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Author Topic: i put myself at risk  (Read 9928 times)

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Offline bobsmith1793

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i put myself at risk
« on: May 06, 2011, 08:53:49 AM »
 I have put myself at risk and I just need to get it all out, and I have no one else to talk to. I am not looking for spmathy or even advice. I just need to get this all out and hope the process will somehow sort my head out abit

Anyway enough of the melodrama, I am a gay male, mid 30's who has been in a happy monogamous relationship for almost 5 years, we are very happy, live together.  The only major problem I have with our relationship is a lack a decent sex life.  once every 2 months if i am lucky and even then it is always me making him cum, and then having a wank to sort myself out.  Anyway I have tried talking to him about this but he says i am just putting him under pressure.  Last month this was really getting to me really bad.   Anyway, I went home to see my parents for a few days last month and one night I got very very drunk.  I then went into town and went to a very sleazy club.  I went into the dark room and sucked a few dicks and someone sucked mine.  then someone stuck poppers up my nose, my jeans were pulled down, my arse covered in lube, and i got fucked. In the state I was in I didn't push him away imediately, but I did after 3 or 4 strokes.  He deffinately didn't cum. there wan no condom. I also did my best to check that I wasnt bleeding, and as far as I could tell I wasn't. 

Since then I have been very stressed, obviosly.  For once I am glad that my boyfriend has no sex drive, and I will obviosly have no sexual contact with him unless i find out I am 100% clear of everything.  It has been 2 weeks since this happened, and today I booked up to get a 28 day HIV test  (obviosly i have booked it for 2 weeks time).  I have been constantly thinking and stressing about if I am now HIV + and the implecations of this.  If I do find out I am +'ve because of this, I will tell my bf imediately, I will have to move out, I have no friends who I could move in with or tell, so i guess i will have to move to a hotel or something.....sorry these are the types of fears thoughts that have been keeping me awake at night.  I have been looking potentail early symptoms, just to make things more confusing my BF currently has many of these symptoms as he has a cold which is doing the rounds at the moment so I don't know if i get any of these symptoms wether they are me catching his cold or HIV.  I know that I could have both and the symptoms for the cold could cover up the HIV symptoms.  Any way at the moment;

fever- Definitely not
aches in the joints and muscles - Definitely not
fatigue- Definitely not
nausea- no
diarrhoea - no
headache - yes I have a slight headache at the moment although I think that could be down to the stress
sore throat -I have a dryness at the back of my throat, not really painful though
swollen glands, often in the groin. -This is really making me panic, i had not thought about swollan glands befor but i now notice a constant vey mild ache in that area.  although I remeber i had something like this before i put myself at risk

Also for the last 2 days I have had a runny nose, which i guess means I coould be getting this cold, which may bring on more misleading symptoms.

As I mentioned I will be getting a HIV test at a privite clinic  I will aslo get a full check out for other STIs at a GUM clinic.  I cant go to my local clinic as my bf is a nurse who is very good friends with all the staff there, and I don't want to take the risk.  so I will try to find one further a field that has a walk in center.

while my mind is constantly thinking about weather I have HIV and the implications of this, i am also trying to carry on as normal, such as buying birthday a birthday present for my boyfiriend, even though there is a good chance by the time his birthday comes at the end of the month, he will have thrown me out.

maybe I should just confess now, i don't know. i didn't sleep at all last night and everytime he went to hold me i flinched and freaked out.  not sure i can cope with another 13 days of this till test day.

Sorry for the rant. 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2011, 09:22:55 AM »
Hi Bob,

No problem about the "rant." Glad you have found us to be able to discuss this.

You need to know that neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms will ever tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Only an HIV test taken at the proper time can give you that answer. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so with 4-6 weeks after a risk. For a final and conclusive negative result you need to test at 3 months after the risk.

As far as your incident, yes, it was definitely a risk because of the unprotected anal. You don't have to worry about the oral. Your saliva contains over a dozen elements and proteins which effectively prevent HIV transmission. And receiving oral is not a risk. And as far as the anal sex, it was a single incident and apparently without ejaculation. Those factors will work in your favor against transmission having occured.

So you have some waiting time to get through. If you test negative at 6 weeks the likelihood is that you will continue to test negative at 3 months or 12-13 weeks.

As for telling your partner about this incident, I would hold off for the moment. Don't act impulsively out of guilt. You did what you did. You're just a mere mortal like the rest of us. The sexual problem you mention in your relationship  is something you may want to discuss further and perhaps even enlist some professional help together to deal with it.

Meantime you need to work at focusing on other matters in your lfie, which I know you may say is impossible. But it is possible and it will make the waiting time pass more quickly than you may imagine is possible. I am hopeful that you will test negative.

Keep us posted.

Cheers.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2011, 09:30:18 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2011, 03:11:17 PM »
Thanks for your reply.  it has helped alot just to know there is some one who wants to know how i get on.

You say that "neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms will ever tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Only an HIV test taken at the proper time can give you that answer"   I know this is true but it doesn't make it any better when i feel each of the symptoms start one by one.  this afternoon i noticed the glands under my jaw feel inflamed, my throat is now saw and I am getting hot flushes which i feel may develop into a fever. 

I know i may be paranoid, but I also know it is highly likely I have HIV and to be honest I think I have lost all hope that it is anything else  (the cold my bf had definitely didn't involve swollen glands). 

I may have to tell my bf now.  maybe its a guilt thing but I don't think i can keep this bottled up. 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2011, 03:34:37 PM »
Thanks for your reply.  it has helped alot just to know there is some one who wants to know how i get on.

You say that "neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms will ever tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Only an HIV test taken at the proper time can give you that answer"   I know this is true but it doesn't make it any better when i feel each of the symptoms start one by one.  this afternoon i noticed the glands under my jaw feel inflamed, my throat is now saw and I am getting hot flushes which i feel may develop into a fever. 

I know i may be paranoid, but I also know it is highly likely I have HIV and to be honest I think I have lost all hope that it is anything else  (the cold my bf had definitely didn't involve swollen glands). 

I may have to tell my bf now.  maybe its a guilt thing but I don't think i can keep this bottled up. 

OK, a few things.

Keep your hands off of your lymph nodes. Swollen nodes happen for all sorts reason. If you squeeze and bother them you can create a much bigger problem. Unfortunately now you are (mis)interpreting everything that happens to you through an HIV jitters mindset.

As for disclosing to your bf, that's your decision to make. Personally I always prefer to deal with difficult and serious issues early in the day to have some time to talk and digest whatever it is about. Good luck with that.

Keep us posted.

Andy Velez

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2011, 04:19:31 PM »
ok, a combination of your message and the fact that he got a phone call means i didn't tell him.  we are now going out for a few beers with an old friend of his. i'm hoping i can calm down a bit.


thanks again so much

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2011, 05:04:02 PM »
Good. Calming down sounds like a good idea.

I know it may just sound like I am tossing off some old cliche, but Bob, things are going to work out. Really.

Keep us posted. Best to you.
Andy Velez

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2011, 06:21:18 PM »
okay, back from a couple of beers and feeling not quite so stressed.  still panicing, but not in a stressed way.  I have just read the thread from someone who thought he had every symptiom going, and turned out to be neg.  I hope i'll be the same and if i'm not then, i'll deal with it, somehow. 

one problem i have is planning my day to day life after the results; things like;
- I got a call from one of my BF's work mates asking if i wanted to go to a gig with her next month, I said no because i thought by then neither he, nor any of his (our) friends will want to speak to me by then.

- I wanted to get my bf a weekend break for his birthday, but that would involve booking flights in both our names, and if  he doesn't want to know me by then...

as I wright this down i realize how stupid i am being.


thanks again for putting up with these post of mine and for asking me to let you know what happens.

As for keeping busy, my bf will have no idea why i will be so keen to get on with the decorating this weekend.
« Last Edit: May 08, 2011, 04:20:47 PM by bobsmith1793 »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #7 on: May 06, 2011, 08:49:57 PM »
Go ahead and book those plans. You can have time later to wreck everything. And just think how dumb you'll feel if you are negative and forced to go on living your same life.

You'll deal with problems if and when they arise. Meantime say "yes" and get on with it. No kidding.
Andy Velez

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2011, 06:14:56 PM »
hi thanks again for the good advice. I will do my best to try and plan for life as normal following the results. anyway I forgot to mention that I have booked in to get a SDI test at a gum clininc next week.  Too soon for a HIV test, but should test for anything else. Apart from anything else I think haveing that linned up for next week will some how stop me obsessing about hiv, a bit of distraction. 

Today I have been allot less panicky, I realize that the occupational hot flush doesn't mean I have a fever. i am trying to keep as busy as possible, to stop obsessing.  after working in the garden all day I took a break for half an hour and started thinking about what it would do to my bf if/when I told him.  I know that kind of obsessing won't help, so i got back to distracting myself. it worked.


Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2011, 02:40:10 PM »
Hi,

Well today has mostly been ok with my panicking limited to small doses.  I am deffinately haveing 'hot flushes' but from what I have read this is not the same as the fever symptom, I had a bit of a panic when I was in the bath and noticed a dozen or so red spots on my leg (very localized,  on my outer thigh)  a quick panic thinking is this the rash, but from what I understand it is not where you would normally get the rash, and to be honest I have had spots on my legs in the past.

i do have a mild sore throat, which is worrying, but I am also sniffling, which suggests that I have my bf's cold.  I had another mild panic when he told me that his cold involved allot of chest congestion when I have no problems with my chest.

Before you tell me, yes I know symptons or lack of them mean nothing, and over analysing will do more harm than good, but I can't help but notice any potential symptom and finding out that they don't quite match up with Seroconversion is actully helping, as is having somewhere like this to make a note of these things.

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #10 on: May 09, 2011, 02:19:40 AM »
morning,
just a quick note.  I have been thinking that these hot flushes have been panic attacks. they come on when i think i find another symptom, i then think i have a fever so the panic attack gets worse so the hot flush continues.  It is usually accompanied with shaking and my heart beating out of control.


Offline Ann

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #11 on: May 09, 2011, 02:34:12 AM »
Bob,

Hot flushes can indeed be caused by panic. Do yourself a favour and chill out. Stop micro-examining your body and get busy with other things while you wait for the appropriate time to test.

At the rate you're going, you're going to have every stress-related symptom in the book before this is over. What you have NOT had so far are symptoms of ARS. So CHILL!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2011, 02:47:06 PM »
ok, i am chilled.  Went to get general std check up at a GUM clinic today. it's been 21 days so too soon for hiv test, but they took one anyway.  in some ways it helped me calm down especially as the dr had a quick feel of my throat & groin glands and said neither felt enlarged.  it could be 2 weeks before I get a text message back telling me my results. not had any paranoid panic attack today. just a bit worried my bf will notice the mark on my arm left by the plaster the nurse put on after taking the blood test. 

anyway we are going away with friends this weekend and I have lots on at work next week, which all means I should be keeping myself busy rather than freaking out. 

Again it helps having this forum to stop me bottling things up, it might mean i am posting too many inane posts, but its helping me.

Ta

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #13 on: May 10, 2011, 03:19:16 PM »
OK. Just press on, Bob, press on.
Andy Velez

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #14 on: May 12, 2011, 04:45:47 PM »
Hi again,
Yesterday started as a good day, no paranoid noticing of any potential symptoms and as the morning went on i actually started to relax and look forward to our weekend break.  I was thinking, if i do turn out to be positive then i will have alot of shit to deal with so I may as well make the most of this weekend before i go for my test.  Anyway as the day went on, this relaxed state  started to get a bit, hyperactive.  I was going online and buying things i didnít want or need, I was coming up with loads of good ideas at work for various projects but I couldnít focus on them enough to get started on anything.  Then i realised that i was getting a bit out of control, in a small way. I also noticed another, hopefully paranoid Ďsymptomí.  My armpits felt sensitive & uncomfortable.  I didnít go back to a panic attack, but the relaxed state I was in, in the morning had gone.
Today I woke up with sensitive armpits and groin and iíve been a bit flat all day because ive been paranoid.  I know these  supposed symptoms mean nothing and how easy it is to see things that arnt there if you look hard enough.  I have also tryed to remind myself that i donít have things like a rash or fever.  But i still feel the need to get all this down in this post.

Tomorrow I am going on a long weekend away with my bf & his sister & friend.  I am hoping it will be lots of fun and keep me too busy to get paranoid. But then the paranoid part of me is thinking as soon as i get there I will come out with a rash all over my face which will be obvious to them (they are all nurses).  Anyway  time to stop worrying and start packing

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #15 on: May 12, 2011, 05:30:05 PM »
OK. Just press on, Bob, press on.
Andy Velez

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #16 on: May 14, 2011, 07:43:10 PM »
Ok halfway through our weekend and ha e to say its going great. Too busy to be paranoid about symptoms. And the only thing i am really noticing is my tounge feels swollen on one side. As far as i have read thAt isnt a hiv early symptom so no idea what thAt might be all about. Anyway in my worried state i do get obsessed about percentages and prebebilities. I go over the incedent in my mind and think how each action could have increased or decreased my odds of hiv. And then the probebilities of geting or not geting various symptoms.

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #17 on: May 14, 2011, 07:44:37 PM »
Im a bit pissed. Hence the bad spelling.

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #18 on: May 16, 2011, 03:23:07 AM »
24 days since exposure. Throat has been sore for over a week but ive also had a blocked, bunged up nose allthat time so i hope they are connected. Sesitive armpits and occational slight sensitivity around the neck/jaw but this might be me being over paranoid.  This morning i was worrued i thought i saw a rash starting to develop on my chest. Itwas slightly red but that might be down to the room being very hot and my over active paranoia.

I am getting my 28 day duo test later this week.

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #19 on: May 16, 2011, 05:53:38 AM »
Just had message from Gum clinic. I need treatment. Dont know what for. O god.

Offline Ann

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #20 on: May 16, 2011, 08:09:50 AM »
Bob,

It's rather unlikely that you would be told "you need treatment" if they're talking about a positive hiv test. If that were the case, they'd only say that they need to see you. If they're saying treatment, it's much more likely to be one of the more easily transmitted infections that can be cleared with a course of antibiotics.

GUM clinics do not normally put a person newly infected with hiv on treatment. I know this because I also live in the UK. They are very strict here about not treating hiv infection until the patient qualifies under the treatment guidelines and a newly infected person does not fall into this category. I've been positive for fourteen years and even I do not yet qualify for treatment.

Stop fretting and go the the GUM and find out what's going on. It's the only way.

Good luck.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #21 on: May 16, 2011, 09:02:15 AM »
I called and they told me i have rectal gonarea. No hiv from past weeks test but it would be too soon anyway.

Offline Ann

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #22 on: May 16, 2011, 09:25:58 AM »
Bob,

Gonorrhea is very easily transmitted, unlike hiv. It does not mean that you will have also been infected with hiv. The negative result you have so far, while not conclusive, is a very good result. The average time to seroconversion is only 22 days and there's a good chance that if you were actually infected, your 21 day result would have been inconclusive rather than negative.

Hang in there while you wait for your conclusive test result. Make sure you get that gonorrhea sorted out.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #23 on: May 16, 2011, 10:45:47 AM »
Thanks for replying. I will go to the clinic in the morning. I dont suppose if gonarea can cause the tenderness in my armpits? Anyway it means so much to have this forum. I am at on the way back from this mini holuday with my bf & his friend & sister, trying to act normal, while getting a text message from the clinic. I kniw i deserve all this for cheating on him, and my guilt is not what this firum is for, but it helps so much knowing that i am not quite alone. And dont worry i will get the gohnarea sorted.

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #24 on: May 16, 2011, 10:55:20 AM »
By the way, i am not drunk it is just typing on my phone causes lots of spelling mistakes.

Offline Ann

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #25 on: May 16, 2011, 11:04:10 AM »
Bob,

You'll have to ask about the tenderness at the clinic tomorrow. It could be anything.

You don't deserve this for cheating. STIs are not a punishment, they're just bugs. It's not even like you went out intentionally to bareback - someone did that to you and you stopped it as soon as you realised. Stop beating yourself up.

BTW, are you sure your phone isn't drunk? ;)

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #26 on: May 16, 2011, 07:16:24 PM »
Hi a couple of quick things. First that last hiv test was actually 19 days since the exposure. Not sure how i managed to count it as 21 at the time. So that result less reasuring i guess.
Also on tonights flight i got a nose bleed. I freaked partly because i didnt know if it was a hiv/gonorea/stress thing but more becase i thought someone might try to dab it and i might have to stop them by saying i think im hiv+   What a way to tell my bf, his sister& friend. I nipped to the loo and thought i was going to cry.
Anyway the nose bleed stopped and i managed to calm down.

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #27 on: May 17, 2011, 05:29:21 AM »
back from the clinic. they have given me something for the gonorrhea and told me the sesitive armpit thing is nothing to do with the gonorrhea. I have never felt anything which i could describe as swlling in my lymph glands but from my armpits to my chest there is definitively a sensitivity which on the chest feels like small bruises.

Also the rash on my chest I saw yesterday morning is still there. A slight red, non itchy rash.   Yesterday i put it down to a hot hotel room, but i can't do that today   

Offline Ann

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #28 on: May 17, 2011, 06:34:45 AM »
Bob,

Did you show your rash to anyone at the clinic? If your chest/armpit continues to bother you, see your GP.

About the nose bleed, even if you were hiv positive it would be no reason to tell anyone. Hiv isn't transmitted that way. Skin is a very effective barrier to hiv and someone helping you with a nosebleed would not be at risk.

I know you wish we had some magic words for you, but unfortunately we don't. You're just going to have to hang in there until the appropriate time to test - which is at six weeks. Even though your previous test was at nineteen days, any negative result is a good thing.

Keep yourself productively busy while you wait to test and the time will go more quickly than you might think.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #29 on: May 17, 2011, 06:53:18 AM »
Hi,

I showed them the rash and they said "yes it is slightly red", they weren't really much more help than that.

I am booked in for a 28 day test on thursday.  Have you heard of these?  it would give me peice of mind untill the 6 weeks. 
http://www.better2know.co.uk/page/28-day-hiv-duo-testing

Offline Ann

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #30 on: May 17, 2011, 07:18:45 AM »
Bob,

Personally, I think that if you're going to a private clinic for testing, you're wasting your money. You were most likely tested with a duo test at the GUM as it's pretty much the standard test in the UK. Private clinics that offer duo testing for a hefty fee are just making money off people's fears. I hope you haven't already handed over your money and can cancel the appointment. Stick with the GUM clinic.

As we've told you, it really is best to wait for six weeks. The p24 antigen part of the duo test isn't really worth anything by 28 days - it's only present in the first couple weeks. Once antibodies begin to be formed, the p24 antigen disappears.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #31 on: May 17, 2011, 12:04:30 PM »
Ok well I booked and paid for the clinic test almost 2 weeks ago.  I am still going to go. but thanks for letting me know that the duo test is pretty much the standard.


I have found it really hard to focus on anything today because of the rash.  when I started getting paranoid about all my potential symptoms I remeber thinking i can cope with anything but a rash.  its not something that can as easilly be explained away.  its red, non itchy, covers an area about the size of my hand, its on my chest, & it has lots of tiny raised spots.

trying to keep busy but i can't focus.  plus tomorrow i will have to go back to work where lots of questions will be asked as to why I wasn't at an important meeting today, when i was at the clinic.

my sore throat seems to be giving me a sore ear as well, not sure whats going on there. 

I managed to speak to a great old friend today, and get alot of this of my chest.  that helped allot. 

my head has felt very hot today.  not really feaver i don't think, maybe stress high blood pressure?

right time to pick my bf up from work and try to act natural.


Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #32 on: May 18, 2011, 03:59:41 AM »
Today the rash has spread accross my chest & back.  also found a hard lump in my armpit

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #33 on: May 18, 2011, 06:27:45 AM »
I know you wish we had some magic words for you, but unfortunately we don't

It's okay, i'm never expecting magic words, and i hope my excessive posting isn't a problem, it just helps that I have some where to post all this
Thanks

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #34 on: May 18, 2011, 08:26:11 AM »
Ok well I booked and paid for the clinic test almost 2 weeks ago.  I am still going to go. but thanks for letting me know that the duo test is pretty much the standard.


I have found it really hard to focus on anything today because of the rash.  when I started getting paranoid about all my potential symptoms I remeber thinking i can cope with anything but a rash.  its not something that can as easilly be explained away.  its red, non itchy, covers an area about the size of my hand, its on my chest, & it has lots of tiny raised spots.

trying to keep busy but i can't focus.  plus tomorrow i will have to go back to work where lots of questions will be asked as to why I wasn't at an important meeting today, when i was at the clinic.

my sore throat seems to be giving me a sore ear as well, not sure whats going on there. 

I managed to speak to a great old friend today, and get alot of this of my chest.  that helped allot. 

my head has felt very hot today.  not really feaver i don't think, maybe stress high blood pressure?

right time to pick my bf up from work and try to act natural.



There is still nothnig HIV specific about any of the symptoms you are reporting.

It's not unusual for a sore throat and an earache to happen together.
Andy Velez

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #35 on: May 18, 2011, 08:45:03 AM »
There is still nothnig HIV specific about any of the symptoms you are reporting.

Thanks, but it's the rash I am most worried about.  the other things i could think are a cold or stress, but i can't think what else the rash could be.

Offline Ann

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #36 on: May 18, 2011, 09:21:52 AM »
Bob,

The rash that sometimes accompanies seroconversion is normally flat, not raised like you mentioned yours seems to be. Maybe it's time you saw your GP about it.

I know it's difficult, but you're just going to have to wait for your antibody results. It's the ONLY way to accurately know your hiv status.

Hang in there.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #37 on: May 18, 2011, 09:48:46 AM »
my rash is flat but with tiny raised spots. anyway you are right of course i need to try and calm down untill i get another test and more results

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #38 on: May 18, 2011, 02:42:28 PM »
i have just had another check.  my entire chest and stomach is covered in these tiny raised red spots.  I have my clinic appointment & 28 day test tommorow morning.  after that I don't think i will get my results untill monday (2 working days).   


who knows maybe the doctor tommorow will give me some hope that the rash is something else. sorry to be pessimistic but

i dont know.

I hope that by this time next week, whatever happens the wait will be over. meanwhile i will try to keep from breaking down in front of my bf, as well as keeping my rash covered. 

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #39 on: May 19, 2011, 02:38:10 AM »
Morning. Ive arrived for my clinic appointment 2 hours early. Ive been awake since 4 and i was just freaking out in bed so i headed off early. I thought i was going to vomit on the drive down here. Not sure if that was stress, tiredness, a side effect of the gonarea tablet, or something else. When i got out of the car i felt very dizzy.  Having some breakfast now so hope that will help.

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #40 on: May 19, 2011, 06:32:44 AM »
They let me into the clinic about 40 mins early but then they told me they had no record of my appointment which was made vua the better to know website. Also they had no drs in so no one could see me today. I paniced and complained and they managed to get me seen at an alternative clinic round the corner.

So ive had my 28 day test and should get the results this evening.

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #41 on: May 19, 2011, 12:06:58 PM »
today's test result came back all clear  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Offline Ann

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #42 on: May 19, 2011, 12:12:29 PM »
Bob,

That is a very good result. If the rash etc you've been experiencing had anything to do with hiv, I would have expected today's result to come back at least as indeterminate, if not outright reactive (positive). This is because the symptoms that sometimes accompany seroconversion are not caused by the virus itself, they are caused by the process the body goes through while producing antibodies.

You still need to confirm your results at the three month point, but if I were you, I'd relax.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #43 on: May 19, 2011, 01:02:14 PM »
You still need to confirm your results at the three month point, but if I were you, I'd relax.

I will and I will  ;D

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #44 on: May 22, 2011, 06:58:58 AM »
OK, since i got my result last week I have got my life back, I have been able to plan and think about the future and i've been able to relax.  I still have a tiny paranoia that somehow the clinic got it wrong, either by doing the wrong tests or by the fact that the guy who told me my results over the phone ("none detected" was the exact phrase he used) somehow read the results out wrong.  My armpits are still sore and I still have a mild rash/spots on my chest.  At least now i am allowing myself to admit they might be/ probably are something else.

I realize this is a silly paranoia, and i'll get myself another hiv test when i go back to the GUM clinic next week to make sure the gonorrhea treatment has worked.

Offline Ann

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #45 on: May 22, 2011, 09:05:31 AM »
Bob,

Relax already. While those private clinics may be in the business of parting you from your hard-earned dosh, they're still pretty serious on the medical side and they're not going to make mistakes like you're imagining.

"Non-reactive" is the standard way of reporting a negative antibody result. There are several "bands" involved in the test and a certain amount of them have to test reactive in order for it to be interpreted as a positive result. A non-reactive results means that none of the bands reacted. If you had been in the middle of seroconversion, at least some of the bands would have been reactive thereby giving you an "indeterminate" result.

Get busy with other things while you wait for your confirmatory test. Am I starting to sound like a broken record? I feel like one too. ;)

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #46 on: May 22, 2011, 10:32:11 AM »
"Non-reactive" is the standard way of reporting a negative antibody result. There are several "bands" involved in the test and a certain amount of them have to test reactive in order for it to be interpreted as a positive result. A non-reactive results means that none of the bands reacted. If you had been in the middle of seroconversion, at least some of the bands would have been reactive thereby giving you an "indeterminate" result.

Thanks this has helped shut those paranoid voices in my head up. and Thanks for all the help you and Andy have provided on this forum over the last few weeks. now please excuse me while i get on with my life  ;D

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #47 on: May 22, 2011, 11:57:45 AM »
That sounds like a good idea to get on with your life.

I expect you to come out of this ok.
Andy Velez

Offline bobsmith1793

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #48 on: June 01, 2011, 03:54:05 PM »
Ok, im off for my 6  week test tomorrow. After my 4 week test results and the advice i got on here i am no longer convinced i am positive. I cant help thinkining i might get a bit jittery in the week or 2 it will take to get my results back. Hopefully not.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i put myself at risk
« Reply #49 on: June 01, 2011, 05:01:58 PM »
Jitters come and go. Make a real effort to focus on other matters in your life while waiting. And don't bother saying oh I can't because I am too worried. I can tell you that response is not going to fly here. Just do it.
Andy Velez

 


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