Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
December 23, 2014, 12:14:04 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 650186
  • Total Topics: 49633
  • Online Today: 164
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 3
Guests: 135
Total: 138

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.  (Read 2413 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline randomk

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« on: January 17, 2011, 11:00:14 PM »
Today I got a call from someone I had an unprotected sexual encounter with, he informed me he had HIV so I quickly got my rapid test and unsurprisingly had it as well. I test every 3 months, so it was in that window of after just being tested that I got the virus (or at least that's what I can assume based on my time-line). I've been reading pages online all afternoon and evening, and I feel like I should feel sad, angry, depressed but I really only feel guilt. Since my encounter with the person who passed it to me, I had started dating a guy and while we had used protection most of the time we didn't always use it. I've informed him and he's getting tested tomorrow. I can't find any pages or personal stories about the guilt you feel with having HIV and passing it someone unintentionally. I try not to be an overly dramatic person, but I can't help but feel like one of the worst kinds of people. If he is HIV positive, I've taken something from him. He can no longer have unprotected sex, ever. I read how everyone goes on living regular lives and it's not a death sentence, but I feel like I've really taken something from someone. I've completely changed his life and left him with the nauseating pain I've felt today. I can get over being angry, sad and depressed (when I eventually feel these things), but how do you get over doing that to someone? I feel ridden with guilt.

Offline surf18

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2011, 11:06:02 PM »
hello rand
first i want to say im so sorry about your news. we ve all been where you are today. i try to block out that day to be honest.
anyways,i never had the guilt,and i never hated me or whoever gave this to me. i guess my thinking was always we are all adults and we all know the risks that all sexual encounters bring. no one forced me to not have all my partners wear a rubber. i new the risk.
just as no one forced your friend to go bare. anytime you go bare you must know the risk associated with it. when we go bare we take the risk plain and simple. yes it sucks but look you have enough on your plate to deal with now please dont add guilt to it.
take care and feel free to pm any concerns you have.

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,908
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2011, 11:43:13 PM »
Random, I'm truely sorry for you situation and diagnosis. I wasn't as responsible as you with getting regular testing done, and I wasn't diagnosed until very late in the game. During the time I was unknowingly positive, I was also having unprotected sex for years with someone. The guilt I felt was overwhelming. Ultimately, I realized that although we were monogamous, we never tested to confirm our status. Logic failed somewhere. All to human. You're positive, focus on that now. You didn't take anything from him. "It" is not your fault if he does test positive, cross that bridge when you get there.

And welcome, you found this group much sooner than I did. And thats good thing.

Offline buginme2

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,295
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2011, 01:28:57 AM »
**Raises Hand**

Guilty.   I was diagnosed this past October.  I have been with my partner over two years.  I received my last negative test result the day before our first date.  I didn't get tested since then since we had been monogamous.  When I tested positive I was sure he would too and it would have been my "fault.".  I could handle myself being positive but I couldn't handle it if I had gave it to him.

He tested negative.   Dint assume he is positive.  Ive slept with my part er tons of times and he remained negative but I only slept with the guy that gave it to me once.  Go figure.  Guilt is a major feeling in the beginning.  It passes.  You will feel lots of things.  And yes you will get angry.  Ha ha
Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline Maelrod

  • Member
  • Posts: 60
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2011, 07:52:03 AM »
Ohhh boy.  Just figure out   I been w my Bf for almost 6 years. and November  2009 big mistake, I slept w a guy who gave me to me, handsome and attractive have sex w him twice a same night one of them didn't wear condom. thanks GOD, my Bf tested negative 3 times on 5 months and I'm praying for him every night to still negative, like you said I can handle my poz status but I don know how going to do if hes turn poz cuz my irresponsability, he's the must great person, big support for me I say he don't  have to pay for something that he never done

Just try ur best, and enjoy your life day by day......life is nasty but is beautiful
Is better STOp living in the past, the I SHOULDn't doesn't exist.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,169
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Diagnosed today, how to deal with the guilt.
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2011, 08:20:06 AM »
If finally you are HIV+, sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  Just make sure you get these rapid tests confirmed the correct way, ok.
Advice, put these big questions like guilt and death and morality out of your mind for the moment.  I mean, obviously its not easy to put exactly those out of your mind cause that is what is rolling over and over in your mind. 

But know that if you are HIV+, it will take quite a bit of time to work out how you feel about quite a number of big questions.  

It just all takes time.  

So the most constructive thing to do is educate yourself and make temporary decisions about how to live your life this week, this months, these months.  
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.