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Newly Dx's

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I was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago, and was in shock. I felt worse for my PCP than for me she looked like she didn't know what to do or say. I had just began seeing my HS sweetheart again, and we had spent a wonderful weekend together. I'd asked him, to use a condom which was unusual for us(we have been together off and on for 27yrs). I know it's a really long story, but any way. I told him that I had gotten the test the day before at my yearly check up and he said I was just stressing when the MD called and wanted me to come in. I felt like it was pos when she called me. I told him I was pos and and he wanted to know what we needed to do from this point on. I told him that I wasn't going to marry him now because of this. He got mad and said if you had cancer would you marry me I said I'm not sure...he said well I still want you and we just will have to change how we make love and other things. I told my supervisor because I was afraid that I might need to out sometimes if I got ill and didn't want her to think I was just slacking. She was floored. See I'm a HIV/Aids health educator and I work as a nurse. So I should have known but i can't change the past. I was married and I had to tell me spouse. I told him with my pastor who was floored also and said I might want to get tested again. I said I was. My husband was unfaithful while he was traveling on the road as a truck driver, but I never thought he wouldn't use protection. He said he was going to be tested and to this date he hasn't that I know of. My present lover has been tested and has come back neg both times. We know he has to be tested again in 3months and then in 6months. He wants me to move to NY with him. He says that I could get better care and there are more resources there. I live in the South in the bible belt. I haven't told my family or kids yet. I'm going to try and wait until they are all together in one place. I have some days where I just want to crawl in a hole and die, and then there are days I feel great. I also have fibromyalgia which makes me very, very tired so..I'm just feeling lost. My lover says I need to act like I'm going to live because I'm not going to die tomorrow....How do you keep on living while you want to die? How do you tell your family that your HIV+? I feel like a time bomb just waiting to explode. How do you get everything under control? How do you keep on going on? How do you change your mind about HIV and the way it takes over your life? He says I need to not take it over but add it too my life how can you do that? How do you not let it rule you? HELP!! I have all the book smarts but not how to live with this? Thanks, I know this was a long post but I needed a place to vent and let somethings out. Thanks again!

HIV doesn't take over your life unless you want it to. I suggest you see a mental health expert to help with your with your situation. You may also want to check with your ASO to find a support group.

Andy Velez:
Hi Gal,


It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed by your recent diagnosis. That's a very common and understandable reaction. There are a number of lessons on this site which you may find helpful including the one about disclosure issues. I urge you not to rush to disclose your status. Once you have done that you cannot "undisclose," so take your time and sit with the feelings for a while.

Make sure you have a doctor who will monitor you regularly and with whom you can have a good partnership to keep you healthy. Right now you're thinking you're dying but actually with proper care there's every likelihood you can live a long and healthy life.

Gradually you will learn to know everything you need about HIV and about staying healthy. And you don't have to learn that all at once. You're always welcome here to ask questions and to discuss anything that's on your mind.

This is just another part of your life and not the end of it.


Joe K:
Hello Gal,

How do you do all that you ask?  One day at a time.  Yes your head is spinning and it will continue to do so for probably a couple more weeks.  Just take it one day at a time.  I know your thoughts are racing and you don't know where to turn, again all perfectly normal.  Your world has been turned upside down and you need some time to adjust to that fact.

Everything else can wait.  What you need now is support from close friends or family and just start with one person.  Trust me on this, do not rush to tell people until you are ready to do so.  Take some time and let yourself adjust.  I know it is hard, but what other choice do you really have?  Things will get better I promise, you just need to give it time.

And don't worry so much about how much time you might have left.  I have been poz for 22 years and with the new treatments you will live a long life.  So take some time now and try to relax.  Take it slow and when you feel ready, start reading the lessons here to educate yourself and use these forums to get whatever support you think we might provide.

Welcome to the forums.


--- Quote from: latingalnc on September 09, 2006, 05:18:56 PM ---I was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago, and was in shock. I felt worse for my PCP than for me she looked like she didn't know what to do or say.

--- End quote ---

Hi there,

When the nurse practioner notified me of my HIV status back in 1985, she bassically handed me the paper, said "you are HIV positive", and backed away from me by about the 6 feet !! Thats the truth... Of course that was back in 1985, but even then you would think that professionals, would be just that, professional. I think she was more petrified then I was.She thought I was toxic ! wanted me out of the room and the building as fast as possible!!

Anyway, just want to say hello, and welcome you here to the forums. There were plenty of days throughout the past 21 years that I felt like crawling into a hole. Most of those days were a long time ago, but I do understand what you are talking about. Can't give you much more advice than what has been given to you, except to not left this virus control you ( I believe it has already been stated) This is certainly a tough time right now, but things will eventually fall into place. It will never be easy, and there will be difficult days, but you can make it !!

Make sure to check out the lessons part of the site, when you are ready, and take your time :

Take care of yourself, and stay in touch with us--------Ray


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