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Author Topic: A subject of bullying at 61  (Read 4592 times)

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Offline lforsyth

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A subject of bullying at 61
« on: December 10, 2010, 06:22:13 PM »
I work in Mesa. I'm a smoker and have been a victim of bullying because I'm openly gay. What bothers me most is that two males in the bullying group are closet cases.

Today I was out, smoking and they were all just joking about me and making fun of me. I now understand why the youngster's commit suicide. I feel so hated but the worse hurt is the closet gay's turning on me and rejecting me.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2010, 06:24:21 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline mecch

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2010, 06:55:44 PM »
How awful. Is there anyone you can talk to about this situation?
Also, it doesn't surprise me that self-haters project it outward.  Not to give the bashers a pyschological excuse, however.  An asshole is just an asshole - need to grow up and respect other people. Jesus!
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2010, 11:35:28 PM »
true. assholes are assholes even when they have issues, unresolved apparently...   However, that is there power and don't you give it to them.  I would walk the other way or wear headphones so to ignore them. If they see that they are getting to you, then will act up more. But if they see that you are unaffected they won't have any fun and give up.

A quote from a older and wiser gentleman..."Never looking at anyone unless they demand I look. Never speaking to anyone unless spoken to."
« Last Edit: December 10, 2010, 11:48:29 PM by red_Dragon888 »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

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Offline next2u

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2010, 02:19:07 PM »
that sucks man. i'd suggest kicking their asses but i know that's not how we resolve situations. you could always imagine it though :)

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Offline skeebo1969

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2010, 03:18:41 PM »



   It's sad that this behavior is coming from adults who are fully aware of how they are making you feel.  I'm sorry you were subjected to this.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2010, 03:48:36 PM »
I'm bad to let it affect me so much. The younger ones are starting life and don't understand that they are hurting themselves.

Damn! We go through this every 20 years. i'm sick of it. Especially because I also have to deal with older men who have not lived their lives and live in denial.
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2010, 03:55:45 PM »
i've just read a lot of you're replies.

I walked out to the street and a Straight woman followed me out.  I told her what was going on and she said what you all said.

I really was at the point of thinking that noone likes me but I've changed my mind.  Thank you for your support.

It's now about having HIV, but just being gay and having to get through each day.

Love, Larry
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2010, 06:18:07 PM »
i've just read a lot of you're replies.

I walked out to the street and a Straight woman followed me out.  I told her what was going on and she said what you all said.

I really was at the point of thinking that noone likes me but I've changed my mind.  Thank you for your support.

It's now about having HIV, but just being gay and having to get through each day.

Love, Larry
Good for you.  A change of attitude for the better is a great idea.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline red_Dragon888

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« Last Edit: December 12, 2010, 07:43:06 AM by red_Dragon888 »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline skeebo1969

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I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Snowangel

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2010, 10:16:04 AM »
Sorry to hear that you are subjected to this at work, lforsyth.

If ignoring them doesn't work or makes it worse....you need a short course in Shit Talking 101.
Telling them to grow up at this point would add fuel to thier fire so you need to hit them(with words) where it hurts and give them a taste of their own medicine.

Tell your supervisors what is going on so that if they report you for sticking up for yourself, your ass will be covered.

Good Luck!!!
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Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2010, 11:19:46 AM »
Sorry to hear that you are subjected to this at work, lforsyth.

If ignoring them doesn't work or makes it worse....you need a short course in Shit Talking 101.
Telling them to grow up at this point would add fuel to thier fire so you need to hit them(with words) where it hurts and give them a taste of their own medicine.

Tell your supervisors what is going on so that if they report you for sticking up for yourself, your ass will be covered.

Good Luck!!!
TRUE, if this is an on the job situation, you do have a course of action.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline Ann

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2010, 12:09:58 PM »
Honestly? The best way to deal with bullies is to ignore them, or laugh at them. Retorts only take you down to their level. Bullies only keep it up when they know they're getting to you and it seems pretty obvious that you make it plain they ARE getting to you. Don't give them the satisfaction.
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Offline Merlin

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2010, 02:29:17 PM »
Pardon me Larry, but how did you know they are closet cases? If you have had concrete proof; like seeing them at gay bars or friends bedding (God forbid)/knowing them, ..etc, why not confront them publicly and ask them what's their problem? It's all great and dandy to turn the other cheek but I for one DO NOT tolerate bullying nor believe in being pushed to a corner like Kurt was, the character on Glee.  >:(

Of cos you would better know the dynamics and make a better assessment on how to react accordingly but hypothetically, I would ask them publicly if sucking a bigger dong would make them bigger dicks themselves?  ;D

Remember, bullies sees avoidance as weakness. They are not made the same like us folks. Nip it in the bud if possible. Request for a supervisor meeting present with these jerks and ask them point blank. Again, it depends on your organization's policy on zero tolerance to bullying.  ???

Good luck and May the Force Be With you.  :-* ;)  8)
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Offline mecch

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2010, 02:34:09 PM »
I think you need to strengthen your resources and perspective about bullies and bullying.
You definitely should NOT confront these people if you don't feel up to it.
Nor should you ignore it, cause obviously it is getting you down.
That is why you need to talk to someone.

For the moment, you can do your best to ignore it, you never know, it might decrease.  But, while you are trying to ignore it, prepare yourself by talking to someone and learning more about bullying.  
There are a few good internet sites.
Here is one:
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm

If ignoring it doesn't help you feel protected, and better, than you have to go to the next step. It may not be up to you to confront the bullies, especially if you feel fragile.  You'll need someone in authority.  Also, you'll need some outside advice - someone outside of the situation who can give you neutral advice and listen to how YOU feel, and how YOU are dealing with it.

It's not your fault and you don't have to put up with it.  But for the moment, don't put yourself in more duress. Work on the the best solution using people and resources that can find the best strategy for you alone in your particular situation.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2010, 06:43:37 PM »
When I first met the twink (he's 24) he came out to me and told me his PARTNER was beaten up in Scottsdale and he had to take him to get an operation. He found out quickly that he needed to be in the closet to be popular at work in the smoker's area.

He later quickly changed hist stories to me. Later he started to treat me with weird stares and glares when he passed me going in and out of the plant. So I wrote him off.

That is when he used my ignoring him and his friends to turn them against me.  But I don't know what he told them.

The head of the click is homophobic and probably couldn't understand why I turned against him. But he must have put on a pretty good act at being distraught. I was taunted by them but didn't react and did nothing.  I did contact Ethics and asked what to do.  I was told to go to HR.

I went to HR but they would do nothing.

My hands are tied because Corporate policy is that I cannot out someone.  
« Last Edit: December 17, 2010, 06:52:20 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline Jeff G

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #16 on: December 17, 2010, 06:48:36 PM »
When I first met the twink (he's 24) he came out to me and told me his PARTNER was beaten up in Scottsdale and he had to take him to get an operation. He found out quickly that he needed to be in the closet to be popular at work in the smoker's area.

He later quickly changed hist stories to me. Later he started to treat me with weird stares and glares when he passed me going in and out of the plant. So I wrote him off.

That is when he used my ignoring him and his friends to turn them against me.  But I don't know what he told them.

The head of the click is homophobic and probably couldn't understand why I turned against*********. But he must have put on a pretty good act at being distraught. I was taunted by them but didn't react and did nothing.  I did contact Ethics and asked what to do.  I was told to go to HR.

I went to HR but they would do nothing.

I just have to ask you why would you put this guys name out on a message board like this .... You have chosen to ignore some good advice about getting some help for your issues so its kind of making you look like part of the problem and not a victim .

Edited to remove persons name from quote .
« Last Edit: December 17, 2010, 06:50:27 PM by jg1962 »

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #17 on: December 17, 2010, 06:53:38 PM »
That is the problem.  I have to be ethical but closet cases and homophobes don't have to.

So I have no real defense.  Is that what your saying?

I have to add that I'm 61.  I had a heart attack last Christmas Eve and just got through Bronchitis which was two weeks of antibiotics and steroids.  I've been living with HIV since 1986 and am out at work.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2010, 07:01:35 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline Jeff G

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #18 on: December 17, 2010, 06:57:33 PM »
That is the problem.  I have to be ethical but closet cases and homophobes don't have to.

So I have no real defense.  Is that what your saying?

I'm saying you need to get some counseling and therapy for the issues you are having . You are only responsible for your own behaviour not theyres .  

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #19 on: December 17, 2010, 07:07:06 PM »
I think you need to strengthen your resources and perspective about bullies and bullying.
You definitely should NOT confront these people if you don't feel up to it.
Nor should you ignore it, cause obviously it is getting you down.
That is why you need to talk to someone.

For the moment, you can do your best to ignore it, you never know, it might decrease.  But, while you are trying to ignore it, prepare yourself by talking to someone and learning more about bullying.  
There are a few good internet sites.
Here is one:
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm

If ignoring it doesn't help you feel protected, and better, than you have to go to the next step. It may not be up to you to confront the bullies, especially if you feel fragile.  You'll need someone in authority.  Also, you'll need some outside advice - someone outside of the situation who can give you neutral advice and listen to how YOU feel, and how YOU are dealing with it.

It's not your fault and you don't have to put up with it.  But for the moment, don't put yourself in more duress. Work on the the best solution using people and resources that can find the best strategy for you alone in your particular situation.

I think you're advice is the best yet. similar to others but understanding and not crude.At least you seem to be sensitive as to how I feel alone and helpless at this time.

Thank you.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2010, 07:08:48 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #20 on: December 17, 2010, 07:11:44 PM »
I'm not saying but I now know why so many young people are committing suicide. I really feel that many of them are victimized by closet cases who turn others against them.  Then the victizer can feel safe that they have closed and locked their closet.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2010, 07:15:48 PM by lforsyth »
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #21 on: December 17, 2010, 07:34:38 PM »



     If you are going to continue to work there you are going to have to ignore them or pressure HR to do something about it, only you can decide.  In the future I wouldn't go around telling 24 year olds my business unless it's stuff you don't mind everyone knowing.  I hope this helps. :D
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #22 on: December 17, 2010, 07:38:14 PM »
I'm not trying to be mean or upset you , I'm simply giving you my opinion that you may regret attempting to out a coworker on this site .

I'm also concerned that you are not taking peoples advice about dealing with your problems you seem to have with others in your social and work environment .

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #23 on: December 17, 2010, 08:17:58 PM »


     If you are going to continue to work there you are going to have to ignore them or pressure HR to do something about it, only you can decide.  In the future I wouldn't go around telling 24 year olds my business unless it's stuff you don't mind everyone knowing.  I hope this helps. :D
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #24 on: December 17, 2010, 08:19:12 PM »


     If you are going to continue to work there you are going to have to ignore them or pressure HR to do something about it, only you can decide.  In the future I wouldn't go around telling 24 year olds my business unless it's stuff you don't mind everyone knowing.  I hope this helps. :D

Did you read my post.  He told me his business also. I've always been out at work.
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #25 on: December 17, 2010, 08:20:24 PM »
I'm not trying to be mean or upset you , I'm simply giving you my opinion that you may regret attempting to out a coworker on this site .

I'm also concerned that you are not taking peoples advice about dealing with your problems you seem to have with others in your social and work environment .
Maybe your dealing with a problem.
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #26 on: December 17, 2010, 08:40:51 PM »
Did you read my post.  He told me his business also. I've always been out at work.

Yes I did read your post and understand the harassment aspect of it.  You say they were joking and making fun of you, what did they say?  If this all occurred on the smoke deck surely there must have been witnesses.   HR departments generally take sexual harassment complaints very seriously, which is exactly what this is.  If they are blowing you off have them document your complaint and ask for a copy so you have proof they are aware of it.

There is such a wide age range where I work, most of us older folks are pretty much dismissive to the childish behavior of the young'uns.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2010, 08:50:04 PM »
You are right. I should just get past this and have a "Fuck You" attitude to the entire group. Their not worth my spit.

It's always so simple, isn't it? Just don't give a damn. Even if they've infected others I just need to suck it up.
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #28 on: December 18, 2010, 05:14:55 AM »
Either way, you sound depressed, isolated and may need to talk to a professional.  I know when I was in the Navy, I was being harassed, bullied, but I read a book call, "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty."   It showed me ways not to be manipulated by Assholes and how to ignore them. There are other books, but this one helped me.  I hope this helps, but you need first not to be depressed and get your control back.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline David Evans

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #29 on: December 18, 2010, 10:59:09 AM »
L:

I really am sorry to hear what you're going through. I've been through varying types of bullying for my sexual orientation throughout my life. It can be quite traumatizing. I forget if you said what city and state you live in. There are varying levels of laws about harassment for sexual orientation, in some states they're great - in others they are non-existant. I would look at Lambda Legal and possibly call them to help you find out what your rights are (http://www.lambdalegal.org/). They might be able to lead you to a local legal resource if they can't help you themselves. Often, these services are free or sliding scale.

If you are in a state where harassment is explicitly illegal, then your employer has a legal obligation to protect you and to take disciplinary action against those doing the harassment. The first thing I would encourage you to do is to write down as much of the details as you can of the harassment that has already occurred, with dates, times and witnesses. After that, depending on the laws in your state, you should follow the guidance of the legal folks after that.

Feel free to PM me offline if you need help figuring this out. I'm heading off to my niece's college graduation soon and probably won't be online much until later today or this evening, but am glad to help however I can in terms of researching this stuff.  I know how hard it is to figure out what to do when it is your livelihood that's on the line.

Either way, I do want to echo what I said earlier, and what others have said. No matter what you figure out in terms of the appropriate action - I would still really encourage you to talk with a counselor (a good one) about how all of this is affecting you emotionally and psychologically. Bullying takes a serious toll on you, and it can make a huge difference having someone objective to help in this regard.

Best,
David

Offline Merlin

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #30 on: December 19, 2010, 02:01:01 PM »
I can only offer you moral encouragement to stay strong given all the circumstances related here. Bullying can only occur with the "blessings" of higher ups. If your HR "cannot or will not" do anything after highlighting your plight, it only confirms what is and mostly always will be bullying in most work places without a clear policy on anti-gay anti-bullying policies. Bullies operate in the absence of proper protection for minorities and injustices. It's is the ugly reality.

Stay strong and to those who are your friendly co-workers and to those whom you trust, you may want to share this "stress" with them. It's always safety and strength in numbers knowing your close allies have your back and are not alone. There are many creative ways you can circumvent "outing" the source when you share. Many can put one and one together and wind currents do change. You never know how karma will come back and bite those guilty bullying butts.

Good luck and God Bless. Have a Merry Christmas and focus on having a bit more fun instead.  ;)

Blessed Be ! :)
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Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #31 on: December 21, 2010, 06:22:18 PM »
Thank you for all the advice, criticism (that is invaluable) and support. I've resigned myself to the outskirts of smoking territory.  My Doctor wanted me to do more walking.  I ran into someone today that was always supportive.  I told him of the incident and he was hurt by it.

I guess most aren't bothered that I'm openly Gay and are willing to tolerate me.  It's just this one group who isn't. Yet they think that they run the area.

I can accept being alone, it's like when I was in school.  I always walked alone and had no friends.  I was the nerd who went to do figures at 5:00 AM then go to school and came back to the Ice Rink after school to do more Figures and Free Style.  At least I can say that Peggy Flemming got me to try my first double jump.

The whole incident was set up.  Planned all along. What hurt's me is that two closeted gay men through me under the buss only to be accepted and popular. One is in his 30's and the other is 24.

I can only think back to when I was outside San Francisco City Hall when Mayor Moscone and Harvey Milk were murdered. I recently went back during the filming of the movie and can only reflect on Harvey's message that the bullet should shatter every closet door. They didn't get the message.

I wonder how they will feel years later, if they are victimized by closeted gays and homophobes.

I don't care about homophobes, it's the closeted gays that turn on their own that bother me. I want nothing to do with them.


One nice thing is that I asked about a woman's gay son today and she opened up to me. He had been living in New York. Another woman in my area lost her son to suicide because he was gay. Their are many women my my area in the building who have gay son's. I hope they aren't assholes who play straight to be popular.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2010, 07:07:38 PM by lforsyth »
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Offline skeebo1969

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #32 on: December 21, 2010, 06:47:24 PM »
One is in his 30's and the other is 24.

I wonder how they will feel years later.

Hopefully they'll feel lots of pain and misery from their nuts rotting off, or something along those lines anyways. :)
« Last Edit: December 21, 2010, 06:49:49 PM by skeebo1969 »
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Offline lforsyth

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #33 on: December 21, 2010, 06:50:08 PM »
Yes, we can only hope so.  You are funny, I like your humor, I needed it. I'm Laughing out loud. 
Tested POZ in 1986, knew there was something wrong in 1985. 04/2010 CD4: 975 Viral Load undetectable. Prezista, Norvir, Truvada, Acyclovir, Plavix, Lisinopril, Metoprolol and a bedtime snack of Lipitor (YUM)

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #34 on: December 22, 2010, 03:08:04 AM »
Thank you for all the advice, criticism (that is invaluable) and support. I've resigned myself to the outskirts of smoking territory.  My Doctor wanted me to do more walking.  I ran into someone today that was always supportive.  I told him of the incident and he was hurt by it.

I guess most aren't bothered that I'm openly Gay and are willing to tolerate me.  It's just this one group who isn't. Yet they think that they run the area.

I can accept being alone, it's like when I was in school.  I always walked alone and had no friends.  I was the nerd who went to do figures at 5:00 AM then go to school and came back to the Ice Rink after school to do more Figures and Free Style.  At least I can say that Peggy Flemming got me to try my first double jump.

The whole incident was set up.  Planned all along. What hurt's me is that two closeted gay men through me under the buss only to be accepted and popular. One is in his 30's and the other is 24.

I can only think back to when I was outside San Francisco City Hall when Mayor Moscone and Harvey Milk were murdered. I recently went back during the filming of the movie and can only reflect on Harvey's message that the bullet should shatter every closet door. They didn't get the message.

I wonder how they will feel years later, if they are victimized by closeted gays and homophobes.

I don't care about homophobes, it's the closeted gays that turn on their own that bother me. I want nothing to do with them.


One nice thing is that I asked about a woman's gay son today and she opened up to me. He had been living in New York. Another woman in my area lost her son to suicide because he was gay. Their are many women my my area in the building who have gay son's. I hope they aren't assholes who play straight to be popular.

Why are you refusing the repeated advice to seek out one-on-one mental health counseling -- you never reply to the suggestions, you just keep spinning your wheels and ranting endlessly.  You're not going to be any happier with yourself just doing this on a message board.

But I know you'll ignore this post and keep doing what you're doing, including sipping on that nightly bottle of wine.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline David_CA

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #35 on: December 22, 2010, 08:48:11 AM »
I think I'd do what I could to out those closet queens.  I've never been teased or harassed about being gay, but when people do screw with me... well, I do what almost any animal does when cornered - I bite back.  I'm not mean, generally, but I say it with a smile, full eye-contact, etc and call 'em out.  Sometimes, it's not done in front of others, but it still carries an implied "don't screw with me"... said with a smile. 
Black Friday 03-03-2006
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  Atripla started 12-01-2006
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06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
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Offline Dachshund

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #36 on: December 22, 2010, 10:30:27 AM »
I would disregard "outing" closet cases at work. You'll only open up a can of worms that will end up in HR.

Offline woodshere

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #37 on: December 22, 2010, 10:46:36 AM »
Why are you so worried about what a few people think of you.  So what if some are gay in this group, there are far more important things in life than to worry about what a people who aren't even your friends think about you.  I learned a long time ago some people are just not going to like me and I am not going to like some people.  Just the way it is.

Have they threatened you or hit you?  If all they have done is stand in a corner and make fun who gives a fuck.  If this is bothering you so much, seek some professional help to deal with it.  If you don't want to try to help yourself, nothing anyone says here will do a damn bit of good.  Find a way to move on.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Ann

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #38 on: December 22, 2010, 11:20:19 AM »
Why are you so worried about what a few people think of you.  So what if some are gay in this group, there are far more important things in life than to worry about what a people who aren't even your friends think about you.  I learned a long time ago some people are just not going to like me and I am not going to like some people.  Just the way it is.

Have they threatened you or hit you?  If all they have done is stand in a corner and make fun who gives a fuck. If this is bothering you so much, seek some professional help to deal with it.  If you don't want to try to help yourself, nothing anyone says here will do a damn bit of good.  Find a way to move on.


Bears repeating, even if it is ignored again by the OP.
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Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline David_CA

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #39 on: December 22, 2010, 11:39:07 AM »
I would disregard "outing" closet cases at work. You'll only open up a can of worms that will end up in HR.

Sigh....  ::)
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline emeraldize

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #40 on: December 22, 2010, 03:16:27 PM »
L:

Have you seen this? It was circulated at our workplace today and I immediately thought of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL2Ed_iKiG4

Why not look at 2011 as a time to treat yourself, and I do mean, treat yourself, to a thoughtful, professional counselor--be he or she a social worker or psychologist. Get a full body massage. And find some people and activities outside the workplace that so fabulously counterbalance any negativity there, that you'll survive it and even thrive in spite of it.

Dial it all back a bit. Time's a-wasting. Enjoy as much as you can when you possibly can. Workplaces can be tough, engender self-doubt, and trigger all our feelings of vulnerability---so the non-workplaces in your life should be as fulfilling as possible. Also, at work, see if there's something you can do with any diversity programs there which are supported by HR--you might find there are ways you can put the energy you can't dole out on the bullies to some good corporate purpose. And, you might meet some new people, too.

Happy Holidays.
Em
« Last Edit: December 24, 2010, 09:20:04 AM by emeraldize »

Offline WillyWump

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #41 on: December 22, 2010, 05:31:56 PM »
Why are you so worried about what a few people think of you.  So what if some are gay in this group, there are far more important things in life than to worry about what a people who aren't even your friends think about you.

Zackly! You are spending too much time on these people. Move on and dont worry about them.

-W
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Offline Merlin

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #42 on: December 23, 2010, 08:54:46 AM »
And Larry, don't be "bullied"  ::)   here to do anything you feel is contrary to your comfort zone.
Stay true to yourself and heed the advice that you are most comfortable with.  ;)

As you can see, not everyone cares or understands what being bullied is all about and prefers you just play the DADT card.  >:(

Thanks EM (emeraldlze) for the video; was really inspiring & appropriate for this situation.  :-*

And to those who persists to differ, go spin yourself crazy in circles this Christmas and wishing you everything Joan Rivers would want for you on her middle finger! Happy holidays!  :D
I'll leave Hatred to those not strong enough to Love.

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Believe & The Power Of The Mind Transforms.
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I forgive them for everything.

---->> Mary J. Blige on dysfuctional parents

Offline Ann

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #43 on: December 23, 2010, 09:14:08 AM »
I fully understand what bullying is all about. I was bullied extensively from third grade (because I skipped second grade) until we moved to a different area when I was in junior high. Even then I was bullied through the rest of my junior and high school years, just not quite so much. Therapy helped me realise that my ongoing dilemma was partly due to how I reacted to people - reactions that were learned during the years of intense bullying.

And don't try to say that I'm blaming the victim. I'm not. But when one becomes a victim in one's own mind, that's the image one will project to others. It makes it a bit of a vicious cycle. To put it another way, bullying causes low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is picked up on by bullies. They thrive on the low self-esteem of others and quite often suffer from low self-esteem themselves. They use causing pain to hide and salve their own pain.

That's the same dynamic going on here - and the same dynamic that goes on when a homophobic politician who tries to legislate against LGBTQ gets caught in a wide stance.

I think most people here who are practically begging Forsyth to get himself into therapy understand this. While we cannot change how others act, we CAN change how we react to them and we can learn to be happy despite the bullies in the world. I know I did and I'm glad I did. But that would not have been possible without a few wonderful people in my past who happened to be therapists. We need to stop fearing therapy and stop seeing going to therapy as evidence of weakness. It's not. It's evidence of great strength.
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline J.R.E.

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Re: A subject of bullying at 61
« Reply #44 on: January 01, 2011, 08:55:57 PM »
Larry,

I'm just going to take a wild shot here,  But when does bullying cross into the threshold of elderly abuse?

In most states senior or elderly abuse is defined as those being older than 60, and besides physical abuse or neglect, it can also include "Mental abuse"  Maybe you should look into your state laws, and if this applies to you, you need to go to HR and file a complaint.

Your over 60 and your being verbally and mentally abused, even if it's on the job,...so why not look into it.  Just a thought. Maybe you should speak to a lawyer about it.



Ray
« Last Edit: January 01, 2011, 08:59:43 PM by J.R.E. »
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http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

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http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

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