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Author Topic: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?  (Read 2728 times)

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Offline lforsyth

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Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« on: December 11, 2010, 03:11:17 PM »
I am in Mesa.  They are all closeted and pretend to be straight and join in on ridiculing me. Are you going through the same experience?
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2010, 03:12:20 PM »
How do you know these guys are gay?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline bear60

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2010, 04:32:02 PM »
Frankly, I dont think its any worse for homos than for heteros.  Just think what a tough time women over a "certain age" have in finding a husband. You know, the woman  who has ( probably)  been left for a woman twenty years younger.
My favorite line from the movie FRIED GREEN TOMATOS is " I'm older and I have more insurance!" after she backs into a Volkswagen ( that stole her parking space at the super market)several times with a large Crown Victoria.
This is all to say.........seek empowerment.  Be pro active.  Stay away from twinkies.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2010, 04:37:40 PM »
If it makes you happy I have a date with a 63 year old man in two hours.  I'm not some emogoth twink though so just forget it.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline aztecan

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2010, 06:47:20 PM »
How they treat me depends, I guess, on what they want.

I get along fine with those 40 and older. No problems there.

The 30 somethings tend to ignore me altogether.

The twinks (those less than 30 for the sake of this discussion) tend to fall into two categories:

1) They think of me as a daddy/mentor/someone to go to when you want to talk about your problems.

2) In a party situation, I am usually invisible. This often goes to those less than 40 years old as well, although there are exceptions.

Were I you, I would go out and cultivate friendships with people no less than 10 years my junior. Younger guys will probably come along as well, but concentrate on those closer to your age. I  think you will have fewer problems.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline OneTampa

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2010, 07:10:14 PM »
I really don't see a difference and continue to have good encounters no matter the age.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2010, 07:12:55 PM by OneTampa »
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaŪto frito."

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2010, 11:57:10 AM »
There has been, and probably always will be, a generation gap.  Younger folks often think that older folks could not possibly understand them and what they are going through.  A handful can be disparaging and rudes towards older folks.  But I've seen it in the opposite direction too -- older folks that a totally dismissive of younger folks and think they couldn't possibly have anything meaningful or substantive to contribute.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could first seek to understand someone else's point of view, before forming our opinion or foisting it on others?  Or, at the very least, people could just shut the fuck up if they don't have something constructive to say.

Regarding pretending to be straight acting, I haven't noticed that with any more prevalence in younger gays than older gays.  But the term "straight acting" drive me crazy.  You can't go having sex with guys, and then call yourself "straight acting".  Unless I've missed the boat, and it's customary for straight guys to have sex with other guys.   ::)

Regards,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline aztecan

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2010, 02:03:38 AM »
...Wouldn't it be nice if we could first seek to understand someone else's point of view, before forming our opinion or foisting it on others?  Or, at the very least, people could just shut the fuck up if they don't have something constructive to say.
...
Regards,

Henry

I still think it depends on what you or they are after.

If I want raucous sex, chances are those less than 40 are not going to be too interested.

As I said, there are exceptions, but they are few.

In a social setting such as a private party, I get along fine with a variety of ages for the most part.

But, in social setting such as a bar, I could strip myself naked, set myself on fire and do cartwheels from one end of the bar to the other and nobody would pay attention

It is just something that comes with age. Don't take my word for it, as our Alan. He and I felt the sting of this particular barb at about the same time.

I agree with Joel too. Older women and gay men share this particular social dilemma.

HUGS,

Mark


« Last Edit: December 13, 2010, 02:06:23 AM by aztecan »
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2010, 02:40:52 AM »
You know that Price is Right Game? Where the prize is somewhere along a board, and they put this rather large red swath of color along a portion of that board, and you have to press the buzzer when your prize number falls within that swath?

That is how dating is, I think. We all have our own swaths. They change, depending on our moods, our perceived attraction, our fluctuating weight, the climate of the time, the way we dress, etc. But all that aside, we each have our vague swath of attraction.

For some lucky sobs, it's wide. For others, it is narrow. But knowing it, and not expecting or looking outside of it (except to gawk, which is pretty much open season) is the trick to getting... what, laid? Dated? Married? Whatever.

Then there is one's own personal filter, which may or may not limit that swath further. For me, it's ten years prp pr con my own age. When single and randy, anything goes, of course. But for something of value and worth, I have always been burned when I have strayed from that ten year thing. It's not a LOOKS thing. It's a life experience and pop culture reference thing.

HIV/AIDS of course, plays havok with that swath. But not to a degree that I think some people think. It narrows the field, sure. But not so much as, say, smoking. Or being morbidly obese. Or being sober (in ap rogram sober, not just for the moment). These factors of course weigh in. And probably to the degree that HIV/AIDS does.

Thing is, TRICK is, pardon the pun, to assess yourself with a critical eye. Know what you look like, what you dress like, what you act like, and who you are trying to attract. If these are at odds, then change one of them.

If you don't like straight acting closet cases, then go to a gay bar. Or three. Find the one in which you, the REAL and LEGITIMATE you, fit in. If bard are not your thing, look for a local gay and lesbian group. Book club, sci fi club, shes club, rugby club, whatever. Find a group. Find some friends. You will not likely walk into that first group meeting and find Mister Fantastic. But you MIGHT find a friend, who has a friend, who may KNOW Mister Fantastic.

And do it again and again, but not to find a boyfriend, but to expand your social circle. Because it is within that circle that true love will reside. And for some of us, it is within that circle that true love exists, period. And that had GOT to be okay. Great friends, good wine, great meals, adventures, and the feeling that you are not alone will do wonders for your time hereon earth. Those things might even lead to a self-confidence that attracts that one special person who is here, for you.

And even if not, you will be well and truly loved. You will drink fantastic wine and see movies and plays and go to parties and be part of a group who cares about and loves you. The payoff here for your efforts is as follows : Fantastic, and UN-fucking-believably fantastic.

Win Win. Bu it is up to you. Exude a negativity, and it will be brought upon you. Exude positivity, and you will encourage like-minded folks to gravitate towards you. Even if you are lying at fist about that positivity thing, you will find it slowly becoming real, as real people accept and like you.

I certainly wish you the very best of luck. I have found this theory works in Atlanta, arguably one of the harder cities in which to find real friends and real love. I have been fortunate to discover both.

I bet you can too.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #9 on: December 13, 2010, 09:09:10 AM »
But, in social setting such as a bar, I could strip myself naked, set myself on fire and do cartwheels from one end of the bar to the other and nobody would pay attention

Well, I was going to try this myself, but now that I know it doesn't work, I guess I'll have to come up with another plan.   ;)

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline denb45

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #10 on: December 13, 2010, 10:45:35 AM »
I am in Mesa.  They are all closeted and pretend to be straight and join in on ridiculing me. Are you going through the same experience?

Iforsyth...No I cannot say that I have, most younger guys don't treat me any different, even the str8 ones, never had a problem there, but then again, I've always had to gift-of-gab, not everyone and most younger
guys don't really care about such things, and most people have their own shit to deal with, so, I wouldn't worry too much about what they think of you, cause I can assure you, they really aren't thinking of you at all, but if they are disrespecting you, that could be problematic, perhaps you need to find better friends, I wouldn't put much weight in what anyone thinks of you? most people will like and respect you for who you are, if they don't why give them that power over you  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline aztecan

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2010, 02:44:07 PM »
Well, I was going to try this myself, but now that I know it doesn't work, I guess I'll have to come up with another plan.   ;)



Hmmm, well, I would certainly notice, even if you didn't set yourself on fire!  8)\

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline dixieman

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #12 on: December 15, 2010, 05:06:21 PM »
I have the opposite problem... the young ones seem to try to pick me up and people my age? are always seeking out younger? Please these old farts... trying to pick up younger guys specifically 18-28? and their 45-50+ ? Well I really don't have to worry anymore... I have finally found a younger man whose 47! and I'm tobe 50~! and I am glad I've made it this far!!!

Offline lforsyth

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #13 on: December 16, 2010, 06:12:28 PM »
A 24 year old came out to me but he found out that being in the closet is the best. He gave me attitude when others where not around and when I would not acknowledge him and his new bff he complained about me. I was talked about and ridiculed. I've been separated from the heard.  Yes I'm a smoker and now I feel that I cant be around them.

He needed to get rid of me and has taken up with another closet case as his bff. I just don't know why I had to be pushed out.

Actually I do. They do not want me as someone who will out them.  As a Boeing Gay Employee and out we were told that we are not here to out others.  Should I make an exception?
« Last Edit: December 16, 2010, 06:15:23 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline BT65

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #14 on: December 17, 2010, 05:04:50 AM »
They do not want me as someone who will out them.  As a Boeing Gay Employee and out we were told that we are not here to out others.  Should I make an exception?

The answer to this is obviously "no."  You should not out a person who's not ready to be outed. 

Larry, you really need to seek professional help.  You need more individualized, and specialized help than what we can offer you here.  I get you need to chat to get your feelings out, but it's a real downer when you seem to have nothing but negative to say, and never seem to want to take suggestions.  Just sayin'.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline lforsyth

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2010, 07:33:45 PM »
I know, yet he is willing to push me under the buss and bad mouth me and he's fine.  Is that it?

If I have people to talk to I am better.

My manager demands more than 8 hour days from me, even after having a heart attack. Her motto is that if an employee is not working more than 8 hours they are not getting their job done.

I work in a homophobic environment in Mesa, Arizona.

I work closely with Mormons, what else can I say.

My Friends all died in the 1980's and 1990's.  My Partner died on 01/27/2000, four days after learning he was to be a grandfather (heart failure).

I then lost my entire family for the next four years, with no support from anyone, not even family because I'm gay.

I lived in San Francisco from 1972 through 1980 and was outside City Hall when Mayor Moscone and Harvey Milk were killed.  I was outside City Hall and heard the shots fired.

If it wasn't for my Springer Spaniel and Kitty, I wouldn't be here today.  They help to keep me active and alert and know what Love is every Day.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2010, 08:12:14 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline BT65

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Re: Do you feel discounted by younger gays?
« Reply #16 on: December 18, 2010, 06:04:33 PM »
Larry, do you think you are the only one who has ever gone through trauma?  By the time I was 15, I had witnessed a melt-down of my schizophrenic aunt in my front yard, and I had been abducted, beaten and raped for several days.  And that's the good years.  We all have had trauma in our lives.  What we do about and with it is what makes us who we are.  I mean, if you only had one thread about your mental health issues, then it would be different.  But you've made several, and don't want to take any suggestions regarding what to do about your problems.

And you need to quit chasing young things.  You should get friends your own age, since you've gone on and on about rejection from the younger generation.  And see a therapist, which I know you've been told a few times.  Until you decide you want to get better, what do you think we can do for you? 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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