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Author Topic: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???  (Read 10716 times)

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Offline thunter34

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  • Posts: 7,305
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #100 on: January 25, 2011, 02:57:32 PM »
This thread is cursed.

Cursed, I say!
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline MarcoPoz

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  • Posts: 396
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #101 on: January 25, 2011, 02:58:45 PM »
Nope, you're the one that is obsessed with this issue and I wonder why I don't fucking see it...  And hearing a man whine about it constantly through every other post is nauseating because I think this stuff stems from something within...  some guilt or something.  The reason I call you out on this is because I take this as an attack on the very people who have supported me through the years and I think you have allowed a few chosen members to get under your skin.  

And what's your point Tim?  Are you saying that there is indeed a double standard towards straight guys here?  It seems you are supporting Marco's claim if anything.

Look newb, I've maybe had 3 posts regarding the topic since you arrived here.  That hardly can be described as 'constant'.  Now as far as having been loved, supported and virtually held together by other PWAs: gay, striaght, bi, male, female and trans...YEP  me too--for almost 20 years. 18 years ago a trans former IDU and commercial sex worker helped take the gun from my hand while I was attempting suicide.

I love them all for their guidance and would not be here without them.  I hope to have given them as much as they've given be. That however has NOTHING to do with the fact that you go absolutely spazmotic everytime I suggest that straight men get bashed about here sometimes--THEN you join in the bashing.  Well I'm far too old and been HIV positive far too long to feed your litte internalized heterophobia issues.

Plain as day... NEITHER of us speaks for an entire gender or orientation.  But you're instant dismissal of any point that attempts to discuss the issues of HIV positive stright men and women--other than to say that HIV positive women are victims, and HIV positive straight men should just shut up and not offend anybody--is the HEIGHT of disenpowering and stigmatization.  Saying straight HIV positive men have the right to advocacy does NOT remove any power from HIV positive Gay men or HIV positive women.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 03:01:29 PM by MarcoPoz »

Offline Ironman2011

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  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #102 on: January 25, 2011, 03:25:26 PM »
Well...I have been at work and I return to see people have been busy...so let me jump back in...

Firstly..to ALL who have sent me constructive comments I hear you and I thank you, as this is the reason I came onto this site in the first place...

To those who have offered "olive branch" I am in agreement...

What gets lost in these forums and in the minds of others, and the point I was trying to make is this...everyone like to have people who are LIKE THEM to be around..now I am NOT dismissing gay/lesbian people, because I have alot of friend in key west who are..but, when we finish the function, and they go to their hang-out...I don't go...why? because it is not my scene. That is NOT an indictment on them, but it is a reality...we just fly in different social circles.

A a hiv+ str8 man, I have made a "responsible" choice to TRY to find a poz woman because of disclosure( people are catching cases these days), but even more so because I would HATE to infect someone else...and I have 2 daughters and pray they dont catch this...

I realize that there just may be a hiv neg woman who will not care that I am poz, but she has NOT crossed my path as of yet...

also, my "issues" with the dating sites also are the SAME issues str8 WOMEN have...folks who are fake, trying to "game" or otherwise not the type of person you would want to deal with...poz or not.

For quite some time after learning I was poz, I accepted the fact that I would be alone for the rest of my life, because I vowed to NOT infect anyone else(I got it from unprotected sex with woman). I doont blame her, because I CHOSE to go "RAW"...so I must accept my one part in this opera...

Then I found the online dating and thought, wow, there are resources for folks like ME...only to experience the mess I have...

LADIES...I do NOT believe all of you are FAKE, FULL of Crap, or otherwise...and I acknowledge that I need to do some new things to increase my chances of meeting someone, but here is the rub...I live in Orlando now, having just moved for a new job...know no one here...there is NO support groups here, and my resource is the internet...for now...hence, my frustrations...

as for the way this thread went..MY 2 cents are this...hopefully for future threads...IF someone posts something that seems far to the left or something...stop and ASK THE PERSON TO CLARIFY instead of using YOUR interpretation of what the person meant, had that happened here, I would have happily explained myself to whatever extent I had to to help folks understand...but once the crap started, I admit, I got caught up in the mess as well...and I really tried not to...

well, thats my thoughts...I spoke to my friends in key west, and they told me to NOT write this off and to try again...so I am..

I hope and pray I don't get blasted this time...

Offline Ironman2011

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  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #103 on: January 25, 2011, 03:27:01 PM »
and to the moderators...I would NEVER had sent and "abusive" PM had it not went the way it did...I am not making excuses for what I sent, because 2 wrongs do NOT make a right, but it also takes 2 for ANY argument!!!

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #104 on: January 25, 2011, 03:34:14 PM »
Iron,

I reckon you should start a new thread. Begin afresh. Leave this thread behind and tell us your story.

This time try to leave off the broad generalisations and all that other stuff. If you do that I'm sure many of us will be prepared to give you a second go.

What do you say?

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #105 on: January 25, 2011, 03:35:52 PM »
ok

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #106 on: January 25, 2011, 03:41:13 PM »
Good man.

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #107 on: January 25, 2011, 03:43:45 PM »
To ALl...please accept my APOLOGY...and lets start anew...ok??? :)

Offline Denver Toad

  • Member
  • Posts: 159
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #108 on: January 25, 2011, 03:50:12 PM »
Quote
Generalities presented as observations or as experience have no basis in fact.  
Thanks Joe, accurate summary.


Quote
I just get so disheartened when people are so deeply closeted that they deny themselves friendships because they are too frightened to disclose. We perpetuate our own stigma when we stigmatize ourselves by locking the closet door. And yes, sometimes it makes me downright angry, but most of the time it just makes me sad.
Ann swings for the fence and it's a HOME RUN. Thanks Ann. You captured it elegantly. Closets are lousy to live in and lonely places to effect change.

Bottom line... Dating as an HIV+ person is a challenge. No matter your sexual persuasion or location. Add to the mix baggage on both sides of the equation and it can be overwhelming.

Iron, please don't limit your dating pool to positive women. It's unfair to both they and you. There's enough trivial selection criteria out there that the dating pool needn't be further winnowed. I tried the sero=selection route and ended up getting married to a non positive woman. Disclosure wasn't easy, it was frightening at times, I became selective in to whom I disclosed, and it was the best damm thing I ever did. I did it for me. Many many times. Perhaps I'm a curmudgeon but I've gotten to the point I truly could give a flying fuck if my virus upsets you. And, if you have to judge or pigeonhole me based on preconceived notions then I'm not wasting my time. In a way it made winnowing the pool easier, you gotta problem with my virus, your outtaaa here. Talk to me, ask questions, even say "Thanks for the honesty but no thanks" and we're golden.

Steps away from soapbox....

Good luck Irondude  

edited for clarity
« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 03:53:11 PM by Denver Toad »
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Offline Joe K

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  • Member
  • Posts: 3,501
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #109 on: January 25, 2011, 04:11:27 PM »
I would like to suggest that this thread be locked, so Iron can get a fresh start.

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #110 on: January 25, 2011, 04:14:00 PM »
Joe..I cannot PM you yet, but THANK YOU for the kind words in the email you sent...it helped me truly

Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #111 on: January 26, 2011, 02:02:10 PM »
Iron, in the spirit of forgiveness, I have reinstated your PM privileges.

Please remember that having the ability to send and receive PMs IS considered a privilege here and it will be taken from you once again if we receive more abuse reports about any PMs you have sent. (And don't hesitate to report any abusive PM you may receive.) Thank you for your cooperation.

And on that note, I'm locking this thread as I see you have already started a fresh one.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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