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Author Topic: Overwhelmed  (Read 2336 times)

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Offline DanMo

  • Member
  • Posts: 235
  • Finally undetectable! ;D
Overwhelmed
« on: March 21, 2011, 02:22:30 AM »
It's been a week since I found out that I'm positive. For the most part, I've tried to keep it out of my mind and ignore it. I know myself: it's a habit that I have of ignoring problems so as to not deal with the stress. But this is something too serious to ignore and I find myself frustrated.

I just don't know if I'll be able to handle all this stress. I don't have medical insurance. I have an appointment with the Health Department to fill out eligibility paperwork (I've been assured that I'll qualify). But even so, the impermanence of being insured has left me feeling worried.

I feel like I'm driving myself crazy! When I'm asleep, I don't want to wake up, and when I'm awake, I don't want to sleep because I know I'll want to stay asleep. I don't know how to handle being sick. I'm getting filled with so much worrying that I don't know what to think.

I'm sure in due time things will get better... but I'm not concerned with that. What I am supposed to do in the meantime? How can I get to that point of "being ok with it"? When will life get back to "normal"?

Dan
“I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.” —Frida Kahlo

11 Feb 2011 - Preliminary positive
07 Mar 11 - Inconclusive WB
14 Mar 11 - Diagnosed positive
05 Apr 11 - 355 (21%) / VL: 186,054
27 Apr 11 - 390 (20%) / VL: 285,095
06 Jun 11 - 298 (19%) / VL:  78,380
01 Aug 11 - > STARTED ATRIPLA <
30 Aug 11 - 699 (31%) / VL: 1,938
03 Nov 11 -                / VL: 645
27 Dec 11 - 559 (35%) / VL: 1,189
11 Jan 12 -                 / VL: <20
09 Apr 12 - 686 (40%) / VL: UD
11 Jul 12 - 793 (37%) / VL: 25

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2011, 03:24:15 AM »
Dan mate,

Take a deep breath and Relax! With each passing day it does get slightly easier. Just take it slow. Listen to music that you like, go out with close friends to the movies or whatever, go for a run. Just keep yourself busy with something. Try to not isolate yourself too much. Wehenever i isolate myself, I find my thoughts wandering to the drakest places. When I am with others, HIV doesn't go away from my thoughts but- then i am forced to be normal so it eases the mind. I am sure the same technique would work for you.

My first week was so terrible:- that i would try and sllep a lot to esacape reality to only find myself having nightmares of 'what is now my REALITY. A month and a half later- I feel that I can cope with it bit better.

Take care
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline DanMo

  • Member
  • Posts: 235
  • Finally undetectable! ;D
Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2011, 03:32:25 AM »
Thanks for the advice spacebar. I know I should calm down, I just don't know how to deal when I am in "crazy mode". It makes me so impatient and desperate.

I'm glad I have this place to vent.

Dan

P.S. Did you get my e-mail?
“I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.” —Frida Kahlo

11 Feb 2011 - Preliminary positive
07 Mar 11 - Inconclusive WB
14 Mar 11 - Diagnosed positive
05 Apr 11 - 355 (21%) / VL: 186,054
27 Apr 11 - 390 (20%) / VL: 285,095
06 Jun 11 - 298 (19%) / VL:  78,380
01 Aug 11 - > STARTED ATRIPLA <
30 Aug 11 - 699 (31%) / VL: 1,938
03 Nov 11 -                / VL: 645
27 Dec 11 - 559 (35%) / VL: 1,189
11 Jan 12 -                 / VL: <20
09 Apr 12 - 686 (40%) / VL: UD
11 Jul 12 - 793 (37%) / VL: 25

Offline littleprince

  • Member
  • Posts: 201
Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2011, 04:59:16 AM »


I'm sure in due time things will get better... but I'm not concerned with that. What I am supposed to do in the meantime? How can I get to that point of "being ok with it"? When will life get back to "normal"?

Dan

Dan,

Time.... time will help. For the first few weeks to months you will be thinking about this everyday and sometimes all day. This is the time you should be learning everything you can about HIV because only doing so will you realize that your life will go on as normal.... you won't die anytime soon.

Within a few months I found that I wasn't really thinking about it so much. Now at about 9 months there are days where I don't think about it at all. well, should I say that I think about it but don't worry about it. I think a big part of moving on is accepting. Accepting that you have HIV. Accepting that it won't change. Accepting that you can't change anything that happened in the past. And accepting that the only thing you have control over is the now and the future.

All these are steps that can only be taken with time so don't try to push it, just let yourself work it out in time.

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2011, 07:42:37 AM »
Dan,

You are still going through the initial shock period.  Its just been one week since you found out that you are HIV+.  The lack of insurance does add stress I am sure.  Keep the appointment with the Health Dept and in the meantime try to stay away from 'worst case scenarios' that pop into your mind.

Time is what is needed in order to reach that 'being ok with it' state.  Also, educating yourself about the virus plays into that too. 

There is no 'one size fits all' answer here.  Each one of us copes differently.  I know it sounds trite, but take it each day at a time while still focusing on your education and goals you have already set for the future. 

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2011, 08:26:32 AM »
Each person handles the initial shock differently.  Give yourself time to adjust and accept what has happened.  The only time I think about being poz is when I take my meds in the morning and sometime not even then.  It's just a routine activity of my day.  I am glad they say you will qualify for assistance. 
Best to you,
Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,472
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2011, 04:15:02 PM »
Hello Dan,
As the others have said its early days, let us know how things are going. Take care
t
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,493
Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2011, 05:24:21 PM »
Hey Dan,

Sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed and my suggestion to you is to simply allow yourself to feel right now. Becoming poz is life altering news and it will take time for it to settle in, so don't fight the process. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, without the need to do anything about anything. Unless you have something incredibly pressing, everything can wait, because you need some time to adjust. You are experiencing a major shift in your life and dramatic change takes time, so be easy on yourself and try and not sweat the small stuff. I caution you against playing the "What If?" game, as it will simply confuse your reality. Focus on what you feel is important and seek support when you need it. There is never any shame in asking for help, because sometimes we face challenges that are beyond our ability to overcome.

Everything you are experiencing right now is perfectly normal, so just take a deep breath and try to relax. Eventually, you will stop thinking about HIV all the time and soon you may find it is just another facet of your life. Just be careful as to what you surrender to this virus and never let anyone make you feel that you are unworthy of anything, simply because you are poz. What you need right now is time, so do nice things for yourself and remember to feed your mind, body and spirit. You are the same person you were before becoming poz and you have done nothing wrong.

Much of the battle with becoming poz occurs in your head, so give it time to start to sort things out. You will be fine and you will adjust to being poz.

Offline DanMo

  • Member
  • Posts: 235
  • Finally undetectable! ;D
Re: Overwhelmed
« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2011, 09:47:45 AM »
Thank you guys for the replies! They have helped.

Having spoken with some of you privately has helped as well. I understand this is all normal what I'm feeling and, thanks Joe for your reply. I'll take your advice and just feel what I feel and try not to do anything about it since it's just normal feelings. Realizing that this moment in time, the feelings of despair, etc, will pass and life will go back to "normal" helps put things into perspective.

I really am trying not to let my thoughts run ahead of me. I knew there was going to be a "mental battle" associated with being HIV+, I just wasn't prepared for what that actually meant.

Thank you guys for providing guidance in this matter!

Dan
“I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.” —Frida Kahlo

11 Feb 2011 - Preliminary positive
07 Mar 11 - Inconclusive WB
14 Mar 11 - Diagnosed positive
05 Apr 11 - 355 (21%) / VL: 186,054
27 Apr 11 - 390 (20%) / VL: 285,095
06 Jun 11 - 298 (19%) / VL:  78,380
01 Aug 11 - > STARTED ATRIPLA <
30 Aug 11 - 699 (31%) / VL: 1,938
03 Nov 11 -                / VL: 645
27 Dec 11 - 559 (35%) / VL: 1,189
11 Jan 12 -                 / VL: <20
09 Apr 12 - 686 (40%) / VL: UD
11 Jul 12 - 793 (37%) / VL: 25

 


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