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Did it!

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Disclosed to everyone that was at the meeting Wednesday night, I mean.

For people that haven't been following me, I go to a youth group on Wednesday nights for gay/bi/trans kids. It's been like a month and 1/2 and I've gotten pretty close to a good handful of the people that regularly go. And I get along great with like 98 percent of the coordinators that have to attend the meetings. So, we're all pretty much cool!

Anyway, for a bit I was deciding whether or not to disclose to the group and I finally decided I'd like to. So I talked to a coordinator first and in turn she (with my permission) talked to some of the other regular coordinators and stuff. And last night (which was actually a larger group than normal, we've been having like six or seven kids and last night we had eleven) I brought it up - as casually as possible. We sort of go around the room first thing and say our name and how our week went, so I went last so I wouldn't like. Let the unavoidable shock shadow over someone else's chance to talk. Basically just said some stuff about my week and it was really an 'oh by the way' sort of thing, the way I said it, but I wasn't sure how else to do it. I didn't want it to be dramatic or all doomish. Like on TV when something happens and it's like DUN DUN DUNNNNN. Wanted to avoid that. Haha.

So since the two coordinators that were there already knew they sort of were able to direct the conversation into like a more like general topic about HIV instead of focusing all these personal questions on me. But they still did. I got a lot of bad questions: "HOW LONG DO YOU HAVE?" "How did you get it?" "Why didn't you just use protection?" To kind of cool questions like who important in my life knows, if I tell people I'm with, etc. Which were less rude and stuff. But anyway, they did go into a lot about how to prevent it and reminded everyone that I'm not going to plague everyone in the room or anything. It was VERY awkward, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be because people didn't have as much to say about it as I thought they would.

A couple people told me they thought I was mature and brave for being able to talk about it and that they appreciated me and are glad I'm in the group! And I felt definite unsure/awkward vibes from some people like they weren't sure what to say to me or how to act around me or whatever.

The thing is, I don't want people to have to feel bad about it. That's not why I said anything. I tried to explain that I was opening up about it so that they could understand me better and so that I felt more comfortable with them but I still got a bunch of "sorry"s and one really loud "that SUCKS!".

There is only one particular person currently that I'm worried about like losing as a friend or even an aquaintance but it's not really important right now. Haha. Maybe more on that some other time.

Generally, it could have maybe gone a bit better, but it DEFINITELY could have been worse. So that's a good thing!

Afterwards we went to the gym (yes, they have a gym in a church, wtf - you know, with basketball hoops and stuff) and attacked each other with Nerf balls and stuff. Fun! O.O;.


I hope you feel terrific. I read your previous post about wanting to share with this group. Excellent, excellent.


Jaser, I really can't say this enough times: You are an amazing kid!

I've taken a quote from my own latest thread about my view towards disclosure nowadays; maybe it will help you with future disclosures (not that you need much help, to be honest, you're doing just fine!): 

"I’m really past caring what people is no longer about who I can trust, but rather it is about separating the people I want in my life from those I don’t, based on their reactions. Simple as that really."

In the end how we cope with life issues comes down to our own personal perspective on everything.
It really is as simple as that.

I am at this moment cyber patting you on the back. So proud of you!


Melia :)

You did it is right!  You set yourself to do something.  To open yourself up.  To take a chance and you climbed that mountain!


Sometimes it is so scary to disclose, and then one can wait in fear of rejection, that one forgets the real STRENGTH we all must have for this. 


We have to be patient and tolerant of the ignorance and even stupidity, but we can also believe in the good of others.


I gave my students this example of a premise- “Young” is a documentary exploring the stigma and challenges faced by different teenagers who happen to be HIV positive.  They are all Freshman and Sophomores.  I hope it makes them start to think...


Three cheers for the might of MOUSE!


Matty the Damned:
Well done, Squeakie-boi. I'm very proud of you. :-*



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