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Author Topic: Recieved the call today  (Read 7862 times)

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Offline ssaustin

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Recieved the call today
« on: March 30, 2011, 12:59:14 AM »
So I received the dreaded call about 10 hours ago that stated I tested HIV+. I didn't even think that I would have it, but went to my GP for a routine check-up and blood work. I guess I should count my blessings that I found out early, because I had to have been infected within the last 6 months.

When I heard them say I was positive, my heart sank. But because I am (or was?) an aspiring doctor who is just about to apply to med school I know that it isn't a death sentence that it was decades ago. But I am still full of anger, why me? What did I do to deserve this? I have fought tooth and nail to get to where I am today, and only being 24 this just seems so unfair. I'm still waiting for that call in which they will say "April fools! You aren't positive"

I feel so alone, I can't tell my parents because they don't know I'm gay. Let alone drop the HIV+ bomb on them at the same time. I know a few of my friends would be supportive but I can't tell them right now, and my boyfriend (whom I cheated on, which is assuming how I got the virus) would be devastated. The only bright side at the moment is that I don't have to tell him right away, because I know for a fact there is no way he could have been infected by me.

I'm going on an vacation, so I can't see my GP (or the HIV Dr she has referred me too) for about a month so I won't know my viral load or CD4 count. This is something that is kind of scary for me, because I want to know. I have always had a strong immune system, and haven't felt sick in about a year so I'm sure that going one month won't be much of a difference.

I have one question that I can't get out of my mind. I think once I see my doc's they will be able to clear it up better but I just can't wait. I've done some online reading but I can't find a great answer for it. It's about cost. I pretty much have no money, as I only work part-time and am a student. I am on my parents insurance, but I'm not sure if they will cover anything. Because I'm on their insurance, will the insurance company call and tell them about my status? How do people pay for meds?

Sorry this was kind of long, but again I just feel so alone and I needed to get it off my chest. I think I have come to terms with it a bit, after a few manic bouts of crying. One thing I need to find when I get back is a support group, there's no way I'm going to be able to fight this alone and telling people close to me is going to have to wait until I'm prepared.

Offline puuchai

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2011, 01:46:53 AM »
Hi there,Sorry about your bad news,it will hardly have sank in yet,take time and one step at a time,you must feel like your heads in a spin dryer at the moment,things will work out slowly for sure,don't even consider putting your career in the bin,i'm no expert but youll slowly find love and care from people that care about you which will help you through.
I wish you the best.

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2011, 02:25:15 AM »
Hi ssaustin,

Wish I didn't have to welcome you in these circumstances but I am glad you found your way here. This site has been an immense support to me (since I was diagnosed 2 months ago).  Welcome to the forums.

If it helps in anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I too am gay and was in a relationship when I found out I am poz. In my case too, my parents don't know that I am gay. I still haven't disclosed to them and don't plan to until I feel I am ready. Thankfully, my bf came out neg. On top of that I live with my parents, which makes the whole ordeal all the more hard.

So you see, others have gone through the same stuff and you will too and in time things will become normal.

I am not in the US so I don't know much about insurance etc, but I know a lot of other members will fill in on that. Take care.
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline AaronbytheC

  • Member
  • Posts: 116
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2011, 07:22:17 PM »
First, welcome to the board!  I'm sorry you had to join us but welcome none the less!   ;D

I had to giggle a little when I read your post...  Only because it was so similar to my very first post here!  I too was in shock and insurance was the first thing on my mind!   :o

From what I know about insurance, if you are on your parents insurance and the bills / co-pays relating to you come to your address you're good.  
If they go to your parents house, "you're gonna have some splainin' to do Lucy!".  The amount of paperwork the first year is going to raise a red flag to them that something is up.

Meds:  If you need them there are tons of programs out there to help.  Everything from copay assistance to full coverage through ADAP.  In my case I had a blue cross plan that only covered generic drugs (and there are no generic HIV drugs in the USA) so ADAP is helping me.  As a part time employed student I'd lay dollars to donuts that you'll qualify for ADAP and gets meds no cost.  Now some states have waiting lists for ADAP help so there may be some issues there.  

The best thing you can do is get yourself to a doc and find out where you're at with respect to HIV.  If you're in need of meds right away there's always a way!  Your local ASO is usually really helpful to figure it out.  
« Last Edit: March 31, 2011, 07:37:10 PM by AaronbytheC »
04/2012 CD4 721 / 29% / VL UD
02/2011 UNDETECTABLE!
12/2010 CD4 587 / 24% / VL 210
11/2010 Started Atripla
10/2010 CD4 420 / 18% / VL 13,500
09/2010 CD4 541 / 17% / VL 10,500
08/2010 CD4 498 / 18% / VL Not Taken
07/2010 CD4 307 / 18% / VL 9,500
06/2010 Confirmed Poz
03/2010 Infected
06/2009 Neg

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,277
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2011, 07:42:46 PM »
When I heard them say I was positive, my heart sank. But because I am (or was?) an aspiring doctor who is just about to apply to med school I know that it isn't a death sentence that it was decades ago. But I am still full of anger, why me?

There is absolutely no reason why you cant continue on your path to be a doctor. We have at least one member here who is currently in Med school and is doing great, Health wise and scholastically. Keep on doing what you are doing, just because you have this virus does not mean your life is over.

You are newly Dx'd so you will be going through a range of emotions, like anger. But I can promise you it's get better. It does become "normal" again.


I feel so alone, I can't tell my parents because they don't know I'm gay. Let alone drop the HIV+ bomb on them at the same time.

What's the rush? Tell them in you're own time. There are no guidelines regarding disclosing to your parents.

The only bright side at the moment is that I don't have to tell him right away, because I know for a fact there is no way he could have been infected by me.

IMHO you need to tell him sooner not later, like now. This is not something you should be keeping from someone you are sexually active with, much less your boyfriend. He has a right to know buddy.

As far as paying for the drugs, contact your local ASO (Aids Services Organization), and schedule an appt to see a counselor, they will help you figure out what you qualify for, etc... Also it's good to get an idea of what all the ASO's offer in case you ever need their services in the future. BTW, are you in Austin Tx? If so call Aids Services of Austin, there are some amazing people there.

Anyways, glad you are here, but sorry there is a need for you to be. You will find alot of companionship here, and a wealth of information.

-Will
« Last Edit: March 31, 2011, 07:51:10 PM by WillyWump »
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline buginme2

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,290
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2011, 10:37:34 PM »
If you get your blood tests or medications billed through your insurance they will most likely find out.  On my insurance everytime my insurance company pays for something they send me an "Explanation of Benefits." It lists all the HIV blood tests I have had and all my doctors visits and medications.

My partner is also on my insurance but I am the primary person on it so whenever he goes to the doctor or has a blood test I see his "Explanation of Benefits" also.

You need to tell your boyfriend.

Sorry your positive
Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline surf18

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2011, 08:13:28 AM »
hey guy
i know what your going through. i too found out surpirisingly on a routine physical. i too am in a relationship and i too  never got around to telling my parents that im gay and then have to tell them that i was dx/d with this shit.
and i too was going away right after the dx and had to wait for dr's appt. and i had so many questions. it was brutal waiting.
i spent that whole vacation obessed with this.couldnt sleep ,anything. but man it was a good think i was away ,i couldnt imagine working with this on my mind.no way.
i did tell my parents only because i work with them and they were freaking out that i never came back after my routine physical. and my dad was driving around looking for me at all the hospitals in town. they were great.
but as for anyonelse nope. not doing it. no ones business.
of course i told my bf right away,he was the first one i called. we are in an open relationship so there has been many men in both our sex lives over the years.

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,877
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2011, 05:34:35 PM »
I feel so alone, I can't tell my parents because they don't know I'm gay. Let alone drop the HIV+ bomb on them at the same time.

Sorry this was kind of long, but again I just feel so alone and I needed to get it off my chest. I think I have come to terms with it a bit, after a few manic bouts of crying. One thing I need to find when I get back is a support group, there's no way I'm going to be able to fight this alone and telling people close to me is going to have to wait until I'm prepared.

Hey SS,

I'm sorry that you have tested poz and the best thing you can do right now, is to take it slow and give yourself some time.  That being said, I want to tell you, as a parent myself, that one of a parent's greatest fears, is that their own child would not come to them, in his hour of need.  I do not know your parents, however I do know that there is nothing more precious to a parent, than their children.  As hard as it may be for you to tell them, trust me, eventually they will know that something major has changed.  What I ask is that you consider, that by not telling them, you are depriving them of showing you unconditional love.  That is what family does for family.

In one sense, you are demeaning your folks, because you are underestimating their desire and ability to support you, at a time when you need it most.  This leads me to another suggestion.  If you wait until you are ready to tell someone, you may never tell anyone.  For me, the idea of telling someone, is to gain their support and anyone, worth having in your life, will embrace you.  If they do not, then you do not need them in your life, however I doubt that anyone you would tell, would ever turn away from you, if only you would give them the chance.

I remember how hard it was for me to tell my parents and yes, it shocked the hell out of them.  However, it did not change what they felt for me and that was unconditional love.  Were they disappointed or angry?  Possibly, but not by their initial reaction and by my giving them some time to process the news, we became closer and I had some much needed support.  Try to remember, that part of what makes us human, is our ability to overlook mistakes, especially when it involves someone whom we truly love.  My guess is you have a lot of folks who love you, if only you will give them a chance.  Sometimes, it is very hard to disappoint the ones we love, however, being disappointed is always in the eyes of the beholder and not you.  I cannot imagine that you will be unable to receive any unconditional love, if only you have the strength to ask for it.

Offline ssaustin

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2011, 03:11:22 AM »
thanks everyone for the support, I am currently still on vacation and thankfully i have been able to keep my mind somewhat busy. I'm trying to keep living the way I did before I found out, but I still have little bouts of sadness/anxiety. I guess that's expected though

Offline BJS2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 62
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2011, 06:50:55 AM »
So I received the dreaded call about 10 hours ago that stated I tested HIV+. I didn't even think that I would have it, but went to my GP for a routine check-up and blood work. I guess I should count my blessings that I found out early, because I had to have been infected within the last 6 months.

When I heard them say I was positive, my heart sank. But because I am (or was?) an aspiring doctor who is just about to apply to med school I know that it isn't a death sentence that it was decades ago. But I am still full of anger, why me? What did I do to deserve this? I have fought tooth and nail to get to where I am today, and only being 24 this just seems so unfair. I'm still waiting for that call in which they will say "April fools! You aren't positive"
I got infected
I feel so alone, I can't tell my parents because they don't know I'm gay. Let alone drop the HIV+ bomb on them at the same time. I know a few of my friends would be supportive but I can't tell them right now, and my boyfriend (whom I cheated on, which is assuming how I got the virus) would be devastated. The only bright side at the moment is that I don't have to tell him right away, because I know for a fact there is no way he could have been infected by me.

I'm going on an vacation, so I can't see my GP (or the HIV Dr she has referred me too) for about a month so I won't know my viral load or CD4 count. This is something that is kind of scary for me, because I want to know. I have always had a strong immune system, and haven't felt sick in about a year so I'm sure that going one month won't be much of a difference.

I have one question that I can't get out of my mind. I think once I see my doc's they will be able to clear it up better but I just can't wait. I've done some online reading but I can't find a great answer for it. It's about cost. I pretty much have no money, as I only work part-time and am a student. I am on my parents insurance, but I'm not sure if they will cover anything. Because I'm on their insurance, will the insurance company call and tell them about my status? How do people pay for meds?

Sorry this was kind of long, but again I just feel so alone and I needed to get it off my chest. I think I have come to terms with it a bit, after a few manic bouts of crying. One thing I need to find when I get back is a support group, there's no way I'm going to be able to fight this alone and telling people close to me is going to have to wait until I'm prepared.
I got infected from my X. He was cheating and we had unprotected sex. Just please don't do this to your partner. Tell him. He has EVERY right to know before sleeping with you again. I just pray he don't have it. I don't mean to be rude but by cheating and NOT using a rubber you have put your innocent partner at risk. I am a litytle bitter about such a topic cause this is exactly how I was infected. I have lost all trust in men.

Offline BigDaneDogs

  • Member
  • Posts: 35
  • Obviously does NOT like my FB pic.
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2011, 01:33:40 AM »
AUSTIN -- I HATE to hear yet another person has joined the ranks.  I'm in my 18th year and have run the mill with this "fun and festive" event in my life.  First and foremost, DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!  Just because you are pos DOES NOT mean you have to stop living your life and pursuing your dreams.  I was on BCBS insurance at the time I was dx'd.  Mine paid for my meds with a co-pay (only about $30.00 per prescription).  If you are on you parents plan, they will most likely get the billing information so looks like you are going to get to come out one way or another.  My parents knew I was gay but contracting HIV was my mother's worst fear.  I received the call at 9am and I was sitting in my mom's living room by 5:30pm with a counselor from the AIDS support group.  I occupied my time planning on telling everyone.  It kept me busy.  My mom was the worst because she had been SO supportive of me.  I felt like I'd just stabbed her in the heart.  I remember longing for the day when I could make it through the day and NOT have to think "OMG - I'm have HIV".  The day WILL come.  I also VERY quickly came to terms with being pos.  I came to terms with the understanding that I could be bitter and resentful over something that I could in NO way change or I could accept that it had happened and get on with my life.  I just didn't have the stamina to be pissed off the rest of my life. 

If you are in Austin, so am I.  Go to the David Powell Clinic.  They, along with ASA can assist you in MANY ways. Also, please feel free to get in touch with me if you just want to talk to someone.
BigDaneDog because I have two big Danes.
Member since 1993

Offline ssaustin

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2011, 07:48:00 PM »
BJ: I understand and I completely agree with you. I'm pretty much 99% positive he does not have it bc we haven't been sexually active since before I cheated and I don't plan on doing anything in the mean time

BigDane: Thanks, I've decided I'm not going to give up and just keep following my ambition. I just came back into the States today and will be going for my first round of blood tests on the 9th. And I think my PCP is referring me to the David Powell Clinic.

Offline Caramel_Cutie

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
  • And then it came to me...like an epiphany!
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2011, 09:49:54 PM »
Hey there ssaustin,

I am glad to hear the upbeat tone in your message you posted today.  Believe me, we have all gone through those same emotions and fears you went through when you first found out.  When I look back I really don't even think about those days much anymore.  I'm about to hit my third year and I am just continuing to look forward.  Like you said it's no longer a death sentence....you have a long life to live!  About to enter Med School, okay!  You are going to be a great doc and you may even be one of the best HIV Specialists there are out here today!  I don't get on here as much as I want but I've found this website to be one of the best support groups.  I am not ready to sit face to face with folks here in my area because once I do, I feel like I'll be the talk of the town.  In my mind I'm a "pillar in the community" so I keep my personal business to myself.  If you have any questions about the insurance filing or how things work just shoot me a message. I manage a billing department for a medical company and there may be some ways to get around that.

Also, I have a BCBS plan which recently forced me to change over to a MOP (Mail Order Pharmacy) in order to get my meds and it actually saves me money.  Now without insurance the meds are extremely expensive.  For some reason, I never get an EOB...so it just depends on the insurance company.  But anyway, take it from me you are going to be fine and we are all here for you!  Good luck with everything and let me know if you have any questions about the insurance side of it.

 8) Caramel....

Offline BigDaneDogs

  • Member
  • Posts: 35
  • Obviously does NOT like my FB pic.
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #13 on: April 30, 2011, 10:49:52 PM »
SSAUSTIN -- I see Dr. Zachery at David Powell.  They will manage all of the necessary paperwork to get you into the ADAP program so the state will pay for your meds.  Just list that you have no insurance on the sign-in form.  It's a little humbling going to David Powell but they have some great doctors there too.  They will blood test you from head to toe - lol.  It will be awhile before they POTENTIALLY start you on any HIV meds.  NEVER FORGET --- this is just a BUMP IN THE ROADYou STILL HAVE A LIFE TO LEAD, DREAMS TO PURSUE and GOALS TO REACH.  Just because you are HIV+ DOES NOT mean you have to give up ANYTHING.  YOUR LIFE IS STILL LAID OUT BEFORE YOU IF you choose to pursue it.

My way of dealing with my dxs was to come to terms with the fact that I had 2 choses and 2 choses only.  I could wollow in my own misery over something I COULD NOT CHANGE IN ANY WAY, or I COULD STEP UP AND GO ON WITH MY LIFE JUST AS I'D PLANNED!!!!  Go On with your life.  It is your own personal way of beating this disease and coming out on top.

If yo would like someone to go with you to David Powell just let me know.  I am free most every day so I can be there when you need to to be there.  Just send me an email and we can make arrangements.
BigDaneDog because I have two big Danes.
Member since 1993

Offline Betelgeuse

  • Member
  • Posts: 163
Re: Recieved the call today
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2011, 04:11:59 AM »
Can I also mention just one more thing?

You mention you're an aspiring doctor.

Follow your dreams - PLEASE.

Perhaps your calling is to specialize in infectious diseases.  You are young and you have your entire life ahead of you. 

We're all rootin' for you dude.
04/19/11 - Diagnosed positive
04/29/11 - CD4 188 @ 12.5% / VL 18k
05/03/11 - CD4 171 @ unk% / VL 7k
06/04/11 - Start Truvada/Isentress
07/11/11 - CD4 not tested / VL UD
09/07/11 - CD4 252 @ unk% / VL UD

 


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