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Author Topic: a little background story  (Read 3069 times)

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Offline zach

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a little background story
« on: January 11, 2011, 10:49:26 AM »
just some personal sharing, cause it weighs heavily on me, a few of you know about this, now the rest of you can read it if you choose

On April 25, 2010 my exwife and youngest son were driving home from Sunday brunch with family. Another driver struck them. Two days later, life support was turned off to my sons body, and paperwork signed to donate his organs.

His organs saved three other children, one a 3yr old girl who had never left the hospital since birth, she is home now, and the letter her mother sent us is heartbreaking. His heart went to a little boy in Pennsylvania, that boy has a strong heart now.

The driver that struck them was speeding on a curvy mountain road, ran a stop sign, because he was reaching for his cell phone. He T-boned the passenger side of the car my son was in. He is being charged with 2nd degree vehicular homocide. A misdemeanor, that does not require jail time. Although he admitted fault to the media, including the cell phone part, he still entered a plea of not guilty in court. I realize that at its most basic, this was an accident, God's will, he didn't intend to kill. My son is still dead.

With the recent thread about gun laws I felt the need to share this.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2011, 05:17:58 PM by zach »

Offline joemutt

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2011, 11:01:47 AM »
I'm deeply sorrowed that you had to lose a child this past year and moved by the way you dealt with it.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2011, 11:06:36 AM by joemutt »

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2011, 12:19:48 PM »



    I am sorry for the recent loss of your son.   It is something you never ever, ever get over..... it changes who and what you were.

   nuff said..... :'(   
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Online Jeff G

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2011, 12:28:11 PM »
I'm so sorry for your loss Zach . Its good to hear you decided to avoid more heartache and consentrate on the gift of life this tragedy brought for other family's .   

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2011, 01:08:39 PM »
What a horrible loss. I'm glad three other children were saved but I'm sure that doesn't change losing a child.

Offline Ann

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2011, 01:27:50 PM »
I'm very sorry for your tragic loss. I think it's wonderful that three other children were helped, but feel bad that the ultimate cost to you was so very high. I hope it is of some comfort to you and your ex.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline David_CA

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2011, 01:45:05 PM »
Although some good came from your son, that would in no way make up for your losing him.  I'm sure the HIV diagnosis pales in comparison to that.  You're correct about the gun thing; it would benefit nobody and only bring more misery to the world.  Hugs to you.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2011, 02:36:25 PM by David_NC »
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline anniebc

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2011, 02:15:29 PM »
I'm so sorry for your loss Zach, no parent should have to bury their child, but he will live on in the 3 young ones he gave life to.

In sadness.
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline woodshere

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2011, 04:50:25 PM »
I cannot fathom the loss you have suffered and the difficulties you have faced, but never lose sight that he lives on in the lives of those 3 children.

I wish you peace,
Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline BT65

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2011, 05:50:47 PM »
Zach, I am deeply sorry for your loss.  I think it's so cool that you and your ex had your son's organs donated.  But, it had a horrible cost.  I'm sure it's hard to hold it together. :'(
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline next2u

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2011, 06:09:34 PM »
thank you for sharing zach. i too am sorry for your loss. may better times find their way into your life as it has the three children your son's gifts have bestowed.

sincerely,
d
« Last Edit: January 11, 2011, 06:23:59 PM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline bocker3

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2011, 06:14:19 PM »
Zach,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine losing my own child.  While it won't remove the pain, there must be some comfort in knowing that 3 children now have a second chance at life.

Hugs,
Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline RAB

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2011, 09:42:22 PM »
Zach

I can't imagine the pain you have gone through.  Just reading your post brought tears to my eyes.

I am so sorry for your loss. 

RAB

Offline Roie

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2011, 03:16:03 PM »
Tha is terrible Zach, I am so sorry for you loss.

Cruise on down the High Way

"When people who are not ready jump in, things can go horribly wrong. For most of us, there is always time to take a deep breath, consider one's options and make a careful, sound decision based on clinical fact, not emotion."
MtD

Offline tednlou2

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2011, 01:55:09 AM »
I'm so sorry to hear about this awful tragedy.  This is a good reminder that no call is that important and we can easily pull over somewhere to return the call.  This kind of thing is happening all the time these days.  Talking on the phone, even hands-free, does distract us.  And, this happens even when not driving.  There was recently a local story here where someone broke down and was calling for help on their phone while crossing the road.  They didn't notice a car coming and the person was hit and killed.  This almost happened to me.  I came upon a bad wreck at night.  I got out of my car to assist.  I was on the phone with 911 while I was crossing the road to assist.  I was so caught up in that 911 call that I was almost hit by a car coming. 

Again, my deepest sympathies. 

Offline zach

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #15 on: April 07, 2011, 07:57:42 AM »
just an update on this story

the man plead guilty at the start of trial as part of a deal, one year probation and a $1000 fine

and, the only real punishment in my view, 3 hours community service, served as one hour public service speechs at the local high schools about distracted driving

for perspective, on a recent dui drugs charge i got one year probation, $1000 fine, and 60 hours community service... habitat for humanity (love doing that anyway ;D)

somehow, i don't think the scales of justice balance out when you compare the two

later this month will mark one year since the accident

Offline Ann

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #16 on: April 07, 2011, 08:26:31 AM »
Zach, you're right. There is no balance of justice in the comparison of the two sentences. You had a more severe sentence because dui carries the chance that you may cause an accident, but this guy actually did cause an accident - a fatal one at that - and he got off with less community service. IMO, he should have done at least a year jail time. At least.

Are there laws in the States (probably state by state) concerning using mobile phones while driving? I wonder because when I watch telly programs from the States, people are constantly driving with one hand while chatting on the phone. Melinda in the Ghost Whisperer was chronic in this regard. Over here in the UK and on the Rock, it's against the law. If you want to use your mobile in the car, you have to have a hands-free set up (or park up somewhere). If you cause an accident while using a mobile (non-hands-free) you get the book thrown at you.

Anyway Zach, if you need to vent more with the upcoming anniversary of your son's death, please know we're all here for you. As a parent myself, I can imagine how very difficult this time is for you. Please know we love you and we're here for you.

Take care of yourself through this difficult time.

((((((Zach))))))

Ann
xxx
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline hope_for_a_cure

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #17 on: April 07, 2011, 08:27:18 AM »
Zach,

That horrible event will always weigh heavily with you.  I would expect that the driver of the car that took your son's life will also never forget that horrific day (lets only hope).  Life is not fair and neither is justice at times.

My thoughts are with you as the anniversary of your son's passing approaches.  

Offline zach

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2011, 08:33:25 AM »
ann, the laws about cell phones and driving vary widely by state

had this happened in the state next door, as has been pointed out by media, he would have faced a mandatory jail term

Offline thunter34

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2011, 08:47:06 AM »
Anyway Zach, if you need to vent more with the upcoming anniversary of your son's death, please know we're all here for you.  I can imagine how very difficult this time is for you. Please know we love you and we're here for you.

Take care of yourself through this difficult time.

((((((Zach))))))


^This.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Online Jeff G

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #20 on: April 07, 2011, 09:51:44 AM »
Hi Zach . I think Ann said it best , if you need us we will be here . 

Offline zach

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #21 on: April 24, 2011, 09:35:08 PM »
FTW  >:(  :( >:(

Offline BT65

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #22 on: April 25, 2011, 09:35:59 AM »
Zach, I'm thinking about you, and wishing you some peace.  {{ZACH}}
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline SunnyFlorida

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #23 on: April 25, 2011, 10:37:59 AM »
Thinking of you too, Zach... Hugs to you and your family.

Offline Ann

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #24 on: April 25, 2011, 11:01:54 AM »
((((((Zach))))))
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online Jeff G

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Re: a little background story
« Reply #25 on: April 25, 2011, 11:09:27 AM »
Hi Zach ... Im thinking of you today and am glad you are here with us .

 


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