Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 23, 2014, 01:24:27 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 23759
  • Latest: JV
Stats
  • Total Posts: 643189
  • Total Topics: 48937
  • Online Today: 200
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 7
Guests: 167
Total: 174

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: I will no longer bother any of you  (Read 4651 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline lforsyth

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 245
  • Instaurator Ruinae
I will no longer bother any of you
« on: January 01, 2011, 11:17:54 PM »
Yes I'm having a bad time.  I've lost my partner and family and now I have a manager who thinks employees should work 12 hour days and I'm being attacked by some homophobes at work.  But, per HR, I have to deal with it and put up with side affect's of meds every day.

I'm tired of this crap!
« Last Edit: January 03, 2011, 05:03:21 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,272
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2011, 12:08:57 AM »
wow. I hope you're just having a bad night. I've read through quite a few of your threads where quite a lot of people cared and responded. Plus you do realize that posting in the LTS forum means you cut off a lot of people from being able to respond, right? While there are a fair numbers of LTSs around here, there really aren't  :-\ many; but there are a whole lot of people over there in the "living with" forum.

Personally, I think you should just ignore those louts at work and not let them get to you. I also think you need to bone up on federal labor laws so that you can explain to your boss why you won't be working 12 hrs a day.  ;)

I would imagine that no one responded to your bday thread because a) that's 7 months away and b) it sounded very weird. I was actually kinda afraid to ask to why a 61 year old man never celebrated his bday. I spent my 34th AND my 36th birthdays in the hospital being told by my doctors that I was about to die of AIDS. Since that didn't happen I've been very glad to get older each bday cause it meant I wasn't in the ground. LOL  :D ;D And so when year #38 rolled around and no one got me a bday cake - well I went out, got myself one and invited my friends over anyway. that that trick worked too. The next year I ended up with 8 cakes cause everyone wanted to make sure they didn't forget my bday again. :D

as I often tell people, and I should know with the crap I've gone through, there's only one thing that you can't fix in your life and that's death. Everything else can be fixed, or at least made better, but it takes work and patience. Sometimes a lot of hard work, and sometimes the patience of Job.

To be honest, you should be coming here for ideas and moral support (not telling us off with passive-aggressive comments) and then going back to your real life and putting in the time and effort to change those things you don't like so much. Move to a new city, get a new job, find new friends. There are hundreds of options for you to employ to change the situation you find yourself in.

How do I know what I'm talking about? I outlived nearly dying twice of AIDS. I outlived all my friends who had AIDS. I survived a house fire and 3 burglaries. I've lived 10 yrs on this pitiful amount of disability money that's well below poverty level. I've nearly become homeless 3 yrs in a row out of the last 4 (but I never did, thank you very much!) and I'm managed to continue my life after losing not one, but two long-term (10 yrs each) partners to AIDS.

And before anyone mouths off, I'm not saying any of that to brag. Shit! :D You're more than welcome to having my problems. ;) I'll trade my 2 dead lovers and now living in one room at my mom's with anyone else's problems. I'm saying that because as any LTS should know, life is freaking hard and it takes a lot of work to deal with life - then when you add HIV/AIDS on top, wow, it takes nerves (and balls LOL) of steel to get through.

So instead of complaining about your issues, tell us what thoughts you have about what you are going to do to change those situations. I mean why did you not celebrate your bday this past year? If it's cause no one remembered, how about inviting them over for dinner that night? (give them a gentle nudge to actually remember this year and you might even get a present or two). And work... can you change departments? what sort of position do you hold? hourly or salaried? what do the laws says about having to work the kinds of shifts you say your boss is demanding?  How about changing jobs altogether?  Maybe it really is time to look for work elsewhere - even at less money, if you're so unhappy there. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

so what do you plan to do? it's the start of a new year and obviously since you're so dissatisfied with your life, it's time to make some resolutions and starting putting some plans into action. Then when your birthday does come rolling around in July, you will be much happier because the situation will be better and you'll be more satisfied with yourself for having done the work to make it better.

best wishes to you in 2011 to make the changes you need ;)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,969
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2011, 07:33:49 AM »
See Larry, you have nothing to complain about.

Offline texas_stud

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2011, 11:43:42 AM »
wow. I hope you're just having a bad night. I've read through quite a few of your threads where quite a lot of people cared and responded. Plus you do realize that posting in the LTS forum means you cut off a lot of people from being able to respond, right? While there are a fair numbers of LTSs around here, there really aren't  :-\ many; but there are a whole lot of people over there in the "living with" forum.

Personally, I think you should just ignore those louts at work and not let them get to you. I also think you need to bone up on federal labor laws so that you can explain to your boss why you won't be working 12 hrs a day.  ;)

I would imagine that no one responded to your bday thread because a) that's 7 months away and b) it sounded very weird. I was actually kinda afraid to ask to why a 61 year old man never celebrated his bday. I spent my 34th AND my 36th birthdays in the hospital being told by my doctors that I was about to die of AIDS. Since that didn't happen I've been very glad to get older each bday cause it meant I wasn't in the ground. LOL  :D ;D And so when year #38 rolled around and no one got me a bday cake - well I went out, got myself one and invited my friends over anyway. that that trick worked too. The next year I ended up with 8 cakes cause everyone wanted to make sure they didn't forget my bday again. :D

as I often tell people, and I should know with the crap I've gone through, there's only one thing that you can't fix in your life and that's death. Everything else can be fixed, or at least made better, but it takes work and patience. Sometimes a lot of hard work, and sometimes the patience of Job.

To be honest, you should be coming here for ideas and moral support (not telling us off with passive-aggressive comments) and then going back to your real life and putting in the time and effort to change those things you don't like so much. Move to a new city, get a new job, find new friends. There are hundreds of options for you to employ to change the situation you find yourself in.

How do I know what I'm talking about? I outlived nearly dying twice of AIDS. I outlived all my friends who had AIDS. I survived a house fire and 3 burglaries. I've lived 10 yrs on this pitiful amount of disability money that's well below poverty level. I've nearly become homeless 3 yrs in a row out of the last 4 (but I never did, thank you very much!) and I'm managed to continue my life after losing not one, but two long-term (10 yrs each) partners to AIDS.

And before anyone mouths off, I'm not saying any of that to brag. Shit! :D You're more than welcome to having my problems. ;) I'll trade my 2 dead lovers and now living in one room at my mom's with anyone else's problems. I'm saying that because as any LTS should know, life is freaking hard and it takes a lot of work to deal with life - then when you add HIV/AIDS on top, wow, it takes nerves (and balls LOL) of steel to get through.

So instead of complaining about your issues, tell us what thoughts you have about what you are going to do to change those situations. I mean why did you not celebrate your bday this past year? If it's cause no one remembered, how about inviting them over for dinner that night? (give them a gentle nudge to actually remember this year and you might even get a present or two). And work... can you change departments? what sort of position do you hold? hourly or salaried? what do the laws says about having to work the kinds of shifts you say your boss is demanding?  How about changing jobs altogether?  Maybe it really is time to look for work elsewhere - even at less money, if you're so unhappy there. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

so what do you plan to do? it's the start of a new year and obviously since you're so dissatisfied with your life, it's time to make some resolutions and starting putting some plans into action. Then when your birthday does come rolling around in July, you will be much happier because the situation will be better and you'll be more satisfied with yourself for having done the work to make it better.

best wishes to you in 2011 to make the changes you need ;)

first of all this thread is drama. dude you need to see a terapist.

second of all. what does mr leathermans reply have to do whith what forsyth said. this shouldnt be an opportunity for you to remind evryone of what a hero you are. it gets repetitive. its like beatin on a dead corpse when you bring this stuff up on evry thread. sorry if im mean but i just needed to say that.

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,272
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2011, 12:08:39 PM »
first of all this thread is drama. dude you need to see a terapist.

second of all. what does mr leathermans reply have to do whith what forsyth said.

sorry if im mean but i just needed to say that.
i agree. IFOR needs to see a therapist; but instead he's been aimlessly posting here and just not taking advice, so I was trying the opposite tact and telling him to man up and take responsiblity for his life. I used living through the shit in my own life to prove to him that I wasn't talking out my ass. Just because you have heard my story doesn't mean everyone has.

Next time I suggest you just don't bother reading my posts, if you're so offended by my stories. All I have are my experiences to share and by sharing that I've been able to get through crap, I hope that illustrates that the only way to get through crap in your life is to take charge and do something positive about it. Crying to people on an internet forum will only get you so far.

by the way as someone who isn't an LTS you're not supposed to be posting in this thread anyway.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,894
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2011, 12:16:01 PM »
Gino (Texas Stud), you are not a longterm survivor of HIV by the definition here. This particular forum is restricted to those who tested positive before 1996. Please don't write in here again. Thanks for your cooperation.

And to all, this threat is quickly turning crusty. We're at the start of a New Year. How about we don't begin it with snapping and biting at one another. That's my strongly urged request.

Cheers.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2011, 12:17:51 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Billy B

  • Member
  • Posts: 374
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2011, 01:30:30 PM »
Thank you for not caring at all.

Larry- I don't visit the LTS section because although I am one I don't dwell on it too much. I feel lucky to be 55 especially since I have lost many friends and a great number of them did not die from AIDS.

I do understand the difficulties of being older and in the work force. I just finished a year of no unscheduled leave (did not miss a day of work) ...not bad for an old + person.

Larry- The holidays are hard for some people so put them behind you and please get on with your life.
Peace & Love
Billy
VL 4420 CD4 340 CD4% 24   3/15/10 Started I&T
VL  UD   CD4 340 CD4% 26.5 05/13/10
VL  UD   CD4 360 CD4% 27.1 08/3/10
VL  UD   CD4 310 CD4% 28.4 11/22/10
VL  UD   CD4 420 CD4% 27.9 02/11/11
VL  UD   CD4 370 CD4% 26.4 06/08/11
VL  UD   CD4 360 CD4% 27.7 09/23/11
VL  UD   CD4 370 CD4% 28.3 01/20/12
VL  UD   CD4 430 CD4% 28.8 05/11/12
VL  UD   CD4 370 CD4% 28.1 09/07/12
VL  UD   CD4 390 CD4% 32.3 03/14/13

Offline lforsyth

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 245
  • Instaurator Ruinae
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2011, 11:37:29 PM »
I lost my lover in 2000. My family, what I have left does not support me. My Manager thinks I should work 10-12 hour days. So  my life should be about work and not have a life?
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2011, 11:46:47 PM »
I lost my lover in 2000. My family, what I have left does not support me. My Manager thinks I should work 10-12 hour days. So  my life should be about work and not have a life?
Start looking for another job. No one can help you if you don't try to help yourself.

Offline lforsyth

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 245
  • Instaurator Ruinae
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2011, 05:18:29 PM »
I guess I'm overloaded from getting from so many sides. I always thought that overload was a porn title. What hurts very much is that it's the closet cases that victimize gay's most at work and I can't say a word.

I have permanent double vision (born with lazy eye) and it's difficult for me to get into Phoenix to have a life. I feel like I'm becoming a recluse.

At least my Dog and Cat keep my attention even though I'm not getting things done at home like I should. I try my best at work but find it getting difficult to concentrate with all that's going on.

You have all been supportive. I just don't think that I should use the forum or groups to reach out when I need to just handle my own problems.
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline Billy B

  • Member
  • Posts: 374
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2011, 12:14:31 PM »
I lost my lover in 2000. My family, what I have left does not support me. My Manager thinks I should work 10-12 hour days. So  my life should be about work and not have a life?

Larry- My life is all about work because I need it for insurance and when I am at work I don't have time to think about the shit in my life.
This forum is a great place to talk and vent and with that said I will admit to breaking a few dishes every now and then. I bought some cheep ones at Good Will to throw into the fire place.
Billy
VL 4420 CD4 340 CD4% 24   3/15/10 Started I&T
VL  UD   CD4 340 CD4% 26.5 05/13/10
VL  UD   CD4 360 CD4% 27.1 08/3/10
VL  UD   CD4 310 CD4% 28.4 11/22/10
VL  UD   CD4 420 CD4% 27.9 02/11/11
VL  UD   CD4 370 CD4% 26.4 06/08/11
VL  UD   CD4 360 CD4% 27.7 09/23/11
VL  UD   CD4 370 CD4% 28.3 01/20/12
VL  UD   CD4 430 CD4% 28.8 05/11/12
VL  UD   CD4 370 CD4% 28.1 09/07/12
VL  UD   CD4 390 CD4% 32.3 03/14/13

Offline lforsyth

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 245
  • Instaurator Ruinae
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #11 on: January 06, 2011, 06:25:02 PM »
Sorry that I'm just ranting.

I sent an email to the person who's said to others that I was going to turn him into security because he lit his cigarette in the parking lot (I was joking and smiling when I said that) if we can talk about what happened. His reply was "Sure, but what happened".  

I didn't reply and feel resigned to not do anything.  There is nothing I can do. Nothing I can say to anyone.

I just have to stand on my own and not go to the place where others go to smoke.  Besides, my Doctor wanted me to walk more and I do like to walk.

I'm just trying to figure out how to handle this situation and keep going, but I don't think I'll be wanted at future events. I'm feeling totally alone. Just totally SHIT!

I need to get back into the book "Feeling Good". It doesn't help much when dealing with closet cases.

I just realized that I am still bothering you all.  I'm really sorry.
« Last Edit: January 06, 2011, 07:19:29 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline lforsyth

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 245
  • Instaurator Ruinae
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #12 on: January 06, 2011, 07:53:31 PM »
I ran into an old friend of mine today.  His son died of brain cancer. i gave him a synopsis of what was going on and he just let me know that he is behind me as I was  when his son was  dying.

I have a PA and his son had to educate on what that was.

He's still my biggest hero and supporter.

Thank you all for putting up with me and I'll not bother you in Seattle.
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline lforsyth

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 245
  • Instaurator Ruinae
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2011, 02:50:49 AM »
No one believes me. How bad can it get? I'm not worth caring about and I  have stopped caring about myself. My life has been nothing.

I'm nothing!
The fact is that A gay man in the cosset had to victimize me to fit in. I'm fine with that but I have to stay away from him and his knew friends.
I don't know where to go with this. But I know that I will not be welcome by you. I'm noone.  

I have no support at all. No one believes in me. I feel all alone. My life has had no meaning.

All I know is that I'm alone and I have no support. My partner died 10 years ago and it's my fault that I have no friends.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2011, 03:35:35 AM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,272
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2011, 12:22:11 PM »
I don't know where to go with this. But I know that I will not be welcome by you. I'm noone.  

I have no support at all. No one believes in me. I feel all alone. My life has had no meaning.

All I know is that I'm alone and I have no support. My partner died 10 years ago and it's my fault that I have no friends.
have you checked into any sort of counseling through an ASO or through an actual doctor (ie psychiatrist)? There's only so much nameless, faceless people speaking to you on the internet can really do to help you out in the real world. And even then, with actual counseling, it's still going to take YOU changing your life to make things better. (I mean it's not like any counseling or anything you do is going to change other people - the change has to be inside of you)

I know that I and others here have believed you. In other threads and this one, people have commiserated and offered suggestions.

You say you have to work too many hours. I suggested checking labor laws or looking for another job. If it's really making you that miserable, then you need to do something to change that situation.

You say that your co-workers are jerks. the solution to that is either to get another job, or better yet, ignore the a-holes. Does it really matter what "they" think of you? Co-workers do not have to like you or be your friends - that's not in the job description - they only have to work with you. Personally, my belief has always been, towards jerky co-workers and homophobic hecklers on the street, if you're not paying my bills, I don't give a f*ck what you think about me. The day they start paying for my life, is the day I'll do what they want and care what they think.  ;)

If you're needing friends, then you going to need to cultivate them outside of the people you meet on the job. That's going to take work on your part though, by going to a support/social group, the bars, churches, etc.

I left 25yrs of my life behind in OH just a little over a yr ago and have been attending every event possible to meet new people. It'd be great to find another partner (though mine do have that terrible tendency of dying on me); but I for sure need to "replace" the friends I used to hang with up North. At the end of this first year, I have 1 new close friend, 1 possible close friend, and 3 other people that are becoming friends. It was a lot of work and effort on my part to keep attending functions, parties, and meeting; but it's paying off slowly but surely.

Obviously, you have a lot of stress and a lot of problems. Those issues have overwhelmed you to the point that you have quit caring about yourself, you say. That's a bad situation and you really need to seek some sort of solution to that. As I mentioned, a counselor surely could help you deal with some of your emotional issues, while those other physical issues (no outside friends, bad job) are something that you'll have to change when you are really fed up with those situations.

I hope that you can find a local counselor to help you out, and I hope that you can find the inner strength to make some of the changes that you need to make to make your life easier and yourself happier.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline ARMANDO

  • Member
  • Posts: 251
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #15 on: January 15, 2011, 09:29:40 AM »
" I USE TO COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN THAT I HAD NO SHOES ...UNTIL I MET A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET!!!!

Offline lipoenvy

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #16 on: January 15, 2011, 05:07:30 PM »
" I USE TO COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN THAT I HAD NO SHOES ...UNTIL I MET A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET!!!!
So I took his shoes.  I mean, he wasn't using them, right?

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #17 on: January 15, 2011, 06:26:20 PM »
Do you have a case worker? If not, call Care Directions located in Phoenix.. They can help you get to your appointments. It is a really good source and they can help you solve some of your problems.

Good luck!
Positive since 1985

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #18 on: January 15, 2011, 11:36:38 PM »
oy vey
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #19 on: January 25, 2011, 02:57:29 PM »
" I USE TO COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN THAT I HAD NO SHOES ...UNTIL I MET A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET!!!!

I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed... really hard.

Offline Tim Horn

  • Member
  • Posts: 799
Re: I will no longer bother any of you
« Reply #20 on: January 25, 2011, 03:13:13 PM »
Hellraiser, you're not an LTS -- you shouldn/t be posting in this thread or others threads in this particular forum.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.