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Author Topic: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?  (Read 3548 times)

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Offline uk2011

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Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« on: May 08, 2011, 05:58:35 AM »
Hey guys,
I think I'm probably panicking over not very much, but here goes. About a week ago, me and a guy I've known online for quite a while got together. I'm 19 and Bi, he's 17 and gay. We both performed oral sex on each other, unprotected but without ejaculation EDIT: but I did sense a small amount of precum in my mouth, and then I was the bottom in protected anal sex, in which the condom did not break. Before we had sex, he rimmed me and we also spooned together and he rubbed his penis against me. Orally, I believe I am healthy since a family member is a dentist. I'm not a promiscuous guy, I have only ever done anything with guys on three other occasions over the past two years and I have NEVER had unprotected anal. The first occasion was unprotected oral and the next two occasions were in the same relationship, and consisted of unprotected oral and protected anal. Neither of these two people had had anal sex before either.
Four/Five days later, I suddenly started coming down with a bit of a sore throat and some of my throat glands have come up. I then made the foolish mistake of Googling stuff related to oral sex, protected anal sex.
However, I am a student and this is the start of the uni term, so I would imagine that there are quite a few bugs flying around atm. The part of the UK I am in is also about 1/15 to 1/20 HIV+ and only 2.6% of living with HIV in the UK are under 19.
So essentially, my question is, have I put myself at risk? Or am I just feeling guilty and suffering a cold/causing my own symptoms?
Also, a side question somewhat. I have read your other posts regarding Oral Sex, and please don't see this as me challenging any views, but do you know why the NHS and other such organisations still classify oral sex as a risk?
« Last Edit: May 08, 2011, 06:06:58 AM by uk2011 »

Offline Ann

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2011, 07:11:59 AM »
uk,

Yes, you are overreacting. Nothing you did put you at risk for hiv infection.

Getting a blowjob is not a risk. Giving a blowjob is really only a theoretical risk - like going outside and getting hit by a meteorite.

Rimming or being rimmed are not risks.

Protected intercourse is just that - protected. There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Here's what you need to know in order to remain hiv negative:


You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS SPECIFIC EXPERIENCE, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline uk2011

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2011, 07:20:13 AM »
Thank you Ann, you've made me feel a lot happier :)
I am going to get tested anyway, as you said, everyone should as a matter of routine.
Thanks for your help

Offline Ann

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2011, 07:50:18 AM »
UK,

You're welcome.

As I said above, don't forget to always get checked for all the other, more easily transmitted infections as well when you get your routine check ups. Just tell the GUM clinic that you want the full panel of STI tests, including hiv. They'll know what to do.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline uk2011

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2011, 06:47:23 PM »
Hey guys, sorry to drag up this thread again.
Whilst I know that I'm nowhere near a testing window yet, I am a bit of a worrier, and I am meant to be revising for exams at the moment, but I am finding concentrating really difficult with this at the back of my mind.

I know the arguments against anecdotal patient evidence regarding hiv transmission statistics, but I was wondering, from your experience on here, where you have people who posted in Am I infected? with their only risk factor being Oral, do they ever return with a positive result?

Also, where hiv rates among msm rise to 20% in major cities like San Francisco, why is this? Are we assuming that 20% of msm in San Francisco fail to utilise protection?

I'm sorry, but I'm inquisitive by nature, it's part of my degree lol. Please don't think I'm trying to challenge your views, I am genuinely interested. If you think these questions are just a waste of time, like you've seen it all before, feel free to delete them. Sorry for wasting your time :(

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2011, 07:23:27 PM »
No. Why? Because HIV is not transmitted by oral sex.

Offline Ann

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2011, 06:25:36 AM »
UK,

Yes, unfortunately hiv rates are due to people not using condoms. Sometimes people use them all the time, but slip up just once or twice - and sometimes that's all it takes. People also foolishly believe that asking a person about their sexual health will protect them, but often times people do not accurately know their hiv status and sometimes people lie.

At the end of the day, it does not matter what the hiv rates are in any given area. As long as you use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline uk2011

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2011, 10:15:42 AM »
Cool, thanks guys for clearing that up. I just suppose because I've been bought up in an environment where you are correctly taught to use a condom all the time, I just find it weird that people don't.
Thanks guys, keep up the good work, you are doing a really important job here. It is so much better for a young guy like me hearing about it from people who actually know, not just the chinese whispers of the internet.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #8 on: May 17, 2011, 10:34:22 AM »
UK,

Not all places teach sex education, so consider yourself lucky they do where you live. In the US, for example, the Southern states - aka the "Bible Belt" - have some of the highest rates of new hiv infections and this is pretty much a result of their refusal to teach anything other than "Abstinence Only" in place of proper sex education.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline uk2011

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2011, 02:34:49 PM »
I'm really sorry guys, I know you get bored with worriers coming back.

It's just for the past couple of weeks, I seem to have had a fairly persistent cold with a gland up in the right side of my neck. Today I have a lump at the back of my head just where the skull ends, I'm assuming that's a lymph node. Could this be caused by stress? I have university exams at the moment, so I am under a fair amount of stress.
I know you have said my risk is really low, but I just can't stop worrying, sorry  :(

Just tell me one more time that I'm being paranoid please.

Thanks in advance and sorry for being a pain again. You can hit me if you want.  ;)

EDIT: Ok, this is not cool. I just threw up as well. I'm hoping this is nerves...
« Last Edit: May 23, 2011, 03:01:19 PM by uk2011 »

Offline Ann

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #10 on: May 23, 2011, 03:08:47 PM »
UK,

We never said low risk, we said NO risk.

If you feel unwell, see a doctor. Find out what's really going on instead of assuming it has to be something you have not been at risk for.

Ann
« Last Edit: June 12, 2011, 08:49:35 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline uk2011

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #11 on: May 27, 2011, 01:30:12 PM »
Just thought I'd give you guys an update:
I saw a doctor at our Student's Health Service, they were excellent. I described my symptoms and my concerns and she examined my lymph nodes and spleen (for glandular fever). She took a throat swab, did a chlamydia test and the next day I had blood drawn for full blood count, glandular fever check and HIV check. They took about 6 vials of blood! One of my neck lymph nodes was swollen, and I had a slight fever 37.8C, but she said that these weren't any necessary indicator of sero conversion, and she said that I shouldn't really worry about it. She said that I was a low risk, but still possible. I'm still slightly concerned by the fact that I have a slight sore throat, post nasal drip, lymph node and the fact that with all these symptoms I don't seem to be having any nasal fluids. I have had vomiting and diarrhea, albeit infrequently, which I have put down to exam stress more than anything.
Funnily enough though, I felt a lot better just having seen her, but I don't know whether I was just getting better anyway.
Anyway, bloodwork should be coming back next week. This is quite a bit earlier than the six week mark which is standard for testing isn't it? She said I would need to test again at three months anyway. I did wonder whether she mainly is doing the test to put my mind at ease.
To be fair to our Student's Health Service, for once they seem to be a bunch of docs who actually know what they are doing. The Dr had also advised me to get a Hep B jab for being an 'at risk' group, and within a day the centre was ringing me up encouraging me to get it done, without any input from me. I thought that was very impressive.
Sorry, excuse my ramblings. I'm still feeling quite nervous about this, mainly due to the fact that I have this slightly weird throat with a persistent lymph node, but I don't seem to have any reason to actually be worried. Why did I read symptoms of sero-conversion on the internet, that was such a bad idea :S

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #12 on: May 27, 2011, 01:37:29 PM »
■Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out, which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline Ann

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #13 on: May 28, 2011, 06:16:56 AM »
UK,

While I'll agree that it is impressive that they want you to be vaccinated for hep B - a good idea - what's not so impressive is the doctor's opinion that you had "a low risk, but still possible". Mate, it wasn't low risk, it was NO risk.

You can fret over this all you like, but the fact remains that nothing you did put you at risk for hiv infection.

Please take heed of Rodney's warning.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline uk2011

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #14 on: June 12, 2011, 08:36:47 AM »
Hey guys, I'm heading back to the doctors on Monday. Very slight sniffles, sticky throat and occasionally sore. Main problem of course is still lymph nodes. The main one in the right neck, (jugular?), is still up since seeing the doctor over two weeks ago, and it was already up then. A slightly smaller one is up high under the top of my jaw on my left hand side. I have been trying not to prod them, the most they ever get is a gentle stroke. I don't think there are any others up over the body, can't feel anything in armpits, and the only thing I seem to be able to feel in the groin are more like strips of muscle.
Results of all tests done by the doctor at 4 weeks came out as negative for HIV and Glandular Fever, and full blood count came out as normal. Whatever this is, it's weird and the timing of it is what is making me jittery. Do many people come here worried about persistent lymph nodes over no risk situations?

Offline Ann

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #15 on: June 12, 2011, 08:52:09 AM »
uk,

Yes, people here worry all the time about their lymph nodes when they have not had a risk for hiv infection. It gets tedious, quite frankly.

If you continue to feel unwell, see your GP. Whatever is going on has nothing to do with hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline uk2011

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #16 on: June 22, 2011, 02:32:17 PM »
Hey guys,
My doctor rang through to me today that my six week result was negative, you guys were right (of course!)  ;)
Now it seems obvious that I was being so irrational. My Doctor reckons that I have a reactive lymph node, but because it's been up for so long now she's sending me off for ultrasound to check that there's nothing more serious going on.
So, to anyone in the future who reads this, as the wonderful staff here tell you, symptoms mean jack all. Always ask a doctor as well, because it could even be something nastier.
Thanks guys
UK Out!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #17 on: June 22, 2011, 06:28:44 PM »
Ok. And now how about getting on with your life and always remembering to use condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse.

Period.
Andy Velez

Offline uk2011

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #18 on: August 02, 2011, 05:39:28 PM »
Hey guys,
I'm just verifying some thoughts going on in my head. Basically, I went off for ultrasound on the lymph node and nothing was found, except two were found to be up, rather than one. They have now been up between 2-3 months, which runs in parallel with when I had my sexual encounter at exactly 3 months. It's possible however, that they were up before that encounter, but I never checked them. The doctor now wants to send me off for needle biopsy on the main one. My HIV test at 6 1/2 weeks was negative.
Now, I understand that I haven't had a conceivable risk, but ARS symptoms would never make it to past the 12 week mark right? They're only up to 6 weeks.
I'm just looking for peace of mind, as I go to get a three month test and a needle biopsy done.

Also, I'm part of a forum for support for gay teens. I noticed how poor their knowledge of HIV was, so with the help of the resources you've provided on the website, I compiled an education article for them, with your website referenced. It has now been 'stickied' in the forum and is a very popular article. I realised many of the kids were from bible belt america, and thus their sex ed levels weren't exactly adequate. A couple of them started asking me questions, but I've directed them to this forum, as you guys are the experts, not me ;) Just thought you'd like to know that your messages are important, and hopefully as a result a lot of our teens will not be so vulnerable.

Thanks team  :)

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Have I been risky, or am I just overreacting?
« Reply #19 on: August 03, 2011, 04:58:34 PM »
Hey guys,
I'm just verifying some thoughts going on in my head. Basically, I went off for ultrasound on the lymph node and nothing was found, except two were found to be up, rather than one. They have now been up between 2-3 months, which runs in parallel with when I had my sexual encounter at exactly 3 months. It's possible however, that they were up before that encounter, but I never checked them. The doctor now wants to send me off for needle biopsy on the main one. My HIV test at 6 1/2 weeks was negative.
Now, I understand that I haven't had a conceivable risk, but ARS symptoms would never make it to past the 12 week mark right? They're only up to 6 weeks.
I'm just looking for peace of mind, as I go to get a three month test and a needle biopsy done.

Also, I'm part of a forum for support for gay teens. I noticed how poor their knowledge of HIV was, so with the help of the resources you've provided on the website, I compiled an education article for them, with your website referenced. It has now been 'stickied' in the forum and is a very popular article. I realised many of the kids were from bible belt america, and thus their sex ed levels weren't exactly adequate. A couple of them started asking me questions, but I've directed them to this forum, as you guys are the experts, not me ;) Just thought you'd like to know that your messages are important, and hopefully as a result a lot of our teens will not be so vulnerable.

Thanks team  :)

You had a non-risk. Period. And clearly you are still hanging around in what if and worries territory. We're not going to indlulge you in that. You can test all you like for peace of mind. Negative results are a slam dunk.

I say this despite you good will efforts to disseminate HIV information to others.

I'm going to give you that Time Out for 28 days which you have been warned about. Stay off the web for a while as far as HIV is concerned. Don't make the mistake of trying to get around the TO by creating a new name. We'll spot that right off and it will get you banned totally from this site.

HIV is not your problem. Get on with your life.
Andy Velez

 


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