longer in love.  In that case, the older was in his 70's while the younger in his 50's.  They live together, but not like when they first met.  The younger man has affairs, while the older guy, unable to sexually satisfied his younger partner, stays at home and does his own thing.  They led a sexless life but they seemed bound by years of being in a relationship. 

I have already did the numbers and unless my friend have super genes, he may be too old, if not already, for his lover in 10 to 20 years.  There I go being pessimistic.  I just want to know if they can really be happy and have a great life together. 

red_Dragon   
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Offline klouny

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2011, 12:33:50 AM »
I have always liked older gentlemen because of some of the qualities they posses.
( some ) are smart, they can hold a good conversation, and I'm a sucker for silver/pepper hair.
but there are a LOT of difficulties that come along with intergenerational relationships. I've been in a couple.
most of the times those guys chase younger guys and end up being sort of " sugar daddies" , so make sure you're friend isn't being used.
while other other young guys really do fancy the older men ( like myself ); but still the education difference for the most part can be killer ( depeding on both parties and how much education they recieved)
as well as it can be a bit tough when being in public, having them meet family or friends. you get looks

all in all, it's a LOT more difficult than when they are closer in age.
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2011, 12:49:41 AM »
I have friends who are a couple where one is about 50 now and the other is 32.  Okay, that isn't a huge difference in age.  But, it is a strange relationship.  The 32 year-old never had a father in his life, so he is looking for a daddy.  He plays video games all day and doesn't do anything around the house.  But, they seem to be happy and have sex like 3 times a day.  They've been together now for 15 years or so.  But, their relationship seems to be based entirely on sex--which isn't necessarily a bad thing.  It just seems like being able to have conversations and non-sexual activities would be nice, too.  But, I guess it works for them.  It just seems like a father/son relationship (but with sex) to those who know them.  It is a little creepy to see how they interact, but who am I to judge, right?  I'm sure there are May/December relationships that are very healthy.  Well, May/September using the ages you gave.

Offline bocker3

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2011, 07:53:58 AM »
Here's a thought.  Be happy for your friend.  It sounds like he has found someone that he enjoys being with.  Will it last?  Who knows?  That question could be asked of any relationship -- whether they are close in age or not. 
I don't quite understand why you are so concerned about this -- I get you are friends, but if one of my friends used my relationship as the basis for an online question on whether it could last, well, I might find myself with one less friend.
So -- be happy for him and let their relationship take whatever path it does.  If it doesn't last and his heart gets broken, oh well -- that is part of life and could just as easily happen with someone his own age.  You are the one actually acting like a parent here.

Mike
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Offline woodshere

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2011, 08:30:55 AM »
I mean two weeks since they met, lover is 23. 

meet + 2 weeks = lover???

So gay!!!!
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Ann

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2011, 08:40:23 AM »
I'm friends with such a couple. The older one is 53 and the younger one is 25. They've been together for five years and they're still very much in love. They faced a lot of hassle when they were first together - you know, all the typical accusations of the older man being a pedo, but it's just not the case. I think the controversy made them stronger as a couple. They're pretty much accepted now here in our small town.

I've always said that if the older man had begun a relationship with a young woman instead of a young man, people would have been jealous, rather than nasty about it.

The older man has expressed fears to me along the lines of he doesn't want his partner to have to take care of him when he is old and decrepit - his words, not mine - and sometimes wonders what will happen in the future. I tell him "you could get hit by a bus tomorrow, so stop worrying". The younger man doesn't seem to worry about these issues, but it may be that he just doesn't talk to me about it like his partner does.

For the record, the older man is very young for his age (like me ;D ) and clued up on current culture and events, while the younger man is very mature for his age. They seem to be a perfect fit to me - well, as perfect as any relationship can be. They face the same challenges any relationship faces, but they're very close and very strong together.

So yeah, spring/autumn relationships, or intergenerational relationships as you call them, can work.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline CaptCarl

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2011, 09:00:02 AM »
Yes they can and do work. Love isn't about age, it's about, well, love. My partner and I  just celebrated our 5th anniversary at the beginning of the month. There is a 17 year gap between us, but it doesn't matter to us. We are a good match, and compliment each others personalities very well.  Even when I was younger, I was totally disinterested in the younger crowd, and rarely had much to do with the under 40 crowd.  And it wasn't because I was looking for a sugar daddy either.

As far as ending up in an open relationship due to no longer being in love? What makes you think that it's because of their age?? I know quite a few couples who wound up in the same situation who are the same age.

Two weeks is a bit premature to consider this a serious relationship. It's easy to think it's the real deal that early on, but only time will tell. Relationships are a lot of hard work, especially one with a large age difference, having unsupportive friends does not help it along at all. In fact, if you continue to show no faith in them, you will likely be dropped as a friend due to your negativity towards their realtionship.

CaptCarl
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2011, 09:17:30 AM »
Christopher Isherwood and Don Bachardy had a big age difference and shared their lives together for decades. See the movie. CHRIS AND DON: A LOVE STORY. A friend of mine had much love and happiness for over a decade with a younger husband until he was killed in an accident.

As a young man, I was pretty consistently attracted to those who were often significantly older than I was. Among other things they knew a lot of things and were great to talk with. And the greatest love and friendship of my life was with someone 30 years older than myself. We used to laugh at the consternation our relationship seemed to cause and she would shrug and say, "Jealous." She's been gone a long while now, but oh it was great.  She was my love, my greatest teacher and still inspires and teaches me.

Nowadays I am on the other side of the equation and often enjoy those who are younger than I am. They keep on educating me and seem to enjoy what I have to offer as well.

T'aint no one's business except the two people who are involved together. Sure sometimes it doesn't work, but look at how often any combo doesn't work in a relationship. If ya have a chance for happiness together, grab it is what I say.

« Last Edit: May 12, 2011, 09:46:53 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline mecch

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #8 on: May 12, 2011, 10:23:39 AM »
.  I bite my tongue to say anything for I tend to see a future breakup with my friend or the young lover in pain from a broken heart. I also feel that if I give my fears to him, it could end our friendship.
Keep biting your tongue for quite awhile. It's only two weeks. Is there anything particularly worrying about the older guy except his age?

Maybe you will like your friend's new lover and be glad you met him. 

Worry about things going wrong when and if it happens.

In the meantime just enjoy both of them cause people are in great moods when they fall in love.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline WillyWump

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #9 on: May 12, 2011, 12:18:29 PM »
They can work.

I've dated younger and older, and have no problem with either. Love is Love.

But the the love of my life was 13 years younger than me, at the time he was 20, he moved in with me after 3 weeks. Thereafter we never slept apart for 4 years, not even one night. Some of his friends had issues at first, but soon got over it when they found out what a rockin guy I was  ;D I'd like to think we would still be together if not for my stupidity.

-Will
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Offline Dachshund

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #10 on: May 12, 2011, 12:30:48 PM »
Two weeks equals ten years in gay. Leave it alone before you lose a friend.

Offline Basquo

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #11 on: May 12, 2011, 01:18:13 PM »
Two weeks equals ten years in gay. Leave it alone before you lose a friend.

Well said!

Offline SunnyFlorida

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #12 on: May 12, 2011, 02:42:17 PM »
Two weeks equals ten years in gay. Leave it alone before you lose a friend.

Couldn't agree more. Age is just a number, it's who you are on the inside that's important.

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #13 on: May 13, 2011, 07:10:15 AM »
Thanks for the feed back.  Some I like and some not so much, which should have been expected, but I feel hopeful now.  Thanks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #14 on: May 13, 2011, 08:22:23 AM »
As with many other situations, take what is useful to you and leave the rest.

Andy Velez

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #15 on: May 13, 2011, 02:48:48 PM »
The best way to lose a friend is to criticize the person they are enamored with for whatever reason.  As long as the two are happy together leave it alone.  If it doesn't work out they'll find that out for themselves or if your friend comes to ask you for advice then you can give your opinion.

Offline carousel

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #16 on: May 13, 2011, 04:37:53 PM »
I've had friends lay into ex-boyfriends.

But who are they to criticise, considering some the cunts they've been out with.

Oh and intergenerational relationships do work, as long as the younger one doesn't like partying too much and the older one isn't a miserable old git.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2011, 04:39:30 PM by carousel »

Offline SunnyFlorida

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #17 on: May 13, 2011, 04:58:08 PM »
The best way to lose a friend is to criticize the person they are enamored with for whatever reason.  As long as the two are happy together leave it alone.  If it doesn't work out they'll find that out for themselves or if your friend comes to ask you for advice then you can give your opinion.

Yup... Agreed! Almost lost a best friend that way. I was stupid and said what was on my mind and judged their relationship because I didn't like the chick he was dating. Thankfully, we all worked it out and today I share a house with him.

Offline buginme2

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #18 on: May 13, 2011, 05:30:54 PM »
Intergenerational relationship???? Get the Fu** out.  How totally PC is that?  Lets call it what it is.  Sugar Daddy!

Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline hope_for_a_cure

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #19 on: May 13, 2011, 05:34:49 PM »
The best way to lose a friend is to criticize the person they are enamored with for whatever reason.  As long as the two are happy together leave it alone.  If it doesn't work out they'll find that out for themselves or if your friend comes to ask you for advice then you can give your opinion.

Well put and so true! 

Offline CaptCarl

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #20 on: May 13, 2011, 07:42:10 PM »
Intergenerational relationship???? Get the Fu** out.  How totally PC is that?  Lets call it what it is.  Sugar Daddy!

I would ask you to consider the words of a man far wiser than either you or myself:

 "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

It took an amazing amount of arrogance combined with ignorance for you to make a remark such as this. While there are many relationships that could be better defined as a business arrangement, they don't just happen in a relationship where there is a large age disparity. Usually it's the income disparity that factors into play here. You would be better served to put some actual thought into what you say before you say it, otherwise you will continue to do what you just did: Reveal yourself for the ignorant, narrow minded little boy you really are. With traits like those, I hope you are rich, because being a Sugar Daddy is likely the only way you will attract anyone willing to share a life with you. Good luck Kiddo....

CaptCarl
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline buginme2

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #21 on: May 13, 2011, 08:02:47 PM »
Lighten up.  Call it what you will.  Im sure it took great courage to make an annonymous internet posting. 

And yes I am rich as a matter of fact. And I have partner who is my own age.

So I repeat.  Get the F out.
Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline drewm

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #22 on: May 13, 2011, 08:18:07 PM »
Ouch...slap...smack...slurp...can't we all just get along????  ???
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

TRIUMEQ - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE - PRAVASTATIN - CIALIS


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline Ann

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #23 on: May 13, 2011, 08:42:33 PM »
Intergenerational relationship???? Get the Fu** out.  How totally PC is that?  Lets call it what it is.  Sugar Daddy!

I take offence at your comment too. The couple I referred to earlier in this thread are business partners - the younger man is learning the business from the ground up, just like the older man did when he was young. It's the best way to learn your trade/occupation and be successful in life. The younger man pays his own way 100%.

I've also been in two long-term relationships with men 12 and 16 years older than myself and I paid my way in both of those relationships. I have always been financially independent, even when I was married. I wanted it that way.

Maybe you just couldn't get a younger man without your money and you're just jealous that others don't have to be a Sugar Daddy in order to enjoy the company of a younger person. Sheesh. ::)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #24 on: May 13, 2011, 08:52:03 PM »
I've always seen intergenerational relationships as a grand old gay institution. If that's what floats yer boat, have at it.

Also, I have always had a thing for older men.

Lighten up.  Call it what you will.  Im sure it took great courage to make an annonymous internet posting. 

And yes I am rich as a matter of fact. And I have partner who is my own age.

So I repeat.  Get the F out.

Oh dry the fuck up. The thought of a nebbish such as yourself giving anyone a lecture in courage is laughable. To see you do it to one of Carl's stature is risible.

MtD

Offline klouny

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #25 on: May 13, 2011, 09:04:53 PM »
I've never like the term " sugar daddy" and even less to be called a " boy" . I am a grown young adult, I work and study for myself, to better myself. I don't need some guy's money to do that.

I don't see age as a real deal-breaker for relationships, unless you make it one.


Also, I have always had a thing for older men.


I second that, I love older men  ;)

~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline drewm

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #26 on: May 13, 2011, 09:33:33 PM »
My partner is 29 and I am 49 (I know Matty, Jesus wont like that  ::)) but there really aren't any issues. I like younger guys and he likes men so we are both blessed.

nebbish MtD's word of the day: n.
 A person regarded as weak-willed or timid.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2011, 09:36:11 PM by drewm »
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

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TRIUMEQ - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE - PRAVASTATIN - CIALIS


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline CaptCarl

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #27 on: May 13, 2011, 09:58:50 PM »
Lighten up.  Call it what you will.  Im sure it took great courage to make an annonymous internet posting. 

And yes I am rich as a matter of fact. And I have partner who is my own age.

So I repeat.  Get the F out.

I guess I need to point out the obvious to the dolt in the room. Considering that you don't use a screen name that doesn't give any indication as to who you are, you are pretty funny throwing around the word "anonymous" I actually use my real name, and pretty much everyone here, knows where I live. I am not nearly as anonymous as you are. Nor do I have reason to be. I don't really give a shit who knows what about me really. It's a liberating experience, you should try it sometime.

So you're rich. It's nice I suppose, but nothing I would want for myself that's for sure. I am generally underwhelmed by both weatlh, and the wealthy. They tend to be boorish and way too impressed with themselves.

Just because your partner is your own age doesn't mean that your relationship isn't all about the money.

So no, I will not get the fuck out just because you have ordered me to. You might be rich, but that does not mean that you are in any way superior to either myself, or anyone else here. You want to come on here acting like a pompous asshole, have at it. Just don't be surprised when you get bitch-smacked by both myself and others here.

So I will cordially invite you to go fuck yourself.

Pretentious old queen.

Have the Best Day.....

(Capt) Carl Willcox, Edgewood, New Mexico.
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline drewm

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #28 on: May 13, 2011, 10:50:52 PM »
I am with (Capt) Carl Willcox, Edgewood, New Mexico on this. Calling me my partners Sugar Daddy is an insult to what we have but then shallow folks would not understand it anyway. We both laugh when a cashier or other otherwise well meaning person will ask about my son.

Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

TRIUMEQ - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE - PRAVASTATIN - CIALIS


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #29 on: May 13, 2011, 11:05:27 PM »
One of my best friends is 48 and I've known him for 20 years.  He's always chased after young guys -- not younger, but like 18-20.  Now, that wasn't a big deal when he was 28 but things just never progressed over the years.

A dozen or so years ago a 20 year old got his tallons into my friend and I tried warning him no to date someone that was in his fifth stint with rehab but does anyone ever listen to the pearls of wisdom from Miss P?  Nooooooo.  So now my friend also has a drug habit, actually he's on his second one... heroin just wasn't good enough so after drying out with the trouble-maker boyfriend (along with a domestic incident involving a hot poker upside the head and a trip to the slammer) he's now on drug addiction #2 with Lady Tee.  Oh, did I mention he lost his house he's owned for 15 years due to foreclosure... guess those mortgage payments when to the dealer.

He now lives in his mother's basement in Delaware.

And no, this wasn't the first young partner he had over the years, just the worst one. The one before this one was in and out of prison for ferrying illegal steroids from Costa Rica, but he's not out of the picture because he's in a coffin.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline mecch

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #30 on: May 14, 2011, 05:42:26 AM »
Does everyone realise that gtfo - "get the fuck out" - also is used as a way to express surprise and disbelief.   
Clearly that was the use here, not telling someone to fuck off, or leave.
Bug just has a cynical view on things and thinks spring-autumn is often a sugar daddy situation.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #31 on: May 14, 2011, 07:41:53 AM »
Does everyone realise that gtfo - "get the fuck out" - also is used as a way to express surprise and disbelief.  
Clearly that was the use here, not telling someone to fuck off, or leave.
Bug just has a cynical view on things and thinks spring-autumn is often a sugar daddy situation.

I could be wrong but I am almost certain the "gtfo" part is not what others are taking exception to.

  As for my own experience, when I was 19 I had a sexual relationship with a 43 year old woman by the name of Mary.  My fellow addict roommate Johnny, who I just happened to grow up with, had one with her as well.   All three of us were probated to this 3/4 way house on South Beach.  It worked out fine and no money was ever exchanged.  

  She had a really strange way of displaying her orgasms that to this day I never laid witness to with no other.   Johnny and I still share fond memories of her by phone.  I wonder what happened to Ole Mary, she'd be 66 now.  

  *Note to phil... you can see Johnny as the one listed as my brother on FB.  You have my full permission to ask him if the above is true or not. lol




    
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline CaptCarl

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #32 on: May 14, 2011, 08:06:07 AM »
We both laugh when a cashier or other otherwise well meaning person will ask about my son.

Norm used to be bothered when this would happen to us. Drove him out of his mind. He'd totally lose when I would answer the question by saying: "Sometimes"

CaptCarl
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Offline Ann

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #33 on: May 14, 2011, 10:50:00 AM »
Even though many of us took offence at what buginme had to say about spring/autumn relationships, it's no excuse for the name calling. You all know that isn't allowed here, so cool your jets. You can get your point across without the name calling.

Carl, Matty, please take heed of this warning - and everyone else as well. Thank you all for your cooperation.

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Offline drewm

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #34 on: May 14, 2011, 10:56:11 AM »
Ann, always the voice of reason, many times compassion and understanding! She handles the kindergarten quite well.

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Online Jeff G

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #35 on: May 14, 2011, 10:58:22 AM »
 As for my own experience, when I was 19 I had a sexual relationship with a 43 year old woman by the name of Mary.  



    

Mary ? ... Well thats a boys name  ;)

Offline Solo_LTSurvivor

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #36 on: May 14, 2011, 12:18:47 PM »
Mary ? ... Well thats a boys name  ;)

I thought those were queens   ;)
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Fun stuff (in the past):  HAV/HBV, crypto, shingles, AIDS, PCP

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Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #37 on: May 14, 2011, 03:57:49 PM »
Again, thanks for the added feedback.  I am surprise of the aggression that some express, shocked really, but everyone has an opinion.  The term "Sugar Daddy" is a term I don't like either, and the relationship is not like that, so let me make that clear.  It is love actually.  "What life brought together, let no-one dare get in the way." 

And as for the "endangering" the friendship, it is safe and sound.  I would not have post this if I thought it would cause trouble.
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Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Do Intergenerational relationships really work?
« Reply #38 on: May 14, 2011, 05:13:39 PM »
Mary ? ... Well thats a boys name  ;)

Mind you, Mary was a little rough looking, but she was definitely all female...

You must mean Sue.

 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

 


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