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Author Topic: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.  (Read 20063 times)

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Offline EggMan

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #50 on: July 20, 2011, 09:40:37 PM »
I did say under doctors care...  in so many words......  yes, I am off meds but still get my labs done about every 3 - 4 months.  This is not about me, and there is not alot of info to go by that says WHY this man wants to go off his meds. 

I got the news of being poz on Feb. 14th 1990, I was put on azt...that lasted 3 days and if I had to feel like that ever again I would choose to not be on any meds period...its the quality of life we get and if taking meds that keep us in bed and or throwing up daily and bowels tore up like so many meds do to some that don't do to others and if there is no other meds that can be taken then why would someone choose to live a life of missery just to stay alive.
 
it seems you point out bits and pieces of the text and not reading it in the way its written. 

Offline EggMan

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #51 on: July 20, 2011, 10:35:56 PM »
Some people don't think past there own, what works for them may not work for others yet what works for them is crammed down our throats, and doctors...what a joke for most now days...this has turned into a business.

Regardless of HIV or CANCER or any other life threating illness its more about quality of life then quanity of years of suffering just to stay alive to suffer.
There is something missing from this mans post...is this a cry out for suicide because of depression???
If this mans meds are not causing any problems then why go off them,  if this man is tired of living due to
not being able to live the life he had before HIV then there are many other ways to die and do so in a manner of not suffering any longer....If the meds are making this man sicker then HIV symptems and the quality of life is to suffer then that is his choice to stop them and possibly live a shorter but better life then to live in missery for years to come.


As I have stated, if I had to feel like I did when I was on AZT I would rather not be on any meds at all, my partner at the time could take AZT and not feel any different then if he took a hand full of vitamins, I tried over and over and even tried pediactric AZT and it was like I was being poisened and was unable to function
so again, I say there is something not being said here in this post.




Offline aztecan

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  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #52 on: July 21, 2011, 01:27:58 AM »
I know someone who has made this decision. I have shared my concerns with him, he understands I think he is making a poor choice.

That said, it is his choice. So, I will support him as best I can.

His doctor, who also happens to be my doctor, isn't happy with this turn of events, but has made it very clear he will not abandon this person and will be there to help him however possible as things start to unravel, even if that consists solely of paliative care.

But, both I and the doctor have made it clear to him that this his health will unravel. It is not a question of if, only when.

I am not sure this person is ready for this eventuality. I think he believes it will be quick and can be made painless. It most likely will not be quick and won't be painless.

So, we will take it as it comes.

I hope the OP is equally aware of the eventualities of this disease and that he also has others around him willing to help him along the path he had chosen.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline AlanBama

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #53 on: July 21, 2011, 11:29:21 AM »
very well-stated, Mark...

 :-*
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline brockhare

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #54 on: August 13, 2011, 07:47:06 PM »
Thanks to all who have written, advised, or just told their story.  I really didn't expect to get many responses.  I read the first two or three when I first posted, figured that would be it.  So, I'm just now checking in again, and have found many more postings. 
I must admit, I'm still wrestling with the idea of taking my meds.  I'm not currently on them.  My therapist is going to check my anti-depressants to see if there's something he can do to help me there.  Right now, I find it hard to think of spending another 10 or 20 years feeling like I have for the past several.  I realize things aren't ALL bad, there are moments of joy here and there.  I just find it easier to be alone and not have to communicate with others. 

Offline Terry

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  • Posts: 339
  • 7/13/82 Infected
Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #55 on: August 13, 2011, 11:37:36 PM »
I would never think of giving up… I get a kick out of the fact that it just pisses so many people off that I’m still here…

I’m now 65 y/o and have to deal with the added difficulties of old age infirmities… The list is too long to put on here…

Quitting is always the easy way out… And life will always have changes with or without HIV… Every new day is different and every decade that you live will be different… Nothing in life stays the same… You need to go with the flow… And enjoy what ever you want and can enjoy…

I’d suggest a very serious conversation with your doctor (Sounds like he/she’s not doing their job.) and maybe more than one doctor is necessary… You sound very intelligent… It would be a shame to waste your life because of what you mentioned here… Sounds like kind of a wimpy excuse… Sorry to have to say that… I wish you all the best and remember, nobody likes a quitter!

Offline Terry

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  • 7/13/82 Infected
Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #56 on: August 13, 2011, 11:38:12 PM »
It's been so long that I've posted in here that I hope I didn't screw something Up...
Glad that you are thinking more clearly...
« Last Edit: August 13, 2011, 11:41:19 PM by Terry »

Offline brockhare

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  • Posts: 9
Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #57 on: August 14, 2011, 01:36:18 PM »
Terry,
 
Don't worry, I didn't feel your words were too harsh.  I'm not that sensitive.  As I've said, just waiting to see if a psych. med change can make a difference.  I want to feel motivated again.  I haven't been for a good year or more now.  Normal things that I usually LIKE, even LOVE to do, like cook, and even cleaning, organizing, etc.  I can barely force myself to do these days.  This morning, however, miracle of miracles, I've been up doing all sorts of cleaning.  This is more my normal.  Well, it's back to my housework while I'm still motivated.  Maybe this will last all day???!!!!!  That would be great!

Offline lforsyth

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #58 on: August 15, 2011, 09:17:27 PM »
I'm thinking of the same for several months. It's not a downer for me. I know that there is a lot of thought and strong will into making this decision. I think about this every day and have stopped going to my dentist and specialist.

I've read feeling good and know that people like me even though I'm rejected at work. I work at a place where it's not good to be out. Lot's of Rednecks and Mormons. Mesa, AZ and I'm the only out gay man there.I struggle to get through every day. But I do and dress better than the managers(it really pisses them off)

But I do think about just ending this nightmare for me once and for all every day.
« Last Edit: August 15, 2011, 09:21:36 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #59 on: August 15, 2011, 09:24:07 PM »
Am I reading that correctly, Larry? You think you're the only out gay male in a city of 439,000 people? Of course, Mesa is part of a metropolitan area of 4.2 million people so it makes even less sense on second reading.
« Last Edit: August 15, 2011, 09:26:18 PM by Miss Philicia »
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Online Dachshund

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #60 on: August 15, 2011, 09:26:54 PM »
You stop going to the dentist Larry and you'll end up the only gay man in Mesa with no teeth.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #61 on: August 15, 2011, 09:28:02 PM »
You stop going to the dentist Larry and you'll end up the only gay man in Mesa with no teeth.

Not to worry darling, fisting tops love toothless men.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Online Jeff G

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #62 on: August 15, 2011, 09:30:06 PM »

But I do think about just ending this nightmare for me once and for all every day.

Larry please get some help . There is nothing we can do to help until you sincerely seek help .

Offline BJS2011

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #63 on: August 17, 2011, 03:37:20 AM »
This isn't a "feel sorry for me" rant.  I am honestly curious about others who have decided that they no longer want to take their meds and are at peace about it.  For many of us, our lives are not what they used to be.  Mine has changed due to some cognitive impairment about 15 years ago, which lead to a loss of several clients, and work hasn't been the same.  It's caused some learning disabilities which hinders changing careers, not to mention the whole SSI/MediCal situation covering my medications.  Anything I would do would be in the realm of self-employment, because there aren't jobs with benefits in my field where I live, and relocating is cost prohibitive at this point. Not to mention, I'm not sure I could work 40 hours a week.  I'm 49, have C.O.P.D. and get tired easily.  Although I do try to walk and get some exercise on a regular basis.    
There are certainly bigger issues than this, however, my limited career choices, lack of cultural activities due to my community, and my less than optimum brain all contribute to a quality of life that is no longer worth living.  Does anyone else feel this way?  If so, have they decided to give up quantity of life for quality.  My sister is the only person I have told that I've quit taking my meds, she understands.  She has seen how much my life has changed.  My personality has gone from a gregarious, extrovert, life of the party, to a total introvert.  I've become almost agoraphobic.  Most of this is situational, but some is due to brain damage.  I'm not asking for advice, just would like to know others who might have chosen this same path.  

Thank you for reading my post.  Sorry if it is a downer for some.  For me, my decision gives me a lot of peace.  

HIV Positive 25+ years
CD4 375 (highest it's ever been while on meds.)
VL undetectable.
If you didn't want advice why bother posting such a note of giving up. So many people live lives that are way worse than yours. If your VD is undetectable and C4s 365 thats pretty good still. I just refuse personally in ever giving up to this disease. I will keep fighting till my last breath. I just found your post so depressing. I hope you change your mind!!

Offline Ann

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Re: At peace with my decision to stop taking meds.
« Reply #64 on: August 17, 2011, 09:29:29 AM »
If you didn't want advice why bother posting such a note of giving up. So many people live lives that are way worse than yours. If your VD is undetectable and C4s 365 thats pretty good still. I just refuse personally in ever giving up to this disease. I will keep fighting till my last breath. I just found your post so depressing. I hope you change your mind!!

BJ, you might mean well, but as someone who was not diagnosed before 1996, you should not be positing in this forum. It is for Long Term Survivors only. Make sure you read this forum's Welcome Thread (as well as any other Welcome threads that appear at the top of some forums). Thank you for your cooperation.

Ann
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