Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 01, 2014, 06:44:38 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 640653
  • Total Topics: 48665
  • Online Today: 181
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 4
Guests: 144
Total: 148

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???  (Read 11764 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« on: January 24, 2011, 03:49:51 AM »
i have been poz for over 15 years, and I decided some time ago to try to find someone "like me" to have relationship with...and therein lies the problem.
There are so many support groups for Men with Men, Hiv+ Women(all)...but for Hetro Men, there really is NOT alot of options...and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

I am so afraid of dying alone...and this gets me so depressed...I have actually moved to try to put myself in a better position to meet someone...to no avail...and I am reluctant to try to meet a NEG woman, because disclosure is a MUST, and I am still uncomfortable with disclosing to just anyone...

any advice, guidance, etc...will be greatly appreciated...
« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 05:18:50 AM by Ironman2011 »

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,770
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2011, 05:24:07 AM »
My advice is

1) you open your dating pool to all women, not just HIV+ women.  You will need to work on getting comfortable with disclosing and making a plan about when you will do it in each attempted relationship.  Make this plan after you have considered the costs and benefits of disclosure and come to terms with that fact that it will always be an unsure response.  Once you have made the plan, you won't be so blocked by the idea of HIV and disclosure being a preventive to finding love.  Because finally, it won't be.  Because finally when you do find love, obviously it will be with someone who take HIV in stride.  People have all sorts of baggage they carry into a relationship and the partner has to except things or there is no future.

2) give HIV+ women a better chance to be themselves and not the loser types you assume. (liars, game players, etc.)  What you feel about HIV+ women isn't very generous and may reflect back on you, or may even be a self projection.  ??

ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2011, 06:29:32 AM »
Thanks for the advice Meech...as for the actual advice, the first thing you said is sumthing I would like to achieve, but I am really apprehensive, mainly because I hear the silly, foolish things people say still in this day and age, and it really does NOT make me feel very positive about disclosing...also, it is MUCH easier for a Hiv+ woman to find someone, poz or neg, than it is for a Hiv+ HETRO male...just facts of life...and of course, it is fer easier for a Gay man...

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

I hope and pray that there IS someone out there for me, but after trying this for the past 3 years, and continually finding "coal", where is the actuals "Diamonds" in the rough or otherwise?

I realized a LONG time ago, I gotta get ME right before I can ever hope to find someone else...well, I am in a pretty good place...so now what???

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2011, 06:40:08 AM »
...and I dont want anyone to think I am DUMPING on Hiv+ women, because I really would like to find someone in the same situation as mine, it is more an expression of my frustration at all the bad ones I have met thus far...options are NOT that great for straight men who are hiv+...so...it is what it is, I suppose... :(

Offline TabooPrincess

  • Member
  • Posts: 279
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2011, 06:41:25 AM »

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...
[/quote]

Woaaaaaaaaaaah!  What a lovely sweeping statement you've made of all us ladies here!  I guess herein lies your problem!!

I was going to post some helpful advice to you until I got to this section of your post and it made me somewhat narky.

Well good luck anyway!

09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2011, 06:52:45 AM »
Thanks for the advice Meech...as for the actual advice, the first thing you said is sumthing I would like to achieve, but I am really apprehensive, mainly because I hear the silly, foolish things people say still in this day and age, and it really does NOT make me feel very positive about disclosing...also, it is MUCH easier for a Hiv+ woman to find someone, poz or neg, than it is for a Hiv+ HETRO male...just facts of life...and of course, it is fer easier for a Gay man...

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

I hope and pray that there IS someone out there for me, but after trying this for the past 3 years, and continually finding "coal", where is the actuals "Diamonds" in the rough or otherwise?

I realized a LONG time ago, I gotta get ME right before I can ever hope to find someone else...well, I am in a pretty good place...so now what???

Son, if you can post stuff like this and then claim to be "in a pretty good place" you should prepare yourself for a long stint of loneliness.

Regards,

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2011, 07:05:21 AM »
Whoooooa..I think I have really struck a nerve, and I really apologize...

I DO NOT want to make folks think I am OVERLY negative, but I am to a certain extent I suppose...

I am seeking positive reinforcement and advice, as I am all alone in this...except for my puppy...

A couple have seemingly taken offense to me comments, and I again, apologize if I offended anyone, but this is really bumming me out...

Any words of advice as to what I am doing wrong would be greatly appreciated...

and to Taboo...I am NOT lumping ALL WOMEN into this category, not at all, just seems like I keep attracting the wrong ones...thats all...so I hope you will reconsider your opinion of me... :-\

Offline John2038

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,529
  • Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
    • HIV Research News (Twitter)
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2011, 07:18:04 AM »
i'm lucky that disclosing to the people i met for the first time, after i feel the chemistry is there for both, is not a problem for me. but still, choosing the most appropriate words and again time.
as such it's somewhere life as usual for me.

Offline carousel

  • Member
  • Posts: 821
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2011, 08:06:07 AM »
It sounds as though you've got yourself into a bit of a rut and are carrying round a lot of negative thoughts.

The thing you say about HIV women about their anger seems from here, to apply as much to you.

I agree with the idea of not just trying to date positive women.  At the end of the day there are more of them and you may stand more chance.  I understand that disclosure might be difficult, but it may be the best option at the moment.

Making generalisations and stating them as facts is going to get up people's back, on this forum and probably any possible new partner.

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2011, 08:21:12 AM »
Duly noted regarding the generalizations...but, IF this is MY reality, then why does it "get up peoples backs"?

In these forums we are supposed to be able to freely express our true feelings and try to seek help, guidance, advice, or whatever...but, I have found that people tend to "blast" instead of trying to understand or get clarity...

I freely admit I am a bit angry over my experiences thus far, but I am NOT giving up, as I am here trying to get some insight...

Also, regardless of whether folks want to admit it or not, it is MUCH harder for a Hiv+ man to find someone than for a Hiv+ WOMAN OR a GAY MAN...these are FACTS not just an opinion...

Regardless...I am truly seeking help, and I thought this would be the place, I have resisted other forums because I read all the venom being sent and the failure to even attempt to UNDERSTAND where the poster is coming from...and I really hoped this forum would be a bit different...

and U are right about one thing, I do find myself in a "rut" and really want out of it...

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,141
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2011, 08:28:48 AM »

Also, regardless of whether folks want to admit it or not, it is MUCH harder for a Hiv+ man to find someone than for a Hiv+ WOMAN OR a GAY MAN...these are FACTS not just an opinion...

Actually your facts are incorrect -- it's the reverse.  Because HIV+ straight men are a lesser number it makes it more difficult for an HIV+ straight woman to find a poz partner.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #11 on: January 24, 2011, 08:30:07 AM »

Also, regardless of whether folks want to admit it or not, it is MUCH harder for a Hiv+ man to find someone than for a Hiv+ WOMAN OR a GAY MAN...these are FACTS not just an opinion...


Could you provide a link to these facts.  Regardless of sexual orientation it is hard for manyl of us to disclose and find a mate.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline mpositive

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #12 on: January 24, 2011, 09:38:24 AM »
Iron,

I am in the same situation as you are.  However, please be cautious with your words friend.   I find that the support for Hetero Sexual Pos men is slim at best.  However, folks are correct here in saying that it is most likely more difficult for Hetero Pos Women to find a mate than Hetero Pos men.  I was corrected on this issue once before and found that Phil and the rest are 100% correct.
      As far as support and such, then you would be correct.  We are still the minority by far....makes us more desirable to Pos Women, but less likely to find support groups dedicated to our specific situation.
      All that being said, it is a rarity that I find that difference to be a problem and it hits me only when I am at my loneliest points.  Therefore, it seems that during those moment/hours/days, it is not a good time for me to make that assessment.

Hang in there brother!

M

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,770
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #13 on: January 24, 2011, 10:39:22 AM »
There will be someone out there for you.

Also, careful in the FORUMS not to confuse us with POZ Personals, etc.  Two different objectives, two different
groups!

Nobody has got their back up about your comments we all appreciate the complexities of disclosing and dating.

Gay men by the way will reject an HIV+ without batting an eyelash and sometimes quite abrasively.  Men are dogs, remember that when you think gay guys have it easier.  ;D

Anyway, if the audience in one site isn't offering up the women you want, you'll have to look elsewhere, right?

Its perfectly natural not to want people angry or bitter about their ex's and how they got HIV and etc etc etc.  This isn't really about HIV, its about how people deal with any trauma.  
« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 01:36:59 PM by mecch »
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,141
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #14 on: January 24, 2011, 11:37:07 AM »
I'll also add that real life support groups shouldn't be seen/used as a pick up place.  Sure people hook up sometimes but it's also wildly annoying for the majority that are there for... uh, "support" when they are hit on.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #15 on: January 24, 2011, 12:27:01 PM »
There are so many support groups for Men with Men, Hiv+ Women(all)...but for Hetro Men, there really is NOT alot of options...and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

Wow, pretty judgemental there aren't ya?  It's easy to blame this on HIV though so at least you have a reason.  I just don't buy it. 

And to think it a good idea to expose these beliefs on a support forum for fellow positive people shows a flaw in thinking.  I am sure before you posted that little diddy you were aware we do have members here of the female persuasion.  You didn't care though, it's all about you and I would bet my ass on a guess that women see through it, so in turn you blame HIV.

In my own personal experience this is just not so.  I am a firm believer that those that have problems dating after diagnosis had issues before becoming pos, your thoughts above reinforce this.  You make it difficult to give sound advice, or support for that matter, because of your sweeping generalizations....

I mean it's rather telling, what do we say?   :-\
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #16 on: January 24, 2011, 01:53:51 PM »
AGAIN..if my "choice" of words are not exactly "pc" I do apologize, but how can people judge me for expressing what I HAVE EXPERIENCED???

Now, as for women being here, I did realize this, and I was NOT trying to OFFEND them nor anyone else, but hey...IF I meet 10 women on poz personals or any other site, and they ALL HAVE THE SAME ISSUES...then what conclusion am I to reach???

I am NOT so arrogant to think I know everything, which is why I am turning to this forum...it is the fool who thinks he/she knows everything and is ignorant to the things that he/she needs help with....I freely admit I need help...

SO...how about some helpful suggestions instead of just dumping on me for expressing what I have been dealing with???

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #17 on: January 24, 2011, 01:56:35 PM »
ALSO, with regards to the fact that it is HARDER for str8 poz women than men...why is it we always hear stories of WOMEN who have found their mate and he is NEG, but loves them anyway...ever heard any MEN sharing these tales?? IF you have please share...and I am speaking of str8 men...

But, I am hoping there is still a chance for love...or else it may be just me and my puppies... :(

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #18 on: January 24, 2011, 01:58:33 PM »
Iron,

I am in the same situation as you are.  However, please be cautious with your words friend.   I find that the support for Hetero Sexual Pos men is slim at best.  However, folks are correct here in saying that it is most likely more difficult for Hetero Pos Women to find a mate than Hetero Pos men.  I was corrected on this issue once before and found that Phil and the rest are 100% correct.
      As far as support and such, then you would be correct.  We are still the minority by far....makes us more desirable to Pos Women, but less likely to find support groups dedicated to our specific situation.
      All that being said, it is a rarity that I find that difference to be a problem and it hits me only when I am at my loneliest points.  Therefore, it seems that during those moment/hours/days, it is not a good time for me to make that assessment.

Hang in there brother!

M

I find that the support for Hetero Sexual Pos men is slim at best.

In the general sense of having a bunch of dudes sitting in a group circle you are right, but is this really needed?  I guess you have to ask yourself, who would be better support than people who share the same prognosis as you?  Regardless of sexual orientation?  What can a straight man tell me a gay man can't?

You know, it's stuff like this that make me thankful sometimes to have been raised by such a harsh, racist old man..  You become so adamantly opposed to any view they hold, just out of pure hatred for them.  Anyways... that's best left for another time.  I can wander, sorry.

This straight man, gets all his support he needs right here.  Just like everyone else I'll mention a bit of sexual innuendos concerning my interest and have never been frowned upon for it.   I'm sorry, I just don't buy into this "support is slim at best'.  And Mpos, I say this respectfully.

4,000+ posts here and coming from a place of insanity should be my proof of this.

And trust, I'm no one special. :D

« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 02:00:51 PM by skeebo1969 »
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,959
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #19 on: January 24, 2011, 02:21:16 PM »
Maybe if you hadn't come out of the box with absolutes (and continue to do so) you might have received a better reception. Maybe if you introduced yourself first and divulged a bit of your story you might enjoy a bit of empathy.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 04:39:56 PM by Dachshund »

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #20 on: January 24, 2011, 02:36:21 PM »
AGAIN..if my "choice" of words are not exactly "pc" I do apologize, but how can people judge me for expressing what I HAVE EXPERIENCED???

Now, as for women being here, I did realize this, and I was NOT trying to OFFEND them nor anyone else, but hey...IF I meet 10 women on poz personals or any other site, and they ALL HAVE THE SAME ISSUES...then what conclusion am I to reach???

I am NOT so arrogant to think I know everything, which is why I am turning to this forum...it is the fool who thinks he/she knows everything and is ignorant to the things that he/she needs help with....I freely admit I need help...

SO...how about some helpful suggestions instead of just dumping on me for expressing what I have been dealing with???

Dude, I live in the middle of bum fuck whatever this place is called Florida.  I've dated a woman who was positive and a nurse, a positive mother, and I hate to admit, even dated a positive wife.  You're sharing your point of view from your own experience, well here's mine... I never had a problem.  I met my wife here as well and now enjoy a happily monogamous marriage with her.  Does she have issues?  Fuck ya, but so do I.

To be honest whether you are negative or positive, dating can be tricky.  People here can attest, I went through my pity party concerning a lot of issues, but finding a woman was never one of them.  I'll admit, when I found my wife I was worried she wouldn't find me good enough for her but that had a lot to do with me wanting her badly cuz I knew she was the one.

My advice for you, keep dating.  Date for fun, date for sex, and date without expectation, which is very important in my opinion.  It's the only way you stand a chance of meeting that right someone... but, do this while looking at yourself.  Remember, none of us are perfect so why should we expect our mate to be?  Also, if it's support you want, you'll find it right here... but only as much as you put in.

Btw, you say they all have the same issue... what might that be?
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #21 on: January 24, 2011, 03:05:17 PM »

Now, as for women being here, I did realize this, and I was NOT trying to OFFEND them nor anyone else, but hey...IF I meet 10 women on poz personals or any other site, and they ALL HAVE THE SAME ISSUES...then what conclusion am I to reach???


I would be interested in what their issues were.  Might shed some light on the situation and allow for some discussion and advice. 

As a gay man I have been turned down many times by poz and neg guys.  I don't take it as them having issues.  Could be they are game playing fuck wads, could be they don't find me attractive or interesting, could be .......
I take it for what it is.  Do my feelings get hurt sure, do I like rejection no, but I have to keep trying.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #22 on: January 24, 2011, 03:31:19 PM »
It's my experience that support groups are generally started by the communities who see the need. Poz gay men start groups for themselves, poz straight women start their own groups and so on.

If there is a lack of support groups for poz straight men then, it would seem to me, that the burden of founding such groups falls on individual straight men. Fags and sheilas can't do it for you boys, so stop complaining and start organising.

I also think that some people mistake support groups for dating groups. This, no doubt, is the cause of confusion and unhappiness for many.

MtD

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,702
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #23 on: January 24, 2011, 04:23:59 PM »
I have been poz for over 15 years, and I decided some time ago to try to find someone "like me" to have relationship with...and therein lies the problem.
There are so many support groups for Men with Men, Hiv+ Women(all)...but for Hetro Men, there really is NOT alot of options...and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

I am so afraid of dying alone...and this gets me so depressed...I have actually moved to try to put myself in a better position to meet someone...to no avail...and I am reluctant to try to meet a NEG woman, because disclosure is a MUST, and I am still uncomfortable with disclosing to just anyone...

any advice, guidance, etc...will be greatly appreciated...

While I can sympathize with your situation, I suggest you do a lot of soul searching to decide on what you want, but more importantly, why?  In a few paragraphs, you have revealed so much about yourself and I wonder if you even see it.  To begin with, exactly what do you mean by wanting to meet someone who is "like you"?  Surely you are not serious.  Every time you add a "qualifier" to what you want, as in certain look, status, style, whatever, you severely limit your dating pool.  And why would you want someone like yourself, because then there would only be two of you, rather than a blending of two different but joined personalities? 

You also imply, by using terms like that, that people who are not like you, are somehow unworthy of your consideration as dating material.  You add to that, your complaint about being lonely and not wanting to die alone and those are two of the worse possible reasons for looking for a mate.  Being lonely is a human condition and nobody will ever fill that void.  I believe that if you want a mate, you look for someone who makes your heart smile and short of being a mass murderer, you take whatever baggage that comes with that person.  The idea of a relationship is to create something that is often greater than the sum of the two people.  It involves committing to one person and working damn hard to keep the love alive and to enrich and support each others, because as each flourishes, it flows back to the relationship.

Personally, you come across as someone who wants someone to take care of him, as opposed to someone who is looking for a life mate.  You can be assured that your views are projected in how you approach and present yourself to others and if you are so busy, looking for someone to fill out your list, then you will be far too busy when fate presents someone to you, to even notice.  Stop worrying about what you think you need and decide on what you "want", without the qualifiers and your search will become much easier, but most of all, honest.

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #24 on: January 24, 2011, 04:48:17 PM »
Ok...more clarification...when I said "like me" I meant someone who is POZ...that is all...nothing else.

As for why I want this, it is because DISCLOSURE is MANDATORY to be in ANY relationship when U r HIV+, so...IF this is already on the table, as they say, then the biggest "issue" should already be out in the open...

I am a little amazed at the negativity that has been shown because I expressed my feeling over what I have been dealing with for the past 3 years...from telling me that I am basically "hating" myself or things along these lines...

So...here are some more facts...

I am HIV+, have been for past 15 years...was living in Key West for past 4 years and have been very active in HIV community, which in Key West was mainly gay men and women...but NOT ENTIRELY, let me add this b4 there is another barrage of comments...I met someone from these sites, and got married, but SHE had so many issue from her past, that no matter what I did, she...in her own words "respected NO MAN"!!!
So...I ended up leaving...

I do NOT enter into anything expecting it to fail, but having met these women and find time and time again that they seem to hold onto the past so much, THAT is why I have the conclusions I have at this time...

Now...IF I was totally down on the possibility of finding someone, then I would just delete everything and basically say F%@K IT, but this is NOT what I am attempting to do...

but again, it just seems that instead of trying to see where I am coming from, folks just pass judgement on ME...and this is why I have been so reluctant to voice my feelings on these sites...

Oh..and I am not trying to MEET anyone here, but I am seeking some positive direction...

and as for what a bunch of straight men sitting around talking about things...well, IF there was a str8 support group, wouldn't it be for BOTH MEN and WOMEN??? and in these settings would be the opportunity to NETWORK and MEET people dealing with what I am..kinda like what THIS SITE is supposed to be for???!!!

Mabye this was a BIG mistake after all...

Oh..and to the last post..I have a JOB...I have my HOME and I am SELF_SUFFICIENT...i do NOT NEED a woman, but I do WANT someone in my life...there is a BIG difference...once again, passing JUDGEMENT... ???
« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 04:52:18 PM by Ironman2011 »

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #25 on: January 24, 2011, 05:01:19 PM »

Mabye this was a BIG mistake after all...

Maybe. We're not very tolerant of those who attack our women.

Quote
Oh..and to the last post..I have a JOB...I have my HOME and I am SELF_SUFFICIENT...i do NOT NEED a woman, but I do WANT someone in my life...there is a BIG difference...once again, passing JUDGEMENT... ???

Judge not, lest ye be judged:

Quote
As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

MtD

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #26 on: January 24, 2011, 05:08:17 PM »
Ok...more clarification...when I said "like me" I meant someone who is POZ...that is all...nothing else.
.......

and as for what a bunch of straight men sitting around talking about things...well, IF there was a str8 support group, wouldn't it be for BOTH MEN and WOMEN??? and in these settings would be the opportunity to NETWORK and MEET people dealing with what I am..kinda like what THIS SITE is supposed to be for???!!!


***nevermind
« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 05:11:02 PM by woodshere »
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #27 on: January 24, 2011, 05:09:32 PM »
"YOUR WOMEN"??? well...IF the things I stated are FACTUAL...then what? I am too just SHUT up and say nothing? correct???

it is amazing the TOLERANCE folks have for anothers reality...but hey, it aint U right???

It is so easy to toss out negatives instead of trying to help, but its kool...just another reinforcement of what I have already concluded...

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,959
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #28 on: January 24, 2011, 05:14:35 PM »
but its kool...just another reinforcement of what I have already concluded...

nuff said

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #29 on: January 24, 2011, 05:16:52 PM »
it is amazing the TOLERANCE folks have for anothers reality...but hey, it aint U right???

tolerance goes both ways my friend. 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #30 on: January 24, 2011, 05:17:20 PM »
"YOUR WOMEN"??? well...IF the things I stated are FACTUAL...then what? I am too just SHUT up and say nothing? correct???

it is amazing the TOLERANCE folks have for anothers reality...but hey, it aint U right???

It is so easy to toss out negatives instead of trying to help, but its kool...just another reinforcement of what I have already concluded...

Not my women, our women. The women who participate in this forum are fully members of this community and are entitled to be treated as such. We have a long tradition here of not putting up with misogynist shit and if you wanna become accepted around here you better honour that tradition.

The things you state are not "factual" they're fucking bullshit. You seem to have some idea that the women members of this forum should, first and foremost, be here to put out for the likes of you.

This is not the case. The women come here to participate in the life of the community, not to serve as tottie for lonely blokes who lack the social wherewithal to pick up in bars and singles groups.

And if you don't like that, tough.

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #31 on: January 24, 2011, 05:20:48 PM »
Negativity begets negativity....its easy to put someone down instead of trying to build up...sad commentary on the world we live in, huh

AND to MATTY...I will direct this to U...these are the IGNORANT ass things that makes people stay away from these sites...so many people of their HIGH FUCKIN HORSES...

I NEVER said ANYONE was to be here 4 ME...what I spoke on was MY PAST EXPERIENCES...so U blast me for what I have went thru??? Of all the ignorant ass shit I have read...

Clearly, sharing of opinions is NOT the norm here...or else one gets ATTACKED for speaking what is on their mind...well to U...FUCK OFF!!!

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #32 on: January 24, 2011, 05:26:23 PM »
Negativity begets negativity....its easy to put someone down instead of trying to build up...sad commentary on the world we live in, huh

AND to MATTY...I will direct this to U...these are the IGNORANT ass things that makes people stay away from these sites...so many people of their HIGH FUCKIN HORSES...

I NEVER said ANYONE was to be here 4 ME...what I spoke on was MY PAST EXPERIENCES...so U blast me for what I have went thru??? Of all the ignorant ass shit I have read...

Clearly, sharing of opinions is NOT the norm here...or else one gets ATTACKED for speaking what is on their mind...well to U...FUCK OFF!!!

I think it was Clint Eastwood who once noted that opinions are like arseholes. Everyone's got one and they all stink.

You're fully entitled to express your views. Just remember that freedom of expression doesn't mean freedom from response.

You take care now, :)

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #33 on: January 24, 2011, 05:30:20 PM »
Man...this is so NOT what I wanted...all the attacks...man, if this is how folks help each other...wow...

I started by stating this was MY past experiences...but everyone just wants to attack, attack, attack....

WOMEN...I never passed judgement on ALL OF YOU, but it does NOT negate the fact that the ones I have met have NOT been good experiences...

As for the last comment, I do apologize, I am kinda pissed at the fact that instead of recognizing someone reaching out to seek some help, folks only want to attack...and it helps NO ONE!!!

I am leaving this site, b4 I say something to someone which is NOT what I want to say, nor what I came on this site looking for... I REPEAT...what I CAME HERE LOOKING FOR...

see, for the less intelligent, when one realizes he is at an impasse, he seeks assistance...

anyway...for the few positive replies...THANK YOU...for the rest of y'all....whatever

Hope everyone has a BLESSED 2011

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #34 on: January 24, 2011, 05:32:31 PM »
oh...and in the future...temper your responses with COMPASSION...it helps create a USEFUL and WORKING dialog with others...FYI

Offline carousel

  • Member
  • Posts: 821
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #35 on: January 24, 2011, 05:48:37 PM »
Have you heard about the guy who comes onto the forum, looking for help.  He's feeling really negative about his situation, which is clear from his words.

Forum members then respond that he's being a bit negative and things may not be the way he thinks they are.  They try to offer some constructive help.

Guy responds that they do not understand how he feels and he starts to get even more negative.

Forum members then tell him to get a grip, as he's started to get a bit offensive.

Guy gets really negative and a bit of a ding dong ensues. 

Forum members then lose interest, as nothing is getting through.

Guy goes off in a huff, having realised that his initial assertions on HIV people are correct.

It's called self fulfilling prophecy.

This could have all been different.  Starting your post saying something about how you are feeling about yourself and situation and not about how you feel about other people, especially women. 

Forum members then would have responded with a bit of compassion, the thing you want, but don't feel you're getting.

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,702
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #36 on: January 24, 2011, 06:34:39 PM »
Oh..and to the last post..I have a JOB...I have my HOME and I am SELF_SUFFICIENT...i do NOT NEED a woman, but I do WANT someone in my life...there is a BIG difference...once again, passing JUDGEMENT... ???

My post is the one you reference above and if you did not want advice, then why did you ask?  My suggestions to you, were based on my opinion of what you had written and with more clarification, it becomes apparent that you have given this some thought.  What I think does not matter and my reply was to give you some food for thought.  Your visceral response makes me think I was fairly close to the mark and if so, there is nothing wrong with that.  What I want you to do, is to stop playing the victim and let us discuss this as adults.

Whether or not you meant to, you have insulted numerous members of this forum, with your words and the adult response is to simply apologize, rather than returning fire with a veritable barrage of attacks.  You came here, predisposed that forums were not good, that members were bitchy and unhelpful and you have received nothing of that here.  Instead you got some thoughtful replies and queries and you take everything far too personally.  We do not know you, any more than you know us, so what do you want from us?

If you want some people to actually care and respond accordingly, you may want to consider apologizing and chalking it up to your utter frustration over your personal life.  Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being so frustrated that you want to scream... or worse.  What does not work, is engaging in verbal warfare, with the very people who can most probably help you.

It is your call, friend.  We may growl, but we never bite and we do understand, far more than you may realize.  If you want some help, you have to meet us half way.  It's your choice and I hope you decide to stay.

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #37 on: January 24, 2011, 06:40:56 PM »
Killfolie...message received...
TO ANY AND ALL I MAY HAVE OFFENDED OR OTHERWISE...PLEASE ACCEPT MY HEARTFELT APOLOGY

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #38 on: January 24, 2011, 06:43:10 PM »
but...it was NEVER my intention to do a blanket indictment on all women...poz or neg...just stating what MY experiences had been...period.

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,702
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #39 on: January 24, 2011, 07:33:34 PM »
You cannot apologize and then insert a BUT post directly under it.  TRUST ME ON THIS, quit while you are ahead and get back on topic.  You seem like a decent guy, so stop being so defensive and so convinced that your world experience, defines all such experiences.  Generalities presented as observations or as experience have no basis in fact.  What matters is what you believe, about other people, how unique each one is and if you can truly appreciate what it takes to me a good mate.  For me, I need to understand myself, because I also suffer from clinical depression and that adds a whole new dimension to dating, but I digress.

My suggestion to you, is to maybe stop projecting what you think you know and instead, work on finding what is you want.  You mention being lonely, so looking for just friends could be a good start.  You also have to put yourself out there.  Love rarely comes knocking on your door and nobody knows if you exist, if they cannot see you.  Instead of complaining about what venues for meeting women work, you concentrate on finding new ways to meet the kind of woman you would like to meet.  The reason I said that I felt you wanted someone to take care of you, was because you sound so bitter and lonely.

You have convinced yourself that the fates are against you, whether it be a dearth of support groups, or that most women are liars or cheats, so what exactly is left?  Maybe, if you can drop the bitterness and anger, you can start to look for a mate.  But to be honest, if you talk with people and keep insisting that your beliefs are anything more than your beliefs, well then you cross the line into generalizing and stereotyping and in the end, none of that matters, because we are all humans at the core.

Life does not owe you shit and the sooner you accept that fact, the happier you will be.  You want a better life, then quite complaining and do something about it.  If you have interests, join a club, a gym, whatever to increase your exposure to women.  Learn to accept that disclosure is just another price of admission, to the HIV club.  Believe me, when you find the right person, your being poz will not be a big deal, if even an issue at all.  Most importantly, you have to start believing you are going to meet someone and act accordingly.  Try to see this as an adventure and understand that it is the journey that matters right now, so please enjoy it.

Try to grow a thicker hide and understand that rejection comes in many forms and most of them have little to do with the "real" you.  People have types that attract them and everyone has baggage and sometimes rejection can be a blessing in disguise.  My point being, try and relax and let the real you shine.  Do things you like and enjoy your life, as you seek a mate.  Life is too short to fixate on any one thing and I think quality of life beats quantity any time.  I suggest you start by looking for friends and just see what happens. 

Offline mpositive

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #40 on: January 24, 2011, 08:28:44 PM »
Skeebs,
You can't insult me brother.  I understand your comments completely.  I still do believe that Hetero Poz support groups are slim at best, I say this because in fact when I was diagnosed, I searched and searched for such a group and failed to find any.  Well, I found one, it was during the work day only....ugh.  However, I think your statement about the support from this forum is dead on.  I have found this forum to be better in many ways than any support group.  Also, it has helped me see beyond the Hetero vs. Gay groups issue....by far.  Of course, at times, I sink,  but I always seem to find my way back up.

Matty,
After reading one of your responses here, I think you are right about that.  It may very well be that Hetero Poz men do not do enough to draw attention to themselves and start these groups up.  I never thought about that before in that way and I can certainly see it.  I see it in myself.  I am so terrified of disclosing, that the thought of even being pro active in that regard scares the shit out of me. 
Hmmmmm...that theory has a lot of meat to it Matty....thanks :)

Iron,
You need to just reset here friend.  You may have started this thread with a lot of emotion and confusion.  It may have caused you to say things that you may not really feel.....at least i hope you do not.  It is real important to take a few deep breaths, walk away from the computer and then come back and read what you wrote before clicking "Post".  You may see it differently at that point.  I sincerely doubt you were trying to hurt anyone. 

Good night all....sleep well.
M

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #41 on: January 24, 2011, 10:05:59 PM »
Iron, due to the abusive nature of the PMs you have sent tonight, I have removed your PM privileges. You should have read our rules before you sent them, but too late now.

I've been a member of these forums for very nearly ten years. (ten years in March) I've seen more than one heterosexual hiv positive man with a chip on their shoulders, just like yours. I know you - you're the guy who liked to fuck any woman he could and then turn around and call them sluts. Get over yourself already.

You claim that you're not insulting all women with hiv, but that is the way your posts come across.

Know what? Like attracts like. If you're attracting assholes, look in the mirror.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ironman2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #42 on: January 24, 2011, 10:13:54 PM »
Amazing...get ATTACKED...respond...get censored!!! The AMERICAN way...

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #43 on: January 24, 2011, 10:18:42 PM »


  You're an awfully uptight fellow for someone who resides in the Keys.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #44 on: January 24, 2011, 10:21:07 PM »
Send abusive PMs and yes, you'll get censored. It's not the American way, it's the way of the world. Get used to it.

You're not special. Tough shit, eh? You're just another self-important straight guy who thinks he is something special. News flash - you're not.

Maybe if you opened your closet door you might have more luck. But then again, maybe not. Do you realise how much of a jerk you come across as? I'm guessing not.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,965
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #45 on: January 24, 2011, 10:23:07 PM »
Amazing...get ATTACKED...respond...get censored!!! The AMERICAN way...
the way you choose to respond in a written forum - by adding all caps to emphasize your point - says alot about how you probably act outside of a written forum.  When you are pointing the finger blaming everyone else for your difficulties meeting someone - you have three fingers pointing right back at the real cause.  And, usually those who are able to recognize those full of bullcrap, game players, and liars is because they usually are or have been one themself.

And if no one seems to measure up - maybe its time to get a new ruler.

Piece of work: check
Good thing women are avoiding a person with this type of behavior and attitude: check
Will continue with this type of behavior and continue to blame others for his own shortcomings: check
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,702
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #46 on: January 24, 2011, 11:14:14 PM »
Parts of this thread, really disturb me, for reasons that I never expected.  Iron, you screwed up royally by sending abusive PMs, so stop playing the victim and take your licks.  While I understand some of the hard feelings in this thread... why do I have this sinking feeling, in my gut, that tells me I am reading a skewering of another new member.  I am not defending nor condemning anyone, just suggesting that maybe we need to be a little more flexible in dealing with new members.  Believe it or not, at one time I was a real asshole and look how I turned out.  That happened because enough people took the time, to see through my facade and to give me a chance.  Somehow I feel we are missing an opportunity to give another pozzie a second chance.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #47 on: January 24, 2011, 11:22:32 PM »
Fair comment, Joe. However, I'm getting a bit too long in the tooth to suffer fools gladly. I've seen too many straight men come here with blocks of wood on their shoulders and it gets a bit tedious after a while. Funny how it happens, but the chippy ones always seem to be hiv closet cases. Telling, isn't it?
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,702
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #48 on: January 24, 2011, 11:43:03 PM »
The reason I made my comments was that Iron sent me a PM, thanking me for advice and saying that he heard what I was saying to him.  I don't like to share what others PM me, because they are private, but in this case, he modified his behavior and maybe he can be a knuckle-dragger at times, but he's really just a lonely guy, really frustrated in life, looking for a little sympathy and maybe even support.  He did apologize for being a jerk, but what I see in the thread, is new attacks, based on how he started the thread, which is not where we were, when other comments were added.  And I am not referring to your administrative comments, which were totally appropriate and necessary. 

Maybe I'm too sensitive, but something tells me Iron is not a bad guy at heart and I'm still willing to give him another chance.  If I am wrong, what does it cost me?  But if I am right...

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #49 on: January 24, 2011, 11:54:21 PM »
If I am wrong, what does it cost me?  But if I am right...

 My usual $5 bet is on the table...

 Just once, I would love to see a lonely straight guy come in here and become an active member of our community.  Hell, who knows, with the number of single ladies here a relationship might just happen.  But, instead they kill their chances with with an initial introduction like this.  Leading credence to some women's claims this is how all straight poz men are...

 and it leaves me, the married guy here alone to suffer with them.... I'm sad and we all should be sad together.

 I vote for second chances...

 go Obama!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.