Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 30, 2014, 03:13:27 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 640554
  • Total Topics: 48651
  • Online Today: 180
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 117
Total: 119

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Back to the 80s and I really feel raw about it, one true man is really ill  (Read 11073 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
And taking a one-way trip, I believe, back to the farm he was born on.

How do I know this?

1. His sister is driving him there
2. He texted me to basically say might not be home to see me when I visit in April cos he needs his solitude
3. The meds fucked his liver and he decided to stop taking them, rather than die there and then of liver failure, some months ago

It is so damn hard, a chronicle of death foretold.

Now, it may, I concede, have a happy ending, but right now I think not.

But, note this, he is happier than he has ever been. Perhaps more alive than me with me bills n commuting.

It's like the 80s never went away, just got slower, it's hard to talk to people about this.

The one true man that I ever loved. God bless you.

- matt
« Last Edit: March 07, 2011, 05:15:25 PM by newt »
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 11,839
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Peace be with both of you . 

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Thats some heavy shit dude!  My best wishes are with you during this difficult time. 

Offline leese43

  • Member
  • Posts: 257
Sorry to hear that you're going through this, Praying that it does have a happy ending.
Oct 04 - Neg
Aug 05 - infected
Oct 05 - cd4 780, vl 60k
Apr 08 - cd4 430, vl 243
Jul 08 - cd4 550, vl 896
Nov 08 - cd4 730, vl 1.8k
May 09 - cd4 590, vl 1.5k
Sep 09 - cd4 460 vl 34k
Dec 09 - cd4 470 vl 42k
April 10 - cd4 430 vl 88.5k
July 10 - cd4 330 vl 118k
Aug 10 - started reyataz/truvada/norvir
Aug 10 - cd4 380 vl 4k (12 days after starting meds :))
Sep 10 - cd4 520 vl 1.5k
Oct 10 - cd4 590 vl 44
Jan 11 -cd4 610 vl <40 cd4% 50
May 11 - cd4 780 vl UD

Offline eric48

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,179
  • @HIVPharmaCure & tinyurl.com/HIVPharmaCure
Tough times, I must admit.

May be he needs you more than willing to admit...

if he is one true man, you are certainly one yourself ;-)

We are currently helping out one of our out-of-the-country relative diagnosed with a 'bad' cancer. Just providing presence and support (email, letters, gifts, etc...). They gave him an experimental drug that cured him in much less time than doctors were expecting. We believe care, presence and not solitude can do wonders.

We can only hope.

and stand by you.

and we do...

Eric
NVP/ABC/3TC/... UD; CD4 > 1000; CD4/CD8 ~ 2.0   safety stock : 2 months

Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Shit.  One way trip or not, I hope he finds peace. 

...grab a pint or macchiato if you want to talk.

x

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Deal
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705


  Sorry to hear about the road your friend is traveling on right now....  I hope you're ok.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,314
  • His name is Carl.
I never know what to say - let alone type  in situations like this....or than to let you know that I've read it and you are in my thoughts.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,825
Sorry to hear your fine friend is not doing well Newt, I hope he will be happy and cared for in the months ahead and yes perhaps good news can come, it does happen with illnesses from time to time.  In any event it is a small blessing he got to make a life choice now, there is comfort in that and he has a good, kind friend in you for one.  Sorry we couldn't all hook up in London or beautiful Brighton when I was in England, perhaps next time.  In any event take good care of yourself and hope you find peace with this news regarding your buddies decision.

Jody
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,135
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Thinking of you and your friend, Matt.  Just received some bad news myself tonight.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,031
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Sorry you and your friend are going through bad times.

Offline ds4146

  • Member
  • Posts: 317
Very sorry to hear this. I signed on and at first sight saw Miss P's posting about "we were here" and then yours. Both make me angry, one for why do we need another reminder of what has happened and the other for what is still happening. I can comprehend both, but can not understand either. Thinking of you and your friend, sincerely!

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,702
  • 31 Years Poz
Matt, my thoughts are with you and your friend. Remember to take care of yourself as well.

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Like Tim, it's hard to know what to say other than I'm listening (reading) and have both of you in my thoughts.  Hugs.
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline CaptCarl

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,114
  • Located in the Palinsville subdivision, JesusLand
Newt-

Like some others here, I am not too great at saying things during times like these. So I'll just say that you and he are in my thoughts. Good luck my friend.

CaptCarl
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
You, your friend and his family are in my thoughts Matt..a sad time, I hope you take up Cliff's offer.

In sadness
Jan :'(
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
My thoughts are with you and friend.


Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
My thoughts are with you and your friend too Matt.. and may I say sir, your writing is almost always moving,..

One line in your OP stands out for me though, that you said he is happy and more alive. Isn't it the most important thing for him? I have seen too many perished in hospitals, halfway dwellings of epic miserable proportion for many between the worlds of the living and the dead. Your friend is in a place he clearly loves.. and it sounds like he will be with people that he loves too if the moment must come.

Maybe there's a chance for a happy ending as you said.. I wish him the best, and as for you Matt, try to enjoy a pint or two..

Hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,180
  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.


I am so sorry to hear this Matt.  My thoughts go out to both of you and his family, during this difficult and emotional time.

Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 8/2514,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,955
Sorry about this, Matt.  Thinking of you and your friend. :-[
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,556
I too didn't want to throw empty platitudes last night when I first read this.  My heart ached when I read it then and it still does today.  So instead of saying something else that's stupid, I'll just send my heartfelt energy. 
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline MarcoPoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 396
So sorry, Matt.

I hope you know how truthful and impactful this statement was,"It's like the 80s never went away, just got slower".

Offline Alain

  • Member
  • Posts: 680
  • I am.
big hugs from across!

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,630
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Matt, so sorry to hear about your friend honey....it sucks doesn't it?

Just wanted to know I'm thinking about you (and him)...

Hugs, Alan  :'(
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,519
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Sorry to hear your news Matt,take care it strikes me your loved one is making sure he lives every day how he wishes too, which might be why such love was possible.
love to both off you
theyer
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
:'(

There just are no adequate words.

((((((((Matt))))))))
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,185
Thinking about ya Newt.
\
-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline pozniceguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,181
  • Niceguy Dallas
sad news Matt, having someone you are so fond of in a condition where you cant really do anything,  just keep in contact let him know you still care about him.   be there when you can.

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline RAB

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,895
  • Joined March 2003
{{{{{MATT}}}}}

Hey Handsome, so sorry for this.  There really isn't anything I can think of to say that would be helpful, except I'll keep you and your friend in my thoughts.

RAB 


Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Hello uncertainty, my old friend and other lyrics
« Reply #30 on: April 07, 2011, 02:43:43 PM »
The outcome is now uncertain, which is good. A plan evolves, we'll see. Deploying skills from the 1980s. Exactly how much do you mash the chicken soup? What is the right mix of love an butt-kicking? How long is a moment for present living?

Right now, I am so fucking in love with uncertainty.

Right now, I am on the worst broadband connection in the southern world.

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Hello uncertainty, my old friend and other lyrics
« Reply #31 on: April 07, 2011, 02:45:17 PM »
The outcome is now uncertain, which is good. A plan evolves, we'll see. Deploying skills from the 1980s. Exactly how much do you mash the chicken soup? What is the right mix of love an butt-kicking? How long is a moment for present living?

Right now, I am so fucking in love with uncertainty.

Right now, I am on the worst broadband connection in the southern world.

- matt


Right now I'm hoping everything turns out for the best.

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,630
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
honey, mash the hell out of that chicken soup, just keep it coming!

 :-*
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline ds4146

  • Member
  • Posts: 317
I hope all is well...I love when you write or post or whatever this is called. You are always so honest, painfully, brutally honest and hopeful! Thank you and I wish the best for your friend!

"Right now, I am so fucking in love with uncertainty."


Offline TakingAChance

  • Member
  • Posts: 42
PEACE,STRENGTH,LOVE,.....YOU'RE IN MY THOUGHTS AND HEART.
Fasten Your Seat Belts...It's going to be a Bumpy Ride!

Offline auspoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 158
My thoughts are with you and your friend. Sincerely.

auspoz.

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,519
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
take good care
theyer
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,681


     This is very sad Matt .

                     >>>>> HUGS <<<<<
                                                                        Carl
" Live and let Live "

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Back to 2011...
« Reply #38 on: May 07, 2011, 12:24:13 PM »
Sometimes a short message has you not knowing where to look. The nub of it is, ARVS will begin on Monday, and I sincerely wish this time no IRIS. Wish not hope, because realistically tis possible. This is the moment for which they invented the phrase cautiously optimistic.

I hope it thunders tonight, but looks like it will just be coastal drizzle.

Here's to the gentle hammer of lopinavir/r

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Good news Matt. I also wish for him no IRIS.


I hope it thunders tonight, but looks like it will just be coastal drizzle.



We've got thunder and lightening on the Rock tonight. It's a rarity here and I can only remember less than a handful of storms like this in the past 20 years. I'm happy but the cats are a bit freaked out. :D
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Drizzle. Hope this is an omen, but don't believe in the likes of.

Cat made friends with beautiful new-to-neighbourhood tortoiseshell this morning and beat up fat tabby this afternoon. Now lounging upside down on my Howick coat. Baby blue skies and fluffy pewter clouds. Bought a half-share in a VW T4 camper van, ex-AA bespoke conversion. Painted skirting board with expensive white paint and drank cheap wine. Now awaiting roast dinner before evening open-air fire-based spectacle in local pleasure gardens. But looks like it might rain again.

I take comfort in the ART-CC calculator that shows a reduction in risk of death for me mate from 20% to less than 2% on starting ARVs. My fingers is so damn crossed.

In Mozambique once I saw an advocate plead with a doctor to give a guy in a coma ARVS. 6 days later he was awake and walking. But I know it don't always go that way.

That was a weird trip, Mozambique. Addressed 2,000 people in a football stadium, rather dilapidated, collapsing, 60s concrete, ex-colonial affair with trees growing out the stands. I told them "I am a rarity, I am a white man with HIV, I am well and intend to have a long, happy life." I could not see the crowd for the sun it was so bright. Brilliant country.

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,825
Good to hear the situation with your loving friend is much more hopeful Matt.  Enjoy your stay in Mozambique and go safely.

Jody
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline Grants Committee

  • Member
  • Posts: 129
Sorry Matt, I guess that was a trip back when to Africa. :D  Anyway I am glad there is more hope for your pal, I came back from being close to death, others have as well.

Jody

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,825
Sorry, was logged on as grants committee...Too many Grateful Dead concerts back in the 70's!!! ;D

Jody :)
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Matt,
I have been deeply touched by your post.

I wish you and your friend the best.
Positive since 1985

Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Fingers crossed.

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Day 5 of meds, good results, more enagaged attitude, feeling better, eating, the squits gone. Next 10 days is the most dangerous bit.

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Day 5 of meds, good results, more enagaged attitude, feeling better, eating, the squits gone. Next 10 days is the most dangerous bit.

- matt


So far, so good, then. Here's hoping the next ten go as well. You must be feeling cautiously happy and optimistic - I know I am. Thanks for the update! :-*
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Yer well let's hope the hep C stays asleep :-)

- matt (my middle names begin with C and O) the newt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,825
My feeling here is that slight improvement often leads to greater strides toward recovery down the road, he has probably taken the biggest step by starting to eat and get more engaged as you say.  I always tell folks if I am still alive, anyone can survive. ;)

I'm holding out myself in allowing any old acquaintances to read about me in any obituary!!!

Jody
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.