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Author Topic: A happy moment  (Read 5719 times)

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Offline PozJeepGuy

  • Member
  • Posts: 249
  • Facebook - Jacob Perry
A happy moment
« on: April 04, 2011, 02:31:41 AM »
 I usually find that my mind goes a mile a minute when I am at home by myself.  However, after a long day at work and a horrible week with a tooth infection; I found myself tonight just relaxing.  Tonight was the first time since this adventure began that I can honestly say I forgot all about HIV for a few hours.  Just watching TV and playing with my dog.  It wasn't till I got up and went to brush my teeth that I saw my meds and reality came back into play, but then it hit me.  I really forgot all about it.  It was a great moment to realize that it won't consume my every waking thought.  Yeaaaaa, next step to getting back to a some what normal life. 

I always come on here and whine or bitch  (and thank you all for allowing that) but I also wanted to share a happy moment.  You know its one thing to know in your head its all right, but its another to truly feel it in your heart.  Yeaaaaaa happy moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline DanMo

  • Member
  • Posts: 235
  • Finally undetectable! ;D
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2011, 02:38:17 AM »
Hey JeepGuy!

It's great to hear that you've had a happy moment today realizing that you hadn't thought about HIV. It's been on my mind ever since I found out! So it's nice to hear about someone just going through that shift where HIV silently goes into the background and doesn't dominate your thoughts 24/7.

Keep up with the progress man!

Dan
“I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.” —Frida Kahlo

11 Feb 2011 - Preliminary positive
07 Mar 11 - Inconclusive WB
14 Mar 11 - Diagnosed positive
05 Apr 11 - 355 (21%) / VL: 186,054
27 Apr 11 - 390 (20%) / VL: 285,095
06 Jun 11 - 298 (19%) / VL:  78,380
01 Aug 11 - > STARTED ATRIPLA <
30 Aug 11 - 699 (31%) / VL: 1,938
03 Nov 11 -                / VL: 645
27 Dec 11 - 559 (35%) / VL: 1,189
11 Jan 12 -                 / VL: <20
09 Apr 12 - 686 (40%) / VL: UD
11 Jul 12 - 793 (37%) / VL: 25

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,988
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2011, 03:14:21 AM »
HIV does consume a great deal of my day.  I've even had my therapist tell me by coming to websites like these that I'm allowing HIV to consume most of my time.  I've thought about that.  However, I think coming to this site and reading about progress in HIV actually helps to calm me.  At least, I think it does. 

When I'm having dinner with family and friends or busy doing work around the house, I will often go a few hours without thinking about it.  But, probably not more than a couple hours.  I hope to get to where I don't think about it much.  I'm not sure anyone can totally not think about it, but get to the point where your not always wondering what HIV is doing to your body, when to start meds, is this cold going to turn out to be something more severe, etc, etc.  I'm glad to hear you were able to just be you, even if for just a while.  So, what was so good on TV tonight?  Surely not the Country Music Awards..lol.  Was it Family Guy and Desperate Housewives?  If I get into a good show, it usually takes my mind of things.  I've been watching Wonder Woman episodes.  I haven't seen them in a while.         

Offline PozJeepGuy

  • Member
  • Posts: 249
  • Facebook - Jacob Perry
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2011, 03:26:48 AM »
The Soup awards for Joel McHale.  Love that show.
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline littleprince

  • Member
  • Posts: 201
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2011, 04:15:11 AM »
I usually find that my mind goes a mile a minute when I am at home by myself.  However, after a long day at work and a horrible week with a tooth infection; I found myself tonight just relaxing.  Tonight was the first time since this adventure began that I can honestly say I forgot all about HIV for a few hours.  Just watching TV and playing with my dog.  It wasn't till I got up and went to brush my teeth that I saw my meds and reality came back into play, but then it hit me.  I really forgot all about it.  It was a great moment to realize that it won't consume my every waking thought.  Yeaaaaa, next step to getting back to a some what normal life. 

I always come on here and whine or bitch  (and thank you all for allowing that) but I also wanted to share a happy moment.  You know its one thing to know in your head its all right, but its another to truly feel it in your heart.  Yeaaaaaa happy moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good to hear. You'll find that happening more and more. I've only been pos for a few months more than you but found that around the same time after dx I started not thinking about it 24/7, short periods at first but then most of the day. Now I don't really think or not think about it... it just is.

I guess you're at the point where you can put aside some of the concern and go back to living your life again. The good news is that it gets even better.

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2011, 05:18:59 AM »
I think about it pretty much 24/7 since my diagnosis 2 months ago. I think it takes up probably 90% of my mental space while awake.
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2011, 07:20:25 AM »
Way to go Jeep!  You will find that those 'moments' become much more frequent and that life does go on.  I think its up to us to allow that to happen.  Somebody once told me 'if worrying actually helps resolve a matter, then worry until the problem is solved".  I dont know, maybe its just me but I think we do have control over how we deal with any type of life altering change (HIV included).  I am glad you found yourself in a good place after such a bad week.




Offline mbpoz6

  • Member
  • Posts: 82
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2011, 09:58:26 AM »
I think about this just about every minute of the day.....I dont know when these thoughts wil reduce, or go away.....What puts me in a better mind state though is when I read research and advancements and stuff like that..... But since that part of the forums is not as thriving as the other parts on here, the stressful thoughts continue, unfortunately.

I really wish there was more people posting positive information in the research news section.

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,642
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2011, 02:58:53 PM »
As time goes on, you will have many many more of these "HIV worry-free" times.   I certainly understand it consuming much of your thoughts, at first....but you'll find that it just becomes part of your life, and you fit it all in together. 

Thanks for posting a "happy moment" !

Hugs, Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline CaptCarl

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,114
  • Located in the Palinsville subdivision, JesusLand
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2011, 05:30:32 PM »
Jeep-
   Congratulations on an important milestone on the HIV Highway ;) It's a small but important step. You'll find that you are able to go longer periods of time without thinking about it. A good place to be. I remember the first time I realized I went an entire day without thinking about it. I was so thrilled that I shared about it in a support group. The moderator of the group looked at me and said "So exactly how much pot do you smoke?" I got up and left right then, and didn't go back to a supprt group for years.

   Agin, congrats on small but imortant part of coming to realize that HIV doesn't have to dominate you whole life.

CaptCarl
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline auspoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 158
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #10 on: April 07, 2011, 05:21:23 AM »
I am so pleased for you. I hope you have many more such moments, with increasing frequency and duration, until you barely think of it at all.

That was my experience. And if you'd told me that 4 years ago, I would never have believed it. I haven't posted here in ages, but, I feel like thinking about it now. A bit like a good book I once read, or a great travel experience.

I wish you all the best! Go out and live. :)

Auspoz.


Offline RedBear

  • Member
  • Posts: 34
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2011, 03:55:02 PM »
Congrat's ....took awhile for for me to not obsess and worry about every little thing too.  Now at the point that I can enjoy my time without all those feelings creeping in.  Think my partner (neg), worries about it more than I do.  Have a head cold at the moment, but not freaking out over it like i would have even a year ago.  Been three years since diagnosis and things have totally turned around for me.  Doc says it's the adherence to my meds, positive attitude and exercising...Doing fun and ordinary things seem to help.  You'll get there too. Hang in there it gets better and better.    Dave
Finish each day and be done with it.  You have done what you could.  Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.  Tomorrow is a new day.  You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with you old nonsense. 
                              Emerson

Offline zorro62

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #12 on: April 09, 2011, 12:26:07 PM »
My OCD specialist therapist put it in a different light. She taught me to have my brain think about it but not react to it (which is where the problem lies). She did this through exposure therapy. Made me write down all the worst things my brain conjured up when I thought about it. Then each night I would read them al back to myself and measure the "spike". (initially high). After a few months, I would read em and have no reaction. Thats where she wanted  me to get to. So dont worry if it pops in your mind. Worry if you have a spike or a flutter when it does and work on just getting to the point where you have no reaction to the thought. She also taught me all about living with a question mark...not always assuming the worst..not always thinking that every lil ache was due to HIV.Maybe its was, maybe it wasnt.  I like her...she got me back on track after a year of flailing. I think that all new possies should be treated using the tools that are used to treat PTSD and OCD .
« Last Edit: April 09, 2011, 12:31:25 PM by zorro62 »
Jan09 - tested neg
Apr 2nd 09 - tested poz
Apr 09: CD4:1178  %45   vl=350
Jul 09:  CD4:1380  %42   vl=2,900
Aug 09: CD4:987  %43  vl=2,350
Nov 09: CD4:1440 %48  vl=650
Mar 10: CD4:1030 %43  vl=880
Jun 10: CD4:565 %42 vl=3300
Sep 10: CD4:1030 %49 vl=8k
Dec 10: CD4:1059 %44 vl=38k
Mar 11: CD4:1130 %53 vl=17k
Apr 11: Started on GSK blind HIV Therapeutic Vaccine Trial
Jul 11: CD4: 908 %44 vl=29k
Oct 11: CD4: 787  %44 vl=13k
Dec 11: CD4: 1013 %41 vl=14k
Mar 12: CD4: 1003 %44 vl=17k
Jun 12: CD4: 897 %43 vl=7k
Nov 12: CD4: 800 %38 vl=12k
May 13: CD4:780 %31 vl=44k
Nov 13: CD4: 620 %31 vl=12k
Feb 14: CD4: 615 %29 vl=29k
Feb 14 (GSK trial stopped; placebo and med recipients react the same)

Offline Hoover

  • Member
  • Posts: 286
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #13 on: April 09, 2011, 12:34:30 PM »
Jeep,
Congrats on living life. Even a few minutes of freedom do wonders!

I find hard work eases my mind. (busy hands are happy hands)
This week I have been pouring a cement driveway.
With only a shovel and a wheel barrow for mixing and hauling,
my thoughts have been quite clear of HIV. :D

Cheers from paradise,
Hoover
Infection date: March 16, 2010
20/05/10 - CD4 348  VL 58,000  Lymph nodes in jaw painful!  Antioxidants started.
01/06/10 - CD4 428  VL?
24/06/10 - CD4 578  VL 9,800
13/07/10 - CD4 620  VL?
04/09/10 - CD4 648  VL?
01/11/10 - CD4 710  VL?   CD8 972
16/12/10    CD4 738  VL?  CD8  896   
02/02/11    CD4 520 (month of parasites and new lab)
14/03/11 started Truvida and Sustiva (Efavirenz)
04/07/11 CD4 686 VL 75 CD8 588  41%
10/10/11 CD4 757  45%  VL UD

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,686
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #14 on: April 10, 2011, 08:53:34 AM »


      Hey PozJeepGuy ,
                                Glad to hear you had a nice day !
              I am sure your days will  get better each day .
     Living with  HIV / AIDS  for so many years has taught me a few things .
       The most important is that it  ( HIV )  can NOT run your life .
      WE have to live with it but not let it rule .
      I can go for weeks and never think about HIV .
     This of course means overlooking the bad , just living with inconveniences ?
     Works for me .
       I hope to hear many more good days coming your way .    :)

                                                                    Weasel   AKA   :  Carl
" Live and let Live "

Offline Jayko81

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: A happy moment
« Reply #15 on: April 13, 2011, 10:16:00 AM »
My boyfriend is poz, and I can tell you it consumes him at times. But after almost three years with the virus, he's become his own master again, and HIV doesn't rule his daily life. Sure, there are many times he will sit and I'll see the look on his face starting to get sad and I'll ask if he's thinking about his HIV, and he'll try to deny it and then tell me that yes, that's what he's thinking about. But those moments have decreased from often (in the beginning of our relationship, and especially right after he started to take meds) to very rarely over the last two years we've been together.

As with most things, time helps and it gets better, honestly. I promise you!

Sometimes we go weeks without talking about his HIV (not because we avoid it), but because we forget! It isn't a taboo subject between us, so it's not like we don't want to talk about it. I know he thinks about it everyday though, at least very briefly, because he takes Atripla... so at bedtime when he takes his meds, I know it's on his mind.

 


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