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Author Topic: Ouch!!!  (Read 2130 times)

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Offline PozJeepGuy

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  • Posts: 249
  • Facebook - Jacob Perry
Ouch!!!
« on: April 18, 2011, 02:24:42 AM »
I knew when I decided to start dating again that I would run into the regrection over my status.  With that said it doesn't take away the sting.  Before I became positive, I wouldn't really date someone positive.  It just proves krama is a bitch.  As thow dating wasn't rough enough already. 
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline klouny

  • Member
  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2011, 03:17:13 AM »
before I was positive I had a HUGE crush on a positive guy ( now he's a great friend of mine), I have always been "poz friendly"cause I tried my best to educate myself and not judge others for something like their status ( in the hopes people would not judge me for being a weirdo lol).
but dating all together is a rough ride, adding to it being HIV positive doesnt help I guess.

but keep your chin up, I'm sure disclosing and a few rejections helps weed out the bad seeds.
you'll find someone that will look past the fact that your postive :)
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,758
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2011, 03:20:14 AM »
Sorry to hear someone rejected you over your status.  I'm not in the dating scene, so I don't and can't know what it is like.  I would think I'd try to understand their being scared about it.  Many of us are still figuring out what living with this virus means and will mean--health issues and how to have sex safely.  I mean, if they are total assholes and cruel, that is a totally different story.  But, like you said, it doesn't take away the sting either way.  



 

 


Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,209
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2011, 04:46:16 AM »
It sucks. But as we have seen in other recent threads, presenting a date with the "I'm HIV+ ... can you deal" test of character,  pretty quickly identifies people who have firm "deal-breakers".

I'm sure everyone has their deal-breakers. 

I find it helpful to perceive HIV as an item on a list of potential things that someone could reject me for.  Its not the only one or overriding one. 

I grew long hair about 5 years ago and kept it for 2 years and damn if that wasn't a deal-breaker for some of my rigid fuck-buddies.  Hooked up with a few of them since, and they don't mind the HIV+ . 

How relative, really, what the deal breakers are, for sex, or for love and relationships. 

I'm enjoying the series Mike & Molly because its about two people meeting and building their relationship, and it shows how they deal with the expectations surprises and compromises that relationships pile on.

I truly believe there is a match for everyone, from the most rigid and demanding person with multiple lists, to the "totally cool" and laid-back. 

I don't think we can change this part of human nature.  Natural selection is genetic.  The art is being successful at the mating and nesting.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,245
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2011, 08:59:43 AM »
It kinda funny how things work out.  I always said that I didn't think I could be open enough to live with a guy; I married one almost 5 years ago (have been together 12).  I always said that I didn't think I could date a guy who's HIV+; see the previous sentence (though we weren't positive then).  I always said I didn't think I could deal with being HIV+; I think I handle it pretty well.  Seriously, I quit saying "I don't think I could deal with..." after my diagnosis!   ;)

Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Online Joe K

  • Global Moderator
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  • Posts: 3,492
  • 30 Years Poz
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2011, 12:47:01 PM »
It kinda funny how things work out.  I always said that I didn't think I could be open enough to live with a guy; I married one almost 5 years ago (have been together 12).  I always said that I didn't think I could date a guy who's HIV+; see the previous sentence (though we weren't positive then).  I always said I didn't think I could deal with being HIV+; I think I handle it pretty well.  Seriously, I quit saying "I don't think I could deal with..." after my diagnosis!   ;)

Very well said.
Life is what happens, when you are busy making other plans.

Though you may be only one person in the entire world, to one person, you may be the entire world.

I wish to become half the man, that my dog thinks I am.

Remember me with simple acts of kindness and I will live forever.

Offline PozJeepGuy

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  • Posts: 249
  • Facebook - Jacob Perry
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2011, 01:06:30 PM »
I have to say I haven't had one bad experience from people (besides the ex) with disclosing.  Not a one.  Things have gotten a little easier in the last few months.  So I finally grew a pair and asked out this guy that I have been eyeing since I moved to colorado last Feb (2009).  He said yes right on the spot.  A great first date up to the point I disclosed.  It just stirs up the feelings I have....... like being unclean.  I know better I do but just can't shake that feeling.  You know its funny I read all these threads about discloser and I am the first one to say you should just come out with it and live your life, and for the record I still believe that, but with that said I am starting to understand why some of you guys say wait or not so fast.  This is my first time with rejection over this and I can see after a few years of dealing with this crap how it can change ones perspective.  Its funny you work hard, stay in shape, and have your shit together but theres nothing I can do about being positive.  This is one that is going to fuck with me for a while now.  Thanks guys and gals for listening. 
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,209
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #7 on: April 18, 2011, 01:17:49 PM »
Well you got balls for just telling him.
So he said thanks but no thanks?  Bummer.

I hope this "unclean" feeling fades.

People pick up on how we feel about ourselves. So its good to feel confident and feel like a catch.

I didn't suffer much from the unclean feeling.  I felt like a stupid jerk, but that faded quickly.  Now I just regret that its another thing someone can judge me on, but at least hey, they are the ones judging and I'm not judging myself.  
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,245
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #8 on: April 18, 2011, 01:45:09 PM »
On a positive note... most of the hottest guys I've met since diagnosis are HIV+, which helps out with not being rejected.
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline klouny

  • Member
  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #9 on: April 18, 2011, 01:50:12 PM »
~David~


I totally agree with you, some of those older poz guys are freaking HOT!
oh boy, my last remnant of teenage hormones are in full blast now  :P
cold shower here I come
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,245
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #10 on: April 18, 2011, 02:11:14 PM »
~David~


I totally agree with you, some of those older poz guys are freaking HOT!
oh boy, my last remnant of teenage hormones are in full blast now  :P
cold shower here I come

Some are older (than me), some are my age, and some are younger.  They're just HOT!
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline klouny

  • Member
  • Posts: 142
  • ~ can you see me now~
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #11 on: April 18, 2011, 02:14:35 PM »
 :-\ eh I don't care too much for the youngsters myself or those my age
but I do agree with you. they are indeed
~Strange ideas are Superfluous and unoriginal~

Offline buginme2

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,834
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #12 on: April 18, 2011, 07:46:31 PM »
I'm sorry.

His loss.  I mean, from your pic you're quite the looker and you drive a Jeep!.

Offline PozJeepGuy

  • Member
  • Posts: 249
  • Facebook - Jacob Perry
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2011, 01:34:11 AM »
LOL  I agree, as I look around there are a lot of hot poz guys.  Just great work out more to keep up.  You know just as things let up some and I start to feel better about things; it pops up and bites you in the ass.   This is like the coming out experience all over again.  I'm getting to old for this shit.  (yes, I'm sarcastically kidding around)  A year ago I was at the gym 4 times a week and for the last 8 month es I just stopped everything to wallow a bit and now trying to get back on track.  Damn skinny queens setting the bar.  Hell on the east coast there were some hot bears, here in colorado they all are fit and buff; and damn this attraction to a big chest and broad shoulders. 
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline mikeyb39

  • Member
  • Posts: 921
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2011, 10:48:14 PM »
yes jeep is quite the sexy man.  how do u guys get pics on here?, i cant figure it out. I have bad computer skills.  i was able to add a pic to the personals page, but not here.  hmmm.
11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
12/09/2010  started Atripla
02/18/2011  cd4-425, vl-800
06/10/2011  cd4-447, vl-70
10/10/2011  cd4-666, vl-80
01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
06/10/2012  cd4-614, vl-UD
12/14/2012  cd4-764, vl-UD
09/01/2013  cd4-785, vl-UD
03/06/2014. cd4- 1078, VL-UD

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,050
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #15 on: April 21, 2011, 11:11:29 PM »
yes jeep is quite the sexy man.  how do u guys get pics on here?, i cant figure it out. I have bad computer skills.  i was able to add a pic to the personals page, but not here.  hmmm.
please see my post (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=32457.msg459476#msg459476) in the "IMPORTANT: PERSONALIZED AVATARS/FORUMS PICTURES" thread where I explain adding avatars and pictures into threads. there are even, what I hope, are helpful pictures. ;) If you need any more help, please don't hestitate to PM me. ;)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline BigDaneDogs

  • Member
  • Posts: 35
  • Obviously does NOT like my FB pic.
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #16 on: April 21, 2011, 11:28:01 PM »
Ah Jeep -- karma is a bitch isn't it <G>!!!!  My first case of the "HIV freak out" was with the POS guy I was dating when I was dx'd.  It took him all of 5 hours to dump my butt because he didn't want to be with someone who was pos.  How is that for F'd up?  I get to battle the "little guy" thing too.  Both my ex's were body builders so the bar got set kinda high early on.  I'm only 5'9/165 so bulk is NOT my middle name. (one ex at 6'6"/275, the other 6'2"/225).  How I lucked into those two is beyond me but looking in that same arena at my size AND with my 18 yr status is NOT the walk in the park I can tell you that but I just content myself with my king-sized dogs (my big boy is 6'4" on his hind legs) who scare the crap outta people and life is fun (and just for the record, that was NOT a k9 out for myself - lol).
BigDaneDog because I have two big Danes.
Member since 1993

Offline mikeyb39

  • Member
  • Posts: 921
Re: Ouch!!!
« Reply #17 on: April 21, 2011, 11:31:53 PM »
thank you leatherman!  it worked..
11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
12/09/2010  started Atripla
02/18/2011  cd4-425, vl-800
06/10/2011  cd4-447, vl-70
10/10/2011  cd4-666, vl-80
01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
06/10/2012  cd4-614, vl-UD
12/14/2012  cd4-764, vl-UD
09/01/2013  cd4-785, vl-UD
03/06/2014. cd4- 1078, VL-UD

 


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