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Author Topic: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???  (Read 10558 times)

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Offline Ironman2011

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I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« on: January 24, 2011, 03:49:51 AM »
i have been poz for over 15 years, and I decided some time ago to try to find someone "like me" to have relationship with...and therein lies the problem.
There are so many support groups for Men with Men, Hiv+ Women(all)...but for Hetro Men, there really is NOT alot of options...and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

I am so afraid of dying alone...and this gets me so depressed...I have actually moved to try to put myself in a better position to meet someone...to no avail...and I am reluctant to try to meet a NEG woman, because disclosure is a MUST, and I am still uncomfortable with disclosing to just anyone...

any advice, guidance, etc...will be greatly appreciated...
« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 05:18:50 AM by Ironman2011 »

Offline mecch

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2011, 05:24:07 AM »
My advice is

1) you open your dating pool to all women, not just HIV+ women.  You will need to work on getting comfortable with disclosing and making a plan about when you will do it in each attempted relationship.  Make this plan after you have considered the costs and benefits of disclosure and come to terms with that fact that it will always be an unsure response.  Once you have made the plan, you won't be so blocked by the idea of HIV and disclosure being a preventive to finding love.  Because finally, it won't be.  Because finally when you do find love, obviously it will be with someone who take HIV in stride.  People have all sorts of baggage they carry into a relationship and the partner has to except things or there is no future.

2) give HIV+ women a better chance to be themselves and not the loser types you assume. (liars, game players, etc.)  What you feel about HIV+ women isn't very generous and may reflect back on you, or may even be a self projection.  ??

ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2011, 06:29:32 AM »
Thanks for the advice Meech...as for the actual advice, the first thing you said is sumthing I would like to achieve, but I am really apprehensive, mainly because I hear the silly, foolish things people say still in this day and age, and it really does NOT make me feel very positive about disclosing...also, it is MUCH easier for a Hiv+ woman to find someone, poz or neg, than it is for a Hiv+ HETRO male...just facts of life...and of course, it is fer easier for a Gay man...

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

I hope and pray that there IS someone out there for me, but after trying this for the past 3 years, and continually finding "coal", where is the actuals "Diamonds" in the rough or otherwise?

I realized a LONG time ago, I gotta get ME right before I can ever hope to find someone else...well, I am in a pretty good place...so now what???

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2011, 06:40:08 AM »
...and I dont want anyone to think I am DUMPING on Hiv+ women, because I really would like to find someone in the same situation as mine, it is more an expression of my frustration at all the bad ones I have met thus far...options are NOT that great for straight men who are hiv+...so...it is what it is, I suppose... :(

Offline TabooPrincess

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2011, 06:41:25 AM »

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...
[/quote]

Woaaaaaaaaaaah!  What a lovely sweeping statement you've made of all us ladies here!  I guess herein lies your problem!!

I was going to post some helpful advice to you until I got to this section of your post and it made me somewhat narky.

Well good luck anyway!

09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2011, 06:52:45 AM »
Thanks for the advice Meech...as for the actual advice, the first thing you said is sumthing I would like to achieve, but I am really apprehensive, mainly because I hear the silly, foolish things people say still in this day and age, and it really does NOT make me feel very positive about disclosing...also, it is MUCH easier for a Hiv+ woman to find someone, poz or neg, than it is for a Hiv+ HETRO male...just facts of life...and of course, it is fer easier for a Gay man...

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

I hope and pray that there IS someone out there for me, but after trying this for the past 3 years, and continually finding "coal", where is the actuals "Diamonds" in the rough or otherwise?

I realized a LONG time ago, I gotta get ME right before I can ever hope to find someone else...well, I am in a pretty good place...so now what???

Son, if you can post stuff like this and then claim to be "in a pretty good place" you should prepare yourself for a long stint of loneliness.

Regards,

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2011, 07:05:21 AM »
Whoooooa..I think I have really struck a nerve, and I really apologize...

I DO NOT want to make folks think I am OVERLY negative, but I am to a certain extent I suppose...

I am seeking positive reinforcement and advice, as I am all alone in this...except for my puppy...

A couple have seemingly taken offense to me comments, and I again, apologize if I offended anyone, but this is really bumming me out...

Any words of advice as to what I am doing wrong would be greatly appreciated...

and to Taboo...I am NOT lumping ALL WOMEN into this category, not at all, just seems like I keep attracting the wrong ones...thats all...so I hope you will reconsider your opinion of me... :-\

Offline John2038

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2011, 07:18:04 AM »
i'm lucky that disclosing to the people i met for the first time, after i feel the chemistry is there for both, is not a problem for me. but still, choosing the most appropriate words and again time.
as such it's somewhere life as usual for me.

Offline carousel

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2011, 08:06:07 AM »
It sounds as though you've got yourself into a bit of a rut and are carrying round a lot of negative thoughts.

The thing you say about HIV women about their anger seems from here, to apply as much to you.

I agree with the idea of not just trying to date positive women.  At the end of the day there are more of them and you may stand more chance.  I understand that disclosure might be difficult, but it may be the best option at the moment.

Making generalisations and stating them as facts is going to get up people's back, on this forum and probably any possible new partner.

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2011, 08:21:12 AM »
Duly noted regarding the generalizations...but, IF this is MY reality, then why does it "get up peoples backs"?

In these forums we are supposed to be able to freely express our true feelings and try to seek help, guidance, advice, or whatever...but, I have found that people tend to "blast" instead of trying to understand or get clarity...

I freely admit I am a bit angry over my experiences thus far, but I am NOT giving up, as I am here trying to get some insight...

Also, regardless of whether folks want to admit it or not, it is MUCH harder for a Hiv+ man to find someone than for a Hiv+ WOMAN OR a GAY MAN...these are FACTS not just an opinion...

Regardless...I am truly seeking help, and I thought this would be the place, I have resisted other forums because I read all the venom being sent and the failure to even attempt to UNDERSTAND where the poster is coming from...and I really hoped this forum would be a bit different...

and U are right about one thing, I do find myself in a "rut" and really want out of it...

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2011, 08:28:48 AM »

Also, regardless of whether folks want to admit it or not, it is MUCH harder for a Hiv+ man to find someone than for a Hiv+ WOMAN OR a GAY MAN...these are FACTS not just an opinion...

Actually your facts are incorrect -- it's the reverse.  Because HIV+ straight men are a lesser number it makes it more difficult for an HIV+ straight woman to find a poz partner.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline woodshere

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #11 on: January 24, 2011, 08:30:07 AM »

Also, regardless of whether folks want to admit it or not, it is MUCH harder for a Hiv+ man to find someone than for a Hiv+ WOMAN OR a GAY MAN...these are FACTS not just an opinion...


Could you provide a link to these facts.  Regardless of sexual orientation it is hard for manyl of us to disclose and find a mate.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline mpositive

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #12 on: January 24, 2011, 09:38:24 AM »
Iron,

I am in the same situation as you are.  However, please be cautious with your words friend.   I find that the support for Hetero Sexual Pos men is slim at best.  However, folks are correct here in saying that it is most likely more difficult for Hetero Pos Women to find a mate than Hetero Pos men.  I was corrected on this issue once before and found that Phil and the rest are 100% correct.
      As far as support and such, then you would be correct.  We are still the minority by far....makes us more desirable to Pos Women, but less likely to find support groups dedicated to our specific situation.
      All that being said, it is a rarity that I find that difference to be a problem and it hits me only when I am at my loneliest points.  Therefore, it seems that during those moment/hours/days, it is not a good time for me to make that assessment.

Hang in there brother!

M

Offline mecch

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #13 on: January 24, 2011, 10:39:22 AM »
There will be someone out there for you.

Also, careful in the FORUMS not to confuse us with POZ Personals, etc.  Two different objectives, two different
groups!

Nobody has got their back up about your comments we all appreciate the complexities of disclosing and dating.

Gay men by the way will reject an HIV+ without batting an eyelash and sometimes quite abrasively.  Men are dogs, remember that when you think gay guys have it easier.  ;D

Anyway, if the audience in one site isn't offering up the women you want, you'll have to look elsewhere, right?

Its perfectly natural not to want people angry or bitter about their ex's and how they got HIV and etc etc etc.  This isn't really about HIV, its about how people deal with any trauma.  
« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 01:36:59 PM by mecch »
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #14 on: January 24, 2011, 11:37:07 AM »
I'll also add that real life support groups shouldn't be seen/used as a pick up place.  Sure people hook up sometimes but it's also wildly annoying for the majority that are there for... uh, "support" when they are hit on.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #15 on: January 24, 2011, 12:27:01 PM »
There are so many support groups for Men with Men, Hiv+ Women(all)...but for Hetro Men, there really is NOT alot of options...and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

Wow, pretty judgemental there aren't ya?  It's easy to blame this on HIV though so at least you have a reason.  I just don't buy it. 

And to think it a good idea to expose these beliefs on a support forum for fellow positive people shows a flaw in thinking.  I am sure before you posted that little diddy you were aware we do have members here of the female persuasion.  You didn't care though, it's all about you and I would bet my ass on a guess that women see through it, so in turn you blame HIV.

In my own personal experience this is just not so.  I am a firm believer that those that have problems dating after diagnosis had issues before becoming pos, your thoughts above reinforce this.  You make it difficult to give sound advice, or support for that matter, because of your sweeping generalizations....

I mean it's rather telling, what do we say?   :-\
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #16 on: January 24, 2011, 01:53:51 PM »
AGAIN..if my "choice" of words are not exactly "pc" I do apologize, but how can people judge me for expressing what I HAVE EXPERIENCED???

Now, as for women being here, I did realize this, and I was NOT trying to OFFEND them nor anyone else, but hey...IF I meet 10 women on poz personals or any other site, and they ALL HAVE THE SAME ISSUES...then what conclusion am I to reach???

I am NOT so arrogant to think I know everything, which is why I am turning to this forum...it is the fool who thinks he/she knows everything and is ignorant to the things that he/she needs help with....I freely admit I need help...

SO...how about some helpful suggestions instead of just dumping on me for expressing what I have been dealing with???

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #17 on: January 24, 2011, 01:56:35 PM »
ALSO, with regards to the fact that it is HARDER for str8 poz women than men...why is it we always hear stories of WOMEN who have found their mate and he is NEG, but loves them anyway...ever heard any MEN sharing these tales?? IF you have please share...and I am speaking of str8 men...

But, I am hoping there is still a chance for love...or else it may be just me and my puppies... :(

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #18 on: January 24, 2011, 01:58:33 PM »
Iron,

I am in the same situation as you are.  However, please be cautious with your words friend.   I find that the support for Hetero Sexual Pos men is slim at best.  However, folks are correct here in saying that it is most likely more difficult for Hetero Pos Women to find a mate than Hetero Pos men.  I was corrected on this issue once before and found that Phil and the rest are 100% correct.
      As far as support and such, then you would be correct.  We are still the minority by far....makes us more desirable to Pos Women, but less likely to find support groups dedicated to our specific situation.
      All that being said, it is a rarity that I find that difference to be a problem and it hits me only when I am at my loneliest points.  Therefore, it seems that during those moment/hours/days, it is not a good time for me to make that assessment.

Hang in there brother!

M

I find that the support for Hetero Sexual Pos men is slim at best.

In the general sense of having a bunch of dudes sitting in a group circle you are right, but is this really needed?  I guess you have to ask yourself, who would be better support than people who share the same prognosis as you?  Regardless of sexual orientation?  What can a straight man tell me a gay man can't?

You know, it's stuff like this that make me thankful sometimes to have been raised by such a harsh, racist old man..  You become so adamantly opposed to any view they hold, just out of pure hatred for them.  Anyways... that's best left for another time.  I can wander, sorry.

This straight man, gets all his support he needs right here.  Just like everyone else I'll mention a bit of sexual innuendos concerning my interest and have never been frowned upon for it.   I'm sorry, I just don't buy into this "support is slim at best'.  And Mpos, I say this respectfully.

4,000+ posts here and coming from a place of insanity should be my proof of this.

And trust, I'm no one special. :D

« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 02:00:51 PM by skeebo1969 »
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #19 on: January 24, 2011, 02:21:16 PM »
Maybe if you hadn't come out of the box with absolutes (and continue to do so) you might have received a better reception. Maybe if you introduced yourself first and divulged a bit of your story you might enjoy a bit of empathy.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 04:39:56 PM by Dachshund »

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #20 on: January 24, 2011, 02:36:21 PM »
AGAIN..if my "choice" of words are not exactly "pc" I do apologize, but how can people judge me for expressing what I HAVE EXPERIENCED???

Now, as for women being here, I did realize this, and I was NOT trying to OFFEND them nor anyone else, but hey...IF I meet 10 women on poz personals or any other site, and they ALL HAVE THE SAME ISSUES...then what conclusion am I to reach???

I am NOT so arrogant to think I know everything, which is why I am turning to this forum...it is the fool who thinks he/she knows everything and is ignorant to the things that he/she needs help with....I freely admit I need help...

SO...how about some helpful suggestions instead of just dumping on me for expressing what I have been dealing with???

Dude, I live in the middle of bum fuck whatever this place is called Florida.  I've dated a woman who was positive and a nurse, a positive mother, and I hate to admit, even dated a positive wife.  You're sharing your point of view from your own experience, well here's mine... I never had a problem.  I met my wife here as well and now enjoy a happily monogamous marriage with her.  Does she have issues?  Fuck ya, but so do I.

To be honest whether you are negative or positive, dating can be tricky.  People here can attest, I went through my pity party concerning a lot of issues, but finding a woman was never one of them.  I'll admit, when I found my wife I was worried she wouldn't find me good enough for her but that had a lot to do with me wanting her badly cuz I knew she was the one.

My advice for you, keep dating.  Date for fun, date for sex, and date without expectation, which is very important in my opinion.  It's the only way you stand a chance of meeting that right someone... but, do this while looking at yourself.  Remember, none of us are perfect so why should we expect our mate to be?  Also, if it's support you want, you'll find it right here... but only as much as you put in.

Btw, you say they all have the same issue... what might that be?
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline woodshere

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #21 on: January 24, 2011, 03:05:17 PM »

Now, as for women being here, I did realize this, and I was NOT trying to OFFEND them nor anyone else, but hey...IF I meet 10 women on poz personals or any other site, and they ALL HAVE THE SAME ISSUES...then what conclusion am I to reach???


I would be interested in what their issues were.  Might shed some light on the situation and allow for some discussion and advice. 

As a gay man I have been turned down many times by poz and neg guys.  I don't take it as them having issues.  Could be they are game playing fuck wads, could be they don't find me attractive or interesting, could be .......
I take it for what it is.  Do my feelings get hurt sure, do I like rejection no, but I have to keep trying.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #22 on: January 24, 2011, 03:31:19 PM »
It's my experience that support groups are generally started by the communities who see the need. Poz gay men start groups for themselves, poz straight women start their own groups and so on.

If there is a lack of support groups for poz straight men then, it would seem to me, that the burden of founding such groups falls on individual straight men. Fags and sheilas can't do it for you boys, so stop complaining and start organising.

I also think that some people mistake support groups for dating groups. This, no doubt, is the cause of confusion and unhappiness for many.

MtD

Offline Joe K

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #23 on: January 24, 2011, 04:23:59 PM »
I have been poz for over 15 years, and I decided some time ago to try to find someone "like me" to have relationship with...and therein lies the problem.
There are so many support groups for Men with Men, Hiv+ Women(all)...but for Hetro Men, there really is NOT alot of options...and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

I am so afraid of dying alone...and this gets me so depressed...I have actually moved to try to put myself in a better position to meet someone...to no avail...and I am reluctant to try to meet a NEG woman, because disclosure is a MUST, and I am still uncomfortable with disclosing to just anyone...

any advice, guidance, etc...will be greatly appreciated...

While I can sympathize with your situation, I suggest you do a lot of soul searching to decide on what you want, but more importantly, why?  In a few paragraphs, you have revealed so much about yourself and I wonder if you even see it.  To begin with, exactly what do you mean by wanting to meet someone who is "like you"?  Surely you are not serious.  Every time you add a "qualifier" to what you want, as in certain look, status, style, whatever, you severely limit your dating pool.  And why would you want someone like yourself, because then there would only be two of you, rather than a blending of two different but joined personalities? 

You also imply, by using terms like that, that people who are not like you, are somehow unworthy of your consideration as dating material.  You add to that, your complaint about being lonely and not wanting to die alone and those are two of the worse possible reasons for looking for a mate.  Being lonely is a human condition and nobody will ever fill that void.  I believe that if you want a mate, you look for someone who makes your heart smile and short of being a mass murderer, you take whatever baggage that comes with that person.  The idea of a relationship is to create something that is often greater than the sum of the two people.  It involves committing to one person and working damn hard to keep the love alive and to enrich and support each others, because as each flourishes, it flows back to the relationship.

Personally, you come across as someone who wants someone to take care of him, as opposed to someone who is looking for a life mate.  You can be assured that your views are projected in how you approach and present yourself to others and if you are so busy, looking for someone to fill out your list, then you will be far too busy when fate presents someone to you, to even notice.  Stop worrying about what you think you need and decide on what you "want", without the qualifiers and your search will become much easier, but most of all, honest.

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #24 on: January 24, 2011, 04:48:17 PM »
Ok...more clarification...when I said "like me" I meant someone who is POZ...that is all...nothing else.

As for why I want this, it is because DISCLOSURE is MANDATORY to be in ANY relationship when U r HIV+, so...IF this is already on the table, as they say, then the biggest "issue" should already be out in the open...

I am a little amazed at the negativity that has been shown because I expressed my feeling over what I have been dealing with for the past 3 years...from telling me that I am basically "hating" myself or things along these lines...

So...here are some more facts...

I am HIV+, have been for past 15 years...was living in Key West for past 4 years and have been very active in HIV community, which in Key West was mainly gay men and women...but NOT ENTIRELY, let me add this b4 there is another barrage of comments...I met someone from these sites, and got married, but SHE had so many issue from her past, that no matter what I did, she...in her own words "respected NO MAN"!!!
So...I ended up leaving...

I do NOT enter into anything expecting it to fail, but having met these women and find time and time again that they seem to hold onto the past so much, THAT is why I have the conclusions I have at this time...

Now...IF I was totally down on the possibility of finding someone, then I would just delete everything and basically say F%@K IT, but this is NOT what I am attempting to do...

but again, it just seems that instead of trying to see where I am coming from, folks just pass judgement on ME...and this is why I have been so reluctant to voice my feelings on these sites...

Oh..and I am not trying to MEET anyone here, but I am seeking some positive direction...

and as for what a bunch of straight men sitting around talking about things...well, IF there was a str8 support group, wouldn't it be for BOTH MEN and WOMEN??? and in these settings would be the opportunity to NETWORK and MEET people dealing with what I am..kinda like what THIS SITE is supposed to be for???!!!

Mabye this was a BIG mistake after all...

Oh..and to the last post..I have a JOB...I have my HOME and I am SELF_SUFFICIENT...i do NOT NEED a woman, but I do WANT someone in my life...there is a BIG difference...once again, passing JUDGEMENT... ???
« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 04:52:18 PM by Ironman2011 »

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #25 on: January 24, 2011, 05:01:19 PM »

Mabye this was a BIG mistake after all...

Maybe. We're not very tolerant of those who attack our women.

Quote
Oh..and to the last post..I have a JOB...I have my HOME and I am SELF_SUFFICIENT...i do NOT NEED a woman, but I do WANT someone in my life...there is a BIG difference...once again, passing JUDGEMENT... ???

Judge not, lest ye be judged:

Quote
As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

MtD

Offline woodshere

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #26 on: January 24, 2011, 05:08:17 PM »
Ok...more clarification...when I said "like me" I meant someone who is POZ...that is all...nothing else.
.......

and as for what a bunch of straight men sitting around talking about things...well, IF there was a str8 support group, wouldn't it be for BOTH MEN and WOMEN??? and in these settings would be the opportunity to NETWORK and MEET people dealing with what I am..kinda like what THIS SITE is supposed to be for???!!!


***nevermind
« Last Edit: January 24, 2011, 05:11:02 PM by woodshere »
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #27 on: January 24, 2011, 05:09:32 PM »
"YOUR WOMEN"??? well...IF the things I stated are FACTUAL...then what? I am too just SHUT up and say nothing? correct???

it is amazing the TOLERANCE folks have for anothers reality...but hey, it aint U right???

It is so easy to toss out negatives instead of trying to help, but its kool...just another reinforcement of what I have already concluded...

Offline Dachshund

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #28 on: January 24, 2011, 05:14:35 PM »
but its kool...just another reinforcement of what I have already concluded...

nuff said

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #29 on: January 24, 2011, 05:16:52 PM »
it is amazing the TOLERANCE folks have for anothers reality...but hey, it aint U right???

tolerance goes both ways my friend. 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #30 on: January 24, 2011, 05:17:20 PM »
"YOUR WOMEN"??? well...IF the things I stated are FACTUAL...then what? I am too just SHUT up and say nothing? correct???

it is amazing the TOLERANCE folks have for anothers reality...but hey, it aint U right???

It is so easy to toss out negatives instead of trying to help, but its kool...just another reinforcement of what I have already concluded...

Not my women, our women. The women who participate in this forum are fully members of this community and are entitled to be treated as such. We have a long tradition here of not putting up with misogynist shit and if you wanna become accepted around here you better honour that tradition.

The things you state are not "factual" they're fucking bullshit. You seem to have some idea that the women members of this forum should, first and foremost, be here to put out for the likes of you.

This is not the case. The women come here to participate in the life of the community, not to serve as tottie for lonely blokes who lack the social wherewithal to pick up in bars and singles groups.

And if you don't like that, tough.

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #31 on: January 24, 2011, 05:20:48 PM »
Negativity begets negativity....its easy to put someone down instead of trying to build up...sad commentary on the world we live in, huh

AND to MATTY...I will direct this to U...these are the IGNORANT ass things that makes people stay away from these sites...so many people of their HIGH FUCKIN HORSES...

I NEVER said ANYONE was to be here 4 ME...what I spoke on was MY PAST EXPERIENCES...so U blast me for what I have went thru??? Of all the ignorant ass shit I have read...

Clearly, sharing of opinions is NOT the norm here...or else one gets ATTACKED for speaking what is on their mind...well to U...FUCK OFF!!!

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #32 on: January 24, 2011, 05:26:23 PM »
Negativity begets negativity....its easy to put someone down instead of trying to build up...sad commentary on the world we live in, huh

AND to MATTY...I will direct this to U...these are the IGNORANT ass things that makes people stay away from these sites...so many people of their HIGH FUCKIN HORSES...

I NEVER said ANYONE was to be here 4 ME...what I spoke on was MY PAST EXPERIENCES...so U blast me for what I have went thru??? Of all the ignorant ass shit I have read...

Clearly, sharing of opinions is NOT the norm here...or else one gets ATTACKED for speaking what is on their mind...well to U...FUCK OFF!!!

I think it was Clint Eastwood who once noted that opinions are like arseholes. Everyone's got one and they all stink.

You're fully entitled to express your views. Just remember that freedom of expression doesn't mean freedom from response.

You take care now, :)

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #33 on: January 24, 2011, 05:30:20 PM »
Man...this is so NOT what I wanted...all the attacks...man, if this is how folks help each other...wow...

I started by stating this was MY past experiences...but everyone just wants to attack, attack, attack....

WOMEN...I never passed judgement on ALL OF YOU, but it does NOT negate the fact that the ones I have met have NOT been good experiences...

As for the last comment, I do apologize, I am kinda pissed at the fact that instead of recognizing someone reaching out to seek some help, folks only want to attack...and it helps NO ONE!!!

I am leaving this site, b4 I say something to someone which is NOT what I want to say, nor what I came on this site looking for... I REPEAT...what I CAME HERE LOOKING FOR...

see, for the less intelligent, when one realizes he is at an impasse, he seeks assistance...

anyway...for the few positive replies...THANK YOU...for the rest of y'all....whatever

Hope everyone has a BLESSED 2011

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #34 on: January 24, 2011, 05:32:31 PM »
oh...and in the future...temper your responses with COMPASSION...it helps create a USEFUL and WORKING dialog with others...FYI

Offline carousel

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #35 on: January 24, 2011, 05:48:37 PM »
Have you heard about the guy who comes onto the forum, looking for help.  He's feeling really negative about his situation, which is clear from his words.

Forum members then respond that he's being a bit negative and things may not be the way he thinks they are.  They try to offer some constructive help.

Guy responds that they do not understand how he feels and he starts to get even more negative.

Forum members then tell him to get a grip, as he's started to get a bit offensive.

Guy gets really negative and a bit of a ding dong ensues. 

Forum members then lose interest, as nothing is getting through.

Guy goes off in a huff, having realised that his initial assertions on HIV people are correct.

It's called self fulfilling prophecy.

This could have all been different.  Starting your post saying something about how you are feeling about yourself and situation and not about how you feel about other people, especially women. 

Forum members then would have responded with a bit of compassion, the thing you want, but don't feel you're getting.

Offline Joe K

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #36 on: January 24, 2011, 06:34:39 PM »
Oh..and to the last post..I have a JOB...I have my HOME and I am SELF_SUFFICIENT...i do NOT NEED a woman, but I do WANT someone in my life...there is a BIG difference...once again, passing JUDGEMENT... ???

My post is the one you reference above and if you did not want advice, then why did you ask?  My suggestions to you, were based on my opinion of what you had written and with more clarification, it becomes apparent that you have given this some thought.  What I think does not matter and my reply was to give you some food for thought.  Your visceral response makes me think I was fairly close to the mark and if so, there is nothing wrong with that.  What I want you to do, is to stop playing the victim and let us discuss this as adults.

Whether or not you meant to, you have insulted numerous members of this forum, with your words and the adult response is to simply apologize, rather than returning fire with a veritable barrage of attacks.  You came here, predisposed that forums were not good, that members were bitchy and unhelpful and you have received nothing of that here.  Instead you got some thoughtful replies and queries and you take everything far too personally.  We do not know you, any more than you know us, so what do you want from us?

If you want some people to actually care and respond accordingly, you may want to consider apologizing and chalking it up to your utter frustration over your personal life.  Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being so frustrated that you want to scream... or worse.  What does not work, is engaging in verbal warfare, with the very people who can most probably help you.

It is your call, friend.  We may growl, but we never bite and we do understand, far more than you may realize.  If you want some help, you have to meet us half way.  It's your choice and I hope you decide to stay.

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #37 on: January 24, 2011, 06:40:56 PM »
Killfolie...message received...
TO ANY AND ALL I MAY HAVE OFFENDED OR OTHERWISE...PLEASE ACCEPT MY HEARTFELT APOLOGY

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #38 on: January 24, 2011, 06:43:10 PM »
but...it was NEVER my intention to do a blanket indictment on all women...poz or neg...just stating what MY experiences had been...period.

Offline Joe K

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #39 on: January 24, 2011, 07:33:34 PM »
You cannot apologize and then insert a BUT post directly under it.  TRUST ME ON THIS, quit while you are ahead and get back on topic.  You seem like a decent guy, so stop being so defensive and so convinced that your world experience, defines all such experiences.  Generalities presented as observations or as experience have no basis in fact.  What matters is what you believe, about other people, how unique each one is and if you can truly appreciate what it takes to me a good mate.  For me, I need to understand myself, because I also suffer from clinical depression and that adds a whole new dimension to dating, but I digress.

My suggestion to you, is to maybe stop projecting what you think you know and instead, work on finding what is you want.  You mention being lonely, so looking for just friends could be a good start.  You also have to put yourself out there.  Love rarely comes knocking on your door and nobody knows if you exist, if they cannot see you.  Instead of complaining about what venues for meeting women work, you concentrate on finding new ways to meet the kind of woman you would like to meet.  The reason I said that I felt you wanted someone to take care of you, was because you sound so bitter and lonely.

You have convinced yourself that the fates are against you, whether it be a dearth of support groups, or that most women are liars or cheats, so what exactly is left?  Maybe, if you can drop the bitterness and anger, you can start to look for a mate.  But to be honest, if you talk with people and keep insisting that your beliefs are anything more than your beliefs, well then you cross the line into generalizing and stereotyping and in the end, none of that matters, because we are all humans at the core.

Life does not owe you shit and the sooner you accept that fact, the happier you will be.  You want a better life, then quite complaining and do something about it.  If you have interests, join a club, a gym, whatever to increase your exposure to women.  Learn to accept that disclosure is just another price of admission, to the HIV club.  Believe me, when you find the right person, your being poz will not be a big deal, if even an issue at all.  Most importantly, you have to start believing you are going to meet someone and act accordingly.  Try to see this as an adventure and understand that it is the journey that matters right now, so please enjoy it.

Try to grow a thicker hide and understand that rejection comes in many forms and most of them have little to do with the "real" you.  People have types that attract them and everyone has baggage and sometimes rejection can be a blessing in disguise.  My point being, try and relax and let the real you shine.  Do things you like and enjoy your life, as you seek a mate.  Life is too short to fixate on any one thing and I think quality of life beats quantity any time.  I suggest you start by looking for friends and just see what happens. 

Offline mpositive

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #40 on: January 24, 2011, 08:28:44 PM »
Skeebs,
You can't insult me brother.  I understand your comments completely.  I still do believe that Hetero Poz support groups are slim at best, I say this because in fact when I was diagnosed, I searched and searched for such a group and failed to find any.  Well, I found one, it was during the work day only....ugh.  However, I think your statement about the support from this forum is dead on.  I have found this forum to be better in many ways than any support group.  Also, it has helped me see beyond the Hetero vs. Gay groups issue....by far.  Of course, at times, I sink,  but I always seem to find my way back up.

Matty,
After reading one of your responses here, I think you are right about that.  It may very well be that Hetero Poz men do not do enough to draw attention to themselves and start these groups up.  I never thought about that before in that way and I can certainly see it.  I see it in myself.  I am so terrified of disclosing, that the thought of even being pro active in that regard scares the shit out of me. 
Hmmmmm...that theory has a lot of meat to it Matty....thanks :)

Iron,
You need to just reset here friend.  You may have started this thread with a lot of emotion and confusion.  It may have caused you to say things that you may not really feel.....at least i hope you do not.  It is real important to take a few deep breaths, walk away from the computer and then come back and read what you wrote before clicking "Post".  You may see it differently at that point.  I sincerely doubt you were trying to hurt anyone. 

Good night all....sleep well.
M

Offline Ann

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #41 on: January 24, 2011, 10:05:59 PM »
Iron, due to the abusive nature of the PMs you have sent tonight, I have removed your PM privileges. You should have read our rules before you sent them, but too late now.

I've been a member of these forums for very nearly ten years. (ten years in March) I've seen more than one heterosexual hiv positive man with a chip on their shoulders, just like yours. I know you - you're the guy who liked to fuck any woman he could and then turn around and call them sluts. Get over yourself already.

You claim that you're not insulting all women with hiv, but that is the way your posts come across.

Know what? Like attracts like. If you're attracting assholes, look in the mirror.
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #42 on: January 24, 2011, 10:13:54 PM »
Amazing...get ATTACKED...respond...get censored!!! The AMERICAN way...

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #43 on: January 24, 2011, 10:18:42 PM »


  You're an awfully uptight fellow for someone who resides in the Keys.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Ann

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #44 on: January 24, 2011, 10:21:07 PM »
Send abusive PMs and yes, you'll get censored. It's not the American way, it's the way of the world. Get used to it.

You're not special. Tough shit, eh? You're just another self-important straight guy who thinks he is something special. News flash - you're not.

Maybe if you opened your closet door you might have more luck. But then again, maybe not. Do you realise how much of a jerk you come across as? I'm guessing not.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #45 on: January 24, 2011, 10:23:07 PM »
Amazing...get ATTACKED...respond...get censored!!! The AMERICAN way...
the way you choose to respond in a written forum - by adding all caps to emphasize your point - says alot about how you probably act outside of a written forum.  When you are pointing the finger blaming everyone else for your difficulties meeting someone - you have three fingers pointing right back at the real cause.  And, usually those who are able to recognize those full of bullcrap, game players, and liars is because they usually are or have been one themself.

And if no one seems to measure up - maybe its time to get a new ruler.

Piece of work: check
Good thing women are avoiding a person with this type of behavior and attitude: check
Will continue with this type of behavior and continue to blame others for his own shortcomings: check
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Joe K

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #46 on: January 24, 2011, 11:14:14 PM »
Parts of this thread, really disturb me, for reasons that I never expected.  Iron, you screwed up royally by sending abusive PMs, so stop playing the victim and take your licks.  While I understand some of the hard feelings in this thread... why do I have this sinking feeling, in my gut, that tells me I am reading a skewering of another new member.  I am not defending nor condemning anyone, just suggesting that maybe we need to be a little more flexible in dealing with new members.  Believe it or not, at one time I was a real asshole and look how I turned out.  That happened because enough people took the time, to see through my facade and to give me a chance.  Somehow I feel we are missing an opportunity to give another pozzie a second chance.

Offline Ann

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #47 on: January 24, 2011, 11:22:32 PM »
Fair comment, Joe. However, I'm getting a bit too long in the tooth to suffer fools gladly. I've seen too many straight men come here with blocks of wood on their shoulders and it gets a bit tedious after a while. Funny how it happens, but the chippy ones always seem to be hiv closet cases. Telling, isn't it?
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Joe K

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #48 on: January 24, 2011, 11:43:03 PM »
The reason I made my comments was that Iron sent me a PM, thanking me for advice and saying that he heard what I was saying to him.  I don't like to share what others PM me, because they are private, but in this case, he modified his behavior and maybe he can be a knuckle-dragger at times, but he's really just a lonely guy, really frustrated in life, looking for a little sympathy and maybe even support.  He did apologize for being a jerk, but what I see in the thread, is new attacks, based on how he started the thread, which is not where we were, when other comments were added.  And I am not referring to your administrative comments, which were totally appropriate and necessary. 

Maybe I'm too sensitive, but something tells me Iron is not a bad guy at heart and I'm still willing to give him another chance.  If I am wrong, what does it cost me?  But if I am right...

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #49 on: January 24, 2011, 11:54:21 PM »
If I am wrong, what does it cost me?  But if I am right...

 My usual $5 bet is on the table...

 Just once, I would love to see a lonely straight guy come in here and become an active member of our community.  Hell, who knows, with the number of single ladies here a relationship might just happen.  But, instead they kill their chances with with an initial introduction like this.  Leading credence to some women's claims this is how all straight poz men are...

 and it leaves me, the married guy here alone to suffer with them.... I'm sad and we all should be sad together.

 I vote for second chances...

 go Obama!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline tednlou2

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #50 on: January 24, 2011, 11:56:54 PM »
Didn't he say he was talking about his experiences with women in the poz personals section?  Did he ever say anything about women in these forums?  I don't have any experience with the women in the poz personals section.  Do any of us know the kinds of women who are on poz personals or similiar sites?  They could attract less than desirable women.  I don't know.  I do know many of the guys on poz personals have been shady--asking me for money or to fly them to Louisville for a hook-up.  Many in the personals section seem to be very different from the guys who participate here.  Others have been very nice and wanting to just have an online friendship.  

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #51 on: January 24, 2011, 11:59:42 PM »
Parts of this thread, really disturb me, for reasons that I never expected.  Iron, you screwed up royally by sending abusive PMs, so stop playing the victim and take your licks.  While I understand some of the hard feelings in this thread... why do I have this sinking feeling, in my gut, that tells me I am reading a skewering of another new member.  I am not defending nor condemning anyone, just suggesting that maybe we need to be a little more flexible in dealing with new members.  Believe it or not, at one time I was a real asshole and look how I turned out.  That happened because enough people took the time, to see through my facade and to give me a chance.  Somehow I feel we are missing an opportunity to give another pozzie a second chance.

Gotta disagree with you here Joseph. The OP is the author of his own misfortune in this case. This wasn't just a case of a n00b being a bit abrasive, he started this thread with an unvarnished slur on the women who are members of this community and on a couple of other sites.

When he was politely brought to book by a few of us, he lost his shit in a spectacular fashion. It was only after that he was swarmed by the hive.

I'd like to think that someone like the OP who is 15 years poz (technically an LTS by our standards) should have worked how to join the fucking dots by now. I'm not saying that being an LTS automagically grants a body universal wisdom but it's not like he's flailing around in the throes of a new infection.

I understand what you're getting at about flexibility but I think in this situation the response Iron's received is wholly merited. He's come in without any sort of reasonable introduction and taken a shit with his clothes on.

Imagine, for a moment, that rather than carrying on like a misogynistic dickhead, he'd opened up with a slur on homos. The resultant flamewar would be epic and the women would be right in the middle of it.

All of that said, if Iron was to return, attempt to make genuine amends for his conduct and request a second chance I'm sure the benefit of the doubt could be extended to him.

MtD

Offline Joe K

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #52 on: January 25, 2011, 12:06:17 AM »
Gotta disagree with you here Joseph. The OP is the author of his own misfortune in this case. This wasn't just a case of a n00b being a bit abrasive, he started this thread with an unvarnished slur on the women who are members of this community and on a couple of other sites.

When he was politely brought to book by a few of us, he lost his shit in a spectacular fashion. It was only after that he was swarmed by the hive.

I'd like to think that someone like the OP who is 15 years poz (technically an LTS by our standards) should have worked how to join the fucking dots by now. I'm not saying that being an LTS automagically grants a body universal wisdom but it's not like he's flailing around in the throes of a new infection.

I understand what you're getting at about flexibility but I think in this situation the response Iron's received is wholly merited. He's come in without any sort of reasonable introduction and taken a shit with his clothes on.

Imagine, for a moment, that rather than carrying on like a misogynistic dickhead, he'd opened up with a slur on homos. The resultant flamewar would be epic and the women would be right in the middle of it.

All of that said, if Iron was to return, attempt to make genuine amends for his conduct and request a second chance I'm sure the benefit of the doubt could be extended to him.

MtD

I hear what you are saying, oh damned one, but I am not defending his actions, nor condemning the responses he got and deserved.  All I am suggesting is that just because a poster starts out, by making an ass of themselves, does not define the entire person.  But you already knew that, as you are offering an olive branch as well, so to me, message delivered, message received.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #53 on: January 25, 2011, 12:15:54 AM »
Didn't he say he was talking about his experiences with women in the poz personals section?  Did he ever say anything about women in these forums?  I don't have any experience with the women in the poz personals section.  Do any of us know the kinds of women who are on poz personals or similiar sites?  They could attract less than desirable women.  I don't know.  I do know many of the guys on poz personals have been shady--asking me for money or to fly them to Louisville for a hook-up.  Many in the personals section seem to be very different from the guys who participate here.  Others have been very nice and wanting to just have an online friendship.  

 He's in the same general vicinity as me, so he's using the same search I would have.  Hell, I have nothing bad to say about it.  I met a quite a few women on poz and was only on it for a short time, maybe a year.  I forgot about it and saw that I had got a wink through my email, that would be from my wife.  There's absolutely nothing special about me.  

 Now that I think about it, my wife did share some crazy stories of her own.  There was this guy I like to call the Nani Man, comes in handy when I playfully tease her.  She said all he liked to talk about was oral on a woman during her period.  He also told her to drink Nani Juice instead of taking antivirals, hence my name for him.  There was also the guy who never ordered off of a restaurant menu, I like to tease her sometimes mimicking what he must have been like when we go out to eat...

 and this guy thinks he's got it tough.... Ironman? really?
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #54 on: January 25, 2011, 12:25:32 AM »
I hear what you are saying, oh damned one, but I am not defending his actions, nor condemning the responses he got and deserved.  All I am suggesting is that just because a poster starts out, by making an ass of themselves, does not define the entire person.  But you already knew that, as you are offering an olive branch as well, so to me, message delivered, message received.

It's cool Joe. I didn't mean to suggest you were defending him, I know you weren't.

On reflection I think we're in furious agreement on this. In the event of a suitable display of remorse from Iron, we should let him start over.

Matty the Damned knows the value of a second chance. And a third. And a fourth. :)

MtD

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #55 on: January 25, 2011, 12:49:29 AM »
I do know many of the guys on poz personals have been shady--asking me for money or to fly them to Louisville for a hook-up.  Many in the personals section seem to be very different from the guys who participate here.  Others have been very nice and wanting to just have an online friendship.   

Does your boyfriend know you put ads in poz personals?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline mecch

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #56 on: January 25, 2011, 01:59:30 AM »
gee this thread is lose lose lose lose

The new guy is labeled a misogynistic repressed homo.  (sorry for him! and his loved ones) (oh i mean sorry for us for labeling) Oh and he comes in here and recklessly insults the public and sends abuses pms.  (sorry for us!)  Oh and everyone gets his two cents in so there's no chance of a human exchange eventually developing since he has his prejudices and we have ours. (sorry for everyone)    Sorry for this post.  Sorry to remind everyone of the sorry lady "Gilly" on SNL  ;)

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/gilly__art_class/1165567

« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 02:05:02 AM by mecch »
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #57 on: January 25, 2011, 01:59:46 AM »
Ok...I got offline, because all the atacks had really got to me, but some of you guys have really made me pause, so I am now gonna try to clear the air...if at all possible...

1st...I started this thread speaking on the DATING sites I had used...i.e.pozPERSONALS, HIVnet, etc...NOT this forum, so whoever got upset because they thought I was talking about on THIS site, well, then those people did NOT read my initial thread very carefully...

2nd...I ONLY sent the "abusive" PM because I could NOT understand why, when I am FREELY coming onto a FORUM seeking some advice and possible some redirection, why would all these people, people who don't know me, nor I them, go into attack mode???

3rd...I sent a PM because I didn't think it was appropiate to respond to one "jerk" in the open forum where all would be exposed to some NEGATIVE comments by me...well, from the responses...anyMORE negative comments...

Now to ALL...

Although what I wrote about at the start of this mess was a true and accurate description of what MY experiences dealing with the HIV dating sites, and NOT this nor any other COMMUNITY FORUM...

anyone that may have been offended, put off...or otherwise affected by anything I may have posted...

Please accept my sincere apologies...

and for the FEW who actually took the time to speak to me with COMPASSION and TEMPERANCE I do THANK YOU sincerely, as THIS is all I was seeking.

as for any further participation, that I am unsure...having participated in numerous HIV/AIDS events in KEY WEST, from the AIDS run, Taste of Key West, Fantasy Fest...as well as doing numerous talks at the High Schools...I really care about the HIV community...but this, well, lets just say it really has given me pause.

To all...Take Care


Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #58 on: January 25, 2011, 02:02:31 AM »
also..folks...PLEASE..in the future...IF someone comes onto this site, or any other, and mabye starts out on a ROUGH note...please try to correct with COMPASSION rather than with so much animosity...because it really kills any chance of getting thru...either way.

Offline tednlou2

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #59 on: January 25, 2011, 03:07:48 AM »
also..folks...PLEASE..in the future...IF someone comes onto this site, or any other, and mabye starts out on a ROUGH note...please try to correct with COMPASSION rather than with so much animosity...because it really kills any chance of getting thru...either way.

I read your post as your experiences on certain personals sites and not an attack against all HIV poz women.  Those are your experiences and we don't know the kinds of women you have run into on those sites.  Most of us have probably experienced problems at various dating/hook-up sites--poz personals, Adam4Adam, Manhunt, etc.  In my experience, many of the people there do lie.  They'll send fake pix, lie about their backgrounds, their age, whether they have a job, whether they are in a relationship, etc.  I think many dating sites just attract those kinds of people.  I realized this way back when AOL was big.  It just seemed like the majority of the people were lying and playing games.  Many of the people I ran into just seemed to want to get naked photos.  Or, they would make plans to meet, but not show up.  They would make excuses that they got hung up at work or had some emergency.  They would come back asking for more pix or want to talk dirty via text or phone.  The ones who did show up were totally different from what they said and not the person in the pic they sent.  I had a couple 60 year-olds show up after claiming to be 20.  I'm not sure if these are the kinds of problems you've run into.  I also know from reading through the male for female forums on various sites that gay men would pose as women.  Many a straight guy would post about how the guy actually showed up.  The gay guy must have thought the guy would go bi once he got there.  I believe you mentioned women saying they didn't know what they wanted??  What did that mean?  Whether they wanted a 2nd date?  Marriage?  Kids?  As long as they weren't misrepresenting themselves, then I guess you would just have to deal that they didn't know what they want.             

Now, I'm not sure about these abusive PM's people are talking about.  I can't back you up there.  If that is true, then that is wrong.  And, I want to say that my experiences here have been 90% positive with many compassionate and helpful members.  I just wanted to say that I didn't read your post as an attack on the nice poz women here, in this forum.           

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #60 on: January 25, 2011, 03:17:53 AM »
Thank You...

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #61 on: January 25, 2011, 03:58:17 AM »
I read your post as your experiences on certain personals sites and not an attack against all HIV poz women. 

Teddy, you might wanna re-read this bit then:

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #62 on: January 25, 2011, 04:11:02 AM »
again...when I said "this site" I was referring to pozPersonals, which is where I found this forum...but again...when things seem to be calming down...here comes the folks trying to amp it back up.
This is why I sent the last person posting the "abusive" PM, because this person only wants a "fight"...

So, to MATTY...as I said b4..IF U don't have anything to say to HELP...why don't you just stay quiet???

People are speaking to me, and trying to help...then along comes you...

Not part of the solution...just trying to keep the drama going...
sad...

and yet, I am the one who is "attacked"

These folks are the ones which makes stuff escalate...why dont you just let things be???

Matty...you wanna take comments out of context, take comments made in response, etc...but, as I said repeatedly...I was speaking on HIV DATING SITES...if you cannot understand this, well then U are the 1 with the problem now..

and Ted...thank you for even ATTEMPTING to hear me...

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #63 on: January 25, 2011, 04:13:25 AM »
FURTHER, Matty...if U had checked my profile, you would have seen I am NEW to this site, meaning the forum...SO..IF I am NEW, how could I have "chatted with anyone from here"??

The pettiness of some folks just never fails to amaze me...

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #64 on: January 25, 2011, 04:42:42 AM »
as you can see, this is bothering me alot, which is why I keep posting, but this will probably be my last...

now alot of folks have called me a "homophobe", "closet case", etc...all mean spirited things...

but here is the thing...I am NOT some "pinhead" downing all women, or trying to put ANYONE down, but when I came onto the site and stated what I had been going through, people decided to take things out of context without seeking clarification...nor trying to comprehend or understand what I was trying to express, and YES I did get "defensive" because I knew in my heart that I was NOT trying to attack anyone on this site...

when people misconstrue your words, the first reaction is to try to explain, which I tried, but folks were so irate that it was not received...

I attempted to apologize directly to the ones that it seemed I had offended, but no sooner did I do that, when BAM...here goes another person jumping on the attack bandwagon...

I am a Christian, and I am only seeking someone whom I can love and who will love me for ME..not for my job, car, "stuff" etc... but for ME.

As I said, I have been living with this for over 15 years, and having been in Key West for past 4, I have seen that for the Gay/Lesbian community there is alot of support...in forms of groups, community, etc...but nothing for ME which is why I turned to online sites...

Further..if you look at the banner across the top...POZ is listed along with this site, so when I made reference to "this site" it should have been obvious what I was speaking about...and to a few it was...

but this is what I have found...when someone is looking for a reason to "snap" they can find one...even if it is misguided...

now I am NO VICTIM...I freely acknowledge that at the beginning, mabye I should have better identified myself and my past, but this is what should have been expressed to me..or asked of me...yet folks chose to jump me instead...and I struck back...which was wrong....

At any rate...although I really value the "constructive" comments that I have received, and have expressed my thanks and gratitude to the few who have reached out to me...the fact that not only was it "members" but also a "moderator" attacked me..and IF the ones running/administering this site is so "intolerable" of anyone who is, possibly, a bit "off-track" then this is NOT the venue for me.

As such..I will be removing myself from this site fully...I really dont feel like enduring any more animosity from folks here...life is tough enough without inviting more negativity into my life.

To those who tried to help me...Teddy, Killfolie, Skeebo...Thank YOu, and I hope you all nothing but much joy and happiness in your lives...

To the ones who STILL will attack...God Bless You...anyway...

Take Care all

Again...I am noone's VICTIM....and never claimed to be a VICTIM...just FRUSTRATED.
 :o

Offline BT65

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #65 on: January 25, 2011, 05:06:59 AM »
that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

If you already have this attitude, whom do you believe you're going to attract?  You're probably putting out some very opinionated, bad vibes.  What I get from what you're saying, is that you expect nothing else from we women. 

It's remarks like this that make me extremely grateful I'm not looking for a relationship (well, remarks like that, plus I'm selfish).  Whatever you were trying to project, this overrides it.  You can't come onto this forum, and group women into such a narrow gap, and expect everyone to be cheerful with you.  Myself, and I'm a LTS'er of 21 years, and a bisexual woman, if I hear from someone who says they want a good relationship, but this is the intial posting, I wouldn't consider going to get a pack of bubblegum from the corner 7-11 with that person. 

You need to examine your motives.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #66 on: January 25, 2011, 05:08:19 AM »
FURTHER, Matty...if U had checked my profile, you would have seen I am NEW to this site, meaning the forum...SO..IF I am NEW, how could I have "chatted with anyone from here"??

The pettiness of some folks just never fails to amaze me...

Because that's what you said in your second post. And verbatim I will quote it:

Thanks for the advice Meech...as for the actual advice, the first thing you said is sumthing I would like to achieve, but I am really apprehensive, mainly because I hear the silly, foolish things people say still in this day and age, and it really does NOT make me feel very positive about disclosing...also, it is MUCH easier for a Hiv+ woman to find someone, poz or neg, than it is for a Hiv+ HETRO male...just facts of life...and of course, it is fer easier for a Gay man...

As for the second, I have reached this conclusion after having met, spoke to, chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites...its NOT a "self-projection" as you put it, but a sad commentary regarding the QUALITY of the women on these sites...I have found they really do not know what they want..or are still so angry at whoever infected them, that they cannot allow anyone else in...

I hope and pray that there IS someone out there for me, but after trying this for the past 3 years, and continually finding "coal", where is the actuals "Diamonds" in the rough or otherwise?

I realized a LONG time ago, I gotta get ME right before I can ever hope to find someone else...well, I am in a pretty good place...so now what???

There, you see? Your words. It might be that you're confused about the post I made above in reply to a comment by Tednlou2. Rather than using the forum quote function, I simply cut and pasted the text so I could emphasise a particular section.

But they're your words.

Do you now claim you have not "chatted with quite a few Hiv+ women from this site as well as a couple of other sites.."? If so, would you care to explain what you mean?

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #67 on: January 25, 2011, 05:15:25 AM »
Man...this is crazy..I have tried to apologize, tried to clarify, tried to explain..all to no avail...so screw this and this site...
I have repeatedly clarified my statement, but the same one wanna keep going on and on beating the same dead ass horse...so fuck it.

For every positive helpful post, there are 5 negative ones...

I tried to clear the air, but it dont seem like the "antagonists" want it clear...so again, fuck it...

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #68 on: January 25, 2011, 05:20:08 AM »
Quote
I have been poz for over 15 years, and I decided some time ago to try to find someone "like me" to have relationship with...and therein lies the problem.
There are so many support groups for Men with Men, Hiv+ Women(all)...but for Hetro Men, there really is NOT alot of options...and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.


this is how I started my thread...MATTY

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #69 on: January 25, 2011, 07:25:53 AM »


   and then there is the harsh reality that alot of the so-called "str8" women on poz personals as well as other similar sites are full of crap, games or just liars.

   Thanks for clarifying... so in other words the women on poz personals are all lesbian and lying about being straight?  My god man, this is even worse than your last assertions!

   Don't you people ever sleep in the Keys?
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline mpositive

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #70 on: January 25, 2011, 07:36:05 AM »
LOL

Ok, I have been on POZ Personals for 2 years now.  Although I have not met my "soulmate", guess what?  I have not met her before I was diagnosed either....soooo.........what makes me think that getting infected automatically means "poof" I get her now?    That is just plain stupid Iron.  Be real...
When I dated on single sites before, I met quacks and wackos.....guess what, Poz Personals is no freaking different.  I have met quacks and wackos there too.  Of course, I have also met new friends there, which I am forever grateful for. So, my friend, wake up!  We are the same person we were before.  I am now and have been, very hesitant to commit!  Therefore, I find myself being overly sensitive to the flaws of others, it is my MAJOR problem.  I am aware of it, more now than ever.  Ok....I digress.

Skeebo....dude, don't make me come down there and knock you off your high horse.  You don't own the "straight hetero king" title in these forums....lol.   I'm straight, I'm here, get used to it!  LOL

Iron, one last thing...Phil, Ann, Matty, Skeebs, Kil and so many more....these are amazing people.  I have not always agreed with all of them, but you need to know, there is no better group out there in my honest opinion.  I thank god or whatever power that be that I was lucky enough to find them all here! 

Keep smiling folks.
M

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #71 on: January 25, 2011, 08:21:20 AM »
Hey Skeebo...its amazing how an "intelligent" person such as yourself can copy a portion of my thread...and STILL misquote it???

Clearly I used the word ALOT but you obviously read ALL...I do believe therein lies the problem..folks here cannot comprehend what they read!!!

CRAZY

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #72 on: January 25, 2011, 08:22:11 AM »

  Who me?  A king who is stuck at home dispatching roadside for chump change?  Geat, my life's complete.  And now some young buck wants to come take my thrown?  Take it..... and tell the woman in Kentucky to have her husband sitting next to her change the friggin tire.  

  I really hope this changes in 2 months.... tired of people not knowing where the hell they are.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #73 on: January 25, 2011, 08:25:00 AM »
WTF?????

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #74 on: January 25, 2011, 08:34:35 AM »
WTF?????
Hey Skeebo...its amazing how an "intelligent" person such as yourself can copy a portion of my thread...and STILL misquote it???

Clearly I used the word ALOT but you obviously read ALL...I do believe therein lies the problem..folks here cannot comprehend what they read!!!

CRAZY

I am simply dumbfounded that a person can live in the Keys and act this way while the sun is still rising.  I would be out on the beach with my lad... oh wait. sorry, you can't get a....

Nevermind
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #75 on: January 25, 2011, 08:50:41 AM »
Iron, rather than arguing further, I suggest you soften the iron-contect of your messages.

Stick to whatever issues you want to discuss using temperate, respectful language and move on from there. That's my thought for your moving out of these stormy and unproductive exchanges.



 
Andy Velez

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #76 on: January 25, 2011, 08:52:26 AM »
Ironman -

Just letting you know that I'm also all for second chances.  Believe me, I have put my foot in my mouth more than a time or two (or three or four).  I also have said things out of frustration, anger, and other emotions.

A suggestion:  Maybe let this thread cool down a bit.... usually, threads simmer down if no one posts replies to comments.
                 --  Then, maybe start a new thread that introduces yourself under a different subject title and
                 --  Feel free to contribute thoughts, opinions, assistance on some of the other active topic
                     threads taking place in the forum

Sometimes, in these online forums a more complete picture of a person comes from reading various posts that a person makes in a variety of topic areas. It helps people to get to know others better and it will help you get to know all of us better - rather than being limited to posts and replies in a single thread.

At any rate, welcome to the forums - wish you the best.
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #77 on: January 25, 2011, 08:54:10 AM »

Ok, I have been on POZ Personals for 2 years now.  Although I have not met my "soulmate", guess what?  I have not met her before I was diagnosed either....soooo.........what makes me think that getting infected automatically means "poof" I get her now?    That is just plain stupid Iron.  Be real...
When I dated on single sites before, I met quacks and wackos.....guess what, Poz Personals is no freaking different.  I have met quacks and wackos there too.  Of course, I have also met new friends there, which I am forever grateful for. So, my friend, wake up!  We are the same person we were before.  I am now and have been, very hesitant to commit!  Therefore, I find myself being overly sensitive to the flaws of others, it is my MAJOR problem.  I am aware of it, more now than ever. 

I'm just jumping in here to highlight this comment.  IMO if someone wasn't a huge dater before diagnosis it's not going to change after diagnosis, and vice versa holds for the same, a general rule with exceptions of course, and hardly anyone does much dating during year #1, but after that you go back to the way your were.

I'll also add that if you're not faring well with on line resources step outside of that box -- you know you can meet straight women volunteering for various AIDS organizations if you put your mind to it, and depending on where you live.  Life existed before the internet, folks.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline mpositive

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #78 on: January 25, 2011, 09:32:27 AM »
Well said Phil.

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #79 on: January 25, 2011, 10:24:57 AM »
Fair comment, Joe. However, I'm getting a bit too long in the tooth to suffer fools gladly. I've seen too many straight men come here with blocks of wood on their shoulders and it gets a bit tedious after a while. Funny how it happens, but the chippy ones always seem to be hiv closet cases. Telling, isn't it?

Sorry, but I call "BULLSH#T"! I've seen it and felt it here and am tired of it being written of as straight-man's itis and that if we discuss dating issues and say that positive women are anything less than perfect--we get blasted.  Well sorry and sick of the double standard here.  The OP here came on like an ass, so be it.  But let's not discount his message once again because somehow it's ok NOT to bash on anyone except straight positive men.  Miss P, this is usually where you insert some snotty comment questioning sexual orientation.  Call a guy a closet case--and NOT help him with the HIV 'coming out' process--that's pretty f'n cold.

Frankly, I'm long in the tooth too.  Been dealing with HIV way too long, been hearing way TOO many straight positive women hate men for their infection instead of take a tiny portion of acceptance of thier infection onto themselves (NO--I'm not saying ALL positive women are like this--but in MY EXPERIENCE, they have been the majority)  It's like some unwritten logic we all agree to accept:  Men get HIV because their sexual deviants and addicts--women have HIV GIVEN to them by some evil vial man.  BULLCRAP.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as pissy, but I've been sick, just had my mom die too young, have had to deal with a lot of medical issues with some of my HIV positive friends--and I think I've just reached the top of my BS acceptance tank.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #80 on: January 25, 2011, 10:27:10 AM »
Miss P, this is usually where you insert some snotty comment questioning sexual orientation.  Call a guy a closet case--and NOT help him with the HIV 'coming out' process--that's pretty f'n cold.

Fascinating analysis.  I don't see where I've done that here.  Nor have I said anything questionable in this thread so it's even more interesting that you're dragging me in here.  Says more about you than me.  Flame baiting, even... bad form, dear.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #81 on: January 25, 2011, 10:41:37 AM »
Ann--my reply was not meant as a personal attack at you.  I respect your work as a moderator here and respect your opinion as an HIV positive person.  I just happen to disagree with the above posts.

Miss P.  I have no idea what you've written, I have you set to 'ignore', but I imagine that you're P.O'd at me for something.  If it is in regards to my suggesting that you would come out in this thread or similar threads by stating something questioning a straight man's sexual orientation--don't take it too personally.  You've done it in the past and I didn't mean you exclusively.  If you did take it personally, I appologize. But trust me, you've got years of pissing, bashing and bitching on here--I think you can take it.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 10:48:53 AM by MarcoPoz »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #82 on: January 25, 2011, 10:45:19 AM »

Miss P.  I have no idea what you've written, I have you set to 'ignore', but I imagine that you're P.O'd at me for something.  

1) OK, if I'm on ignore how did you reply to what I just wrote?

2) If you have me on ignore, it's you that is PO'd at me for something, not vice versa.  Methinks a bit of psychological projection is going on.

3) Why would I not take it "personally" when you just singled me out?  Geesh.

4) As I didn't do what you accused me of in this thread the appropriate response is a public apology.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #83 on: January 25, 2011, 10:50:37 AM »
I'll just assume MP just gave me a big smooshy hug and go from there.

Offline David Evans

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #84 on: January 25, 2011, 10:51:58 AM »
This thread is teetering on the edge of being hijacked and going off in unhelpful directions.

Marco - you may have innocent intentions, but your post does look and read unambiguously like flame bating, and your second post where you "apologize" starts off like an apology, but then goes right back to character attack. There's a pretty high likelihood that someone is going to take your "bait" and come back at you. I strongly suggest that you ignore this an move on. If this turns into a flame war I will hold you responsible for setting it off.

Matty - at this point, please stop beating the dead horse. I think you've made your point several times over. Whatever you think of Ironman's later attempts to apologize, please do accept the fact that he did, repeatedly, attempt to take some responsibility for his original inappropriate statements. Keeping this going is really just ensuring that things stay burning hot.

Ironman - I think you've had some pretty sympathetic replies, in addition to some less sympathetic replies. If you can pledge not to use the PM privilege to send abusive replies to others, we can reinstate your privilege so that you can follow up offline with those who have tried to be helpful and supportive, but if you go back to your original behavior we'll have to give you a serious time out.

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Offline Ann

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #85 on: January 25, 2011, 12:59:29 PM »
Marco, I did not intend to imply that all straight men who come here have a chip on their shoulder, but I've seen quite a few over the years and Iron struck me as yet another.

And if you know me at all, you will know that I do not blame any man for my infection (in fact, the man from whom I acquired my virus and I have been back together for over three years now and are very much in love). I take complete personal responsibility for my infection and always have.

I've met a few women who were bitter and played the blame game, but I've also met a few men who did this too. Most of the poz people I know don't do this. Some of them did in the early days of their infection, but I find most people move on. The ones who cannot or will not I don't have much to do with because it just gets tedious after a while.

You're right though, I probably shouldn't have made the jab about being in the hiv closet. I just get so disheartened when people are so deeply closeted that they deny themselves friendships because they are too frightened to disclose. We perpetuate our own stigma when we stigmatise ourselves by locking the closet door. And yes, sometimes it makes me downright angry, but most of the time it just makes me sad.

Iron, I'm willing to accept your apology. I've said things myself that just didn't come out quite right and I've also at times dug myself a deeper hole while trying to explain and put things right. I think we've all been there, if we're honest.

As someone else suggested, perhaps it's time to look outside the internet for companionship. Volunteering at an ASO is a great place to start.

And I urge you to re-think your strategy of not dating negative (hiv negative!) women. Any woman who is worth knowing will be able to look beyond your virus and see the person you are.

Not all women are in it for your money or social standing or whatever, be they poz or neg. There are plenty good honest women out there - and right here on these forums too. We're not all bitter, twisted bitches, really! :)
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #86 on: January 25, 2011, 01:03:30 PM »
Ann,

The above is just ONE more example of how hard you ROCK!  ;D

Offline woodshere

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #87 on: January 25, 2011, 01:15:14 PM »
Ann,

The above is just ONE more example of how hard you ROCK!  ;D

I agree!!!  Well said!
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline mpositive

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #88 on: January 25, 2011, 01:27:02 PM »
And I second and third that !  :)

Offline Ann

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #89 on: January 25, 2011, 01:39:25 PM »
Knock it off, you guys. You're making me blush and if it keeps up, I won't be able to fit my head through the door to go to my pool match tonight! ;D
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dachshund

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #90 on: January 25, 2011, 01:45:32 PM »
When this topic comes up I think it is most telling that women (besides Ann) rarely participate. It speaks volumes and the men don't even notice.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #91 on: January 25, 2011, 01:59:32 PM »
When this topic comes up I think it is most telling that women (besides Ann) rarely participate. It speaks volumes and the men don't even notice.

Can you provide some links to the threads where this topic has been brought up?  Other than Marco's constant claim of "straight-man itits" occurring here,  I've never seen this really discussed.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #92 on: January 25, 2011, 02:07:09 PM »
Can you provide some links to the threads where this topic has been brought up?  Other than Marco's constant claim of "straight-man itits" occurring here,  I've never seen this really discussed.

Over the years I can think of a half dozen or so, but I'm way too lazy to search. Last time I remember was some dude from Hawaii.

Offline thunter34

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #93 on: January 25, 2011, 02:10:20 PM »
Over the years I can think of a half dozen or so, but I'm way too lazy to search. Last time I remember was some dude from Hawaii.


There was the pothead from Florida (not you, Skeebo)....um....SunTropic something or other.  Then there was basically every post of Andre (404Error), and various misc. sad posts that often started in the Women's Forums before getting moved.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #94 on: January 25, 2011, 02:11:33 PM »
Can you provide some links to the threads where this topic has been brought up?  Other than Marco's constant claim of "straight-man itits" occurring here,  I've never seen this really discussed.

Niiiice.  First time I've used that term, but thanks for being obsessed.  Like you've been around here forever?  Like you are the only one who has a valid view when it comes to being straight, male and HIV+?  I respect you and all that--but I'm fairly sick and tired of each time anything related to straight HIV+ men comes up, you write off our concerns as either fear-based, homophobic or invalid.  

Maybe I'm not here to win a popularity contest--but I think straight HIV+ men here deserve just as much right to discuss their issues without having to have the same damned debate over and over again.  We wonder why straight women aren't replying to this thread?  Hell, Barely any straight men are replying to it either.

What a load of crap.
 

Offline thunter34

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #95 on: January 25, 2011, 02:16:00 PM »

There was the pothead from Florida (not you, Skeebo)....um....SunTropic something or other.  Then there was basically every post of Andre (404Error), and various misc. sad posts that often started in the Women's Forums before getting moved.

Oh!  And a whole great big debate came out when the Women's Forums were preparing to open up.  I even advocated on behalf of men who privately wrote to me about their feelings of lack of support.

That thread was titled "Of Man Things and Lady Places"

Of course...when I actually tabled the discussion publicly, not one of them would step forth and post their support of the idea - an idea I didn't even want, but tabled on their behalf.

The women remained in quiet dignity throughout.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #96 on: January 25, 2011, 02:31:54 PM »
Niiiice.  First time I've used that term, but thanks for being obsessed.  Like you've been around here forever?  Like you are the only one who has a valid view when it comes to being straight, male and HIV+?  I respect you and all that--but I'm fairly sick and tired of each time anything related to straight HIV+ men comes up, you write off our concerns as either fear-based, homophobic or invalid.  

Nope, you're the one that is obsessed with this issue and I wonder why I don't fucking see it...  And hearing a man whine about it constantly through every other post is nauseating because I think this stuff stems from something within...  some guilt or something.  The reason I call you out on this is because I take this as an attack on the very people who have supported me through the years and I think you have allowed a few chosen members to get under your skin. 

Oh!  And a whole great big debate came out when the Women's Forums were preparing to open up.  I even advocated on behalf of men who privately wrote to me about their feelings of lack of support.

That thread was titled "Of Man Things and Lady Places"

Of course...when I actually tabled the discussion publicly, not one of them would step forth and post their support of the idea - an idea I didn't even want, but tabled on their behalf.

The women remained in quiet dignity throughout.

And what's your point Tim?  Are you saying that there is indeed a double standard towards straight guys here?  It seems you are supporting Marco's claim if anything.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #97 on: January 25, 2011, 02:45:37 PM »
Girls, girls, you're both pretty.  This thread is going nowhere fast and I keep waiting for my turn to argue vehemently with someone over something totally petty or completely misconstrued.  I give it 5 minutes til it either explodes or gets locked down.

Offline thunter34

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #98 on: January 25, 2011, 02:46:03 PM »
Nope, you're the one that is obsessed with this issue and I wonder why I don't fucking see it...  And hearing a man whine about it constantly through every other post is nauseating because I think this stuff stems from something within...  some guilt or something.  The reason I call you out on this is because I take this as an attack on the very people who have supported me through the years and I think you have allowed a few chosen members to get under your skin.  

And what's your point Tim?  Are you saying that there is indeed a double standard towards straight guys here?  It seems you are supporting Marco's claim if anything.


Then you didn't look at the thread I referenced.  Supporting Dachshund's claim, and answering your question about other instances where this sort of thing has come up...that was my point.

In short....many times.  And how you've managed to miss it is beyond me, especially when I think you've posted in some or all of the previous threads.

Despite the whining about lack of support, the men in question repeatedly fail to do something about it of their own accord - even when they have someone like me holding their hand to lead them in a direction.

Straight men, unite!   ::)   Just post your own "Straight Man's Thread" for you guys only and I'll bet ya the rest of us will let you have it without interference.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #99 on: January 25, 2011, 02:49:14 PM »


  I guess it looks like Marco has a valid point after all...  I guess I was blind.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline thunter34

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #100 on: January 25, 2011, 02:57:32 PM »
This thread is cursed.

Cursed, I say!
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline MarcoPoz

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #101 on: January 25, 2011, 02:58:45 PM »
Nope, you're the one that is obsessed with this issue and I wonder why I don't fucking see it...  And hearing a man whine about it constantly through every other post is nauseating because I think this stuff stems from something within...  some guilt or something.  The reason I call you out on this is because I take this as an attack on the very people who have supported me through the years and I think you have allowed a few chosen members to get under your skin.  

And what's your point Tim?  Are you saying that there is indeed a double standard towards straight guys here?  It seems you are supporting Marco's claim if anything.

Look newb, I've maybe had 3 posts regarding the topic since you arrived here.  That hardly can be described as 'constant'.  Now as far as having been loved, supported and virtually held together by other PWAs: gay, striaght, bi, male, female and trans...YEP  me too--for almost 20 years. 18 years ago a trans former IDU and commercial sex worker helped take the gun from my hand while I was attempting suicide.

I love them all for their guidance and would not be here without them.  I hope to have given them as much as they've given be. That however has NOTHING to do with the fact that you go absolutely spazmotic everytime I suggest that straight men get bashed about here sometimes--THEN you join in the bashing.  Well I'm far too old and been HIV positive far too long to feed your litte internalized heterophobia issues.

Plain as day... NEITHER of us speaks for an entire gender or orientation.  But you're instant dismissal of any point that attempts to discuss the issues of HIV positive stright men and women--other than to say that HIV positive women are victims, and HIV positive straight men should just shut up and not offend anybody--is the HEIGHT of disenpowering and stigmatization.  Saying straight HIV positive men have the right to advocacy does NOT remove any power from HIV positive Gay men or HIV positive women.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 03:01:29 PM by MarcoPoz »

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #102 on: January 25, 2011, 03:25:26 PM »
Well...I have been at work and I return to see people have been busy...so let me jump back in...

Firstly..to ALL who have sent me constructive comments I hear you and I thank you, as this is the reason I came onto this site in the first place...

To those who have offered "olive branch" I am in agreement...

What gets lost in these forums and in the minds of others, and the point I was trying to make is this...everyone like to have people who are LIKE THEM to be around..now I am NOT dismissing gay/lesbian people, because I have alot of friend in key west who are..but, when we finish the function, and they go to their hang-out...I don't go...why? because it is not my scene. That is NOT an indictment on them, but it is a reality...we just fly in different social circles.

A a hiv+ str8 man, I have made a "responsible" choice to TRY to find a poz woman because of disclosure( people are catching cases these days), but even more so because I would HATE to infect someone else...and I have 2 daughters and pray they dont catch this...

I realize that there just may be a hiv neg woman who will not care that I am poz, but she has NOT crossed my path as of yet...

also, my "issues" with the dating sites also are the SAME issues str8 WOMEN have...folks who are fake, trying to "game" or otherwise not the type of person you would want to deal with...poz or not.

For quite some time after learning I was poz, I accepted the fact that I would be alone for the rest of my life, because I vowed to NOT infect anyone else(I got it from unprotected sex with woman). I doont blame her, because I CHOSE to go "RAW"...so I must accept my one part in this opera...

Then I found the online dating and thought, wow, there are resources for folks like ME...only to experience the mess I have...

LADIES...I do NOT believe all of you are FAKE, FULL of Crap, or otherwise...and I acknowledge that I need to do some new things to increase my chances of meeting someone, but here is the rub...I live in Orlando now, having just moved for a new job...know no one here...there is NO support groups here, and my resource is the internet...for now...hence, my frustrations...

as for the way this thread went..MY 2 cents are this...hopefully for future threads...IF someone posts something that seems far to the left or something...stop and ASK THE PERSON TO CLARIFY instead of using YOUR interpretation of what the person meant, had that happened here, I would have happily explained myself to whatever extent I had to to help folks understand...but once the crap started, I admit, I got caught up in the mess as well...and I really tried not to...

well, thats my thoughts...I spoke to my friends in key west, and they told me to NOT write this off and to try again...so I am..

I hope and pray I don't get blasted this time...

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #103 on: January 25, 2011, 03:27:01 PM »
and to the moderators...I would NEVER had sent and "abusive" PM had it not went the way it did...I am not making excuses for what I sent, because 2 wrongs do NOT make a right, but it also takes 2 for ANY argument!!!

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #104 on: January 25, 2011, 03:34:14 PM »
Iron,

I reckon you should start a new thread. Begin afresh. Leave this thread behind and tell us your story.

This time try to leave off the broad generalisations and all that other stuff. If you do that I'm sure many of us will be prepared to give you a second go.

What do you say?

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #105 on: January 25, 2011, 03:35:52 PM »
ok

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #106 on: January 25, 2011, 03:41:13 PM »
Good man.

MtD

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #107 on: January 25, 2011, 03:43:45 PM »
To ALl...please accept my APOLOGY...and lets start anew...ok??? :)

Offline Denver Toad

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #108 on: January 25, 2011, 03:50:12 PM »
Quote
Generalities presented as observations or as experience have no basis in fact.  
Thanks Joe, accurate summary.


Quote
I just get so disheartened when people are so deeply closeted that they deny themselves friendships because they are too frightened to disclose. We perpetuate our own stigma when we stigmatize ourselves by locking the closet door. And yes, sometimes it makes me downright angry, but most of the time it just makes me sad.
Ann swings for the fence and it's a HOME RUN. Thanks Ann. You captured it elegantly. Closets are lousy to live in and lonely places to effect change.

Bottom line... Dating as an HIV+ person is a challenge. No matter your sexual persuasion or location. Add to the mix baggage on both sides of the equation and it can be overwhelming.

Iron, please don't limit your dating pool to positive women. It's unfair to both they and you. There's enough trivial selection criteria out there that the dating pool needn't be further winnowed. I tried the sero=selection route and ended up getting married to a non positive woman. Disclosure wasn't easy, it was frightening at times, I became selective in to whom I disclosed, and it was the best damm thing I ever did. I did it for me. Many many times. Perhaps I'm a curmudgeon but I've gotten to the point I truly could give a flying fuck if my virus upsets you. And, if you have to judge or pigeonhole me based on preconceived notions then I'm not wasting my time. In a way it made winnowing the pool easier, you gotta problem with my virus, your outtaaa here. Talk to me, ask questions, even say "Thanks for the honesty but no thanks" and we're golden.

Steps away from soapbox....

Good luck Irondude  

edited for clarity
« Last Edit: January 25, 2011, 03:53:11 PM by Denver Toad »
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Offline Joe K

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #109 on: January 25, 2011, 04:11:27 PM »
I would like to suggest that this thread be locked, so Iron can get a fresh start.

Offline Ironman2011

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #110 on: January 25, 2011, 04:14:00 PM »
Joe..I cannot PM you yet, but THANK YOU for the kind words in the email you sent...it helped me truly

Offline Ann

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Re: I am hiv+ and str8...where can I find someone???
« Reply #111 on: January 26, 2011, 02:02:10 PM »
Iron, in the spirit of forgiveness, I have reinstated your PM privileges.

Please remember that having the ability to send and receive PMs IS considered a privilege here and it will be taken from you once again if we receive more abuse reports about any PMs you have sent. (And don't hesitate to report any abusive PM you may receive.) Thank you for your cooperation.

And on that note, I'm locking this thread as I see you have already started a fresh one.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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