HIV Prevention and Testing > Am I Infected?

Got tested today

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I submit that this thread is a prime example of what Andy and Matty were referencing. I for one have not participated because I do not believe I have anything scientific to add to the situation.

It has been my experience that those who call themselves morally loose, who discuss their drinking and their sexual proclivities here to the extent (and with the dissembling) that you have, are harboring problems far deeper than we, or perhaps they, know.

One unhealthy thing you have done in this thread is to beat yourself up over activities for which you have no intention of altering. I personally don't see this as a moral or character issue, but you exhibit a dichotomy on this forum that is impossible to ignore. Until and unless you resolve it, alone or with a professional, the cycle of events you experienced are likely to continue.

Andy Velez:
It is good to read that you are consistently using condoms.

If your life as it is works for you, great!

I know when I can tell whether I'm getting the whole story and when I'm not, and when there are little warning blips. And what comes across to me is a mix of things that don't add up to a healthy state. Tossing off an explanatory remark like what "most gay men" do doesn't cut it one bit with me. We're not talking about most gay men. We're talking about you specifically. 

All of which also made me wonder what is the unstated message in all of these lengthy communications from you. And it's not clear.

But that's just my opinion and my reaction, so if you're ok with how things are, you can pay no attention and I'll butt out right now. 


I got drunk (likely to happen again) slept with a dude I didn't know (likely to happen again) I told him I only had sex with condoms (VERY likely to happen again) he pulled it off without telling me (going to be watching like a fox for not likely to happen again.)  That's not that bad.  I've only slept with 19 guys (that I recall) since the beginning of February, that's not that bad...before that I had taken a year or so off from sex (only had 2 oral encounters), but then the drive kicked back in.  Have I been slutty?  Probably.  That's the morally loose part...I was raised Baptist, so I suppose engaging in sex outslide of marriage to me is morally loose, even if it's only once.  I suppose since you don't know me and I used the term 'morally loose' or 'morally casual' on here was a bad idea...between my friends and I it just refers to when we act somewhat slutty, so it was a bad choice to broadcast it on the internet where a bunch of judgemental strangers would read it.  I only have sex with condoms.  Period.  That's the only way I'll do it.  That's why I was so freaked out over the way this guy just pulled it off and didn't seem to care what he could possibly have caught from me or given me.  I apologize for being so frank and open about my sexual practices, or my sexual's just that the position is the reason I got into this whole mess.  Well, that and the herpes.  And the cipro rash. 

I suppose this whole incident has taught me a be more aware of what's going on with the people I sleep with, to know that not everyone is as worried about their health as I am (referring to the guy that pulled the condom off,) and to not self-diagnose/medicate based off of fears and symptoms.  I'm getting a full STD panel so hopefully that will put all of my fears at ease.  and I really hope this rash goes away soon, it's pretty itchy and annoying. 

So, in the future I won't discuss any sexual specifics of any encounter (even though the hiv counselor said that he's heard my story of the condom snatcher more times than he'd ever care to from scared guys--none of which have turned up positive yet.)  I don't engage in risky behavior, if someone offers me any sort of narcotic I leave their house, I don't really want drugs and ethanol to cloud my judgement.  I can usually function pretty well under the influence of alcohol, I know that not using a condom can end my life in a way I don't want to go.  I think the riskiest thing I've done is the haphazard taking of antibiotics...for fear of getting SJS.

Andy Velez:
OK. So keep using the condoms consistently.

Good luck to you. 


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