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Author Topic: Dating  (Read 2025 times)

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Offline klassykitty

  • Member
  • Posts: 381
Dating
« on: March 06, 2011, 04:24:29 AM »
I have a question for the guys.
I was just starting to think about dating again when HIV threw a wrench into it.
So some guy asked me out and I said yes, (hey he's got a nice bike, and a cat).
I'm just not sure when I should tell him.  Do I tell him right away and that way if he walks then I don't have to worry if we get along?   Or do I wait for a few dates and see how things go?  I know I have to figure it out for myself,  but was just wondering what other people did in this situation.
Also what is the percentage that people have after their CD4 numbers?
 8)
How to handle stress like a dog:
If you can't eat it or play with it.....
then pee on it and walk away

Diagnosed 01-20-2011
01-23  CD4 32    VL 125,400
02-18        76     VL 189
03-14  no cd4 test done   VL-52
04-14   69  VL-UNDECTABLE  YEA!!
05-26   50  whoopsy  
06-27   71        %-7
08-15   64 WTF %-9 
10-16  80         %7  
2012  CD4  %Thing   VL-UD
01-18  87    7
04-18  93    8  
07-16  151  8         
10-18  83    9    VL-70
2013   CD4   %thing       VL-UD
01-28  121     9
04-24  148    11   
07-25  157    11   
10-22  185    13
2014   CD-4  %thing   VL-UD
02-07 201 YEA!!!!!!  12
06-03  205      12

Offline ad2san

  • Member
  • Posts: 186
Re: Dating
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2011, 04:52:02 AM »
Hi there,

depending on ... if its a one night stand I don't tell at all. If I'd like to have more I tell right away .... I once was dating a guy during 3 weeks before I told him and he threw me out it was very painful. Therefore I don't wait I am totally crushed before doing it ...
What do you mean "Also what is the percentage that people have after their CD4 numbers?" ??

Cheers
Feb   2009 CD4 358 VL 2000 16%
May  2009 CD4 305 VL 3069  14% <---- Started TVD+ATZ/r
Jul  2009 CD4 512 VL <50   18%
Jul 2010 CD4 418 VL <50 24%                     
Switched to Kivexa (Epzicom) + Norvir + Reyataz (due to sleep problem)
Aug 2010 CD4 606 VL <50 25%
Apr 2011 CD4 523 UD 21%
Jul 2011 CD4 494 UD 23%
Switched to Kivexa (Epzicom) + Viramune XR (due to kidney problems)
January 2012 CD4 564 UD 31%
October 2012 CD4 684 UD 29%
January 2013 CD4 594 UD 26%
Switched to Kivexa (Epzicom) + Isentress due to BIG increase GammaGT
Feb 2013 CD4 699 UD 28%
May 2013 CD4 385 UD 28%
July 2013 CD4 CD4 636 UD 25%
Oct 2013 CD4 588 UD 39%

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Dating
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2011, 04:56:32 AM »
When and how to disclose is a purely personal choice.  I do it very early, because I feel like it will end things before I develop any attachment if it comes to that or get it out of the way without stressing out about it.  Some people prefer to wait until intimacy is on the horizon to discuss or at least until they know the person better.

As for the percentage that is their CD4 percentage.

This link will explain what a CD4 percentage is.
http://aids.about.com/od/aidsfactsheets/a/cd4percent.htm

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: Dating
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2011, 06:08:39 AM »
Greetings Ms Kitty,

Go with your instinct on this one.  Any man with a nice bike AND a cat cant be all bad in my opinion.  Three basic questions I would ask myself would be:  Is this a date that will only bring intellectual exchange and a nice evening out? (disclosure is not necessary).  Is this a date with a guy that I see as a romantic interest? (disclosure should be eminent but use that instinct as to when).  Is this a hot and heavy sex date? (tell him up front). 

I know this whole disclosure thing has been discussed at length on here.  If you search the forums using the word 'disclosure' the system will return 17 pages of threads that you can peruse.  You may want to check out a few posts from the group in some of those older threads.   

Offline ThatsAll

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: Dating
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2011, 06:13:38 AM »
I'd feel like a hypocrite if I didn't disclose before intimacy.

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,702
Re: Dating
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2011, 11:04:43 AM »



   You can disclose right away if you're one of those people that doesn't like to beat around the bush, or waste time.  But, personally I would see if the guy is worth disclosing to first.  You might go on a first date with him and decide he's  simply not good enough for you.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline denb45

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: Dating
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2011, 12:45:03 PM »


   You can disclose right away if you're one of those people that doesn't like to beat around the bush, or waste time.  But, personally I would see if the guy is worth disclosing to first.  You might go on a first date with him and decide he's  simply not good enough for you.

For me, I always disclosed up front, hey if they didn't like it, no skin off my noise or egg on my face that way.
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,343
Re: Dating
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2011, 12:56:09 PM »


   You can disclose right away if you're one of those people that doesn't like to beat around the bush, or waste time.  But, personally I would see if the guy is worth disclosing to first.  You might go on a first date with him and decide he's  simply not good enough for you.

Hey KK,
I'm with Skeebo and also think your question is as good posed to the women on forum as the men. So, I'm replying. Deciding if the person is someone you find attractive enough after date One can sometimes give you fewer disclosures to have to navigate. Declining a date Two is a helluva lot easier.
Em

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Dating
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2011, 01:32:42 PM »
   You can disclose right away if you're one of those people that doesn't like to beat around the bush, or waste time.  But, personally I would see if the guy is worth disclosing to first.  You might go on a first date with him and decide he's  simply not good enough for you.

Best advice thus far.  But i think the answer is here:

......I know I have to figure it out for myself.......

"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline MarcoPoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 396
Re: Dating
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2011, 02:09:09 PM »
To paraphrase Skeebo a bit, aren't you interested in seeing if this guy is someone you WANT to be with?  Start there.  Sometimes we let HIV convince us that ANY relationship is a good relationship and that we don't deserve better.  Please don't fall for that.  You deserve better.  You deserve the best relationship you want.  See if the guy is made up of the stuff that can lead to what you want.  If he has it, then telling him you have HIV will be in context.

If this is a simply a sexual thing--I'd disclose before having sex.

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,137
  • your ramblings bore Yamaguchi Kitteh
Re: Dating
« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2011, 09:36:58 AM »
I would wait to tell him till the second date (if there is one). So many times first dates don't go anywhere but if you both want to have a second or third date then obviously there is some mutual attraction and you need to start thinking about disclosure.

Just my lil 'ol opinion.

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline denb45

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: Dating
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2011, 09:54:49 AM »
I would wait to tell him till the second date (if there is one). So many times first dates don't go anywhere but if you both want to have a second or third date then obviously there is some mutual attraction and you need to start thinking about disclosure.

Just my lil 'ol opinion.

-Will

Agreed, sometimes the chemistry just isn't there no matter how many dates you have with someone, some folks are stone cold, and some are as warm as a dutch oven  :)
« Last Edit: March 07, 2011, 09:56:58 AM by denb45 »
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Dating
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2011, 11:39:44 AM »
I always tell people up front - but that's just me I guess - I'm very open about my status. If the person can't handle me being poz, it's their problem, not mine. You have to decide for yourself, but if sex is on the cards, you really should tell.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online Jeff G

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  • Member
  • Posts: 11,176
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Dating
« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2011, 12:00:59 PM »
I'm up front about my status . When I tell someone I'm poz the grace in which they handle the information can help me decide if they are dating material , or friend material for that matter .

   

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Dating
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2011, 12:07:28 PM »
I'm up front about my status . When I tell someone I'm poz the grace in which they handle the information can help me decide if they are dating material , or friend material for that matter .

   

Absolutely. It's a great way to weed out the assholes. :)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Dating
« Reply #15 on: March 07, 2011, 10:57:28 PM »
Absolutely. It's a great way to weed out the assholes. :)
100% agree

Offline LiveWithIt

  • Member
  • Posts: 377
Re: Dating
« Reply #16 on: March 09, 2011, 10:37:38 AM »
If you want to hint at it and see how he reacts tell him that your last boyfriend was positive.
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

 


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