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Reassurance - don't know what to do

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Hi all,

I am so glad I found this web-site - it has given me some assurance but I was wondering if I could share my encounter with you and see if you think I should get a HIV test: -

At the beginning of April I was on a stag do in another country with 5 friends. I paid for sex with 2 girls and one of them gave me oral sex without a condom. I had protected vaginal sex with both of them (using Durex Extra Safe condoms) and condoms didn't break/tear at all.

When I got back I started worrying myself to death that I caught something - I started getting burning sensations in my groin area and discomfort when peeing. 3 weeks after the incidents I plucked up the courage to go to my local GUM clinic as I was going insane with worry and didn't know if I was imagining a lot of the stuff that was happening. Waiting in the GUM clinic was the most scariest period of my life. They did the usual suite of tests for Herpes, gonorrhea, clamidyia etc and recommended that I have HIV/Syphilis/Hepatitis blood test. When I went in for my blood test the guy says that I don't have any STI's from the initial swabs taken - he said I would get conclusive results in a few weeks. At this point I declined the blood test. I spoke to the health advisor there and she said if I did a blood test after 3 weeks I would have to come back after 3 months to re-test. I then decided to go back in 3 months to get the test done. She also said my chances of getting HIV were practically zero and should do the test for piece of mind.

Anyway after 6 weeks i get my results that I'm all clear from initial swab tests and I'm very relieved. However I started to think about HIV/Hepatitis/Syphilis etc and I am constantly looking at my body for any signs. I have not any major signs of symptoms - I did get a night of shivering about 6 weeks after the incidents but it went the next day. I did notice itching of my skin around this time but that seems to have gone as well.

What I want to know is if it's worth going back for the HIV test next month as that will be 3 months after my encounters. I have a wife who is pregnant and I don't want to pass anything to her. She was the only person I slept with until 2 months ago. 

What are the chances that I could have HIV? I'm scared of taking the test in case it's positive but at the same time I want some closure on this stupid episode of my life.

I've read that unprotected oral sex is no risk on here but the GUM clinic said that it is possible to transmit this way.

Please help put my mind at rest. I have not had sex with my wife since the incident and am sleeping in the spare room partly due to her pregnancy and also the fact that I don't want to pass anything to her. I know it's stupid but at some stage she is going to question the changes in my behaviour.

Please help.


The Health Advisor said that the fact I didn't have any STI's meant that HIV was unlikely. She said that HIV normally came on the back of other infections. Can you guys tell me if this a true statement in your personal experiences


Andy Velez:
The most important thing is that you had protected intercourse. As long as you are certain about that then HIV is not an issue for you. Condoms provide very effective protection as far as HIV is concerned.

Receiving a blowjob is not a risk for getting HIV. (Read the lesson on this site about transmission for further details on that and more). There has never been a documented case of transmission in this manner and you aren't going to be the first.

Given the results of your various tests, happily you seem to have lucked out as far as other possible STDs as well.

Your concern with regard to your wife is certainly understandable. I don't see any need for further HIV testing unless you feel you need the gold seal of another negative test result to put the issue to rest for you. I certainly expect you will continue to test negative.

If you're feeling guilty about having strayed, well you're just a dog like the rest of us and you can't undo that bit of your personal history. Take a breath, let it go and get on with your life.


Thanks for the advice.

I haven't done any HIV testing yet, only the tests for other STI's which came back negative.

My main question was 'Should I go through with the HIV test next month?'

Regarding the oral sex, you said it was a risk but in other threads people have said it is no risk - confused again.

Please respond. Thanks

Andy Velez:
Thanks for drawing that slip on my part to my attention. I have corrected it. Receiving a blowjob is absolutely not a risk.

My apologies for that confusion.

As far as I am concerned you don't need to test for HIV. However, I am not living in your shoes and if you need the inevitable negative test result to put your mind at ease, then by all means get tested. I'm confident you will test negative but sometimes having the result in hand is necessary to close the matter.



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