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Author Topic: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend  (Read 5513 times)

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Offline lusopt

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  • Posts: 61
unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« on: May 03, 2011, 05:46:47 PM »
hello all... I need please to know a thing, i have a very scared fried that just discovered that his boyfriend is HIV+ (-1) for 10 years, and on meds. Is viral load is undetectable or so he says.

They had unprotected sex since the beggining, but he never cumed inside my friend.
His boyfriend says that there is nothing to worry about, because its HIV -1 and that he is undetectable, I dont know what to say to him, is this true or not, can he continue doing unprotected sex, if there is no exchange of fluids?

Please answer me, im not sure what to say.
15/11/06: HIV-
28/10/08: HIV +
- No Meds -
18/11/08: CD4 -650 (.......)  / -17.500 VL
01/03/09: CD4- 540 (19,6%) / - 2090 VL
17/07/09: CD4 -603 (20,1%) / - 5040 VL
27/10/09: CD4 -627 (21,5%) / - 10.896 VL
25/03/10: CD4 -609 (23,9%) / -11.602 VL
12/09/10: CD4 -555 (........) / - 55.500 VL
21/04/11: CD4 -466 (17%)   / - 50.339 VL
01/10/11: CD4 -375 (19%)   / - 73.058 VL

Started, Epzicom and Sustiva
01/02/12: CD4 -298 (23%)   / - undetectable

Offline David Evans

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  • Member
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Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2011, 05:55:18 PM »
Lusopt,

I'm moving your thread to "Living with HIV" so that you can get a wider breadth of responses.

Best,
David
Moderator

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2011, 06:05:44 PM »
Your friend is wrong. HIV can be transmitted without ejaculation and he is placing his partner at risk. Whilst an undetectable VL reduces that risk it does not eliminate it.

If your friend's partner wishes to stay HIV negative he needs to start insisting on condoms for anal sex, whichever way they do it.

MtD

Offline woodshere

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  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2011, 06:32:10 PM »
I think your friend needs to be tested immediately and then dump the guy for not disclosing his HIV status!
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2011, 06:41:27 PM »
I think your friend needs to be tested immediately and then dump the guy for not disclosing his HIV status!

Wise advice , all of the above .

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2011, 07:45:43 PM »
i have a very scared fried that just discovered that his boyfriend is HIV+ (-1) for 10 years, and on meds.

His boyfriend says that there is nothing to worry about, because its HIV -1 and that he is undetectable


Your friend's boyfriend is extremely irresponsible and selfish.  It is also evident that even though he's been living with HIV for ten years he doesn't know some basic things about this virus.  This whole thing about "not having to worry cause it's HIV-1" is very stupid.  

As Matty and Woods mentioned, it is still possible for this individual to infect your friend, even if he doesn't ejaculate inside him (what about pre-cum and other factors?). Your friend needs to get tested and make a serious decision about this relationship.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline lusopt

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2011, 08:24:51 PM »
thanks i told him all of that... i wrote this question for him to see answers from other people, thanks a lot.
15/11/06: HIV-
28/10/08: HIV +
- No Meds -
18/11/08: CD4 -650 (.......)  / -17.500 VL
01/03/09: CD4- 540 (19,6%) / - 2090 VL
17/07/09: CD4 -603 (20,1%) / - 5040 VL
27/10/09: CD4 -627 (21,5%) / - 10.896 VL
25/03/10: CD4 -609 (23,9%) / -11.602 VL
12/09/10: CD4 -555 (........) / - 55.500 VL
21/04/11: CD4 -466 (17%)   / - 50.339 VL
01/10/11: CD4 -375 (19%)   / - 73.058 VL

Started, Epzicom and Sustiva
01/02/12: CD4 -298 (23%)   / - undetectable

Offline antibody

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  • Posts: 525
  • "every man thinks his burden is the heaviest"
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2011, 08:28:50 PM »
Yea by 10 years he knows enough about hiv to be comfortable disclosing. I can see at first diagnosis when you're terrified of how others will react but by 10 years if you haven't grown enough to protect your partner you should give up.
Timbuk      <50/ 794  CD4 10/06 
                 <50/ 1096 CD4 3/07
                 <40/ 1854 CD4 4/09

Started Atripla  7/14/06
Switched to boosted Reyataz Truvada 3/28/07

*Ask me about Medical Marijuana and how it can help you!*

Offline SunnyFlorida

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  • Posts: 176
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2011, 10:59:44 PM »

Your friend's boyfriend is extremely irresponsible and selfish.  It is also evident that even though he's been living with HIV for ten years he doesn't know some basic things about this virus.  This whole thing about "not having to worry cause it's HIV-1" is very stupid.  

As Matty and Woods mentioned, it is still possible for this individual to infect your friend, even if he doesn't ejaculate inside him (what about pre-cum and other factors?). Your friend needs to get tested and make a serious decision about this relationship.

I came here to say this. Your friend should get tested immediately, and his boyfriend should have his balls nailed to the wall for this.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2011, 11:27:31 PM »
I came here to say this. Your friend should get tested immediately, and his boyfriend should have his balls nailed to the wall for this.

Why should he have "his balls nailed to the wall"? I can't see anything in the OP which suggests the boyfriend isn't aware of his partner's positive status.

Why is the onus all on the positive partner?

MtD

Offline SunnyFlorida

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  • Posts: 176
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2011, 11:42:09 PM »
Why should he have "his balls nailed to the wall"? I can't see anything in the OP which suggests the boyfriend isn't aware of his partner's positive status.

Why is the onus all on the positive partner?

MtD

I didn't say that all the onus was on the positive partner, but I feel that he has a moral obligation to be upfront with the boyfriend. Likewise, the friend should always, ALWAYS assume their sexual partner to be poz unless they're monogamous and get tested together. Both of them made mistakes, but -- your opinions may differ at this point -- I feel like the positive partner made the bigger mistake in not disclosing before having bareback sex. It's just how I feel.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2011, 12:06:26 AM »
I didn't say that all the onus was on the positive partner, but I feel that he has a moral obligation to be upfront with the boyfriend. Likewise, the friend should always, ALWAYS assume their sexual partner to be poz unless they're monogamous and get tested together. Both of them made mistakes, but -- your opinions may differ at this point -- I feel like the positive partner made the bigger mistake in not disclosing before having bareback sex. It's just how I feel.

Where does it say the positive partner hasn't disclosed?

MtD

Offline SunnyFlorida

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  • Posts: 176
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2011, 12:11:25 AM »
hello all... I need please to know a thing, i have a very scared fried that just discovered that his boyfriend is HIV+ (-1) for 10 years, and on meds. Is viral load is undetectable or so he says.

This indicates that his friend had just discovered that his boyfriend, having been poz and on meds for 10 years, is actually positive. From what was stated, they've had bareback sex for some time, ie: "in the beggining[sic]" and it was only just recently that he discovered his boyfriend is poz.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2011, 12:19:20 AM »
This indicates that his friend had just discovered that his boyfriend, having been poz and on meds for 10 years, is actually positive. From what was stated, they've had bareback sex for some time, ie: "in the beggining[sic]" and it was only just recently that he discovered his boyfriend is poz.

Point taken. I misread the OP.

Nevertheless I wonder why people make assumptions about their sex partners. In this case why he assumed that his partner was negative.

As is often said around here "to agree to have unprotected sex is to consent to the possibility of contracting a sexually transmissible infection".

But even though I misread the OP I certainly didn't misread your post. Phrases like "balls nailed to the wall" are not helpful, particularly coming from a mortal such as yourself.

It adds an unsavoury quality to the discourse and depicts positive people as disease spreading monsters who prey on the unsuspecting decent negative hobbits of the world and in doing so are deserving of violent punishment.

MtD

Offline SunnyFlorida

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  • Posts: 176
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #14 on: May 04, 2011, 12:24:57 AM »
But even though I misread the OP I certainly didn't misread your post. Phrases like "balls nailed to the wall" are not helpful, particularly coming from a mortal such as yourself.

It adds an unsavoury quality to the discourse and depicts positive people as disease spreading monsters who prey on the unsuspecting decent negative hobbits of the world and in doing so are deserving of violent punishment.

MtD

Please know that wasn't my intention at all. It has nothing to do with him being positive, but everything to do with him being dishonest. Having been lied to by partners in relationships past, including lying by omission, I know how much it can hurt. I would never demonize HIV+ people like that. Ever. You are correct on the fact that it was unhelpful and I apologize for this.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #15 on: May 04, 2011, 01:20:07 AM »
Please know that wasn't my intention at all. It has nothing to do with him being positive, but everything to do with him being dishonest. Having been lied to by partners in relationships past, including lying by omission, I know how much it can hurt. I would never demonize HIV+ people like that. Ever. You are correct on the fact that it was unhelpful and I apologize for this.

It's ok. That you understand my point is appreciated.

What negative people have to learn is that they are responsible for protecting themselves. By insisting on condoms until they can be sure their partners are negative and the relationship is securely monogamous.

No amount of blame putting will change that.

We often have threads about disclosure in this place and what becomes apparent is that people get HIV because they decide to trust others unwisely. Does this absolve the positive folks who prefer to indulge their passions for pink on pink sex rather than ensuring their virus stops with them?

It does not.

But equally it doesn't absolve negative people who are gullible enough to believe someone's claims to negativity or too stupid to check.

Remember all HIV positive people were negative at some point and, with a few exceptions, became positive because they decided (unconsciously or otherwise) to neglect their responsibilities for their own sexual health.

MtD

Offline Rev. Moon

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  • Smart ass faggot
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #16 on: May 04, 2011, 01:29:26 AM »

What negative people have to learn is that they are responsible for protecting themselves. By insisting on condoms until they can be sure their partners are negative and the relationship is securely monogamous.

No amount of blame putting will change that.

We often have threads about disclosure in this place and what becomes apparent is that people get HIV because they decide to trust others unwisely. Does this absolve the positive folks who prefer to indulge their passions for pink on pink sex rather than ensuring their virus stops with them?

It does not.

But equally it doesn't absolve negative people who are gullible enough to believe someone's claims to negativity or too stupid to check.

Remember all HIV positive people were negative at some point and, with a few exceptions, became positive because they decided (unconsciously or otherwise) to neglect their responsibilities for their own sexual health.

MtD


You have stated this very nicely, my beloved Matteh.

Both parties in any sexual liaison are responsible when it comes to preventing HIV infections.  To trust someone 100% in a moment of horny passion is to agree to the possibility of acquiring this lovely bug.  To claim ignorance does not fix anything and it does not remove any responsibility.

I believe that the OP has gotten some consistent responses about this situation.  Hopefully his friend makes the appropriate decisions going forward.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline LM

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  • Posts: 409
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #17 on: May 04, 2011, 01:57:25 AM »
Tough situation, the guy was ill informed and should have told his boyfriend that he was at risk, even if it was minimal risk. Regardless, I think you can wait before you disclose that you are HIV+ while you have protected sex, but 1 year is way too long for that if they were in a relationship.

Offline spacebarsux

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  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #18 on: May 04, 2011, 03:06:27 AM »
First things first, you friend needs to get tested asap.
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline weasel

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Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #19 on: May 04, 2011, 06:14:40 PM »


  Hi   luSOPT ,
                             Has your  friend been infected ?

                       How long into relationship ?

           Some people NEVER get HIV ! 

                         More info please !

        My Husband never caught HIV from me  OR ANY OF THE OTHER FUCK BUDDIES HE HAD !

 Some people do NOT get HIV !

 Do NOT scream WOLF  unless your friend has HIV !

 May GOD bless you & your friend !

         (((( HUGS ))))
                                        Carl
             
" Live and let Live "

Offline denb45

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Re: unprotected sex with HIV+ boyfriend
« Reply #20 on: May 04, 2011, 09:41:50 PM »
Same here Carl, but I do insist that he tests every 3 to 4 months so far so good  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

 


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