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Author Topic: Just diagnosed this week  (Read 4605 times)

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Offline mdh26

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Just diagnosed this week
« on: January 07, 2011, 06:00:53 PM »
Hey all.

So I just found out I'm HIV positive on Monday. I had a unsafe sexual encounter the weekend of Dec. 11/12th, had strep type symptoms xmas weekend (neg on strep test), got tested for hiv antibodies and insisted on an hiv rna pcr test on Dec. 28th, got the results back this monday the 3rd - 950k viral load, neg on antibody test. So, I'm positive, in the acute phase. I saw my ID specialist on Tuesday, and started Atripla that day since we caught it so early.

I also got blood taken for cd4 counts on tuesday and in a month I'm going to get cd4, viral load, and antibody tested, then see my ID doc a couple weeks after that.

I'm 25, almost 26. So I was obviously totally freaking out for a few days. Given that we caught it so early I know I hopefully will be very healthy for being positive. And I've been reading these forums a lot the past few days. I know I can handle 95% of this - It's of course the relationship and romance issue that is really fucking with my head. I'm bi and strongly prefer women. And I just don't know how it's going to work, but I know it has to. I need to know that I'll fall in love again, marry, and have kids. Without that hope I'm lost. and I know it's going to be so much harder for all of that to happen now, but as long as it's possible I know I can do this.

This has been really fucking hard. Lots of crying and anger the first few days. and I know there's going to be more of that. But right now I'm doing pretty good. I've been through some awful fucking things in my life, and I've done exceptionally well in the past of lifting myself up and not letting it rip me apart. And I'm so much less self destructive now then I used to be, but I was still dealing with that, and one outburst four weeks ago led me into a really bad situation, and now I'm HIV positive. And it fucking sucks. I always hoped I would get 100% better and escape without this. But . . . I guess not. It got me at the end of my recovery. My fucking luck.

I know I can deal with taking meds for the rest of my life. I'm just so fucking scared about being alone forever.

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • Posts: 23,883
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2011, 06:02:44 PM »
Why do you think you'll "be alone forever"?
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline mdh26

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2011, 06:18:25 PM »
I'm not saying it's a logical thought. That's just my immediate fear.

I know that aspect is probably the hardest for everyone (at least everyone who hasnt had to deal with AIDS and almost dying). I know it's just going to be really really hard. And thinking about that version of my life where I didn't get this just makes me cry - for this exact reason. So I'm trying not to do that.

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2011, 06:44:46 PM »
mdh26, lots of weird unproductive thoughts will go through your head at the beginning of your diagnosis -- and you're completely right that they're for the most part not at all logical.  At least you realize that, and I assure you that over time these unproductive thoughts will greatly diminish.

Also, welcome to the forums :)
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline mdh26

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2011, 07:05:35 PM »
Thanks!

I'm working on getting into a support group, I'll probably be going to one next week. I'm in DC.

Offline surf18

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #5 on: January 09, 2011, 09:40:01 AM »
Hey guy
Pm if you want
I was newly diagnosed in June
We all have been tru what your going tru.
I don't want to sound cliche but it does get better.
Is there a chance that you caught this early and did meds so quick you might knock this out of you?

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 11,227
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #6 on: January 09, 2011, 10:02:38 AM »
Hey guy
Pm if you want
I was newly diagnosed in June
We all have been tru what your going tru.
I don't want to sound cliche but it does get better.
Is there a chance that you caught this early and did meds so quick you might knock this out of you?

No chance. You need to educate yourself a bit more.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline surf18

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  • Posts: 525
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #7 on: January 09, 2011, 10:22:18 AM »
That's why I asked the question, to educate myself some more.

Offline surf18

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2011, 10:24:33 AM »
I didn't know if he was still within the window where what's it called prep? Would still be effective. So why don't you educate us?

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 11,227
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2011, 10:34:49 AM »
Oh, sorry you are correct.
72 hours is the window for PEP.  The OP started weeks later.

There is a moment when the infection is quite installed but there are no antibodies.  This is when the OP was diagnosed.  I was diagnosed like that.  After the infection and illness but before seroconversion.  Eventually one seroconverts to hiv+.  Its too late to prevent the infection.

There is a lot of research on the effectiveness of treatment during acute infection. 

There is some speculation these might be the most likely candidates for some eventual working cure, sometime in the hazy future. 

 

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline surf18

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #10 on: January 09, 2011, 11:12:59 AM »
Thank you!
So the window where pep is effective is what say like first 24 hours?
But not having antibodies doesnt mean anything once the virus has multiplied in a few weeks? Is that right?
Thanks

Offline mdh26

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #11 on: January 09, 2011, 11:38:37 AM »
PEP is 72 hours, but the sooner the better. Basically with PEP you're trying to stop replication before the virus rapidly increases it's population and establishes itself in latent reservoirs.  

Like mecch said, I was way too late for that. But starting treatment during acute infection may be a necessary condition down the road for a functional cure - since a relatively healthy immune system may be required. and even if that never happens, I'll hypothetically at least have more long term options because I'll have less damage to my immune system. I knew a lot about HIV prior to the diagnosis and I always told myself that I would go on treatment immediately if I ever got it in order to save as much of my immune system as possible, so that decision was easy.

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 11,227
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #12 on: January 09, 2011, 11:43:31 AM »
Welcome to the forums and sorry about your diagnosis but bravo for your knowledge and sticking to your action plan!
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline JustDoIt84

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #13 on: January 13, 2011, 08:08:55 PM »
Hey! Sorry about your diagnosis.  I went through a similar situation last June, but I was a little further along.  I had developed 1 antibody which wasn’t even HIV specific, so we held out hope that my immune system was just reacting to my sickness.  Sure enough, 6 weeks later, they all showed up and so did my viral load.  We should have done a viral load test in June to be sure. 

But anyway, I got it on May 31 in an unsafe sexual experience, and started Atripla on September 1, so I started treatment relatively quickly too.

Now to find a cure!
05/04/10 - tested negative
06/24/10 - received indeterminate test
08/13/10 - confirmed positive - cd4 360 VL 127,000
08/21/10 - No Mutations - VL 113,000
09/01/10 - Started Atripla
10/01/10 - VL 1,427
12/02/10 - CD4 611 VL 424
01/06/11 - VL 86 (D’oh, this is taking forever!... 47 more copies to go until UD)
03/09/11 - CD4 587 VL Undetectable!!!

Offline mdh26

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #14 on: January 13, 2011, 11:18:25 PM »
Now to find a cure!

Hah, I wish. I'd settle for a functional cure and an effective vaccine. =)

But seriously, if there are any big breakthroughs in the next decade I'd be ecstatic and would consider myself insanely lucky. But i'm planning on taking pills for the rest of my life, just so I can't be let down.

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,937
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #15 on: January 17, 2011, 05:42:01 PM »
Hi there, and welcome to the forums.

Reaction to the results is difffernt for everyone, but over time you will find a way of coping with the virus that suits you and it might be quite differnt from how others deal with it.

No one here will ever tell you it's easy, it's ok to get angry or scared but don't let it take over your life, stress is natural, it can actually help some of us get through certain situations but excessive stress can cause you physical symptoms and can damage your immune system further, just find ways to manage any stress you may be feeling, learn to relax and listen to your body.

Along with HIV comes anxiety and one way of tackling this is through information, gaining confidence in yourself and making informed decisions about your future.

Support is very important and you can get this from a qualified ID doctor , family and friend that you trust and there are many support organizations out there...just make sure whoever you discuss this with is sympathetic,supporting and  non judgmental about your HIV status.

We have a few Pos/Neg partnerships here, and they work out really well, there is no need for you to spend the rest of your life alone, the most important thing you have to remember is that being HIV+ does not stop you from being the person you were before your dianosis.

Take care
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline drewm

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,036
  • Mmmmmm Hmmmmmm!
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #16 on: January 19, 2011, 08:25:14 PM »
Get into a support group or see a mental health pro if you can. The mental issues associated with this disease are just as important and the physical ones.
MAY 2010
VL>500,000 CD4>8

JUNE 2010 STARTED ATRIPLA

DEC 2010
VL>30 CD4>323

Atripla. Valtrex, Trilipix, Fluoxotine

Offline mdh26

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #17 on: January 26, 2011, 08:58:51 PM »
Thanks for the kind words all.

I got into a support group, started last week. I haven't disclosed to anyone, so being able to talk to people offline about this was a huge relief. I'm in a much better place now - I'm pretty good at responding to traumatic events and once I got over the fact that my life has forever changed, and adjusted my future expectations to reflect that, I've been happy.

For the majority of things in my life I know this will have no effect. I'm going to be healthy. Finding good relationships will of course be harder. But that's life. Shit happens, and you deal with it. Going forward it serves me no good to sit around depressed and play the what if game.

Oddly I feel more driven to succeed now on a personal and professional level then I have probably ever. I'm also happy this didn't happen 4 years ago when I was still a total mess mentally - if I had gotten a poz diagnosis then I don't think I would have been able to handle it in a remotely healthy manner.

Offline drewm

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,036
  • Mmmmmm Hmmmmmm!
Re: Just diagnosed this week
« Reply #18 on: January 27, 2011, 12:21:23 PM »
Sounds like you are going to handle this just fine.  :)
MAY 2010
VL>500,000 CD4>8

JUNE 2010 STARTED ATRIPLA

DEC 2010
VL>30 CD4>323

Atripla. Valtrex, Trilipix, Fluoxotine

 


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