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Author Topic: Reassurance - don't know what to do  (Read 3464 times)

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Offline concerned88

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Reassurance - don't know what to do
« on: June 03, 2006, 08:18:23 AM »
Hi all,

I am so glad I found this web-site - it has given me some assurance but I was wondering if I could share my encounter with you and see if you think I should get a HIV test: -

At the beginning of April I was on a stag do in another country with 5 friends. I paid for sex with 2 girls and one of them gave me oral sex without a condom. I had protected vaginal sex with both of them (using Durex Extra Safe condoms) and condoms didn't break/tear at all.

When I got back I started worrying myself to death that I caught something - I started getting burning sensations in my groin area and discomfort when peeing. 3 weeks after the incidents I plucked up the courage to go to my local GUM clinic as I was going insane with worry and didn't know if I was imagining a lot of the stuff that was happening. Waiting in the GUM clinic was the most scariest period of my life. They did the usual suite of tests for Herpes, gonorrhea, clamidyia etc and recommended that I have HIV/Syphilis/Hepatitis blood test. When I went in for my blood test the guy says that I don't have any STI's from the initial swabs taken - he said I would get conclusive results in a few weeks. At this point I declined the blood test. I spoke to the health advisor there and she said if I did a blood test after 3 weeks I would have to come back after 3 months to re-test. I then decided to go back in 3 months to get the test done. She also said my chances of getting HIV were practically zero and should do the test for piece of mind.

Anyway after 6 weeks i get my results that I'm all clear from initial swab tests and I'm very relieved. However I started to think about HIV/Hepatitis/Syphilis etc and I am constantly looking at my body for any signs. I have not any major signs of symptoms - I did get a night of shivering about 6 weeks after the incidents but it went the next day. I did notice itching of my skin around this time but that seems to have gone as well.

What I want to know is if it's worth going back for the HIV test next month as that will be 3 months after my encounters. I have a wife who is pregnant and I don't want to pass anything to her. She was the only person I slept with until 2 months ago. 

What are the chances that I could have HIV? I'm scared of taking the test in case it's positive but at the same time I want some closure on this stupid episode of my life.

I've read that unprotected oral sex is no risk on here but the GUM clinic said that it is possible to transmit this way.

Please help put my mind at rest. I have not had sex with my wife since the incident and am sleeping in the spare room partly due to her pregnancy and also the fact that I don't want to pass anything to her. I know it's stupid but at some stage she is going to question the changes in my behaviour.

Please help.


Thanks

Offline concerned88

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2006, 08:26:58 AM »
The Health Advisor said that the fact I didn't have any STI's meant that HIV was unlikely. She said that HIV normally came on the back of other infections. Can you guys tell me if this a true statement in your personal experiences

Thanks

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2006, 08:51:14 AM »
The most important thing is that you had protected intercourse. As long as you are certain about that then HIV is not an issue for you. Condoms provide very effective protection as far as HIV is concerned.

Receiving a blowjob is not a risk for getting HIV. (Read the lesson on this site about transmission for further details on that and more). There has never been a documented case of transmission in this manner and you aren't going to be the first.

Given the results of your various tests, happily you seem to have lucked out as far as other possible STDs as well.

Your concern with regard to your wife is certainly understandable. I don't see any need for further HIV testing unless you feel you need the gold seal of another negative test result to put the issue to rest for you. I certainly expect you will continue to test negative.

If you're feeling guilty about having strayed, well you're just a dog like the rest of us and you can't undo that bit of your personal history. Take a breath, let it go and get on with your life.

Cheers,
« Last Edit: June 03, 2006, 10:03:00 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline concerned88

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2006, 10:00:25 AM »
Thanks for the advice.

I haven't done any HIV testing yet, only the tests for other STI's which came back negative.

My main question was 'Should I go through with the HIV test next month?'

Regarding the oral sex, you said it was a risk but in other threads people have said it is no risk - confused again.

Please respond. Thanks

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2006, 10:05:10 AM »
Thanks for drawing that slip on my part to my attention. I have corrected it. Receiving a blowjob is absolutely not a risk.

My apologies for that confusion.

As far as I am concerned you don't need to test for HIV. However, I am not living in your shoes and if you need the inevitable negative test result to put your mind at ease, then by all means get tested. I'm confident you will test negative but sometimes having the result in hand is necessary to close the matter.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline concerned88

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2006, 01:03:20 PM »
Andy

Thanks for your words of reassurance - it has been a great help. I think I will take the test next month, not necessary just 'cos if HIV but hepatitis and syphilis as well.

Last thing I would want to do is pass something to my wife. If I don't take the test it will constantly be at the back of my mind every time I get close to my wife.

Thanks for your help

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2006, 10:20:35 PM »
You're welcome. I'm glad you found the exchange to be helpful.

I expect you to come out of this ok.

Best of luck with your test results.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline concerned88

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2006, 01:15:31 PM »
Over the last few days I've been getting more and more stressed about my situation. I think I'm going insane with worry partly because the 3 month window period is coming up and it will be time to test and also I keep thinking I'm infected with HIV.

Over the last 2 or 3 weeks I have noticed little red blood spots on my arms and a few on my stomach (they're pin sized). They're not bruised or anything and I seem to notice more of them appearing. I have searched the Internet for possible causes and some sites say it's broken blood vessels and is natural whilst some say it's down to stress/duress. I have experienced itchy skin but I don't know if my mind is causing me to make more of it than it is.

Please help as I am literally falling to pieces. I've been going through my situation and looking at all the ways I could have been infected. I keep thinking about whether the condoms broke even though I know they were intact, whether the oral sex may have infected me etc.

There's another 4 weeks until the 13 week window has past and it seems like an eternity - I wish I had done the blood tests when offered in the first place. The GUM clinic said I was free from all other STI's so decided not to go ahead with blood work.

What are the chances of me having HIV when I didn't get any other STI's? Every day I check my body for any other signs and I'm scaring the crap out of myself. Every new spot, strange marking and my mind goes into overdrive again.

Please help.............

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 25,363
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2006, 05:17:01 PM »
Nothing has changed since the previous exchanges. You were not at risk for HIV because you didn't do anything risky. How many times do you have to be told that condoms do their job every effectively? None of the other activities were risky as far as HIV is concerned.

So your mind may continue working in overdrive with irrational thoughts. They have no basis in HIV science of course.

You need to concentrate on staying productively busy and the remaining weeks can pass more easily than you imagine at this moment. There's really nothing more we can tell you. You have to start helping yourself now to get on with your life. If you can't do that then I suggest you see therapist or other similar professional to discuss the emotional aspects of what's going on.

This is not an HIV situation so don't waste any effort in trying to convince us otherwise.

Really.

Andy Velez

Offline concerned88

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #9 on: July 10, 2006, 02:03:41 PM »
Hi Andy

Just thought I'd give you an update on my situation. I have just come back from my 13 week blood test and will know the results next week. Spoke to the Health Advisor and she thinks I will come through negative. Fingers crossed eh?

If I pass negative would you consider that conclusive - my exposure was Sunday 2nd April 2006?


Thanks

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2006, 05:02:51 AM »
concerned,

A thirteen week negative is conclusive. Yours will be too.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned88

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #11 on: July 17, 2006, 12:52:07 PM »
Hi all

I have just got off the phone to the GUM clinic and my results for Hep B and HIV have come back................negative. Test results for Syphilis have not come back yet but that was a pretty quick turnaround (7 days).

Hands are still shaking even now when I'm typing this - the wait for her to pull up my file was excruciatingly painful.

I would like to thank all you guys on this forum who have given me such sound advice through this crazy period of my life. Without your guidance I don't think I could have coped with the anxiety.

To everyone with fears about infection, please listen to the expert advice given by the wonderful people on this forum.

One last question before I go. Before I resume any sexual contact with my wife would it be prudent just to double-check my status with another test or can I take this negative result as gospel?

Thank-you all again for your help.







Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #12 on: July 17, 2006, 06:51:58 PM »
Concerned,

Not only is your thirteen week test result conclusive, but you never had a risk in the first place.

You are conclusively hiv negative and you do not need further testing.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline concerned88

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: Reassurance - don't know what to do
« Reply #13 on: July 19, 2006, 01:31:13 PM »
Ann/Andy

Thanks for your words of wisdom.

I hope this post will be the last one you'll see from me.

Keep up the fine work you're doing in educating us about HIV - I have learned so much from this forum over the last 3 months.

Thanks again.


 


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