HIV Transmission and Testing > Am I Infected?

Again on Oral Sex

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scared_aussie:
I must sound so pathetic...
Nobody is jumping in, which is probably because people think ny question is so meaningless.
And yet, I feel like it's eating me :-(

I feel alone. But, that's definitely NOT your fault :-(

man_apart:
Deleted..

james:
Hi aussie you are definitely not alone,they are  people with the same situation and fears that you are going through now........you wil  be fine..

you should take the moderators words to heart because they know exactly what they are  talking about....i have been to 3 doctors so far and i told them my encounter(oral sex)and all of them said its fine hiv is not transmitted this way.....

they stressed i shouldnt lose any sleep over the incident....your mind is really going in the wrong direction...slow down and relax you will be fine......

If you continue to go in this direction your mind will convince your body taht you do indeed contracted hiv and you will see more symptoms...i am in no way eligible to be giving advice but from my experiance and all the otehr guys like us experince its anxiety thats killing you.Relax bro

Morgan:
Aussie:

In addition to Ann's sage advice I would add that stress over this encounter could be responsible for every symptom you present.  You would be shocked at the number of ways stress can impact you physically.

Re-read Ann's remarks where your risk is concerned and try to relax.   :)

Morgan

scared_aussie:
I am still somehow able to see what's going on in my brain.
I have a 1:20000 risk to be infected. Possibly less.
My brain, especially after getting a rare bloody cancer, is now convinced somewhere deep inside that I am infected. My swollen lymph nodes and my slight sore throat whisper to my head that these are the symptoms.

My mind races. I think about what it will be like, being HIV positive. I feel desperate and helpless. I think about contact-less sex with my wife. Then I realise that I might not even be with her, that she might well dump me after realising that I ended up licking another girls bits. Or that she won't want to live with an HIV+. Or, that I wouldn't want her to risk her life and her health with me.

As my mind races, I get desperate and seek assistance. I am travelling, and there is nothing around me that can really help me. No knowledgable doctor. No real assistance. This forums is all I have - I am talking about forum.poz.com and healingwell.com, my current lifesavers.

My "physical" friends try to help. Sometimes, they manage. Sometimes, I realise that they don't deserve this version of me. They are happy to see me, and yet they can't. And it's my fault.

THere are times when I feel better. Other times when I am totally convinced that I am such an idiot, and that I destroyed my life this way, that nothing - nothing - will ever be the same.

Above all, this thought - HIV, HIV, HIV - is always in the back of my mind. It's a thin layers that covers every thought, action, will.

Sometimes, the guilt coming from the thought that I might indeed not be affected whereas people in  this forum are become unbearable. I am being a burden. They deserve my help, not my helplessness. I feel even more desperate.

Suicidal thought haven't come into play. However, I realise that I cannot live like this, and yet I cannot live in any other way.

I tried to put into words what probably a lot of people out there feel when they becoming HIV-obsessed. I realise that no matter what my status is, I am. And, I am trapped. I don't know why I did it, or if it's gonna be of any use. I don't know if I'd be stronger if cancer hadn't cracked me already.

I just don't know anything.

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