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Author Topic: It's meetin the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife. . .  (Read 1303 times)

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Offline klouny

  • Member
  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
ever since my diagnosis earlier this year I've tried my best to be optimistic, think about things logically and with a level head. that's usually the way I approach almost everything. . . I guess that's why people compliment me on how mature I am for my age.

for some reason or another ever since my diagnosis I've been sleeping rather late, even on work and school nights. sleep just seems to escape me while I'm in my room.

on nights like this I would have this really cute guy text me to meet him when he got out of work. we would mess around and talk until we both were too tired. he would always make me laugh, he was the guy I was talking too after the guy who infected me vanished.

tonight like every other night this week, I was just lying in bed listening to music, thinking about a painting I want to work on. a trip I want to take during the summer. I got bored and thirsty. I was craving some iced tea, so I went to the nearby 7/11.

when I was driving home, for some reason I kept instinctively looking at my phone. hoping that he would text me, but he hasn't ever since I told him I was positive. I had told while I was getting test done, and he was fine and helped me not to freak out. but then when I texted him my confirmation test I never heard from him.

my friend told me not to worry, that he was a jerk and that I would find another better guy.
he wasn't a jerk, he was just scared. and I don't blame him. I know even positive people can have fulfilling relationships, or at least that's what my doctor says. everytime she seems me she reminds me of this.

I get mad at myself for getting emotional over something so minuscule like this. . . but there isn't much I can do about it right now. I guess I'm just tired of being alone. . . something I used to cherish, now I cant stand it.

~~ just needing to vent, and write it out. I'm glad my "happily ever after'' doctor told me about this site~~
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,322
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
was he always the one to initiate the texting and the meeting? Could you not txt to say you were thinking of him and wondered how things were, whether work had been busy lately, was he well, etc? Just to strike up a conversation. I mean if you only tested poz in March has it even been a month yet? Maybe the dude got really busy, sick, or something in just these few weeks.

Or were you at his beck and call only when he was horny? I'm not trying to diss him or anything. Just trying to get a feel for whether this was a friendship or just a hook-up because you make it kinda sound like one of those short-term or unhealthy one-way relationships. If there wasn't much to this relationship, then write it off and move on (I know easier said than done. LOL); but if it was something more, then you need to invest some effort and time in continuing the relationship - even if it doesn't work out. It really all  depends on what y'all had together and what you want from him.

Of course, he could just be scared too. If y'all were also friends and not just fuck-buddies, then it seems like you could contact him, reassure him that you're well, and just be friends without benefits for a while (as you help educate him about safer sex ;) )

Sometimes, even though this is happening to us, the people around us (parents, friends, partners, siblings, fuckbuds) get freaked out too, and we have to help them deal with and learn from our experience - even while we're in the midst of dealing with it ourselves. With numerous serious/fatal illnesses, people draw away from those who are "sick". It's probably just a basic biological urge to run away from the scary or the deadly. Often marriages dissolve, and sick people end up alone in hospital beds. Sometimes our experiences with HIV/AIDS can be like that; but sometimes with some effort, we can change people's minds with education and keep our friends, family, partners, etc close and not lose them to their fears and lack of knowledge.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline klouny

  • Member
  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
We would talk, I wasn't just at his beck and call for sex lol. Sometimes he would initiate, other times i would.
He was bi, and didnt really liked many guys. He was picky, but we got along very well.
We were in a sense fuck buddies; but we wouldn't meet just for sex, a couple of times we met and just hanged out and talked.

I mean I understand him being scared; it's a scary disease. He was very nice and supportive until i texted him with my confirmation with the wb. He said he would get tested, but we were always safe anyways. I haven't heard from him since. I texted him a couple of times asking if he was okay, if he got tested. But never got a reply.

I don't know if I would/should text him , even if I could ( I deleted his number along with others) , I'm afraid of the rejection. I know it's something that comes with being positive because people are misinformed and been taught to fear it.
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
yeah dude, that shit sucks. it happens for various reasons. sometimes it's cause we are poz, other times it's because we have better taste in music than they do.

plenty o' fish.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,887
  • the one and original newt
And some times cos the other guy is a jerk

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Online buginme2

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,279
God I hate that song
Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,322
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
I mean I understand him being scared; it's a scary disease. He was very nice and supportive until i texted him with my confirmation with the wb. He said he would get tested, but we were always safe anyways. I haven't heard from him since. I texted him a couple of times asking if he was okay, if he got tested. But never got a reply.

I don't know if I would/should text him , even if I could ( I deleted his number along with others) , I'm afraid of the rejection. I know it's something that comes with being positive because people are misinformed and been taught to fear it.
Ah! Well then you did try to continue the friendship, which I think is always worth the try. ;) However, it sounds then like you shouldn't be afraid of the rejection but be accepting of the rejection that has already happened. I know that saying it's good that you found out sooner than later doesn't help with the hurt you feel from the emotions that you have already invested into this guy; but it really is good in the long run that you hadn't pinned bigger hopes onto him.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

 


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