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Author Topic: Bah-humbug and other musings.  (Read 814 times)

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Offline libvet

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Bah-humbug and other musings.
« on: December 21, 2010, 07:56:09 PM »
The good news is my CD4 is still unchanged.  Viral load still undetectable (That's almost 11 years without so much as a blip).

The bad news, the doctor wants to discuss (encourage might be a better word) me going back on serostim (my weight has been drifting down again).

In some respects, I am glad he is making the effort to look out for this kind of thing.

On the other hand, I am starting to feel more like a chemistry experiment than a human being although honestly, some of that was my own doing early on (The courses of IL-2 were brutal).

I don't know why, but for some reason the suggestion of cachexia (or wasting..or whateverthefuck), just seems to have hit me like a punch in the kidneys from a mental aspect.  At least this time, however, I will not make the mistake of using that needle-less injection/torture device and just get some nice thin insulin syringes to inject the HGH with instead.

I sometimes wonder if treating this disease over a long period of time and playing the numbers game isn't resulting in a form of PTSD.  On one hand it is great to have lived with this virus since 1986 and I am a hell of lot luckier than many who came before me, but damned if it doesn't feel like a rollercoaster.

Just some thoughts I needed to vent with a group I know can empathize.


Offline Ann

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Re: Bah-humbug and other musings.
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2010, 12:11:42 PM »
Hi Libvet. If you want to avoid going the chemical route, have you thought about making changes to your diet first to see if that helps? You may need more protein, for example, in your diet. Your doctor may be able to refer you to a nutritionist with experience in helping people with hiv.

Good luck with this. I know I would leave no stone unturned in the quest to not have to resort to injections.

Hiv can indeed cause PTSD. David Evans recently wrote an article about it for POZ magazine and you can read it by clicking here.

Hang in there!
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

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HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Bah-humbug and other musings.
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2010, 12:30:44 PM »
I hear you, my friend.   I also feel like a lab rat much of the time....wasting is something I am dealing with also...my weight hasn't changed dramatically, but my butt, legs, arms and neck are getting even smaller (which I thought was not possible).   Who knows what the long-term effects are from the drugs we take that keep us alive?

Holiday hugs to you,

"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz


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