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Author Topic: The last man on earth: the practical constraints of serosorting  (Read 1152 times)

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Offline wtfimpoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 418
  • Let's make biscuits!
The last man on earth: the practical constraints of serosorting
« on: December 08, 2010, 03:25:07 AM »
I've always been at the margins of my citys "bear clique".  The first openly poz friend I had was also from the periphery of this group, and I felt so bad for him when he admitted his infection, but damn did I admire his integrity.  He spent about a year and a half in the cold before a handful of us also turned up poz, all at once.    So glad I retained social ties to him during what he considers a very lonely time.  He's a great friend who has more than repaid my decency since I've disclosed back to him.  A couple more from the clique keep popping up every month.  He's hardly at a loss for companionship these days, as the mistake by the lake seems to be in the midst of a full blown epidemic of bear butt flu.  Despite the inbreeding that this particular subculture is notorious for, we've yet to happen across any common denominators, so I suspect the number of infections will keep growing for a while.  Anyway, one of the cliques queen bees abruptly changed his screen name on a popular cruising website and left his status unlisted.  I've always wanted to try thus queen bee.  The profile change usually means only one thing.  We chatted.  My profile includes the handy-dandy disclosure option.  He asked me to unlock my pics.  He unlocked his.  So small!  Oh, sure, I'll unlock mine. 

Well children, it's never a good idea to think with your dick.  Abrupt silence.  Messages were read, but not responded to.  Suddenly, my computer let's me know that the other queen bees have checked out my profile.  Look like I've been "outed" to "society".  It was bound to happen sooner or later, but I wouldve preferred it without the sense of being shot down.  I shouldve realized that if he wasn't into me then, he wouldn't be into me now, even if his pool of applicants has become more shallow.  Something about the message "not even if you were the last man on earth" coupled with the outing makes me feel like a fool.     
09/01/2009-neg
mid april, 2010, "flu like illness".
06/01/2010-weakly reactive ELISA, indeterminant WB
06/06/2010-reactive ELISA, confirmed positive.

DATE       CD4     %     VL
07/15/10  423     33    88k
08/28/10  489     19    189k
09/06/10-Started ATRIPLA
09/15/10  420     38    1400
11/21/10  517     25    51

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: The last man on earth: the practical constraints of serosorting
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2010, 03:32:44 AM »
This sort of unwanted disclosure sucks. It is inevitable, of course, but it sucks. Also discovering the level to which someone might stoop also sucks. I hope you manage to get through this awful disclosure unscathed, by rising above. Some cliques are by their very nature small. I hope there are more people in your city who have more class and style.

What comes around goes around, and all that, for your "friend." Methinks that his not disclosing his own status, yet revealing  yours, reveals far more about him than you.

Ya really find out who your friends are, with this thing.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,166
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: The last man on earth: the practical constraints of serosorting
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2010, 03:45:25 AM »
Well, you are the bigger man, and time will reward you for that.
In the meantime, courage, and could you hover around different hives which aren't so queeny?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,052
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: The last man on earth: the practical constraints of serosorting
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2010, 10:14:18 AM »
I'm not sure I understand the situation. Queen Bee is HIV+ but didn't put it on his profile but you put that you are HIV+ on your profile? Or he found out you are HIV+ and told people? I understand feeling rejected but I'm unclear on the status part.

Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: The last man on earth: the practical constraints of serosorting
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2010, 10:46:30 AM »
Yeah, it's a bit confusing.  But did he actually say "not even if you were the last man on earth"?  Or is that your take on his silence.

Offline Hoover

  • Member
  • Posts: 286
Re: The last man on earth: the practical constraints of serosorting
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2010, 12:45:27 PM »
Men can be asses...
Infection date: March 16, 2010
20/05/10 - CD4 348  VL 58,000  Lymph nodes in jaw painful!  Antioxidants started.
01/06/10 - CD4 428  VL?
24/06/10 - CD4 578  VL 9,800
13/07/10 - CD4 620  VL?
04/09/10 - CD4 648  VL?
01/11/10 - CD4 710  VL?   CD8 972
16/12/10    CD4 738  VL?  CD8  896   
02/02/11    CD4 520 (month of parasites and new lab)
14/03/11 started Truvida and Sustiva (Efavirenz)
04/07/11 CD4 686 VL 75 CD8 588  41%
10/10/11 CD4 757  45%  VL UD

Offline wtfimpoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 418
  • Let's make biscuits!
Re: The last man on earth: the practical constraints of serosorting
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2010, 03:39:57 PM »
I'm not sure I understand the situation. Queen Bee is HIV+ but didn't put it on his profile but you put that you are HIV+ on your profile? Or he found out you are HIV+ and told people? I understand feeling rejected but I'm unclear on the status part.


My profile originally disclosed, his status was left unanswered.  I assumed he was poz but may not be, as most guys who leave it unanswered are.  I freaked out and changed my status to unanswered as well.  Not my best or most intelligent moment.  Upon reading my profile, I presume he told other people but it could just be coincidence.
09/01/2009-neg
mid april, 2010, "flu like illness".
06/01/2010-weakly reactive ELISA, indeterminant WB
06/06/2010-reactive ELISA, confirmed positive.

DATE       CD4     %     VL
07/15/10  423     33    88k
08/28/10  489     19    189k
09/06/10-Started ATRIPLA
09/15/10  420     38    1400
11/21/10  517     25    51

 


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