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Author Topic: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness  (Read 1836 times)

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Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,028
Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« on: May 07, 2011, 12:12:47 PM »
This probably belongs in the LTS forum but I didn't want to exclude anyone who wanted to post.  I had a great evening and had some informative conversations with some long lost friends.  Thanks to FB, everyone knew what my intentions were last night.  I had that little devil sitting on my shoulder and he only had to whisper.  I went to our local "watering hole" and kept receiving texts from friends who were also out and about.  They sent a cab and I was ordered to join them in the next town.  

As I adjust to my openness and willingness to be free within myself, I'm finding support in places that I never thought existed.  We're from an extremely small town and the discussion turned to the number of people we've lost to this disease.  It's only natural that people gravitate towards those with similarities and I lost many close friends.  Alcohol leads to introspection and I was suddenly in the mid 80's again.  I vividly remember the discussion I had with the counselor indicating that I could probably live to be 30 or possibly 40.  How freaking grim is that?  

I don't know why I'm the only one of my "group" that's still around but I am determined now, more than ever, to make the most of this life.  It was liberating to discover that I was the only one in denial about my illness and that most people already know.  (or presume)  I don't intend to walk around with that scarlet "A" on my forehead but I'm also freeing myself of the self-imposed shame.  It was one of the greatest evenings I've had in a long time.
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,017
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2011, 12:19:42 PM »
Nice post.

 

  Alcohol leads to introspection and I was suddenly in the mid 80's again.  

"I'll have what he's having"

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%
8/9/12, CD4 not taken, UD.
2/13/12, CD4- 904, UD 42%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,028
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2011, 12:25:29 PM »
Nice post.

"I'll have what he's having"

-Will

It definitely wasn't white zin.  I'd probably get my ass kicked if I tried to order that.  I'm becoming a beer man now.  (not by choice)
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

Offline denb45

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2011, 12:28:38 PM »
It definitely wasn't white zin.  I'd probably get my ass kicked if I tried to order that.  I'm becoming a beer man now.  (not by choice)

Let's have a couple of bottles of Flat-Tire or some Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, even a good Draft will do  ;D
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,017
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2011, 12:33:07 PM »
I was suddenly in the mid 80's again.  

I think this is a product of Absinthe (the real stuff).

POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%
8/9/12, CD4 not taken, UD.
2/13/12, CD4- 904, UD 42%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,028
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2011, 12:50:40 PM »
Talk about knocking the happy out of someone.  My mum just informed me that I needed to start getting ready.  I of course had no idea what she is talking about.  I guess sometime in the recent past I agreed to go a KY Derby party with her.  I'll post pictures later because they're having a contest for best hats.  I think she's using my brain impairment against me because I'd never agree to such a thing in my right mind.  The conversation probably never happened!
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,948
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2011, 01:12:06 PM »
Enjoy the KY Derby Party Wolf ---

I'm off in a bit to the casino to join my mother --- hopefully, I will leave with more than the $40 I plan to take with me to spend.

Thanks for your post also!
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,028
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2011, 01:26:09 PM »
Oh hell no.  We're getting ready to leave and you should see the hat she made for me.  I kinda thought she's been up to something lately.  It'll definitely take a 2nd day of cocktails to wear that thing.
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

Offline drewm

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,002
  • Mmmmmm Hmmmmmm!
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2011, 03:07:55 PM »
 :-*

I wanna see the hat  ;)
MAY 2010
VL>500,000 CD4>8

JUNE 2010 STARTED ATRIPLA

DEC 2010
VL>30 CD4>323

Atripla. Valtrex, Trilipix, Fluoxotine

Online BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,619
  • Diagnosed + 1989
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #9 on: May 07, 2011, 06:51:39 PM »
I was 24 when I tested poz, was told by the doctor I wouldn't live past 26, to make a will, and make sure there was someone to take care of my daughter, who was 5 at the time.  Wow, that was a long time ago (I'm 45 now).  Now I have 3 grandkids. ;D
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,110
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2011, 11:21:19 AM »
Let's have a couple of bottles of Flat-Tire or some Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, even a good Draft will do  ;D
Is there a beer named Flat Tire?  I know of Fat Tire but hadn't heard of Flat Tire.

Offline CaptCarl

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,114
  • Located in the Palinsville subdivision, JesusLand
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2011, 11:56:42 AM »
I was suddenly in the mid 80's again.  I vividly remember the discussion I had with the counselor indicating that I could probably live to be 30 or possibly 40.  How freaking grim is that? 

Wolfman-
I remember having a similar conversation with my diagnosing doctor in '89. He said that there was the remote possibility that I might live for 10 more years, but that 18-24 months was more likely. You're right, it was pretty freakin grim.
I am glad that you were able to go out and enjoy yourself with your friends. The introspection and subsequent enlightenment are added bonuses. It is surprising how much other people see, when we are thinking that we have cleverly hidden our "stuff" from sight. Hopefully, this experience will have a direct and lasting effect on your life from here on out. Thanks for sharing.

Is there a beer named Flat Tire?  I know of Fat Tire but hadn't heard of Flat Tire.

It's a New Mexico thing really, what with the goatheads and all, flat tires are the bane of the cyclists existence..
« Last Edit: May 10, 2011, 12:21:18 PM by CaptCarl »
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline denb45

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2011, 12:14:21 PM »
Is there a beer named Flat Tire?  I know of Fat Tire but hadn't heard of Flat Tire.

It a Amber Ale BEER, that you can buy just about anywhere, might even be a New Mexico thing as well, not sure about that one,  some imported Beer's have some funny names  :D
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,180
  • 30 Years Poz
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #13 on: May 10, 2011, 04:48:18 PM »
This probably belongs in the LTS forum but I didn't want to exclude anyone who wanted to post.  I had a great evening and had some informative conversations with some long lost friends.  Thanks to FB, everyone knew what my intentions were last night.  I had that little devil sitting on my shoulder and he only had to whisper.  I went to our local "watering hole" and kept receiving texts from friends who were also out and about.  They sent a cab and I was ordered to join them in the next town.  

As I adjust to my openness and willingness to be free within myself, I'm finding support in places that I never thought existed.  We're from an extremely small town and the discussion turned to the number of people we've lost to this disease.  It's only natural that people gravitate towards those with similarities and I lost many close friends.  Alcohol leads to introspection and I was suddenly in the mid 80's again.  I vividly remember the discussion I had with the counselor indicating that I could probably live to be 30 or possibly 40.  How freaking grim is that?  

I don't know why I'm the only one of my "group" that's still around but I am determined now, more than ever, to make the most of this life.  It was liberating to discover that I was the only one in denial about my illness and that most people already know.  (or presume)  I don't intend to walk around with that scarlet "A" on my forehead but I'm also freeing myself of the self-imposed shame.  It was one of the greatest evenings I've had in a long time.

There is nothing grim about introspection that allows you to see your own reality. The fact that you recognize you are freeing yourself of your self-imposed shame, is incredibly important and self-affirming. The road we travel with HIV, is essentially ours alone and all that really matters, is that you feel good about you. My guess is you are making the transition to where you will begin to thrive, in spite of HIV and that will change not only how you see the world, but how you view yourself. I hope you enjoy the feeling of being able to control aspects of your life, by controlling your own self view. Perception matters and how you see yourself, can often color how you believe you are seen by others.
Life is what happens, when you are busy making other plans.

Though you may be only one person in the entire world, to one person, you may be the entire world.

I wish to become half the man, that my dog thinks I am.

Remember me with simple acts of kindness and I will live forever.

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: Getting older w/ HIV, thank goodness
« Reply #14 on: May 10, 2011, 08:09:32 PM »
What an important thread. "Self imposed shame" now there is something I'm sure most of us Lts-ers can relate to. I sure can. I fight it every day it seems. And when it gets me down, I seem to have the ability to shrug it off. Sometimes I feel like the stock market itself. up and down, up and down.
As long as we come up, that's the main thing!
Positive since 1985

 


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