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Author Topic: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???  (Read 9778 times)

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Offline tednlou2

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #50 on: January 24, 2011, 11:56:54 PM »
Didn't he say he was talking about his experiences with women in the poz personals section?  Did he ever say anything about women in these forums?  I don't have any experience with the women in the poz personals section.  Do any of us know the kinds of women who are on poz personals or similiar sites?  They could attract less than desirable women.  I don't know.  I do know many of the guys on poz personals have been shady--asking me for money or to fly them to Louisville for a hook-up.  Many in the personals section seem to be very different from the guys who participate here.  Others have been very nice and wanting to just have an online friendship.  

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #51 on: January 24, 2011, 11:59:42 PM »
Parts of this thread, really disturb me, for reasons that I never expected.  Iron, you screwed up royally by sending abusive PMs, so stop playing the victim and take your licks.  While I understand some of the hard feelings in this thread... why do I have this sinking feeling, in my gut, that tells me I am reading a skewering of another new member.  I am not defending nor condemning anyone, just suggesting that maybe we need to be a little more flexible in dealing with new members.  Believe it or not, at one time I was a real asshole and look how I turned out.  That happened because enough people took the time, to see through my facade and to give me a chance.  Somehow I feel we are missing an opportunity to give another pozzie a second chance.

Gotta disagree with you here Joseph. The OP is the author of his own misfortune in this case. This wasn't just a case of a n00b being a bit abrasive, he started this thread with an unvarnished slur on the women who are members of this community and on a couple of other sites.

When he was politely brought to book by a few of us, he lost his shit in a spectacular fashion. It was only after that he was swarmed by the hive.

I'd like to think that someone like the OP who is 15 years poz (technically an LTS by our standards) should have worked how to join the fucking dots by now. I'm not saying that being an LTS automagically grants a body universal wisdom but it's not like he's flailing around in the throes of a new infection.

I understand what you're getting at about flexibility but I think in this situation the response Iron's received is wholly merited. He's come in without any sort of reasonable introduction and taken a shit with his clothes on.

Imagine, for a moment, that rather than carrying on like a misogynistic dickhead, he'd opened up with a slur on homos. The resultant flamewar would be epic and the women would be right in the middle of it.

All of that said, if Iron was to return, attempt to make genuine amends for his conduct and request a second chance I'm sure the benefit of the doubt could be extended to him.

MtD

Offline Joe K

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #52 on: January 25, 2011, 12:06:17 AM »
Gotta disagree with you here Joseph. The OP is the author of his own misfortune in this case. This wasn't just a case of a n00b being a bit abrasive, he started this thread with an unvarnished slur on the women who are members of this community and on a couple of other sites.

When he was politely brought to book by a few of us, he lost his shit in a spectacular fashion. It was only after that he was swarmed by the hive.

I'd like to think that someone like the OP who is 15 years poz (technically an LTS by our standards) should have worked how to join the fucking dots by now. I'm not saying that being an LTS automagically grants a body universal wisdom but it's not like he's flailing around in the throes of a new infection.

I understand what you're getting at about flexibility but I think in this situation the response Iron's received is wholly merited. He's come in without any sort of reasonable introduction and taken a shit with his clothes on.

Imagine, for a moment, that rather than carrying on like a misogynistic dickhead, he'd opened up with a slur on homos. The resultant flamewar would be epic and the women would be right in the middle of it.

All of that said, if Iron was to return, attempt to make genuine amends for his conduct and request a second chance I'm sure the benefit of the doubt could be extended to him.

MtD

I hear what you are saying, oh damned one, but I am not defending his actions, nor condemning the responses he got and deserved.  All I am suggesting is that just because a poster starts out, by making an ass of themselves, does not define the entire person.  But you already knew that, as you are offering an olive branch as well, so to me, message delivered, message received.
Life is what happens, when you are busy making other plans.

Though you may be only one person in the entire world, to one person, you may be the entire world.

I wish to become half the man, that my dog thinks I am.

Remember me with simple acts of kindness and I will live forever.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #53 on: January 25, 2011, 12:15:54 AM »
Didn't he say he was talking about his experiences with women in the poz personals section?  Did he ever say anything about women in these forums?  I don't have any experience with the women in the poz personals section.  Do any of us know the kinds of women who are on poz personals or similiar sites?  They could attract less than desirable women.  I don't know.  I do know many of the guys on poz personals have been shady--asking me for money or to fly them to Louisville for a hook-up.  Many in the personals section seem to be very different from the guys who participate here.  Others have been very nice and wanting to just have an online friendship.  

 He's in the same general vicinity as me, so he's using the same search I would have.  Hell, I have nothing bad to say about it.  I met a quite a few women on poz and was only on it for a short time, maybe a year.  I forgot about it and saw that I had got a wink through my email, that would be from my wife.  There's absolutely nothing special about me.  

 Now that I think about it, my wife did share some crazy stories of her own.  There was this guy I like to call the Nani Man, comes in handy when I playfully tease her.  She said all he liked to talk about was oral on a woman during her period.  He also told her to drink Nani Juice instead of taking antivirals, hence my name for him.  There was also the guy who never ordered off of a restaurant menu, I like to tease her sometimes mimicking what he must have been like when we go out to eat...

 and this guy thinks he's got it tough.... Ironman? really?
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #54 on: January 25, 2011, 12:25:32 AM »
I hear what you are saying, oh damned one, but I am not defending his actions, nor condemning the responses he got and deserved.  All I am suggesting is that just because a poster starts out, by making an ass of themselves, does not define the entire person.  But you already knew that, as you are offering an olive branch as well, so to me, message delivered, message received.

It's cool Joe. I didn't mean to suggest you were defending him, I know you weren't.

On reflection I think we're in furious agreement on this. In the event of a suitable display of remorse from Iron, we should let him start over.

Matty the Damned knows the value of a second chance. And a third. And a fourth. :)

MtD

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #55 on: January 25, 2011, 12:49:29 AM »
I do know many of the guys on poz personals have been shady--asking me for money or to fly them to Louisville for a hook-up.  Many in the personals section seem to be very different from the guys who participate here.  Others have been very nice and wanting to just have an online friendship.   

Does your boyfriend know you put ads in poz personals?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline mecch

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #56 on: January 25, 2011, 01:59:30 AM »
gee this thread is lose lose lose lose

The new guy is labeled a misogynistic repressed homo.  (sorry for him! and his loved ones) (oh i mean sorry for us for labeling) Oh and he comes in here and recklessly insults the public and sends abuses pms.  (sorry for us!)  Oh and everyone gets his two cents in so there's no chance of a human exchange eventually developing since he has his prejudices and we have ours. (sorry for everyone)    Sorry for this post.  Sorry to remind everyone of the sorry lady "Gilly" on SNL  ;)

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/gilly__art_class/1165567

« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 02:05:02 AM by mecch »
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #57 on: January 25, 2011, 01:59:46 AM »
Ok...I got offline, because all the atacks had really got to me, but some of you guys have really made me pause, so I am now gonna try to clear the air...if at all possible...

1st...I started this thread speaking on the DATING sites I had used...i.e.pozPERSONALS, HIVnet, etc...NOT this forum, so whoever got upset because they thought I was talking about on THIS site, well, then those people did NOT read my initial thread very carefully...

2nd...I ONLY sent the "abusive" PM because I could NOT understand why, when I am FREELY coming onto a FORUM seeking some advice and possible some redirection, why would all these people, people who don't know me, nor I them, go into attack mode???

3rd...I sent a PM because I didn't think it was appropiate to respond to one "jerk" in the open forum where all would be exposed to some NEGATIVE comments by me...well, from the responses...anyMORE negative comments...

Now to ALL...

Although what I wrote about at the start of this mess was a true and accurate description of what MY experiences dealing with the HIV dating sites, and NOT this nor any other COMMUNITY FORUM...

anyone that may have been offended, put off...or otherwise affected by anything I may have posted...

Please accept my sincere apologies...

and for the FEW who actually took the time to speak to me with COMPASSION and TEMPERANCE I do THANK YOU sincerely, as THIS is all I was seeking.

as for any further participation, that I am unsure...having participated in numerous HIV/AIDS events in KEY WEST, from the AIDS run, Taste of Key West, Fantasy Fest...as well as doing numerous talks at the High Schools...I really care about the HIV community...but this, well, lets just say it really has given me pause.

To all...Take Care


Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #58 on: January 25, 2011, 02:02:31 AM »
also..folks...PLEASE..in the future...IF someone comes onto this site, or any other, and mabye starts out on a ROUGH note...please try to correct with COMPASSION rather than with so much animosity...because it really kills any chance of getting thru...either way.

Offline tednlou2

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #59 on: January 25, 2011, 03:07:48 AM »
also..folks...PLEASE..in the future...IF someone comes onto this site, or any other, and mabye starts out on a ROUGH note...please try to correct with COMPASSION rather than with so much animosity...because it really kills any chance of getting thru...either way.

I read your post as your experiences on certain personals sites and not an attack against all HIV poz women.  Those are your experiences and we don't know the kinds of women you have run into on those sites.  Most of us have probably experienced problems at various dating/hook-up sites--poz personals, Adam4Adam, Manhunt, etc.  In my experience, many of the people there do lie.  They'll send fake pix, lie about their backgrounds, their age, whether they have a job, whether they are in a relationship, etc.  I think many dating sites just attract those kinds of people.  I realized this way back when AOL was big.  It just seemed like the majority of the people were lying and playing games.  Many of the people I ran into just seemed to want to get naked photos.  Or, they would make plans to meet, but not show up.  They would make excuses that they got hung up at work or had some emergency.  They would come back asking for more pix or want to talk dirty via text or phone.  The ones who did show up were totally different from what they said and not the person in the pic they sent.  I had a couple 60 year-olds show up after claiming to be 20.  I'm not sure if these are the kinds of problems you've run into.  I also know from reading through the male for female forums on various sites that gay men would pose as women.  Many a straight guy would post about how the guy actually showed up.  The gay guy must have thought the guy would go bi once he got there.  I believe you mentioned women saying they didn't know what they wanted??  What did that mean?  Whether they wanted a 2nd date?  Marriage?  Kids?  As long as they weren't misrepresenting themselves, then I guess you would just have to deal that they didn't know what they want.             

Now, I'm not sure about these abusive PM's people are talking about.  I can't back you up there.  If that is true, then that is wrong.  And, I want to say that my experiences here have been 90% positive with many compassionate and helpful members.  I just wanted to say that I didn't read your post as an attack on the nice poz women here, in this forum.           

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #60 on: January 25, 2011, 03:17:53 AM »
Thank You...

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #61 on: January 25, 2011, 03:58:17 AM »
I read your post as your experiences on certain personals sites and not an attack against all HIV poz women. 

Teddy, you might wanna re-read this bit then:

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #62 on: January 25, 2011, 04:11:02 AM »
again...when I said "this site" I was referring to pozPersonals, which is where I found this forum...but again...when things seem to be calming down...here comes the folks trying to amp it back up.
This is why I sent the last person posting the "abusive" PM, because this person only wants a "fight"...

So, to MATTY...as I said b4..IF U don't have anything to say to HELP...why don't you just stay quiet???

People are speaking to me, and trying to help...then along comes you...

Not part of the solution...just trying to keep the drama going...
sad...

and yet, I am the one who is "attacked"

These folks are the ones which makes stuff escalate...why dont you just let things be???

Matty...you wanna take comments out of context, take comments made in response, etc...but, as I said repeatedly...I was speaking on HIV DATING SITES...if you cannot understand this, well then U are the 1 with the problem now..

and Ted...thank you for even ATTEMPTING to hear me...

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #63 on: January 25, 2011, 04:13:25 AM »
FURTHER, Matty...if U had checked my profile, you would have seen I am NEW to this site, meaning the forum...SO..IF I am NEW, how could I have "chatted with anyone from here"??

The pettiness of some folks just never fails to amaze me...

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #64 on: January 25, 2011, 04:42:42 AM »
as you can see, this is bothering me alot, which is why I keep posting, but this will probably be my last...

now alot of folks have called me a "homophobe", "closet case", etc...all mean spirited things...

but here is the thing...I am NOT some "pinhead" downing all women, or trying to put ANYONE down, but when I came onto the site and stated what I had been going through, people decided to take things out of context without seeking clarification...nor trying to comprehend or understand what I was trying to express, and YES I did get "defensive" because I knew in my heart that I was NOT trying to attack anyone on this site...

when people misconstrue your words, the first reaction is to try to explain, which I tried, but folks were so irate that it was not received...

I attempted to apologize directly to the ones that it seemed I had offended, but no sooner did I do that, when BAM...here goes another person jumping on the attack bandwagon...

I am a Christian, and I am only seeking someone whom I can love and who will love me for ME..not for my job, car, "stuff" etc... but for ME.

As I said, I have been living with this for over 15 years, and having been in Key West for past 4, I have seen that for the Gay/Lesbian community there is alot of support...in forms of groups, community, etc...but nothing for ME which is why I turned to online sites...

Further..if you look at the banner across the top...POZ is listed along with this site, so when I made reference to "this site" it should have been obvious what I was speaking about...and to a few it was...

but this is what I have found...when someone is looking for a reason to "snap" they can find one...even if it is misguided...

now I am NO VICTIM...I freely acknowledge that at the beginning, mabye I should have better identified myself and my past, but this is what should have been expressed to me..or asked of me...yet folks chose to jump me instead...and I struck back...which was wrong....

At any rate...although I really value the "constructive" comments that I have received, and have expressed my thanks and gratitude to the few who have reached out to me...the fact that not only was it "members" but also a "moderator" attacked me..and IF the ones running/administering this site is so "intolerable" of anyone who is, possibly, a bit "off-track" then this is NOT the venue for me.

As such..I will be removing myself from this site fully...I really dont feel like enduring any more animosity from folks here...life is tough enough without inviting more negativity into my life.

To those who tried to help me...Teddy, Killfolie, Skeebo...Thank YOu, and I hope you all nothing but much joy and happiness in your lives...

To the ones who STILL will attack...God Bless You...anyway...

Take Care all

Again...I am noone's VICTIM....and never claimed to be a VICTIM...just FRUSTRATED.
 :o

Offline BT65

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #65 on: January 25, 2011, 05:06:59 AM »
that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

If you already have this attitude, whom do you believe you're going to attract?  You're probably putting out some very opinionated, bad vibes.  What I get from what you're saying, is that you expect nothing else from we women. 

It's remarks like this that make me extremely grateful I'm not looking for a relationship (well, remarks like that, plus I'm selfish).  Whatever you were trying to project, this overrides it.  You can't come onto this forum, and group women into such a narrow gap, and expect everyone to be cheerful with you.  Myself, and I'm a LTS'er of 21 years, and a bisexual woman, if I hear from someone who says they want a good relationship, but this is the intial posting, I wouldn't consider going to get a pack of bubblegum from the corner 7-11 with that person. 

You need to examine your motives.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #66 on: January 25, 2011, 05:08:19 AM »
FURTHER, Matty...if U had checked my profile, you would have seen I am NEW to this site, meaning the forum...SO..IF I am NEW, how could I have "chatted with anyone from here"??

The pettiness of some folks just never fails to amaze me...

Because that's what you said in your second post. And verbatim I will quote it:

Thanks for the advice Meech...as for the actual advice, the first thing you said is sumthing I would like to achieve, but I am really apprehensive, mainly because I hear the silly, foolish things people say still in this day and age, and it really does NOT make me feel very positive about disclosing...also, it is MUCH easier for a Hiv+ woman to find someone, poz or neg, than it is for a Hiv+ HETRO male...just facts of life...and of course, it is fer easier for a Gay man...

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

I hope and pray that there IS someone out there for me, but after trying this for the past 3 years, and continually finding "coal", where is the actuals "Diamonds" in the rough or otherwise?

I realized a LONG time ago, I gotta get ME right before I can ever hope to find someone else...well, I am in a pretty good place...so now what???

There, you see? Your words. It might be that you're confused about the post I made above in reply to a comment by Tednlou2. Rather than using the forum quote function, I simply cut and pasted the text so I could emphasise a particular section.

But they're your words.

Do you now claim you have not "chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites.."? If so, would you care to explain what you mean?

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #67 on: January 25, 2011, 05:15:25 AM »
Man...this is crazy..I have tried to apologize, tried to clarify, tried to explain..all to no avail...so screw this and this site...
I have repeatedly clarified my statement, but the same one wanna keep going on and on beating the same dead ass horse...so fuck it.

For every positive helpful post, there are 5 negative ones...

I tried to clear the air, but it dont seem like the "antagonists" want it clear...so again, fuck it...

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #68 on: January 25, 2011, 05:20:08 AM »
Quote
I have been poz for over 15 years, and I decided some time ago to try to find someone "like me" to have relationship with...and therein lies the problem.
There are so many support groups for Men with Men, Hiv+ Women(all)...but for Hetro Men, there really is NOT alot of options...and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.


this is how I started my thread...MATTY

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #69 on: January 25, 2011, 07:25:53 AM »


   and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

   Thanks for clarifying... so in other words the women on poz personals are all lesbian and lying about being straight?  My god man, this is even worse than your last assertions!

   Don't you people ever sleep in the Keys?
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline mpositive

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #70 on: January 25, 2011, 07:36:05 AM »
LOL

Ok, I have been on POZ Personals for 2 years now.  Although I have not met my "soulmate", guess what?  I have not met her before I was diagnosed either....soooo.........what makes me think that getting infected automatically means "poof" I get her now?    That is just plain stupid Iron.  Be real...
When I dated on single sites before, I met quacks and wackos.....guess what, Poz Personals is no freaking different.  I have met quacks and wackos there too.  Of course, I have also met new friends there, which I am forever grateful for. So, my friend, wake up!  We are the same person we were before.  I am now and have been, very hesitant to commit!  Therefore, I find myself being overly sensitive to the flaws of others, it is my MAJOR problem.  I am aware of it, more now than ever.  Ok....I digress.

Skeebo....dude, don't make me come down there and knock you off your high horse.  You don't own the "straight hetero king" title in these forums....lol.   I'm straight, I'm here, get used to it!  LOL

Iron, one last thing...Phil, Ann, Matty, Skeebs, Kil and so many more....these are amazing people.  I have not always agreed with all of them, but you need to know, there is no better group out there in my honest opinion.  I thank god or whatever power that be that I was lucky enough to find them all here! 

Keep smiling folks.
M

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #71 on: January 25, 2011, 08:21:20 AM »
Hey Skeebo...its amazing how an "intelligent" person such as yourself can copy a portion of my thread...and STILL misquote it???

Clearly I used the word ALOT but you obviously read ALL...I do believe therein lies the problem..folks here cannot comprehend what they read!!!

CRAZY

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #72 on: January 25, 2011, 08:22:11 AM »

  Who me?  A king who is stuck at home dispatching roadside for chump change?  Geat, my life's complete.  And now some young buck wants to come take my thrown?  Take it..... and tell the woman in Kentucky to have her husband sitting next to her change the friggin tire.  

  I really hope this changes in 2 months.... tired of people not knowing where the hell they are.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #73 on: January 25, 2011, 08:25:00 AM »
WTF?????

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #74 on: January 25, 2011, 08:34:35 AM »
WTF?????
Hey Skeebo...its amazing how an "intelligent" person such as yourself can copy a portion of my thread...and STILL misquote it???

Clearly I used the word ALOT but you obviously read ALL...I do believe therein lies the problem..folks here cannot comprehend what they read!!!

CRAZY

I am simply dumbfounded that a person can live in the Keys and act this way while the sun is still rising.  I would be out on the beach with my lad... oh wait. sorry, you can't get a....

Nevermind
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #75 on: January 25, 2011, 08:50:41 AM »
Iron, rather than arguing further, I suggest you soften the iron-contect of your messages.

Stick to whatever issues you want to discuss using temperate, respectful language and move on from there. That's my thought for your moving out of these stormy and unproductive exchanges.



 
Andy Velez

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #76 on: January 25, 2011, 08:52:26 AM »
Ironman -

Just letting you know that I'm also all for second chances.  Believe me, I have put my foot in my mouth more than a time or two (or three or four).  I also have said things out of frustration, anger, and other emotions.

A suggestion:  Maybe let this thread cool down a bit.... usually, threads simmer down if no one posts replies to comments.
                 --  Then, maybe start a new thread that introduces yourself under a different subject title and
                 --  Feel free to contribute thoughts, opinions, assistance on some of the other active topic
                     threads taking place in the forum

Sometimes, in these online forums a more complete picture of a person comes from reading various posts that a person makes in a variety of topic areas. It helps people to get to know others better and it will help you get to know all of us better - rather than being limited to posts and replies in a single thread.

At any rate, welcome to the forums - wish you the best.
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #77 on: January 25, 2011, 08:54:10 AM »

Ok, I have been on POZ Personals for 2 years now.  Although I have not met my "soulmate", guess what?  I have not met her before I was diagnosed either....soooo.........what makes me think that getting infected automatically means "poof" I get her now?    That is just plain stupid Iron.  Be real...
When I dated on single sites before, I met quacks and wackos.....guess what, Poz Personals is no freaking different.  I have met quacks and wackos there too.  Of course, I have also met new friends there, which I am forever grateful for. So, my friend, wake up!  We are the same person we were before.  I am now and have been, very hesitant to commit!  Therefore, I find myself being overly sensitive to the flaws of others, it is my MAJOR problem.  I am aware of it, more now than ever. 

I'm just jumping in here to highlight this comment.  IMO if someone wasn't a huge dater before diagnosis it's not going to change after diagnosis, and vice versa holds for the same, a general rule with exceptions of course, and hardly anyone does much dating during year #1, but after that you go back to the way your were.

I'll also add that if you're not faring well with on line resources step outside of that box -- you know you can meet straight women volunteering for various AIDS organizations if you put your mind to it, and depending on where you live.  Life existed before the internet, folks.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline mpositive

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #78 on: January 25, 2011, 09:32:27 AM »
Well said Phil.

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #79 on: January 25, 2011, 10:24:57 AM »
Fair comment, Joe. However, I'm getting a bit too long in the tooth to suffer fools gladly. I've seen too many straight men come here with blocks of wood on their shoulders and it gets a bit tedious after a while. Funny how it happens, but the chippy ones always seem to be hiv closet cases. Telling, isn't it?

Sorry, but I call "BULLSH#T"! I've seen it and felt it here and am tired of it being written of as straight-man's itis and that if we discuss dating issues and say that positive women are anything less than perfect--we get blasted.  Well sorry and sick of the double standard here.  The OP here came on like an ass, so be it.  But let's not discount his message once again because somehow it's ok NOT to bash on anyone except straight positive men.  Miss P, this is usually where you insert some snotty comment questioning sexual orientation.  Call a guy a closet case--and NOT help him with the HIV 'coming out' process--that's pretty f'n cold.

Frankly, I'm long in the tooth too.  Been dealing with HIV way too long, been hearing way TOO many straight positive women hate men for their infection instead of take a tiny portion of acceptance of thier infection onto themselves (NO--I'm not saying ALL positive women are like this--but in MY EXPERIENCE, they have been the majority)  It's like some unwritten logic we all agree to accept:  Men get HIV because their sexual deviants and addicts--women have HIV GIVEN to them by some evil vial man.  BULLCRAP.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as pissy, but I've been sick, just had my mom die too young, have had to deal with a lot of medical issues with some of my HIV positive friends--and I think I've just reached the top of my BS acceptance tank.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #80 on: January 25, 2011, 10:27:10 AM »
Miss P, this is usually where you insert some snotty comment questioning sexual orientation.  Call a guy a closet case--and NOT help him with the HIV 'coming out' process--that's pretty f'n cold.

Fascinating analysis.  I don't see where I've done that here.  Nor have I said anything questionable in this thread so it's even more interesting that you're dragging me in here.  Says more about you than me.  Flame baiting, even... bad form, dear.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #81 on: January 25, 2011, 10:41:37 AM »
Ann--my reply was not meant as a personal attack at you.  I respect your work as a moderator here and respect your opinion as an HIV positive person.  I just happen to disagree with the above posts.

Miss P.  I have no idea what you've written, I have you set to 'ignore', but I imagine that you're P.O'd at me for something.  If it is in regards to my suggesting that you would come out in this thread or similar threads by stating something questioning a straight man's sexual orientation--don't take it too personally.  You've done it in the past and I didn't mean you exclusively.  If you did take it personally, I appologize. But trust me, you've got years of pissing, bashing and bitching on here--I think you can take it.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 10:48:53 AM by MarcoPoz »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #82 on: January 25, 2011, 10:45:19 AM »

Miss P.  I have no idea what you've written, I have you set to 'ignore', but I imagine that you're P.O'd at me for something.  

1) OK, if I'm on ignore how did you reply to what I just wrote?

2) If you have me on ignore, it's you that is PO'd at me for something, not vice versa.  Methinks a bit of psychological projection is going on.

3) Why would I not take it "personally" when you just singled me out?  Geesh.

4) As I didn't do what you accused me of in this thread the appropriate response is a public apology.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #83 on: January 25, 2011, 10:50:37 AM »
I'll just assume MP just gave me a big smooshy hug and go from there.

Offline David Evans

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #84 on: January 25, 2011, 10:51:58 AM »
This thread is teetering on the edge of being hijacked and going off in unhelpful directions.

Marco - you may have innocent intentions, but your post does look and read unambiguously like flame bating, and your second post where you "apologize" starts off like an apology, but then goes right back to character attack. There's a pretty high likelihood that someone is going to take your "bait" and come back at you. I strongly suggest that you ignore this an move on. If this turns into a flame war I will hold you responsible for setting it off.

Matty - at this point, please stop beating the dead horse. I think you've made your point several times over. Whatever you think of Ironman's later attempts to apologize, please do accept the fact that he did, repeatedly, attempt to take some responsibility for his original inappropriate statements. Keeping this going is really just ensuring that things stay burning hot.

Ironman - I think you've had some pretty sympathetic replies, in addition to some less sympathetic replies. If you can pledge not to use the PM privilege to send abusive replies to others, we can reinstate your privilege so that you can follow up offline with those who have tried to be helpful and supportive, but if you go back to your original behavior we'll have to give you a serious time out.

David
Moderator

Offline Ann

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #85 on: January 25, 2011, 12:59:29 PM »
Marco, I did not intend to imply that all straight men who come here have a chip on their shoulder, but I've seen quite a few over the years and Iron struck me as yet another.

And if you know me at all, you will know that I do not blame any man for my infection (in fact, the man from whom I acquired my virus and I have been back together for over three years now and are very much in love). I take complete personal responsibility for my infection and always have.

I've met a few women who were bitter and played the blame game, but I've also met a few men who did this too. Most of the poz people I know don't do this. Some of them did in the early days of their infection, but I find most people move on. The ones who cannot or will not I don't have much to do with because it just gets tedious after a while.

You're right though, I probably shouldn't have made the jab about being in the hiv closet. I just get so disheartened when people are so deeply closeted that they deny themselves friendships because they are too frightened to disclose. We perpetuate our own stigma when we stigmatise ourselves by locking the closet door. And yes, sometimes it makes me downright angry, but most of the time it just makes me sad.

Iron, I'm willing to accept your apology. I've said things myself that just didn't come out quite right and I've also at times dug myself a deeper hole while trying to explain and put things right. I think we've all been there, if we're honest.

As someone else suggested, perhaps it's time to look outside the internet for companionship. Volunteering at an ASO is a great place to start.

And I urge you to re-think your strategy of not dating negative (hiv negative!) women. Any woman who is worth knowing will be able to look beyond your virus and see the person you are.

Not all women are in it for your money or social standing or whatever, be they poz or neg. There are plenty good honest women out there - and right here on these forums too. We're not all bitter, twisted bitches, really! :)
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #86 on: January 25, 2011, 01:03:30 PM »
Ann,

The above is just ONE more example of how hard you ROCK!  ;D

Offline woodshere

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #87 on: January 25, 2011, 01:15:14 PM »
Ann,

The above is just ONE more example of how hard you ROCK!  ;D

I agree!!!  Well said!
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline mpositive

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #88 on: January 25, 2011, 01:27:02 PM »
And I second and third that !  :)

Offline Ann

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #89 on: January 25, 2011, 01:39:25 PM »
Knock it off, you guys. You're making me blush and if it keeps up, I won't be able to fit my head through the door to go to my pool match tonight! ;D
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dachshund

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #90 on: January 25, 2011, 01:45:32 PM »
When this topic comes up I think it is most telling that women (besides Ann) rarely participate. It speaks volumes and the men don't even notice.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #91 on: January 25, 2011, 01:59:32 PM »
When this topic comes up I think it is most telling that women (besides Ann) rarely participate. It speaks volumes and the men don't even notice.

Can you provide some links to the threads where this topic has been brought up?  Other than Marco's constant claim of "straight-man itits" occurring here,  I've never seen this really discussed.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #92 on: January 25, 2011, 02:07:09 PM »
Can you provide some links to the threads where this topic has been brought up?  Other than Marco's constant claim of "straight-man itits" occurring here,  I've never seen this really discussed.

Over the years I can think of a half dozen or so, but I'm way too lazy to search. Last time I remember was some dude from Hawaii.

Offline thunter34

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #93 on: January 25, 2011, 02:10:20 PM »
Over the years I can think of a half dozen or so, but I'm way too lazy to search. Last time I remember was some dude from Hawaii.


There was the pothead from Florida (not you, Skeebo)....um....SunTropic something or other.  Then there was basically every post of Andre (404Error), and various misc. sad posts that often started in the Women's Forums before getting moved.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #94 on: January 25, 2011, 02:11:33 PM »
Can you provide some links to the threads where this topic has been brought up?  Other than Marco's constant claim of "straight-man itits" occurring here,  I've never seen this really discussed.

Niiiice.  First time I've used that term, but thanks for being obsessed.  Like you've been around here forever?  Like you are the only one who has a valid view when it comes to being straight, male and HIV+?  I respect you and all that--but I'm fairly sick and tired of each time anything related to straight HIV+ men comes up, you write off our concerns as either fear-based, homophobic or invalid.  

Maybe I'm not here to win a popularity contest--but I think straight HIV+ men here deserve just as much right to discuss their issues without having to have the same damned debate over and over again.  We wonder why straight women aren't replying to this thread?  Hell, Barely any straight men are replying to it either.

What a load of crap.
 

Offline thunter34

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #95 on: January 25, 2011, 02:16:00 PM »

There was the pothead from Florida (not you, Skeebo)....um....SunTropic something or other.  Then there was basically every post of Andre (404Error), and various misc. sad posts that often started in the Women's Forums before getting moved.

Oh!  And a whole great big debate came out when the Women's Forums were preparing to open up.  I even advocated on behalf of men who privately wrote to me about their feelings of lack of support.

That thread was titled "Of Man Things and Lady Places"

Of course...when I actually tabled the discussion publicly, not one of them would step forth and post their support of the idea - an idea I didn't even want, but tabled on their behalf.

The women remained in quiet dignity throughout.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #96 on: January 25, 2011, 02:31:54 PM »
Niiiice.  First time I've used that term, but thanks for being obsessed.  Like you've been around here forever?  Like you are the only one who has a valid view when it comes to being straight, male and HIV+?  I respect you and all that--but I'm fairly sick and tired of each time anything related to straight HIV+ men comes up, you write off our concerns as either fear-based, homophobic or invalid.  

Nope, you're the one that is obsessed with this issue and I wonder why I don't fucking see it...  And hearing a man whine about it constantly through every other post is nauseating because I think this stuff stems from something within...  some guilt or something.  The reason I call you out on this is because I take this as an attack on the very people who have supported me through the years and I think you have allowed a few chosen members to get under your skin. 

Oh!  And a whole great big debate came out when the Women's Forums were preparing to open up.  I even advocated on behalf of men who privately wrote to me about their feelings of lack of support.

That thread was titled "Of Man Things and Lady Places"

Of course...when I actually tabled the discussion publicly, not one of them would step forth and post their support of the idea - an idea I didn't even want, but tabled on their behalf.

The women remained in quiet dignity throughout.

And what's your point Tim?  Are you saying that there is indeed a double standard towards straight guys here?  It seems you are supporting Marco's claim if anything.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #97 on: January 25, 2011, 02:45:37 PM »
Girls, girls, you're both pretty.  This thread is going nowhere fast and I keep waiting for my turn to argue vehemently with someone over something totally petty or completely misconstrued.  I give it 5 minutes til it either explodes or gets locked down.

Offline thunter34

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #98 on: January 25, 2011, 02:46:03 PM »
Nope, you're the one that is obsessed with this issue and I wonder why I don't fucking see it...  And hearing a man whine about it constantly through every other post is nauseating because I think this stuff stems from something within...  some guilt or something.  The reason I call you out on this is because I take this as an attack on the very people who have supported me through the years and I think you have allowed a few chosen members to get under your skin.  

And what's your point Tim?  Are you saying that there is indeed a double standard towards straight guys here?  It seems you are supporting Marco's claim if anything.


Then you didn't look at the thread I referenced.  Supporting Dachshund's claim, and answering your question about other instances where this sort of thing has come up...that was my point.

In short....many times.  And how you've managed to miss it is beyond me, especially when I think you've posted in some or all of the previous threads.

Despite the whining about lack of support, the men in question repeatedly fail to do something about it of their own accord - even when they have someone like me holding their hand to lead them in a direction.

Straight men, unite!   ::)   Just post your own "Straight Man's Thread" for you guys only and I'll bet ya the rest of us will let you have it without interference.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #99 on: January 25, 2011, 02:49:14 PM »


  I guess it looks like Marco has a valid point after all...  I guess I was blind.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

 


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