Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
April 19, 2014, 04:00:28 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 620386
  • Total Topics: 46740
  • Online Today: 283
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

IMPORTANT UPDATE
Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" AIDSmeds forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future AIDSmeds Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the "Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic Forums. Similarly, all AIDSmeds pages, including our "How is HIV Transmitted?" and "Am I Infected? (A Guide to Testing for HIV)" lessons, will remain accessible to all. 

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: freaked out and scared in south africa  (Read 10348 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
freaked out and scared in south africa
« on: April 20, 2011, 05:03:40 PM »
hi all,

on the 20th of march, because of loneliness i had sex with a female sex worker and while in the act the condom broke. i think it broke toward the end as when i pulled out i didnt see any vaginal fluid on my penis. i am afraid that i might have cause a tear inside her vagina wall. the next day i rubbed a lemon on my penis head to see if i had any microscopic cut and it didnt sting. the week following the incident i experienced various symptoms (diarreha, headache, joint pain, stuffy nose, sore throat, malaise, sensitivity to light). most of them went away but the sore throat, malaise and stuffy nose are still present. this is the second time in my life i have had unprotected sex. i tested negative after the first time four years ago. i have practiced safe sex up until this incident. given that 45% of prostitutes are hiv positive in south africa, im worried for my health. what make things even worse is that i started a realtionship with a woman and she is pressuring me for sex and i am afraid i might infect her. would a negative result at 2 months be conclusive? how do i know if i have contracted any other std? is it possible for std-othe than hiv- to remain dormant for years? please advise

thank you

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,160
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2011, 05:14:58 PM »
The only way for you to know if you have an STD is to see a doctor and get tested.

We are an HIV specific website and outside of that I am not able to answer any other questions about STDs other than HIV.

As for your HIV risk, well it's very very very low in a situation like this. You were protected up until the condom broke. HIV is a fussy virus which is difficult to transmit, particularly so from female to male.

So you need to be tested 13 weeks from the date of this encounter but you should expect to test negative.

And before you ask, yes we're aware of the astonishingly high prevalence of HIV in SA -- that doesn't change how it is transmitted.

MtD

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2011, 05:48:09 PM »
what make things even worse is that i started a realtionship with a woman and she is pressuring me for sex and i am afraid i might infect her.

Alone,

Regardless of how many sex workers you've been with in the past, when you start out in a new relationship you need to be using condoms. Problem solved where hiv is concerned.

It's not just sex workers who may be hiv positive, you know. You can't tell by looking at someone, you can't tell by what they do for a living, you can't tell by where they live - the ONLY way to know a person's hiv status is by testing TOGETHER with them inside a committed relationship that has lasted three months or more before you test TOGETHER.

Here's what you need to know in order to remain hiv negative:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2011, 06:11:19 PM »
thanks guys. ann, i know you cant look at a person and tell that person has hiv. it is just the hiv statistic for south africa are very scary. as for my new relationship im afraid that the condom might break again, that is why im avoiding sex.
what about the symptoms i still have-sore throat, stuffy nose- is it still ars?. and also i read that the hiv  sub type in south africa is very aggressive compared to the others sub type

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2011, 06:18:41 PM »
Alone,

Please read through the condom and lube links in my signature line. A correctly used condom rarely breaks. I've never had it happen to me where vaginal intercourse is concerned and where anal is concerned, it only happened to me once and that was because we didn't have lube. I won't make that mistake again. And NO, he didn't end up positive. I've yet to see the insertive partner end up positive over a condom break, even in SA.

Your symptoms have nothing to do with hiv. If you feel unwell, see a doctor.

Test at the appropriate time. I fully expect your results to be negative from this very brief incident.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2011, 06:28:52 PM »
thank you guys for the replies. will let you know of the outcome

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2011, 09:25:59 AM »
does my risk increase if i had ejaculated inside her even though i started with a condom?

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2011, 09:30:46 AM »
Alone,

No, it absolutely does not increase your risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,859
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2011, 09:31:22 AM »
No, it does not increase your risk. Unprotected ejaculation is a higher risk to the receptive partner, not to the insertive partner.
Andy Velez

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2011, 05:10:23 PM »
hi guys,
i have an appointment for a hiv test on the 24 of may. i will let you know of the outcome

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,859
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2011, 05:18:28 PM »
You'll be past the 6 week mark at that point. Assuming you hopefully test negative, that will be a strong indication that you will continue to test negative at 3 months.

Good luck to you.
Andy Velez

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2011, 09:24:10 AM »
i got tested today and it came out negative. is this conclusive?

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #12 on: May 31, 2011, 09:38:52 AM »
Alone,

Provided you tested three months after the broken condom incident, your result is conclusive.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #13 on: May 31, 2011, 11:43:46 AM »
it has been 8 weeks, could i turn positive in 4 weeks time when it test again?

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #14 on: May 31, 2011, 12:38:29 PM »
Alone,

It is unlikely in the extreme that an eight week negative would change at the three month point, but must be confirmed at the appropriate time.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2011, 05:38:53 PM »
ann,

are hiv antibodies created during ars? if so does is it mean that if i had ars i should test positive thereafter?

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,859
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2011, 08:07:13 PM »
Yes, if you had gone through ARS you would test positive afterwards.
Andy Velez

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #17 on: June 13, 2011, 05:39:27 PM »
ann,

i must be the unluckiest man on earth. i had sex with another prostitute on saturday and the condom broke again. I was checking everytime while we were having sex and i caught it soon after it happened and i stopped immediately. I really worried. I used a large size condom and it was used properly and we had just bought minute before having sex. I was supposed to get tested this week which will mark 12 weeks after the first time the condom broke now i dont know if i should go or wait another 3 months. And also, a week ago, i received a blow job from a stripper. I insisted that she used a condom as i didnt possibly want to infect her but minute after starting she stopped and said she didnt like it and she took it off. I am worried as she was very vigourous and she used teeth. im also worried that i might have infected her. im very scared, please advise

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,859
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #18 on: June 13, 2011, 06:05:09 PM »
ann,

i must be the unluckiest man on earth. i had sex with another prostitute on saturday and the condom broke again. I was checking everytime while we were having sex and i caught it soon after it happened and i stopped immediately. I really worried. I used a large size condom and it was used properly and we had just bought minute before having sex. I was supposed to get tested this week which will mark 12 weeks after the first time the condom broke now i dont know if i should go or wait another 3 months. And also, a week ago, i received a blow job from a stripper. I insisted that she used a condom as i didnt possibly want to infect her but minute after starting she stopped and said she didnt like it and she took it off. I am worried as she was very vigourous and she used teeth. im also worried that i might have infected her. im very scared, please advise

Once again your risk was minimal. Go ahead and get tested regarding the first incident. It'll be good to get the negative I expect you to receive. Then you will need to re-test in 12 weeks. But your risk was again very low so I am expecting only negative test results.

As for the blowjob, that's no risk whatsoever for HIV transmission, no matter how rough a blowjob it was. Zero risk.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2011, 08:21:45 AM »
Alone,

Are you absolutely certain you 1) made sure there was no air trapped in the tip of the condom and 2) used enough lube? Those are the two leading causes of condom breakage. And yes, you should be using lube for vaginal intercourse.

Like Andy, I fully expect you to test hiv negative over this very brief incident, but you still must test. Make sure you also test for the other, more easily transmitted STIs as well.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #20 on: June 16, 2011, 07:20:52 AM »
thanks guys. Ann,  when she put the condom on me my erection was at about 80% and i think the remaining 20% kicked in soon after penetration started. I assume the condom couldnt handle the rough sex. And also the problem is that i dont think i can fit in a extra large condom and large condoms are just to tight on me. i really dont know what to do
« Last Edit: June 16, 2011, 07:22:59 AM by alone_in_capetown »

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #21 on: June 16, 2011, 07:50:29 AM »
Alone,

Condoms are designed to withstand rough sex, but they are not designed to withstand trapped air bubbles. If the condom is tight on you, then it is very important that you make absolute certain there is no air bubble trapped in the tip. An air bubble will cause breakage far faster than rough sex.

The best way to ensure there is no air bubble is to pinch the tip of the condom between your fingers and thumb while rolling it down, then check the tip before you proceed. Don't let your partner put it on for you - do it yourself so you know it is done properly. You might want to practice this on your own so you can do it right when you need protection.

With being large, it's also very important that you use a water-based lube, even for vaginal intercourse.

If you take these two steps in future, you are unlikely to experience condom breakage again. Good luck.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #22 on: June 16, 2011, 08:19:55 AM »
thanks ann, will do.

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #23 on: June 19, 2011, 03:29:10 PM »
Hello ann, andy

i was with another prostitute on thursday, i put the conodom on myself following your instruction, it was a large but it still felt to tight-i did check for air bubbles and there werent any- when we started penetration i was so scared/worried that the condom might break that i lost my erection. my penis was limp, so i took off the condom (it didnt break) and the prostitute rubbed her vagina on my flaccid penis. Is there a risk here? I think this practice is called frottage right? what is if vaginal fluid got on my penis while she was rubbing her vagina on my penis? please advise. and also im going for my 12 weeks test tomorrow. im seriously worried. thank for your advice

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,859
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #24 on: June 19, 2011, 05:56:24 PM »
Frottage (rubbing) is not a risk even if some vaginal fluids got on to your penis. The vaginal fluids which can contain HIV virus are up in the cervical area of the vaginal cavity and not near the vaginal lips. You are worrying needlessly about this latest incident.

Good luck with your test tomorrow.  I continue to expect you to test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #25 on: June 20, 2011, 04:45:39 PM »
hello andy,

my hiv test came back negative. but i am still worried about the last condom breaking. i didnt tell the nurses about my last exposure. i will go back in 3 months time

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,859
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #26 on: June 20, 2011, 09:22:40 PM »
Good about the negative result. I expect you to continue to test negative.

Andy Velez

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #27 on: July 31, 2011, 07:53:42 AM »
Hello ann, andy,

is double bagging during vaginal sex a safe way to prevent condom breakage?

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #28 on: July 31, 2011, 07:54:07 AM »
double bagging is using two condoms

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #29 on: July 31, 2011, 08:38:05 AM »
alone,

Double-bagging is one of the worst things you can do - it actually makes it easier for the condoms to break due to the friction of latex-on-latex. One condom at a time and plenty of water-based lube is all you need.

If you had bothered to read the condom and lube links in my signature line like I asked you to way back in April, then you would not have needed to ask us this question. Get reading! The Condoms are a Girl's Best Friend link is particularly informative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #30 on: September 07, 2011, 09:34:06 AM »
i have had a cold and a sore throat for the 3 weeks and i think it is hiv...i have been to get tested since the last incident and im very scared

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,859
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #31 on: September 07, 2011, 09:40:10 AM »
You sure do like drama. Colds and sore throats are not HIV symptoms.

I am also going to warn you that if you come running here everytime with your what ifs and symptoms, you are going to find yourself getting a Time Out. Your broken condom was a very minimal risk and ultimately I expect you to come out of this situation ok.

If your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2011, 09:46:14 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #32 on: September 07, 2011, 09:40:34 AM »
Alone,

What last incident? The NO RISK frottage in June? You don't need to test over that but if getting tested is the only way you can put this behind you, then by all means go test and collect your negative result. It's been three months and your result will be conclusive.

You will test negative over the frottage. Frottage is not a risk for hiv infection.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #33 on: October 22, 2011, 03:20:31 AM »
Hi all,

i visted a working girl last week and in the heat of the moment i performed oral sex on her. i know oral sex is no risk for hiv but what is worried me is that a day prior i had bit my tongue and it had not completely healed when i was going down on her. Please advise im very nervous and scared. im going to get tested for other std's next week but im too scared to get tested for hiv

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #34 on: October 22, 2011, 03:53:25 AM »
Oral sex, bitten tongue or not, does not carry a risk for HIV.

No extraneous criteria you bring to these forums can make this determination change. Bitten tongues, cold sores (though that's a douche-y way to spread herpes) or open wounds or anything like that.

You will NOT get HIV from performing cunnilingus on a female. You simply can't. The science and epidemiology does not support it in any fashion.

At this point I don't think it's a matter of educating yourself about HIV. I really think you need to talk to a professional counselor about these irrational fears.

Sex is too uplifting a thing to be weighed down with such terrible fears. You deserve a better life than that.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,859
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #35 on: October 22, 2011, 07:46:46 AM »
I'm just chiming in to agree with JK. Your saliva protects you very effectively from HIV while giving oral. It contains over a dozen elements and proteins which prevent the transmission of viable HIV if it is present.

I am also going to warn you that we are not going to participate in another round of anxious exchanges with you. You've been told repeatedly what is risky and what isn't. If you come back again with this non-risk stuff you are going to find yourself getting a Time Out from the site. Consider yourself warned.

Going forward you need to apply the information that has been given to you as you go on with your life including sexually.

As long as you consistently use condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse you will be well protected against the sexual transmission of HIV. It really is that simple.
Andy Velez

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #36 on: November 17, 2011, 04:41:17 AM »
thanks you for your advice. so far result negative...i still must go back next month. my gp has advise me to away from working girls as they are a high risk population group. But the problem is that i cant stay away, i have been visiting prostitutes for the last 6 years on a weekly basis and i dont think i can stop...it is like i have this thirst that cant be quenched  :'(

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #37 on: November 17, 2011, 08:28:05 AM »
Alone,

People are not high or low or no risk, ACTIVITIES are high or low or no risk. When it comes to sex, the only true "risk group" is that group of people who have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with people of unknown or positive hiv status.

It's not WHO you do, it's HOW you do it. Get those three letters (h, w, o) in the correct order in your mind.

Provided you use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse with the sex workers, you won't have to worry about hiv. IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE!!!

It's a no-brainer that you keep getting negative hiv test results. The condom break incidents were low risk and you have already tested conclusively negative for those. Nothing else you brought to us was a risk.

You do not have hiv. Keep using condoms correctly and consistently and you will continue to avoid hiv infection. It's that flaming simple!!!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #38 on: November 18, 2011, 03:46:51 AM »
thanks ann. i have been following your advice to make my encouters are extra safe. i always a bottle of lube in my back packet and extra strong/thick condom.

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #39 on: January 02, 2012, 03:04:30 PM »
i was at a party on new year's eve and i hooked with a girl. while we were showering she wanted to have sex without protection. i said no but i just inserted my penis in her vagina for a couple of seconds and then pull it out. now i am scared that i have contracted hiv as she told me that she lives in the moment. now i am left wondering just how many times she has "lived in the moment"? also what is the incubation period for other std's? :'(

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #40 on: January 02, 2012, 03:34:20 PM »
Honestly? That risk was so excruciatingly low I wouldn't even bother to test over it.

*modified to add: It's not cool to pass judgment on your sex partners. You were in the same moment, you know. 
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #41 on: January 13, 2012, 01:34:47 AM »
Honestly? That risk was so excruciatingly low I wouldn't even bother to test over it.

*modified to add: It's not cool to pass judgment on your sex partners. You were in the same moment, you know.

i have made plan to get tested in 3months time. im very scared about this. also i have just started dating a wonderful woman but i am just too scared to have sex with her because of what happened with the last girl in the shower  :'(

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #42 on: January 13, 2012, 07:06:06 AM »
Alone,

You can have as much sex as you want to with this new woman or any other person - PROVIDED YOU USE CONDOMS. You need to use condoms regardless of what happened with the other woman in the shower. For all you know, this new "wonderful" woman may be hiv positive. After all, I'm wonderful too, and I'm also poz. So think on and use condoms with ANYONE you may have intercourse with.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently and you will avoid hiv infection. IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE!!!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #43 on: January 18, 2012, 05:57:39 PM »
ann,
i have to admit i havent been completely honest with you. last year with 3 different prostitutes the condom broke while we were having sex; in each case we pick it up soon after it happened.this was within a 2-3 months period. i am afraid i tempted fate one too many times and now my number has been called. and that why i am afraid to have sex with the current girl i am seeing. i dont want to give her hiv. and as for the girl i was in the shower with i have been trying to get hold of her to tell to go and get tested but i havent been able to track her down. i was lying when said i was fearing she gave hiv. i think it is the other way around. i feel so terrible and digusted with myself. i am so ashamed and filled with remorse  :'(
« Last Edit: January 18, 2012, 05:59:21 PM by alone_in_capetown »

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #44 on: January 18, 2012, 06:22:13 PM »
Your disgust and shame does not change the facts. You have had a series of relatively low risk situations.

However, it is worrisome that you have such a track record of condom breakage. Are you certain you are using them correctly? Holding them at the tip so that there's room in the reservoir, yet not allowing an air bubble there? Using water-based lubricant?

It's not prostitutes that should make you worried. It is the unusual frequency of condom breakage.

Regardless, assuming you are still being truthful, I expect you to test negative.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,859
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #45 on: January 18, 2012, 06:25:24 PM »
Don't call her. You don't know that you are infected and from the hodge podge of your stories my expectation is that you aren't. But you do need a good and clear negative result to be sure. That means getting tested at 3 months after your most recent sort of risk.

You really need to stop this impulsive behavior, no kidding. And as JK has wisely noted, make sure you are using fresh condoms that fit you properly.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2012, 06:26:56 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #46 on: January 19, 2012, 07:42:51 AM »
Alone,

Nothing to add to what JK and Andy said - they're both correct.

You and I have discussed your condom breakage problem previously. You may need to start buying them online instead of off the shelf at a shop where they most likely carry only one size. You can find large sizes on the internet much more easily. Don't worry about people knowing what you're getting through the post - they are always packaged very discreetly.

The Condoms are a girl's best friend website link in my signature line has a section on how to find the correct condom size, so make sure you check that out.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alone_in_capetown

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #47 on: January 30, 2012, 03:56:47 PM »
hey guys,
i going for an hiv test tomorrow morning. hoping for the best  :'( but this afternoong i was standing in line and the man next to me sneezed in my face. i am so scared that i might have to go on arv treatment straight away. i have been freaking out since it happened.  :'(
« Last Edit: January 30, 2012, 03:58:33 PM by alone_in_capetown »

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,193
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #48 on: January 30, 2012, 03:59:56 PM »
hey guys,
i going for an hiv test tomorrow morning. hoping for the best  :'( but this afternoong i was standing in line and the man next to me sneezed in my face. i am so scared that i might have to go on arv treatment straight away. i have been freaking out since it happened.  :'(
What does a man sneezing have to do about you going on treatment?

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: freaked out and scared in south africa
« Reply #49 on: January 30, 2012, 05:58:37 PM »
Alone,

Are you for real? So what if someone sneezed in your face. You might get the cold or flu that person has, but so what. People with hiv get colds and the flu all the time and it's no big deal. Get a grip already.

I fully expect you to have a negative result from tomorrow's testing and so should you.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.