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Author Topic: I'm not sure if I should be afraid right now...  (Read 2459 times)

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Offline reallyscared90

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I'm not sure if I should be afraid right now...
« on: February 10, 2011, 04:10:37 PM »
Hey everyone, I recently met someone near me on manhunt.net - We met at his place, he seemed very well kept, clean, and lived in a very upscale neighborhood. While there, I blew him pretty intensely for a decent amount of time, and we 69'd and I rimmed him pretty deep. I was too nervous to go all the way this time because we hadn't discussed our status - I was negative a month ago (I check every 6 months), but after we finished (he never bothered to cum, FYI), I approached him with the question and he claimed he was tested, but he seemed quite weird and standoffish about it - he immediately got off the topic.

When I brought it up again a minute later, just saying I was a little scared, he did the same thing, and wouldn't make eye contact - he started to seem shady at this point. I felt myself getting worried. I've tried to contact him since, asking if he wanted to play again, and I told him I bought two at-home test kits so we could test together - he said he wanted to play again, but he wasn't going to be "pressured into testing" and started getting defensive.

Anyway, this leads me to believe he either lied about testing, or he knows his status and is positive, which has be freaking out a bit - I normally read people well, and he definitely seems weird about it all now. I totally respect if he's just too scared to find out, fine, but now he's ignoring me and it's getting ME freaked out.

I'm glad I didn't go all the way with him, and that he didn't cum, but my worry isn't so much the intense blowjob I gave him (I know you can't really get HIV from oral by any realistic standards), but what about the rimjob? It was about 5 minutes worth of rimming, not even, and I did stick my tongue into his hole a bit, and sucked somewhat, but there was no filth there, and no blood, so... I'm going to ASSUME I'm in the clear, but I'm really not sure what the verdict is on rimjobs.

*Sigh* Hopefully someone hear will quell my anxiety. Thank you all in advance, this is really a great place from all that I've been reading.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2011, 04:22:12 PM »
Even if the guy was positive, nothing you did put yourself at risk.

Also, eye contact and shady behavior are unreliable methods way to ascertain a person's HIV status. Assume your partner is HIV positive and act accordingly, rather than grill them later. After all, even if you get tested every six months, you could become infected and essentially be giving incorrect information for over five of those ensuing months.



"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2011, 04:31:52 PM »
Really,

Nothing you did or had done to you was a risk for hiv infection.

Asking "the question" is the most dangerous way to try to protect yourself. Many people do not accurately know their status and some will lie. Use a condom or don't have intercourse with people who's status you can't really know.

Using an in home test doesn't work either. A person who is positive, yet does not yet have enough antibodies to test positive with because it is too early in the window period, will usually have a high viral load and be very infectious as a result. You'd be lulled into a very false and very dangerous sense of security.

Here's what you need to know in order to remain hiv negative;

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS SPECIFIC EXPERIENCE, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Here's a video you really need to watch. Read the comments posted below the video too.

(caution - audio portion of the video is NSFW)

The Question

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann


edited to add video warning
« Last Edit: February 10, 2011, 06:19:39 PM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline reallyscared90

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2011, 04:54:27 PM »
I'm aware those aren't reliable methods to gauge status, it just made me feel that much more uneasy when he started avoiding me, you know? It was just sketchy.

Ann, that video was HILARIOUS - I mean, there's a sad truth to it all, but I was laughing at the stupidity of the "bottom" there. I've heard of people lying about their status, called "stealthing," to infect others, and I kinda started to worry that maybe this guy was one of those.

Anyway, I'll get tested regardless, just to be sure, but you both have quelled my fears for the time being. I'll post an update when I find out if I'm clean or not. Thank you both.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2011, 05:05:12 PM »
You also need to know that using the term "clean" to designate a negative HIV status is insulting to anyone who is HIV+.

HIV status is about negative or positive. It's not about clean or dirty. I'm sure you didn't intend to be denigrating of those living with the virus, but a term like clean is indicate of the ongoing prejudices that people living with the virus have to deal with everyday.

 
Andy Velez

Offline reallyscared90

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2011, 05:15:49 PM »
Ah, I didn't ever think of it that way Andy - no intention to offend, as you already figured. It's just what I'm used to hearing. Sorry about that.

Offline Ann

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2011, 05:28:17 PM »
Really,

Unless you get raped, no one can infect you without your consent.

If you're bottoming, you need to reach down periodically and check that condom is still where it's supposed to be, especially after changing positions or other brief moments of withdrawal. Just make sure you can feel the bottom edge of it at or near the base of his dick. It's your responsibility to protect yourself even, and perhaps especially, when you're bottoming.
 
Of course it goes without saying that if you're topping, you need to wrap it up. Make sure you are using your condoms correctly and with plenty of lube. Leaving air trapped in the tip and/or not using enough lube are the leading causes of condom breakage.

See, if you use condoms, it absolutely does not matter if the other person's hiv status is positive or negative. You're protected either way.

You know, perhaps the lad was positive. But I'd bet my grandfather's farm that if he was, he wasn't acting sketchy because he was hoping to infect you, he was acting sketchy because he was terrified you were going to reject him and act like the robot with the weird dial where his genitals would be in the video. Do you have any idea what it's like to be on the receiving end of that kind of behaviour?

And I'm a bit amazed that you used the word "clean" to describe what you hope your hiv status turns out to be. Did you really watch that video? Did you not notice the reaction when the word was used? Go watch it again. I'm clean myself - I shower every day, thank you very much. I also happen to be hiv positive.

I hope this exchange really makes you think. And please show that video to any other sexually active young lads you know. It makes you laugh, but it gets a very important message across too.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline reallyscared90

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2011, 05:49:01 PM »
I read you loud and clear, Ann. Again, I'm just used to using that term based on the chats and forums I've been a part of, where everyone uses the word 'clean' regarding HIV negative status.

I'll pass that video around to everyone I know, just to spread the word.

Offline reallyscared90

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2011, 12:45:35 AM »
Pardon me everyone, I was going to make a new thread to ask this question, but I figured it's better to keep the clutter in one thread.

My question relates to my original (non-)issue, and the act of rimming. I am simply curious, as this is not something I dabble in myself as I find it rather disgusting, but for those involved in "pig play" or "scat" - is "dirty rimming" a risk for HIV? And to what extent?

i.e., If one gets a slight bit of filth residue in their mouth from rimming, can THIS transfer the virus?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2011, 01:33:03 AM »
Neither rimming nor scat play are considered risks for HIV infection. Hep. and other STDs, yes. But not HIV.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2011, 01:35:03 AM »
Really,

Rimming is absolutely NOT a risk for hiv infection. However, it is a risk for bacterial infections such as campylobacteriosis.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline reallyscared90

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2011, 01:39:14 AM »
Wow, I'm surprised - I guess I had assumed the risk of blood in fecal matter was enough that it could transfer HIV. Looks like I was wrong; I'm glad I asked, though. Knowledge is never a bad thing.

Thank you all again for your speedy, succinct replies.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: A bit concerned...
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2011, 09:58:36 AM »
HIV is a fragile virus. Sexually it is confirmed to be only transmitted in very specific ways: unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Use condoms consistently for those activities and you will be well protected.
Andy Velez

Offline reallyscared90

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I'm not sure if I should be afraid right now...
« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2011, 01:29:40 PM »
I'll keep this brief - I was on vacation (spring break), had unprotected anal sex with a girl. She claims she was tested back on Feb 22nd, though I saw no paperwork. She was very up front and sweet with everything, definitely wouldn't think someone would make that up, though there are people who lie about this stuff - she could have just thrown out a random date to shut me up.

Anyway, I was tested 2 weeks prior to my vacation - all clean for everything, HIV and other STDS. I was happy about this. Now I'm afraid I made a big mistake...

Sunday night, around 1 AM, was when we had sex. I performed cunnilingus, gave her a rimjob, and proceeded to fuck her - I was drunk, the condom we had broke, and we didn't wanna run out to the car for another, so since we both "knew" the other was clean, we went on with it.

I didn't sleep more than 2 hours that night because we had to drive home - a long 20+ hour drive. Now, by Tuesday night (and still to this day) I've had swollen glands and a sore throat, worse when I wake up. I'm hoping I just got a random bug from being run down and not sleeping well, and that it's just a coincidence that I had unprotected sex.

I'm just really worried about having possibly contracted HIV. I know symptoms are no sign of anything, but can someone at least answer me this? Assuming I did get something from her, would it show up that quickly? My reading tells me "no" because it takes around 2 weeks for any signs of HIV to show up, as well as stuff like gonorrhea.

At the same time, I'm no expert, and that's why I'm here. I know I DID have a risk based on my actions, and that was stupid. I'm just hoping that these symptoms couldn't possibly be anything related to HIV.

Thoughts?

Offline Ann

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Re: I'm not sure if I should be afraid right now...
« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2011, 02:42:53 PM »
Really,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





You're STILL using the word "clean" to describe the state of your sexual health? Did you learn nothing when you were here in February? Go read your entire thread again and stop using this insulting terminology or risk being banned.

Regardless of the presence or absence of symptoms, you have had a risk and you do need to test. You simply cannot go by what someone says about their hiv status.

The earliest you should test is at six weeks as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this point. A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline reallyscared90

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Re: I'm not sure if I should be afraid right now...
« Reply #15 on: April 28, 2011, 04:20:58 PM »
Ann,

Is it possible for symptoms of acute HIV infection to show up two days after an encounter?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I'm not sure if I should be afraid right now...
« Reply #16 on: April 28, 2011, 06:21:33 PM »
That would be extremely unlikely. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days.
Andy Velez

Offline reallyscared90

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Re: I'm not sure if I should be afraid right now...
« Reply #17 on: April 28, 2011, 06:39:13 PM »
That would be extremely unlikely. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days.

Alright, thank you Andy. That quells my initial fears. Hopefully it's coincidence and I got sick 'cause I didn't care for myself well around the same time.

Ann, I apologize again for using the term "clean" as I did - It honestly doesn't occur to me because I don't instantly think the inverse (i.e., dirty) when someone has an STD or anything - I just use the term clean as in "clean slate," but in the future I will try to be more careful with that word. I hope you can also try to be more forgiving with it and not bring out threats of a ban, because that comes off as hostile, and I don't think anyone here wants that.  :)

Hugs?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I'm not sure if I should be afraid right now...
« Reply #18 on: April 28, 2011, 07:12:22 PM »
Alright, thank you Andy. That quells my initial fears. Hopefully it's coincidence and I got sick 'cause I didn't care for myself well around the same time.

Ann, I apologize again for using the term "clean" as I did - It honestly doesn't occur to me because I don't instantly think the inverse (i.e., dirty) when someone has an STD or anything - I just use the term clean as in "clean slate," but in the future I will try to be more careful with that word. I hope you can also try to be more forgiving with it and not bring out threats of a ban, because that comes off as hostile, and I don't think anyone here wants that.  :)

Hugs?

Your use of the term "clean" is extraordinarily offensive. To use it once is thoughtless, to use it again after being asked not to shows that you have little to no respect for the people who are trying to help you.

So don't "try to be more careful" -- just stop using that word. How fucking hard is that?

Because if you think that there isn't anyone here who wants you banned, you are sorely mistaken.

MtD

Offline Ann

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Re: I'm not sure if I should be afraid right now...
« Reply #19 on: April 28, 2011, 09:09:23 PM »
Really,

Yeah, what Matty said.

Unfortunately, you come across as an individual who thinks people who have sex with you are whores. Look in the mirror, mate.

Start taking responsibility for your own actions and grow up. And stop referring to your own and other's sexual health status as clean. I'm as clean as the next person - I shower daily - but I'm still hiv positive. Deal with it.

Hugs? You must be joking. If I hugged you, you'd likely accuse me of infecting you with hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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