Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

Has HIV Made You Reclusive?

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thunter34:
I've got to toss this out to the population at large here because it's been weighing on me for sometime.  I've become so much more withdrawn in the years since diagnosis - and this is long past meds adjustment and recovery.  I can understand my initial withdrawal post diagnosis due to sickness and shell shock, but it seems to me that it would have worn off more by now.  It's much more of a "social panic" type thing, and I know that it has cost me in the friendship and other relationship department. 

I'm wondering if it is some sort of PTSD or simply a return to childhood shyness or what.  I get panicked about meeting - or sometimes even just speaking to - people...even people that I know and WANT to interact with.  Most times, once I get around them I am fine...but then find myself anxious about calling them or seeing them yet again the very next time. 

I was a painfully sky kid who overcame it as an adult, but I act very much the same these days - until I get myself in the midst of a social situation.  Sometimes, having been diagnosed with BPMD, the manic side can take over and make me a temporary butterfly.  I then revert back to hermit mode, though...even though I don't necessarily feel depressed. 

There are people who have been trying to make contact with me - some of them right here on this forum - that I felt panicked about for no damn good reason.  I know this on a rational level...yet still lock into that same pattern.

Have others here felt anything like this at all?  Do you attribute it mostly to a shyness or BPMD thing, or do you see it as some sort of HIV initiated thing or what?

drewm:
Thanks for posting this. In a way I am wondering the same thing. In my case I just thought that maybe it was because I was something of a recluse before being dxd (although obviously not enough of a recluse LOL). I am anxious to hear what others think...

emeraldize:
Yes.

Hellraiser:
I've become more reclusive, but I'm still trying to deal with some of the physical after effects of my diagnosis.  Not to mention one of my favorite activities pre-diagnosis was binge drinking which now isn't such a great idea because I need my liver to be fine to handle the meds that I'll be pouring through it for hopefully the next 20-30 years.

hope_for_a_cure:
I would not say that I am reclusive as a result of being HIV positive.  The fact that I relocated 500 miles from where I was living last year does throw off my ability to see my close friends as often as I would like to.  I do not get out and about as much here as I did when I lived alone and I do not entertain guests here as often as I did then either.  The social scene is much different here and I really dont have the desire to date as much.  I would say that being HIV positive has changed that aspect of my social life.  

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