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Author Topic: cum, scratches and risk  (Read 6529 times)

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Offline khol99

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cum, scratches and risk
« on: February 12, 2011, 07:20:36 AM »
Well i am a young gay man, a few days ago i lost my virginity to another who said he was hiv negative but during intercourse he removed the condom without my consent and continued. when i realized this i stopped the whole thing.
after that i couldnt trust him, he may have even lied about his status and so i went to a GUM clinnic where they put me on a months worth of PEP.

im so scared and cant stop crying, i know theres nothing to do but wait for the pep to be over and another hiv test in 3 months times. should i be so worried? if i turn out to be positive in 3 months is it hard to at first? is it possible to find a partner after being positive (i am somewhat handsome but i got a paralysed left hand, and i know that even such a small disability makes it extremely hard to find a guy that will love u).

i would love to hear out anything u may have to say.   

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2011, 09:08:02 AM »
KH, let's deal with one thing at a time and not go jumping ahead to planning an HIV positive life when that may very well not happen. 

You had unsafe sex for a period of time but the other guy had a condom on for some of the time. It was only a single incident. And you are on PEP, which has a good track record when begun promptly. All of those facts are in your favor that you will test negative.

Right now this is looming huge in your thoughts of course. You're going to have to make a real effort to focus your attention on other things in your life. That will make the waiting time pass much more easily than you may imagine is possible.

You can test initially at 6 weeks after the completion of PEP. If you test negative at that point then it is very likely you will test negative again at 13 weeks.

Meantime now, get busy with other things. Fingers crossed here for you.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2011, 01:55:07 PM »
Thank you, im trying to stay relax but occasionally the significance of my situation sinks in and i start having panic attacks. wherever the result i think im of sex for months or more.

my biggest fear is that no meds might for me or that no one will love me after.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2011, 03:12:32 PM »
Being worried is very understandable. Nevertheless there are significant factors in your favor that you will come out of this ok.

Now, get busy with other things. Don't bother saying you are too worried to do that. That response will not fly in here.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2011, 04:27:27 PM »
Of course i understand, im trying to focus on uni work (really need to, cant loose track of that).

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2011, 10:52:19 PM »
Good plan. Good luck and keep us posted on your result when you test.
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2011, 02:07:50 PM »
I indeed will. i just hope the meds will work and give me the strenght to become a long timer if the worsrt comes true.

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2011, 04:35:03 PM »
Well im still pep, but my nerves havent improved. ive pleaded with the guy to take a test.
the guy has agreed to do it 2mrw but he says that i will have to have sex with him (if everything is ok) to reward him.

any advice?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2011, 05:37:10 PM »
Wait a sec.

Guy takes a condom off without your knowledge or consent, and you trust him to tell you the results of an HIV test? Seriously?

AND you are even entertaining the notion of going back for more?

Marry this man. He's a keeper.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2011, 05:41:42 PM »
No i would go in with him to take the test (or ask him to take a picture of it so i can see the result)

but i really dont wanna have sex with him or anyone, but i want to know if im ok so i can get on with my life.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2011, 10:02:01 PM »
KH, there is a lot unnecessary drama going on here.

#1, I am never interested in someone else's test result. I'm only interested in YOUR test result at an accurate testing point. And that's what you should be concentrating on as well.

So stop all this he said he wants and I'm worried and sex with him or not. Nonsense. Get your own test results and get on with your life.

And if you are willing to keep playing hide the salami for any reason with someone as unreliable as this guy, I can only shake my head in wonder at what fools we mortals be.
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2011, 11:40:46 AM »
Well today i went to the GUM for my second (18 days) batch of pills, had some more blood taken and so on.

BUT there has been a development, ive seem to have developed a skin rash all around my body (mostly legs and arms), but the doctor at the clinic doesn't know if its related or ifs a reaction to kaletra. has anyone ever experienced skin rashes during PEP or kaletra?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2011, 12:43:35 PM »
Yes I had skin rashes due to Kaletra. I can't take it, I'm allergic to it.

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2011, 05:41:01 PM »
Wow thanks i was so worried, if i post a pic could u tell me if its consistent with urs? its really only erupted in my extremities and in my face (very slightly), my dr wasnt very reasuring and just said its nothing to worry about.

btw i followed ur advice on convincing that guy to do his own test, he was asking too much from me (wanted me to fulfil some fantasies of his, too much for what would have been my second time), i stopped all contact with him and ill await my own results in peace which woundt really be affected by me knowing his status anyway. plus im too prude to associate with someone who would try to exchange sex for my wellbeing.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2011, 06:13:53 PM »
Do not post a picture of your rash. Looking at a photo online is not a reliable means of identifying what's going on. Posted pictures of that sort are simply deleted.

I appreciate that you are anxious and concerned but you're just going to have to wait to get a reliable result. As has been said previously there are several significant factors in your favor against infection having taken place.

At this point there's really nothing more to say except to get busy with other things while you are waiting to test.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #15 on: March 12, 2011, 01:17:06 PM »
Well i finished pep last tuesday, all my other stdcame back negative plus ive been vaccinated against hep a and b, now im waiting for 3 months to past for my hiv test. so far ive been able to cope alrite and been busy doing uni stuff so my mood has been ok. no liver issues or big side effects.

can i also take the test in 3 weeks and 6 weeks to reassure myself?

Offline Ann

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #16 on: March 12, 2011, 02:37:22 PM »
Khol,

Don't bother with a three week test - it's a waste of time. Wait for the six week test.

I expect you to come out of this ok.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #17 on: March 29, 2011, 03:58:20 PM »
Well today is officially 3 weeks since i finished pep, no flu like symptoms or anything so far and since 95% of people seroconvert within 3 weeks i think 2mrw i will take the hiv test just to reasure myself (will take it at 6 weeks too if im neg).
I think my main motivation is becouse even though at first my mum was very supportive her support has eroded completly and she wants me out cos im gay no matter if i turn out + or neg. maybe if it comes back neg it will help ease tensions. i dunno.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #18 on: March 29, 2011, 06:13:55 PM »
We're keeping our fingers crossed for you and given what you have reported I like Ann, do expect you to test negative.

That's sad to hear about your mom's support having evaporated. But you will get through this. Keep busy with productive things in your life. It will make the waiting time go more quickly than you may imagine is possible.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #19 on: March 30, 2011, 09:16:47 AM »
Negative at almost 4 weeks

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #20 on: March 30, 2011, 09:18:29 AM »
That's good news. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. A negative at 6 weeks will point the way to very likely a conclusively negative result at 13 weeks.

Keep going. I expect you to come out of this ok.
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #21 on: April 18, 2011, 12:30:45 PM »
Well its been 6 weeks since i finished PEP though i havent taken a 6 weeks test yet. mainly because its 3 weeks till my exams and theres lots of work to do and i find it a real bummer to go GUM clinic and leaves me feeling weird for a couple of days. so ive decided to wait till the final days of next month to get tested (3 months test). ignorance is bliss.

dunno if this is a wise course of action.... i dunno.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #22 on: April 18, 2011, 12:41:03 PM »
Odds are you are going to test negative. Good luck and keep us posted. 
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #23 on: May 26, 2011, 08:17:17 PM »
Well in exactly 2 weeks i will test for my 12 weeks post PEP hiv test. but for the past 2 days ive had a cold that started as a slight sore throat (which cleared up) but ive been sniffly since. i have the nagging concern that it might be due to seroconvervion and im not sure if i should test asap.

since ive started PEP and finished it i havent had any sexual contact.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #24 on: May 26, 2011, 08:50:55 PM »
Seroconversion at this late date is highly unlikely. And nothing you are reporting symptomatically is in anyway HIV specific. You are simply (mis)interpreting everything through an HIV jitters mindset.

I expect you to come out of this ok.
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #25 on: June 24, 2011, 03:14:13 PM »
Well this is a week late, but on monday i got back my 3 months blood test result. it turned out to be neg.
so i suposse.....yay.

ill get tested later on again.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #26 on: June 24, 2011, 05:09:34 PM »
You got a negative at 3 months and you "suppose" yah? What's with you. A 3 months negative is conclusive. There is no need for re-testing.

Give it up and get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline khol99

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #27 on: June 24, 2011, 06:16:15 PM »
Well thank u everyone for ur awesome help. i muchas gracias andy, fuiste de mucha ayuda :)

Offline khol99

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cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #28 on: May 07, 2012, 01:22:55 PM »
Well today i meet with a guy who reasured me he had tested earlier this year and was alll clear (he said he would show me the result but i firgot to ask him again), plus i was expecting anal sex but when i asked him to commence he said he dosent like penetration or being penetrated, so we mutually masturbated and performed oral.

but my concern is that when i made him cum he came on my hand which i know its not a big issue, but then i noticed some old tiny cat scratches (minumum a day old but maybe 2), and the cum i think touched them.

should i go for pep? i had pep once before but wasnt too pleasant.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #29 on: May 07, 2012, 01:34:35 PM »
Well today i meet with a guy who reasured me he had tested earlier this year and was alll clear (he said he would show me the result but i firgot to ask him again), plus i was expecting anal sex but when i asked him to commence he said he dosent like penetration or being penetrated, so we mutually masturbated and performed oral.

but my concern is that when i made him cum he came on my hand which i know its not a big issue, but then i noticed some old tiny cat scratches (minumum a day old but maybe 2), and the cum i think touched them.

should i go for pep? i had pep once before but wasnt too pleasant.
You never had an exposure and you don't need nPEP or testing.

Offline khol99

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #30 on: May 07, 2012, 01:45:14 PM »
R u sure? the nhs direct line said that nothing may have happened but testing is the only way of knowing?

Offline khol99

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #31 on: May 07, 2012, 01:55:00 PM »
Well they said over the phone that its a lower risk if there was any contact with hiv, but dont know if becouse its at least a day old it might be a unbroken skin or not.

should latex gloves be used in sex just incase?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #32 on: May 07, 2012, 02:07:56 PM »
Hold on KH. You are making a big deal out of a situation in which you absolutely were not at risk.

The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. That's it. And as long as condoms are used consistently for those activities you will be well protected.

HIV is a fragile virus. It is not transmitted in any of the activities you have described. There is no need for further concern nor for testing. So no, this is not even remotely the sort of situation that warrants doing PEP.

Get on  with your life. You did not have a risk.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #33 on: May 08, 2012, 03:44:52 AM »
khol,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





As Rodney and Andy have told you, you have not had a risk and you certainly do not need PEP.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE!!!

Ann
« Last Edit: May 08, 2012, 03:47:50 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline khol99

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #34 on: May 08, 2012, 05:44:36 PM »
So even though the skin was ihealing/healed for a minimum of a day it shouldnt be a risk?, or would cum impregnate into it. im not sure. i am trying to think of your advice and what the helpline said to keep me from over thinking it.

Yes since last time ive been very overzealous with condoms in various sizes and appropriate lube, always on hand when im about to do the "task". but what can i do to reasure myself im doing the best i can because i feel horrible after the after sex high and cry every time and  my mind wonders into diseases and i keep checking my symptoms after day after day.
any advice how i can change that? and some info on scabing?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #35 on: May 08, 2012, 05:52:15 PM »
■Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result,  or no-risk situation will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #36 on: May 08, 2012, 05:55:10 PM »
Hold on KH. You are making a big deal out of a situation in which you absolutely were not at risk.

The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. That's it. And as long as condoms are used consistently for those activities you will be well protected.

HIV is a fragile virus. It is not transmitted in any of the activities you have described. There is no need for further concern nor for testing. So no, this is not even remotely the sort of situation that warrants doing PEP.

Get on  with your life. You did not have a risk.

z

KHOL, at this point I am going to warn you that if you come back with more what ifs and worries about your non-risk event, you are at risk for getting yourself a Time Out for 28 days. HIV is not your problem. Period. We're not going to indulge you in another round of back and forths about this.

Be glad and get on with your life. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #37 on: May 09, 2012, 07:52:42 AM »

because i feel horrible after the after sex high and cry every time and  my mind wonders into diseases and i keep checking my symptoms after day after day.


Khol,

Wow. You're taking a normal, healthy human activity and turning it into something nasty. Why? Don't tell us - tell a therapist. You don't have to live like this and while we can't help you with that, a therapist can. Book an appointment at the earliest opportunity. You'll thank yourself. Trust me.

Having sexual relations with others and the desire to have sex is normal. It's simply part of being alive. It's not something for which you need to be punished with illness.

You're doing what you're supposed to and using condoms with plenty of lube. That's all you need to do to protect yourself.

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one. NOT ONE!!!!

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO GET TESTED OVER GETTING CUM ON SCRATCHES, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple! Honestly. Seriously. Cross my heart.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline khol99

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Re: cum, scratches and risk
« Reply #38 on: May 19, 2012, 07:52:09 PM »
Thank you ann, i will talk to my gp about taking some therapy sessions. i am carrying with me lube and condoms and checking all condoms after sex for breakage visually and by blowing them. blood after anal worries me but happened only after second stool and no sign of it after sex, clean up or first tool (so im assuming i hurt in there and broke it after straining).

But im always thinking "think of what they said on the forums and dont drink alcohol before or during sex".

thank you and sorry for being annoying.

phil

 


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