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Author Topic: Private messages  (Read 20371 times)

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Offline PrettyHeart

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Private messages
« on: March 30, 2011, 12:43:53 AM »
Ok to all that talk to me in private messages, I guess I don't belong here because I have to make sure I don't answer to anyone to where I'm not allowed. I got disrespected (and yes you were rude!) because I replied to a poster under "am I infected" ..sorry I know how it feels to be infected! I will send out my private email to whom I respond with as I won't be visiting these boards anymore. As if I don't deal with enough BS in life!

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2011, 12:49:05 AM »
Ok to all that talk to me in private messages, I guess I don't belong here because I have to make sure I don't answer to anyone to where I'm not allowed. I got disrespected (and yes you were rude!) because I replied to a poster under "am I infected" ..sorry I know how it feels to be infected! I will send out my private email to whom I respond with as I won't be visiting these boards anymore. As if I don't deal with enough BS in life!

Pretty is kvetching because she chose unwisely to respond in AMI without first reading the Welcome Thread for that forum.

Now considering that more than one of y'all know how it is to be kicked in the keister for posting in AMI without the EXPRESS PERMISSION OF HER ANNSHIP I think it would be nice if some love and hugs could be sent Pretty's way.

We wouldn't want to lose her from the forums just because she took a big crap on the rules, now would we? :)

MtD

Offline PrettyHeart

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2011, 12:59:50 AM »
If anyone could "kindly" explain to me how to remove my profile from this site, it would be greatly appreciated

Offline SunnyFlorida

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2011, 01:14:08 AM »
If anyone could "kindly" explain to me how to remove my profile from this site, it would be greatly appreciated

PrettyHeart,

I think you're talking this too personally. This is a wonderful site full of incredible people brave enough to come forward and be open about their status, as well as their HIV-negative friends and loved ones. You did violate the rules, but during my short time here I've seen quite a few people ignore the rules in that forum, sometimes repeatedly after being warned. Can you imagine how frustrated the powers-that-be are?

I looked at Matty the Damned's post:

Quote
Ugh. This thread is so wrong in so many ways.

Littlebear, fuck off back to your original thread, after 16 posts you should know the rules.

Pretty, you're not authorised to respond in AMI threads, so don't. Stick to your own thread. Stay out of AMI.

Ya dig?

MtD

/edit: to correct my orignal message since it appears Pretty is a pozzie./

Doesn't seem all that rude to me, honestly. All he did was tell you to stay out of that forum - as in, not reply to any threads. You're not authorized. Simple as that. I know you have good intentions at heart, but there are perfectly valid reasons for that forum being limited to a select few people. Giving the wrong advice could seriously harm someone physically or psychologically and I imagine it can cause liability issues for this website. Please, leave it to the select few authorized to reply in that forum.

Myself, I am not HIV+ but I'm here because of my friend who is poz and I would NOT dream of giving advice to anyone in this forum relating to HIV. It's not my place at all because I cannot draw from experience nor formal training, as it isn't your place to advise people who are worried about their statuses since you have not been trained in these matters.

With all that said... I do hope you'll decide to stay.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 01:16:01 AM by SunnyFlorida »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2011, 01:21:32 AM »

Myself, I am not HIV+ but I'm here because of my friend who is poz and I would NOT dream of giving advice to anyone in this forum relating to HIV.

I don't think, in light of that, that you're supposed to be posting outside of "Someone I Care About..." or "Off Topic" yet you have been.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2011, 01:23:46 AM »
PrettyHeart,

I think you're talking this too personally. This is a wonderful site full of incredible people brave enough to come forward and be open about their status, as well as their HIV-negative friends and loved ones. You did violate the rules, but during my short time here I've seen quite a few people ignore the rules in that forum, sometimes repeatedly after being warned. Can you imagine how frustrated the powers-that-be are?

Werd!

Quote
I looked at Matty the Damned's post:

Doesn't seem all that rude to me, honestly. All he did was tell you to stay out of that forum - as in, not reply to any threads. You're not authorized. Simple as that. I know you have good intentions at heart, but there are perfectly valid reasons for that forum being limited to a select few people. Giving the wrong advice could seriously harm someone physically or psychologically and I imagine it can cause liability issues for this website. Please, leave it to the select few authorized to reply in that forum.

Myself, I am not HIV+ but I'm here because of my friend who is poz and I would NOT dream of giving advice to anyone in this forum relating to HIV. It's not my place at all because I cannot draw from experience nor formal training, as it isn't your place to advise people who are worried about their statuses since you have not been trained in these matters.

With all that said... I do hope you'll decide to stay.

Child, you've got me all in a quandry. On the one hand, you're right because you're defending my position. You've made a powerful ally today. :)

But on the other hand you're a neggie posting in Living With.

Generally speaking y'all kind is chased out of this forum (something I've never agreed with) even though the rules about posting in LW are not clear.

Goderators, can we get a ruling here? Are the mortals allowed to post in LW or not? If not change the subtitle of the forum to reflect that.

That said, the rules about AMI are clear. Unauthorised folks should stay the fuck out of that particular sewer trap.

MtD

Offline PrettyHeart

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2011, 01:24:34 AM »
"stay out" means stay out..as I cannot even read the threads? And as I've said, I don't have a problem with rules, life is all about rules. I don't give advice to where I know nothing about it, trust me. But as being positive, yes I do know some things. I wouldn't have taken it to heart if he would have just explained it a little better instead of "stay out" and "ya dig?"  Then maybe I could have apologized and wouldn't dare go back in there again!

So glad you are not positive!

Offline SunnyFlorida

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2011, 01:25:54 AM »
I don't think, in light of that, that you're supposed to be posting outside of "Someone I Care About..." or "Off Topic" yet you have been.

I went over this with Andy Velez. The description for the "Living with HIV" forum reads:

Living With HIV
For HIV+ individuals and their friends & family

My friend is on this forum under the name klouny, and I'm here because I care for him as more than a friend - more like a little brother. The forum has helped me out tremendously by allowing me to draw from others' experiences with reacting to their seroconversion to help my friend out. If it's really a problem for me to post in that forum, please let me know and I will cease.

Edit: I should add that Andy told me to "Keep it simple", which I interpret it to mean that there are certain lines I shouldn't, and will not, cross. ;)

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2011, 01:32:17 AM »
I went over this with Andy Velez. The description for the "Living with HIV" forum reads:

Living With HIV
For HIV+ individuals and their friends & family

My friend is on this forum under the name klouny, and I'm here because I care for him as more than a friend - more like a little brother. The forum has helped me out tremendously by allowing me to draw from others' experiences with reacting to their seroconversion to help my friend out. If it's really a problem for me to post in that forum, please let me know and I will cease.

You've got a point here. And it's a matter I've raised with the Goderators on numerous occasions. They can't seem to agree on who is allowed to post in LW and who is not.

As a pozzie my view is that you should be permitted to post here. Many people live with the virus, not just those who are infected.

We need to include those who are affected as well as those who are infected.

To that end I think the Someone I Care About should be merged with Living With.

Of course, cross me and I'll change sides in a heartbeat. :)

MtD

Offline SunnyFlorida

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2011, 01:36:03 AM »
Child, you've got me all in a quandry. On the one hand, you're right because you're defending my position. You've made a powerful ally today. :)

But on the other hand you're a neggie posting in Living With.

Generally speaking y'all kind is chased out of this forum (something I've never agreed with) even though the rules about posting in LW are not clear.

Goderators, can we get a ruling here? Are the mortals allowed to post in LW or not? If not change the subtitle of the forum to reflect that.

Hmmm... I did notice some inconsistency in enforcing this rule. That's why I had a brief talk with Andy. How about instead of barring us outright, how about imposing and enforcing stricter rules on us. Something like not giving HIV-related advice, for example. What do you think?

You've got a point here. And it's a matter I've raised with the Goderators on numerous occasions. They can't seem to agree on who is allowed to post in LW and who is not.

As a pozzie my view is that you should be permitted to post here. Many people live with the virus, not just those who are infected.

We need to include those who are affected as well as those who are infected.

To that end I think the Someone I Care About should be merged with Living With.

Of course, cross me and I'll change sides in a heartbeat. :)

MtD

I agree with you that many people who aren't infected live with the virus, but I'm not sure about merging the two forums. On one hand, the "Someone I Care About Has HIV" forum isn't really all that popular - only one person responded to a thread I made there last week asking for advice. On the other hand, that would blur the lines and make enforcing the rules (that I suggested above) more difficult.

And you don't have to worry about me crossing anyone. ;) I try to be careful to follow the rules and be respectful of others! I own a gay-oriented forum and have been a moderator on several so I know how the game's played.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 01:37:49 AM by SunnyFlorida »

Online Joe K

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2011, 01:42:10 AM »
With all due respect, I believe that only poz people should be posting in the Living With HIV forum. It is not that members, who are not poz, cannot be supportive or compassionate, it is that they are not poz and therefore are not living with HIV. I had no idea the rules for this forum were not specific as to you having to be poz to post in this forum and no offense, but I have no desire to hand hold folks, who are negative, by having to explain to them things that pozzies share. I don't like the idea of another forum becoming a free for all and we gave them their own forum and this one should remain for solely poz posters.

Online tednlou2

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2011, 01:43:46 AM »
Pretty,

I made the mistake once of posting in the Am I Infected forum.  I didn't read the posting rules--just like I rarely read any fine print, which can often get ya in trouble.  I'm not sure what was said to you.  Of course, my first reaction when someone tells me I can't do something is to feel attacked.  But, after thinking about it, I get it.  I'm not qualified to deal with people in that forum who often have a lot of psychological issues--many, not all.  I'm not sure what the criteria is for someone to be able to post there.  I would think you need experience in dealing with people who have psychological issues.  I say that with no disrespect to those people.  Many of us have psychological issues and I don't mean it as a slur.  

When I first came here, I also posted once in the LTS forum and was scolded for that.  At that time, there wasn't an official rule that a non-LTS member could not post there.  But, I later understood the LTS members wanted and needed a forum for themselves, so posts didn't get all clouded up with things that didn't have anything to do with being a LTS.  I had asked a question about someone who got a liver transplant.  I was new and asked whether HIV and/or the meds often destroy the liver.  I felt some jumped on me and were rude--saying "they don't have time to coddle me" or something like that.  But, I got over it and moved on.  The Living With HIV forum is confusing.  It says it is for people living with HIV and their family and friends.  However, people who post about their friends or family are told not to post.  They should really change the posting rules for that.  Again, I don't know what was said to you, but I would just try to realize there is a reason for the posting guidelines.  If someone asks whether they got infected from kissing, for example, and I say some docs say it is possible to transmit via deep french kissing and then other posters say that is bull, then it would cause debates and confuse the people posting questions there.  Plus, from that one post in Am I Infected, I began to get PMs from a couple members asking me whether they had HIV, because they got a cold after having sex.  I would tell them a cold doesn't mean anything and if they're worried they should get tested.  They would send repeated questions that were similar.  I finally had to tell them I'm not suppose to answer their questions and to ask them in the forum.        

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2011, 01:45:49 AM »
Hmmm... I did notice some inconsistency in enforcing this rule. That's why I had a brief talk with Andy. How about instead of barring us outright, how about imposing and enforcing stricter rules on us. Something like not giving HIV-related advice, for example. What do you think?

I agree with you that many people who aren't infected live with the virus, but I'm not sure about merging the two forums. On one hand, the "Someone I Care About Has HIV" forum isn't really all that popular - only one person responded to a thread I made there last week asking for advice. On the other hand, that would blur the lines and make enforcing the rules (that I suggested above) more difficult.

And you don't have to worry about me crossing anyone. ;) I try to be careful to follow the rules and be respectful of others!

Well I just think the Goderators have never made this rule clear. On the one hand they created Someone I Care About but on the other they left the subtitle of Living WIth quite ambiguous.

When I first joined this forum back in the Stately Days of Yore there were no restricted forums. There wasn't even an Off Topic. It was a complete fucking free for all. In fact we didn't really know who was a Goderator and who wasn't.

That changed and eventually we ended up with all these Balkanised subforums.

Now don't get me wrong, I support specific forums for specific purposes. I totally agree with the rules governing the AMI forum. Also the presence of a Women's forums.

And if those diagnosed prior to 1996 feel the need for their own precious space, then I support the existence of the coffin dodgers Long Term Survivors' Forum. Frankly it's a good place to contain people who have nothing better to do than prattle on about how nasty ddI was.

As if anyone gives a shit.

But Living With should be something different. It should be vibrant and alive. It should be fraught with opinion and, from time to time, disagreeable views.

It should be a place where those infected and those directly affected can come together and call each other cunts.

In short, it should be like the Real World.

MtD

Offline SunnyFlorida

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #13 on: March 30, 2011, 01:49:30 AM »
With all due respect, I believe that only poz people should be posting in the Living With HIV forum. It is not that members, who are not poz, cannot be supportive or compassionate, it is that they are not poz and therefore are not living with HIV. I had no idea the rules for this forum were not specific as to you having to be poz to post in this forum and no offense, but I have no desire to hand hold folks, who are negative, by having to explain to them things that pozzies share. I don't like the idea of another forum becoming a free for all and we gave them their own forum and this one should remain for solely poz posters.

I disagree with what you said about us negs "not living with HIV," actually. We may not be infected, but we have people in our lives that are, and that can affect us. Who says you have to explain anything? That's what rules are for. Granted, some ignore them but one can learn a lot simply by reading posts in the forum. That's why I proposed strict rules for neg posters in that forum, as well as a bit of leeway for posting in, for example, my friend's threads since that's who I am here for.

Again, whatever the admins decide, I will abide.

Online Joe K

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #14 on: March 30, 2011, 01:50:19 AM »
And if those diagnosed prior to 1996 feel the need for their own precious space, then I support the existence of the coffin dodgers Long Term Survivors' Forum. Frankly it's a good place to contain people who have nothing better to do than prattle on about how nasty ddI was.

As if anyone gives a shit.

Wow. Just wow.

Online Joe K

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #15 on: March 30, 2011, 01:53:43 AM »
I disagree with what you said about us negs "not living with HIV," actually. We may not be infected, but we have people in our lives that are, and that can affect us. Who says you have to explain anything? That's what rules are for. Granted, some ignore them but one can learn a lot simply by reading posts in the forum. That's why I proposed strict rules for neg posters in that forum, as well as a bit of leeway for posting in, for example, my friend's threads since that's who I am here for.

Again, whatever the admins decide, I will abide.

Forgive me, but you are NOT LIVING WITH HIV. You are living with someone who is LIVING WITH HIV. There is a huge difference and I am sorry if you cannot understand that we need a space to call our own. I'm going to log off, before I say what I really feel.

Offline SunnyFlorida

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #16 on: March 30, 2011, 01:57:19 AM »
Forgive me, but you are NOT LIVING WITH HIV. You are living with someone who is LIVING WITH HIV. There is a huge difference and I am sorry if you cannot understand that we need a space to call our own. I'm going to log off, before I say what I really feel.

Okay. I really don't want to step on anybody's toes nor cause any disrespect so until we get clarification from the powers that be, I'm going to stay out of this forum altogether. Obviously there are strong feelings you harbor, and I will never truly understand it, but I respect it. I really do.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #17 on: March 30, 2011, 01:59:49 AM »
Wow. Just wow.

Well Joe, you're not the only one who can give voice to the Unpalatable Truth. :)

MtD

Offline PrettyHeart

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #18 on: March 30, 2011, 02:03:25 AM »
tednlou2, thank you for being polite about it all. Its not the rules that bothered me, well maybe a little cause I feel I could help someone as long as I know what I'm talking about and not be rude about it. Maybe it should be for ONLY licensed medical professionals to reply to and not to just the ones that are chosen? That makes more sense to me. BUT, I found it very rude the way it was said to me and thats why I've lashed out, rudeness, which continues.

I also think its a little much about the LTS forum. We cannot understand what will come in later time for us positives?

This is all why I feel that I dont' belong here. I should not have to worry about who I talk to in what category. Even if I read the "rules" I guarantee I forgot the little things as I have enough going through my head after my diagnosis. One thing I told myself after being diagnosed is if I can help just ONE person, then a good deed well done.

I have gone through the "help" section to find out how to delete my profile and it shows me, but I don't actually have that option. Another thing misleading?

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #19 on: March 30, 2011, 02:22:39 AM »

   Pretty,

       I just wanted to welcome you to the forums, hope you stick around.  This place is a valuable resource to have right now so early after your diagnosis.    It might be best to take a breather for the night and come back tomorrow, you may see things differently as well.

     I know how rough this time can be, so I hope you are ok.

   Skeebo
« Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 02:26:34 AM by skeebo1969 »
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #20 on: March 30, 2011, 02:31:54 AM »
  Pretty,

       I just wanted to welcome you to the forums, hope you stick around.  This place is a valuable resource to have right now so early after your diagnosis.    It might be best to take a breather for the night and come back tomorrow, you may see things differently as well.

     I know how rough this time can be, so I hope you are ok.

   Skeebo

Heh. You're one smoooooth operator Tommy. :)

MtD

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #21 on: March 30, 2011, 02:35:22 AM »
Heh. You're one smoooooth operator Tommy. :)

MtD

LOL

Yes I admit- the song is about me. ;)
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline anniebc

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #22 on: March 30, 2011, 02:35:54 AM »
AM doesn't allow you to delete your account in case further down the track you decide you need some help and need to get back into the forums for some information.

If you don't want to take part in the forums you just simply stop posting, that's how it's normally done.

Better to sleep on it instead of getting all stressed out, it really not a big deal, just remember don't post in the AMI forum or the LTS forum.

I've been here 8 years and I'm not allowed to post in the LTS and I respect that, AMI doesn't interest me anymore, we have enough experts to cope with that forum, and they do a damn fine job of it.

Jan
« Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 02:37:35 AM by anniebc »
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Tim Horn

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #23 on: March 30, 2011, 07:38:14 AM »
While the "Living With HIV" forum IS technically open to all people living with and affected by HIV, there are certain individuals we do not allow to post there, notably panicked individuals from "Am I Infected?" querying positive members about their symptoms, when and how frequently they tested, ad nauseam. We've also asked individuals exhibiting nothing more than morbid curiosity from posting in "Living With" as well.

Perhaps the moderators -- myself included -- have been too cavalier with our language in trying to keep the "Living With HIV" forum safe. We will never ask individuals to come right out and disclose whether or not they are living with HIV -- or how long they've been infected, which makes things a little difficult when new members post in the "Long-Term Survivors" forum -- which hasn't really been a problem thus far; I hardly think that individuals like SunnyFlorida render the "Living With HIV" forum any less safe or effective.

With the volume of active members we have in these Forums, compounded by how balkanized these forums are, it's difficult to stay on top of everything. In turn, the moderators tend to act on egregious messages posted to specific Forums rather than convene regularly to discuss what we do and don't know about specific members.

I'm happy to set up a poll to query whether or not we should limit "Living With HIV" only to people are HIV positive. Just know that, even if I change the description of this Forum on the homepage, the moderators won't be ferreting out members who are negative and otherwise helping maintain harmony in these Forums.     

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #24 on: March 30, 2011, 08:40:04 AM »
While the "Living With HIV" forum IS technically open to all people living with and affected by HIV, there are certain individuals we do not allow to post there, notably panicked individuals from "Am I Infected?" querying positive members about their symptoms, when and how frequently they tested, ad nauseam. We've also asked individuals exhibiting nothing more than morbid curiosity from posting in "Living With" as well.

Perhaps the moderators -- myself included -- have been too cavalier with our language in trying to keep the "Living With HIV" forum safe. We will never ask individuals to come right out and disclose whether or not they are living with HIV -- or how long they've been infected, which makes things a little difficult when new members post in the "Long-Term Survivors" forum -- which hasn't really been a problem thus far; I hardly think that individuals like SunnyFlorida render the "Living With HIV" forum any less safe or effective.

With the volume of active members we have in these Forums, compounded by how balkanized these forums are, it's difficult to stay on top of everything. In turn, the moderators tend to act on egregious messages posted to specific Forums rather than convene regularly to discuss what we do and don't know about specific members.

I'm happy to set up a poll to query whether or not we should limit "Living With HIV" only to people are HIV positive. Just know that, even if I change the description of this Forum on the homepage, the moderators won't be ferreting out members who are negative and otherwise helping maintain harmony in these Forums.     

Hi Tim,

I think it's time there was a clear understanding about what "Living With HIV" means for the purposes of these forums and I welcome your suggestion that there should be a poll to resolve this question.

I'm now not sure that my original idea of merging Someone I Care About with Living With is the right one. I think there is scope to have a particular forum set aside for those dealing with the diagnosis of loved one.

So in that spirit I propose that the terms of the Living With forum be defined as follows:

The Living WIth HIV forum is for those infected with HIV and those directly affected by the virus, ie their loved ones.

That said, the Moderators and Administrators may restrict the access of HIV negative members to the Living With HIV forum as they see fit for the good order of the forum, broadly construed.

All members are reminded that Living With HIV can sometimes be a place of robust and vibrant exchange. Nevertheless all members are entitled to a modicum of respect; boorish and uncivil conduct which extends beyond the accepted standards of these forums will not be tolerated.

You have been warned.


. . . . or words to that effect. :)

MtD

/edit: correct teh gwammah/
« Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 08:42:14 AM by Matty the Damned »

Offline DanMo

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #25 on: March 30, 2011, 11:05:22 AM »
I don't understand what the big controversy is all about. Members like SunnyFlorida have not violated any posting rules. These quotes are taken from the "Welcome" thread of the respective boards:

“Living With HIV”

"Whether you are HIV positive yourself, or one of your friends or family is living with HIV, you have come to the right place for support and information. Feel free to ask questions or even just come here to vent if that's what you need. Living with HIV can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions and no matter what you're going through, there's sure to be a forum member - or twenty! - who can empathise."

“Someone I Care About Has HIV”

"The existence of this forum does not mean you can't post in the "Living With HIV" forum, or other forums, when appropriate, but it does give you a place where you can talk to other people in similar circumstances to your own."

Dan

“I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.” —Frida Kahlo

11 Feb 2011 - Preliminary positive
07 Mar 11 - Inconclusive WB
14 Mar 11 - Diagnosed positive
05 Apr 11 - 355 (21%) / VL: 186,054
27 Apr 11 - 390 (20%) / VL: 285,095
06 Jun 11 - 298 (19%) / VL:  78,380
01 Aug 11 - > STARTED ATRIPLA <
30 Aug 11 - 699 (31%) / VL: 1,938
03 Nov 11 -                / VL: 645
27 Dec 11 - 559 (35%) / VL: 1,189
11 Jan 12 -                 / VL: <20
09 Apr 12 - 686 (40%) / VL: UD
11 Jul 12 - 793 (37%) / VL: 25

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #26 on: March 30, 2011, 11:11:21 AM »
I don't understand what the big controversy is all about. Members like SunnyFlorida have not violated any posting rules. These quotes are taken from the "Welcome" thread of the respective boards:

“Living With HIV”

"Whether you are HIV positive yourself, or one of your friends or family is living with HIV, you have come to the right place for support and information. Feel free to ask questions or even just come here to vent if that's what you need. Living with HIV can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions and no matter what you're going through, there's sure to be a forum member - or twenty! - who can empathise."

“Someone I Care About Has HIV”

"The existence of this forum does not mean you can't post in the "Living With HIV" forum, or other forums, when appropriate, but it does give you a place where you can talk to other people in similar circumstances to your own."

Dan



Dan the Man has a point. Can we get a Goderator ruling on this?

MtD

Offline Teresa

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #27 on: March 30, 2011, 11:16:00 AM »
As a HIV- wife of a HIV+ hubby I am living with HIV everyday and have been for almost 5 years. I have no problem posting his lab results in the Someone I care about has HIV forum. Having said that I have posted in the living with HIV forum as well. If I feel like I can contribute to a thread about something that my hubby has been through that might help, I have posted. If there is a topic going on in Living with and I have a question about hubby I have asked.

My hubby has never learned anything about HIV on his own. I am the one that keeps track of his numbers. I am the one that asks for and makes sure I have copies of all his labs. I am the one that explains his labs to him and if theres a question about his labs I am the one that calls and talks to the Dr. I'm the one that calls once a month to get his meds refilled. I may not have HIV but I do live with it everday.

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Tim Horn

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #28 on: March 30, 2011, 11:23:44 AM »
Until there is a change to the Living With HIV Forum -- and it's not at all apparent to me that this is, in fact, necessary -- folks like SunnyFlorida, Teresa, etc. are more than welcome to continue posting and sharing as they have been.

In all honesty, this is a tempest in a teapot -- this thread started because of a well-meaning, but ultimately unauthorized, individual providing feedback in the "Am I Infected?" forum. The rules couldn't be any clearer in this respect. PrettyHeart, when all is said and done, I seriously hope you'll stay with us.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #29 on: March 30, 2011, 11:39:49 AM »
Until there is a change to the Living With HIV Forum -- and it's not at all apparent to me that this is, in fact, necessary -- folks like SunnyFlorida, Teresa, etc. are more than welcome to continue posting and sharing as they have been.

In all honesty, this is a tempest in a teapot -- this thread started because of a well-meaning, but ultimately unauthorized, individual providing feedback in the "Am I Infected?" forum. The rules couldn't be any clearer in this respect. PrettyHeart, when all is said and done, I seriously hope you'll stay with us.

So why have the "Someone" forum -- that's the confusion here.  Let me put it this way, if you go to a real life support group as an HIV-positive person you make the presumption that you're in a room of HIV-positive people.  When/if you were to suddenly find out that someone is not HIV-positive it's jarring for most people, not to mention people new to the disease take comfort in a "safety zone" where they aren't worried about unnecessary disclosure issues be those real or imagined.  Certainly in a real life support group if there were to be an exception the entire group would need to be comfortable with it instead of a moderator simply forcing the issue on the group.

Anyway, I just find it rather odd in that light.

Also, it's bad enough getting unsolicited "sexy" private messages from other poz members, but when there's flirting like that from a non-poz member it's easy to see how there may be latent, unconscious bug chasing neurotic tendencies.  Dunno, there's just a potential for weirdness.  Personally I have a thick skin and can deal with it, but making the assumption that others can and dismissing it as a "tempest in a teapot" is a little arrogant.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline thunter34

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #30 on: March 30, 2011, 12:36:45 PM »
My hubby has never learned anything about HIV on his own. I am the one that keeps track of his numbers. I am the one that asks for and makes sure I have copies of all his labs. I am the one that explains his labs to him and if theres a question about his labs I am the one that calls and talks to the Dr. I'm the one that calls once a month to get his meds refilled. I may not have HIV but I do live with it everday.

Good grief, Teresa.  It's hard for me to imagine being that tolerant of someone so apathetic and lazy about his own well-being.  You certainly have more patience than I would in such a circumstance.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Online Joe K

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #31 on: March 30, 2011, 12:38:31 PM »
I should have been clearer in my earlier post. My concern is not that everyone must be poz to post in the Living forum, just that the posts are relevant to the forum. This post was originally made in the Living forum and was rightly moved to Off Topic, however, other confusing posts remain. A perfect example is the post regarding a job seeker and his interview. As enjoyable as the post is, why is it in the Living forum? I am not seeking to demean either the post or the poster, as I know that the ultimate decision on where a post belongs to the moderators. However, I do believe that having somewhat conflicting posts within the same forum, could be contributing to the problems of folks mistakenly posting in the wrong forums.

If I was someone newly infected, with all the charged emotions that are involved and I came here and scanned the forums, I would see certain posts that seemed out of place, given the forum. For me, the issue is not that negative folks post in the Living forum, because to be honest, I'm not always sure who is neg or pos, because I just don't care. As long as their intent is to contribute and be supportive, well, what's not to like? I can however, understand how new members, coming into a site with multiple forums can become confused, because with most sites, they are general acceptable guidelines site wide and not the subset of guidelines that we have, by our own choosing.

Maybe we should address our different guidelines, or the imperative need to read the rules for each and every forum in a more prominent place on the site. We all remember what it was like to become poz and I hope we can find a way, to make this site more welcoming to those in the greatest need.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #32 on: March 30, 2011, 12:42:59 PM »
I should have been clearer in my earlier post. My concern is not that everyone must be poz to post in the Living forum, just that the posts are relevant to the forum. This post was originally made in the Living forum and was rightly moved to Off Topic, however, other confusing posts remain. A perfect example is the post regarding a job seeker and his interview. As enjoyable as the post is, why is it in the Living forum? I am not seeking to demean either the post or the poster, as I know that the ultimate decision on where a post belongs to the moderators. However, I do believe that having somewhat conflicting posts within the same forum, could be contributing to the problems of folks mistakenly posting in the wrong forums.

Yeah? You seemed pretty clear to me Joe:


With all due respect, I believe that only poz people should be posting in the Living With HIV forum. It is not that members, who are not poz, cannot be supportive or compassionate, it is that they are not poz and therefore are not living with HIV. I had no idea the rules for this forum were not specific as to you having to be poz to post in this forum and no offense, but I have no desire to hand hold folks, who are negative, by having to explain to them things that pozzies share. I don't like the idea of another forum becoming a free for all and we gave them their own forum and this one should remain for solely poz posters.

MtD

Online Joe K

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #33 on: March 30, 2011, 12:54:08 PM »
Yeah? You seemed pretty clear to me Joe:

MtD

I know what I said earlier and I am no longer so sure that I totally agree with what I said before. Teresa is a perfect example of someone who has posted in the Living forum and always contributes something meaningful and she just happens to be negative. Sometimes I write before I really think about something and in this case, it no longer is simply black and white to me. I am just glad that I don't have to make the rules, let alone enforce them.

Oh, one last thing: Asshole!  ;D

modified to change Bitch to Asshole, with my apologies to the ladies.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 12:59:46 PM by killfoile »

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #34 on: March 30, 2011, 01:09:43 PM »
I know what I said earlier and I am no longer so sure that I totally agree with what I said before. Teresa is a perfect example of someone who has posted in the Living forum and always contributes something meaningful and she just happens to be negative. Sometimes I write before I really think about something and in this case, it no longer is simply black and white to me. I am just glad that I don't have to make the rules, let alone enforce them.

Oh, one last thing: Bitch!  ;D

It's ok babe. I never think before I post.  ;)

I'm sorry if I'm coming off like a cow, but there has to be a bit of sparkle around here. :)

There was a time when LW was the frontier, a place where challenging ideas could be put forward and where we couldn't always be safe.

Having a forum where all our people, infected and affected can rub against one another. A space where there's at least a dash of elan.

We can't just exist in brain dead echo chambers. We need a wild place and if Living with HIV isn't wild, well fuck it, I don't know what is.

When I joined these forums eleventy squillion years ago the first thread I saw was one started by you. It was about everyone's favourite meat-puppet Terry Schiavo and you were holding court in the most fabulous way.

Open to all comers, a free and effervescent debate -- it seems heady stuff by today's standards.

So let's not get bogged down in exchanges about who can't post.

For the record I know I'm normally the first one to whine about people posting in the wrong place. Tonight I've learned that the rules that we all ignore allow all folk of good will to participate.

So I'm sorry for pointing the bone at you. I'm just as bad. :-*

MtD

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #35 on: March 30, 2011, 01:17:04 PM »
Nobody cares about the Greener Pastures of your poz youth, Matty... move along
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #36 on: March 30, 2011, 01:21:30 PM »
Nobody cares about the Greener Pastures of your poz youth, Matty... move along

But what about the shining fields of your great big bald head? I believe NASA is investigating shining a laser off that fucker.

MtD

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #37 on: March 30, 2011, 01:37:12 PM »
Personally I don't mind HIV-people participating in "Living With HIV". HIV-  people are already reading the posts and may have something valuable to say on a particular topic. It would be helpful if HIV- participants would identify as such. Should someone make an inappropriate comment I'm confident our more senior members will  address the offending post with with civility, tact and grace that these forums are know for.

On a tangential topic, remember that anyone can read these forums, create a false identity, Google our screennames, link our discussions to other websites, etc. Online forums are not like offline support groups-- everything here is recorded and broadcast to the world and you often don't really know who you are communicating with. Forum categories may help organize discussions but they don't create a safer environment.


Offline RapidRod

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #38 on: March 30, 2011, 01:40:51 PM »
What is the, "Someone I care about has HIV" forum about? I thought it was started to separate the non-positive people from the Living With so they could exchange their thoughts with people that are in the same predicament? Now I'm getting confused.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #39 on: March 30, 2011, 01:44:16 PM »
Now I'm getting confused.

Just now, dear?   :P
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #40 on: March 30, 2011, 01:44:27 PM »
My memory might be off a bit, but we've had negative members here before who participated in the forums.    I know one of them went to one small gathering in Tennessee I believe, he was an older guy named Mike.  He was the one they took pictures of humping the sheep.  There was also a negative man and woman who met here and became a couple, but I can't remember their names.  I'm sure some here remember HIVworker as well.

And besides (as already mentioned), the forums are not visually exclusive to members only.  Positive or not, they can see our posts anyways.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline WillyWump

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #41 on: March 30, 2011, 03:36:26 PM »
What is the, "Someone I care about has HIV" forum about? I thought it was started to separate the non-positive people from the Living With so they could exchange their thoughts with people that are in the same predicament? Now I'm getting confused.

Zackly

It doesn't bother me if Negs participate in LW, what bothers me is the lack of clarity about such and the overlapping of forums of family and friends of pozzies.  The title itself "Living with HIV", to me, means those who are Poz (which would exclude negs), however the posting rules state "family and friends of...". .It's confusing.

Oh and then we have another Forum titled "Someone I care About.." which by definition it seems would be Family and Friends of,which are the same people who are allowed to post in LW.

IMHO, either we tighten the rules and kick the neggies out of "Living with.." and send them over to "Someone i care About..". OR we do away with "Someone I Care about.." and let everyone post in "Living with..."

But who am I.

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #42 on: March 30, 2011, 03:41:56 PM »
But who am I.

-Will


You answered your own question lol
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline PrettyHeart

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #43 on: March 30, 2011, 04:13:46 PM »
Yea so all this confusion is just too much for me! I guess I'm only allowed to post in "Living with HIV" and I suppose in "positive women" as I am a female. Should I stay out of "I just tested poz" since its been what, 3 months since I was diagnosed? I think its a little crazy that I should have to worry about "OMG did I put that in the right place?" or "Oh damn am I allowed to talk to that person?" when I want or better yet, when I NEED to talk to someone, ask questions, talk with someone that knows the road I will face later on, especially when I need meds, etc. I have enough on my plate thank you.

And to think that I have told my children, the only ones that I have disclosed to, to come here if they ever have any questions or concerns about ME. Scratch that, they won't come here. I won't have them coming here and be rudely talked to if they screw up and put their post somewhere where it does not belong! Especially by someone that had NO RIGHT to tell me to stay out of anywhere. That should have been left up to the "chosen ones".

Matt - You have something sarcastic to say to just about everyone here. You even put down long term survivors. Wow won't you be one someday? you hope? Thank God you are not a "chosen one". If you were the first person that I talked to after being diagnosed, with all your smart ass comments, I'm sure suicide would have crossed my mind! You are rude, you are an asshole!

So worrying about where I post on a forum is too much! I will get my answers some place where it will be more compassionate and a little more lifting.


Offline thunter34

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #44 on: March 30, 2011, 04:17:35 PM »
Yea so all this confusion is just too much for me! I guess I'm only allowed to post in "Living with HIV" and I suppose in "positive women" as I am a female. Should I stay out of "I just tested poz" since its been what, 3 months since I was diagnosed? I think its a little crazy that I should have to worry about "OMG did I put that in the right place?" or "Oh damn am I allowed to talk to that person?" when I want or better yet, when I NEED to talk to someone, ask questions, talk with someone that knows the road I will face later on, especially when I need meds, etc. I have enough on my plate thank you.

And to think that I have told my children, the only ones that I have disclosed to, to come here if they ever have any questions or concerns about ME. Scratch that, they won't come here. I won't have them coming here and be rudely talked to if they screw up and put their post somewhere where it does not belong! Especially by someone that had NO RIGHT to tell me to stay out of anywhere. That should have been left up to the "chosen ones".

Matt - You have something sarcastic to say to just about everyone here. You even put down long term survivors. Wow won't you be one someday? you hope? Thank God you are not a "chosen one". If you were the first person that I talked to after being diagnosed, with all your smart ass comments, I'm sure suicide would have crossed my mind! You are rude, you are an asshole!

So worrying about where I post on a forum is too much! I will get my answers some place where it will be more compassionate and a little more lifting.





And YOU are officially reported for this post.

PS:  Matty IS one of the "chosen".
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #45 on: March 30, 2011, 04:21:03 PM »
Actually if you took the time to read his posts Matty was supporting you, albeit with a bit of wit and whimsy. I thought coffin dodger was hilarious.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #46 on: March 30, 2011, 04:25:39 PM »
Petty Heart,

You really are making an awful lot of carry on considering it all boils down to your own mistake.  I even saw you eyeballing the AMI welcome thread earlier, and yet here you are hours later still making all this ruckus.

Good grief.  If you simply take the time to read the welcome threads for each section - and it only takes a moment or two to do do - you'll be able to know how to go about posting without much of a hitch.

Somehow all of the rest of us have managed to navigate it all this time.  I figure you could, too.

At least I'm willing to extend that little bit of faith to you.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline PrettyHeart

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #47 on: March 30, 2011, 04:26:35 PM »
oh well damn if he is a "chosen one" without compassion, hell no I dont' need to be here!! I dont' need someone like that "helping" me through my time. I didn't find anything about coffin dodger a bit funny. I'm sure those people have fought and fought to still be here today...what is wrong with you people????

damn..peace out...delete me please!!

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #48 on: March 30, 2011, 04:30:09 PM »
oh well damn if he is a "chosen one" without compassion, hell no I dont' need to be here!! I dont' need someone like that "helping" me through my time. I didn't find anything about coffin dodger a bit funny. I'm sure those people have fought and fought to still be here today...what is wrong with you people????

damn..peace out...delete me please!!

Go chillout and take a breather, really.  I think you are a bit sensitive right now, and ALL of us have been in your shoes so we certainly understand.   With kids, life, and now this, geesh sister it must seem like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline drewm

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Re: Private messages
« Reply #49 on: March 30, 2011, 04:31:50 PM »
Pretty, please stay. I had a very ugly experience when I first stumbled across this website but wouldn't leave now for anything. It takes time to get a better understanding of the personalities behind some of these snarky posts but all in all, this is a pretty good place to be.

MTd "chosen one"??? PUHLEASE!!!! ROFLMFAO
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

ATRIPLA - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

 


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