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Author Topic: "Newbie" Thread #1  (Read 17833 times)

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Offline ElZorro

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"Newbie" Thread #1
« on: December 02, 2010, 09:56:59 PM »
So, let's see how this works. NYC put the idea out there and the general consensus seems to be that this area of the forums is where those of us who are newly infected and getting a new perspective on "the rest of our lives" could do a bit of communing without being branded as naive, ignorant, full of false hope, etc.

Let's see if the experiment works...  :P

A bit about me. I'm 45, live in God's "waiting room" (Florida), was infected and diagnosed July 2009, and started HAART almost one year ago (12/19). I've spent the last 18 months trying to understand 1) what the prospects for a "normal" life are 2) wondering if I'm going to die a miserable death alone, 3) adapting to taking meds and learning not to be too concerned about the fact that I have to take them forever.

So far, I think I've done relatively well. Medically speaking, the meds have performed miraculously. Aside from work and HIV, though, I haven't done much else for the last year. I'm still trying to figure out how to become "social" again. I don't really feel like "going out" because I don't really feel like "meeting" anyone because I don't want to have to deal with disclosure and rejection. (I disclosed to one guy who was reallly into me very early on and realized that was a huge mistake; you'd think I loaned him money from how quickly the calls stopped  :-\) Part of me is a bit petrified that my status would get broadcast around town because I'm still dealing with a bit of shame for letting it happen. Of course, that's silly...mistakes happen, but I just don't feel like being the subject of gossip  ;)

On the "upside", I had lunch with an old friend this week and ended up telling him about my status. It wasn't planned, it just came out. And, WOW! There was such a sense of relief to "let it out" (without tearing or choking up at all). He was asking me when I was ever gonna settle down and I skirted around the issue until being open just seemed like the only way to go. He was amazingly supportive and shared some information with me. Namely, that his partner of 10 years is poz and was newly poz when they started dating. After, I received an email thanking me for confiding in him and reassuring me that I don't have to worry about being single forever because his relationship is absolute proof that there are men out there who are capable of looking past an HIV+ status. Deep down, I hope that's true, but the jury is still out....

I'm an optimist and I do believe that, on some level, HIV will be defeated. I don't expect it will be anytime in the immediate future, but I think 10-15 years is reasonable. It's totally changed my life. And, ironically, in many ways, for the better. I seem to find that I focus more on the "good" in life and in people than on the negative. In the same way as when my son was born, this virus has made me take stock of my life, to recognize my own mortality, and to appreciate it.

I guess the next step is figuring out how to "get back out there"   ::)

How about you? How are you adjusting?
« Last Edit: December 02, 2010, 09:58:40 PM by ElZorro »

Offline Gio

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2010, 10:18:11 PM »
Uhmm i tested pos in oct 2010 infection probably in the spring dumb me for trustin...  I over the med phase no aude effects was a downer.  I am dealing with phsycholigical and social aspects...  Any itch cough infection i quickly jump into conclusions..  So far told a friend he cried i laughed lol then he did his research and understood why i laughed..  If the shoe was reversed i would too...  Slowly getting back into my olde routine gym work home normalcy stuff...  Dating is a little more complicated it was before but now more soo non existant so not stressing.. As i told a friend it was a luck of the draw but no expiration date is stamped on me hell i think i am healthier than my best friend lol lol..  I laugh alot and dont sweat the small stuff

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2010, 10:22:59 PM »
i think i am healthier than my best friend lol lol.. 

It's funny you mention that, Gio. I said something similar to my doc a couple weeks back. What with the regular doctor visits and constant monitoring, if they could come up with some meds without any side effects, we could end up living longer than before  :P

Offline Gio

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2010, 10:32:53 PM »
Lol lol my doc thinks i am crazy... They did check my liver and kidney and no problems there lol lol.... Will be going in a couple of weeks for my cd4 and vl just to make sure its working..  Here is hoping for ud n high cd4 count...  Oh funny thing my little brother is at least 10 years younger than me and is already takin heart med wth!!!!!

Online Jeff G

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2010, 10:40:21 PM »
What is this pick on the LTS day . You guys should be grateful for what we can tell you about HIV and even more grateful for what we don't tell you about how it really feels after you live with this disease 20 or 30 years . We have been giving some of you hope and support wether you realize it or not .  
« Last Edit: December 02, 2010, 10:42:04 PM by jg1962 »

Offline Gio

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2010, 11:08:39 PM »
Dont get me wrong i am extremely grateful..

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2010, 11:14:33 PM »
What is this pick on the LTS day . You guys should be grateful for what we can tell you about HIV and even more grateful for what we don't tell you about how it really feels after you live with this disease 20 or 30 years . We have been giving some of you hope and support wether you realize it or not .  

 :-\

Offline woodshere

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2010, 11:38:08 PM »
oooopppps, didn't realize that this was in the I Just Tested Positive and realize that I should not probably post here.  Sorry
« Last Edit: December 02, 2010, 11:43:18 PM by woodshere »
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

nychope1

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2010, 11:47:33 PM »
Come on now..that's just not so jg1962. No one on picking on anyone. Everything I have posted has gotten completely sand blasted. Everyone here is relatively helpful and I personally am so grateful to some of the folks here that were and continue to be so helpful. Just your comment in the middle of a thread where some of these members are bearing their soul and want maybe just to talk to the newly diagnosed for a minute should not be wrong and not make anyone here feel bad. This is exactly what I am talking about. I don't want sound advice right now I just want to chat with someone who was just diagnosed in the last year or so. What is the problem with that?

Anyway...  I want to keep this thread on an up note.


El Zorro, I to am 45yo and live in Florida three months out of the year. Mostly in the summer. I know that sounds crazy but I love warm water. Actually hot water. I lived in LA for a bit but hated the Pacific.
Yes I must sound like a broken record on here. I feel a couple of well meaning posts that were really aimed at the younger crowd here was completely turned around and strangely diverted by a lot of members. I was pretty surprised at some of the backlash. I am a very empathetic person and a good friend and understand what some have gone through. They don't know my story and assumed that I was hatched and  a minute ago.

Yeah I have only been diagnosed a little over a month but I have been closely around this disease for a long time. My best friend killed himself in 1996. I found him after he was dead for three days in his apartment. He had AIDS and wasn't doing well. My first cousin, my mother's sisters son died of AIDS in 1999. We were very close. Two other friends of mine that I worked with died.

Is that what I am supposed to talk about? The down and dirty truth about how terrible this shit is. So others here think I am real and know the deal? Well fuck that. I won't. I know it is better now. And I may be over zealous about it but I want the young girls and guys to know that what used to be doesn't have to be their reality. I am not wrong about that.

Thirty years is what, a couple of generations already? Fifteen years is a life time for a twenty year old. You can't expect to lay that heavy shit on some kid who is twenty something years old. It does no good in my eyes.

The disease has changed. Society has changed. We have changed.

Well, I am still dealing with being diagnosed. I am very grateful that my meds are not effecting me. Nothing I read here prior made it comforting to start them. Sorry but that's the truth. I think I messaged you El Zorro a few times privately and one other guy who I need to give a big hug to one of these days for really walking me through the thing. It shouldn't have to be like that.

I've been in a few long term relationships and have a great network of friends here in NYC so as of now I really don't feel bummed about looking for love. I'm just not in the mood right now. I on;y laid this all on one friend of mine. I'm just not that type of guy who likes to talk about bad news and illnesses and all. That's not me. People have enough crap in their lives. My bud is great and has been supportive.  I made him sleep over the night I started Atripla. I am such a pussy. It was incredibly uneventful.

Ya know El Zorro, I am incredibly full of life the last few weeks.  I don't know I feel euphoric and I feel strange saying that. Maybe cause all the stigma and taboo and side effects about all this just never came to fruition.

My doctor, who I adore, also had a lot to do with my attitude. He is constantly upbeat and reassuring and he has seen it all. I mean this guy was there in NYC from the start. I only wish he wasn't so old. He said he won't retire but he is in his seventies.

Okay... I will chill out. Thanks for being a cool guy. This thread meant a lot.






Offline woodshere

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2010, 12:11:38 AM »
Thirty years is what, a couple of generations already? Fifteen years is a life time for a twenty year old. You can't expect to lay that heavy shit on some kid who is twenty something years old. It does no good in my eyes.
The disease has changed. Society has changed. We have changed.
I cannot disagree with you on this.  But nychope1, although I had absolutely no problem accepting and overall adjusting to being poz, I can appreciate those who do.  We all deal with crisis in different ways. 

However, on this
Quote
but I want the young girls and guys to know that what used to be doesn't have to be their reality. I am not wrong about that.
Yes you are to a certain degree.  Support and optimism must be tempered with reality.  Our wonderful drugs are pure and simply chemotherapy.  No one knows what is going to happen to our bodies after taking all these chemicals for 20, 30 yrs.  Newly diagnosed need to know that some people have difficulty taking the meds.  Those without insurance will have a much more difficult time financially.  When I first joined after being diagnosed I found it important to hear from LTS, those infected in the mid to late 90 and those just infected like me. 
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

nychope1

  • Guest
Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2010, 12:26:05 AM »
Honestly, Woodshere..  Qoute: "When I first joined after being diagnosed I found it important to hear from LTS, those infected in the mid to late 90 and those just infected like me."
Who said it's not important? I feel like you saying that you are insinuating something? 
Thanks for the response and I don't want to be rude but I have said over and over and over again that it is important to chat with, learn from and appreciate the LTS's.  Nothing I have said or suggested deviates from that. Nothing.  Where does one get that from? Really this is the last time I am defending that.
Anyway, this is not what this thread is about or why it was started.
Peace in the valley....
It's time for bed.

Offline wtfimpoz

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2010, 12:33:07 AM »
What is this pick on the LTS day . You guys should be grateful for what we can tell you about HIV and even more grateful for what we don't tell you about how it really feels after you live with this disease 20 or 30 years . We have been giving some of you hope and support wether you realize it or not . 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly why NYC felt the newly infected need a forum just to ourselves.
09/01/2009-neg
mid april, 2010, "flu like illness".
06/01/2010-weakly reactive ELISA, indeterminant WB
06/06/2010-reactive ELISA, confirmed positive.

DATE       CD4     %     VL
07/15/10  423     33    88k
08/28/10  489     19    189k
09/06/10-Started ATRIPLA
09/15/10  420     38    1400
11/21/10  517     25    51

Offline woodshere

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2010, 12:48:40 AM »
nychope1 I know you have said it is important.   The internet is a wonderful thing however when conversing with people we do miss out on the body expressions, voice inflections and such that perhaps would clarify things a bit more.  But when you start a thread about a possible Newbie forum that would exclude some, or tell people in so many words that if they disagree with you don't post in your thread it is easy to see some sort of discounting of others.  I have seen and known many HIV+ people who have a difficult time accepting and living with their HIV and surround themselves with people just like them.  This only makes it more difficult to move on.  I am afraid a newbie thread would do the same.  Also many newly infected people go on HIV overload gathering info from the internet and can't make heads or tails of it all.  And if they only stick to one forum the newbie one they would miss excellent advice from the likes of   jkinatl2 and others.  I believe inclusion is far more productive than segregating.


edited for wording
« Last Edit: December 03, 2010, 01:14:32 AM by woodshere »
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #13 on: December 03, 2010, 07:00:01 PM »
Hey NYC...Hey WTF

WTF: Nice response. I had a similar one but opted for the "more is less" approach ;) Have you formed a fundraising company to cure this yet? I have great expectations for you!

NYC: you're right. You are nuts. Who wants to live here during just the summer?  :P  Of course, right now it's arctic by our standards...60s during the day and colder at night...Three days ago, I had to turn the air on. Last night I had to turn the heat on. I'm going to sell everything and move South and live with Hoover and Dr T  ;)

I think what you posted about being infected and living in The City is interesting. Do you think that's helping you make the "adjustment"? Is HIV relatively "common" up there (probably a poor choice of words, but I'm too exhausted to do the whole synonym thing right now). 

A few weeks back, I met someone from Ft Lauderdale (apparently, unbekownst to me, the gay mecca of the East Coast ;)). I was really impressed by him, his attitude, and how "at ease" he is with being infected. At one point, he remarked in so many words that HIV was pretty prevalent in that part of the State. Since I don't go out much anymore, I don't really have a pulse about the Tampa area. For the last several weekends, I've been planning to go out to some of my old "stomping grounds", but when the time comes, I come up with a good excuse not to... :P 

Today was an excellent day.  I wrapped up quite a few loose ends on a "project from Hell" and am positioned to have a productive week next week. As I said, it's "freezing" (from a Floridian's perspective) right now, so I'm going to just hunker down and watch movies. I've been working on a Sudoko game for a couple of years and have never finished it and might hack on that for awhile...anyone else play? I might be looking for some beta-testers  :P

Offline buginme2

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #14 on: December 03, 2010, 08:57:33 PM »
I would love to be freezing in florida right now!!
 ;)


Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2010, 09:08:37 PM »
I would love to be freezing in florida right now!!
 ;)

C'mon down! (unless you're allergic to cats ;))

Actually, I'm heading up to Michigan for Christmas...always a pleasant reminder of why I live here! But, also, an excuse to wear my full length, black leather trenchcoat  ;)  (oops, I think my "inner queen" just slipped out)

Offline hope_for_a_cure

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #16 on: December 03, 2010, 09:45:43 PM »
Is South Florida getting crowded now that December has arrived?  I see LOADS of traffic heading south on 95 here in SC but they could be heading other places too.  Not trying to hijack the thread. 

For what its worth, I am a Newbie still and enjoy chatting both with LTS folks as well as the newly diagnosed.  I do think that since the shock of learning our new HIV status is still fresh with us, it gives some common ground that we identify with quite clearly. 

I look to LTS friends for advice and encouragement and realize that things were so much different for them when they were first diagnosed. Mental scars from that are resident in many of them (can you blame em for that?).  Many of them did not have but a few options and LOTS of them went through pain and suffering that we may not have to (due to the new meds available today). 

True, with the newly diagnosed, there seems to be optimism given to us by our ID Specialists in many cases as well as literature we happen upon online or by other medium.  I like to be optimistic but also like to stay grounded in reality.  There is so much that is still unknown about HIV.  OK, enough on that.  As for as a special place for Newbies, its cool but please dont shut the door on advice from those LTS folks.  Not everyone on these forums is going to present information in an eloquent or even (for the lack of a better word) nice way.  For the most part, I seriously doubt their real intent is to be cruel, spiteful, or out right mean.  There will always be a bully or two in the sandbox... thats just life. 

I like the idea of a Newbie only place and I think it may add value for many.  We have a lot to discuss as well as the LTS folks.  To 'quasi' quote someone earlier, sage advice is also good and know that it may also be found on other threads.  Just my 2 cents. 


Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2010, 10:02:27 PM »
OMG, Hope! We are getting swamped!!! lol.... I think the Statue of Liberty gets the tired, the poor, and the tired masses, but we get the old and the Canadians! (but we love 'em). You definitely have to adjust your driving habits this time of the year if you want to get anywhere in one piece  ;) I guess it's a good sign that so many people have the luxury of living as "snow birds".

Poor NYC  ???. He really took a beating over his post. He's a really nice guy if folks would give him a chance. He's adjusting like the rest of us and wasn't trying to lambaste anyone out here. He was just recommending a spot for folks who are still trying to wrap their heads around HIV to talk to each other about what their going through now. From the (non-vile) responses he got, it seems like this is the appropriate location. I think the "just tested" part of the title didn't make that really obvious until folks pointed it out. Thus this "experiment".

We've got HIV and that's a fact and it's not going to change anytime soon. But, those of us who are new can compare what we're going through and provide support to one another based on our current experiences. I, too, like the idea of being able to get together and share what's going on and discuss this journey together. I think it's a valid point that LTS and Women have different issues that they are dealing with, but so do we. So why not try to develop some comradery and share our experiences? And, we get the extra benefit of being able to ask many of the LTSs for advice on issues. I don't see where it's a loss for anyone. In fact, it might even end up raising the active number of members from an average that seems to hover somewhere between 10 and 15 at any given time.


Offline hope_for_a_cure

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2010, 10:05:20 PM »
I will play in the Newbie sandbox!  lol

nychope1

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #19 on: December 03, 2010, 11:04:55 PM »
I think I am going to cry! But I except this award on behalf of all those who survived a pummeling here. I would like to thank God, my agent... my doc of course, my pharmacist, my bartender, my doorman, my chihuahua. Good night all. Love you.

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #20 on: December 03, 2010, 11:10:09 PM »
I think I am going to cry! But I except this award on behalf of all those who survived a pummeling here. I would like to thank God, my agent... my doc of course, my pharmacist, my bartender, my doorman, my chihuahua. Good night all. Love you.

"Don't cry, ShopGirl"  ;)

The "award" cannot be accepted online. You are expected to host a party in The City where we will present it to you. And, we expect Carrie Bradshaw and her friends to be present.

Offline Danny47

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #21 on: December 04, 2010, 01:31:06 AM »
Hey Zorro, being an ex-Floridian I can testify that anything under 70 is just plain too cold for beach weather.  I can understand.  Imaging now being Cuban and living in Georgia were today we had weather in the low 40s all day! I am 49 now, was diagnosed last year at age 47 (bday in nov.) It is by far something not simple and easy to go through.  But there's a phrase that I learned recently and it says that "Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you handle it" This has become my motto and my best advice to you.  To me, this forum became my daily friend.  My partner, whom I met 2 weeks prior to my diagnosis, stayed with me along the way.  My whole health picture is a bit more complicated than most, but my motto continues to be the same.  Also, I firmly believe that our overall attitude plays a crucial part on our well being and most importantly, our immune system.

So chin up.  Be responsible with your treatment and your condition, keep your gym routine as religion and play by ear whom you tell.  I found out that for me, I am as open about it as I am about being gay, but yet, I have NOT told my Mom (and we have a very close relationship) partly due because she hated the person that infected me.  and I use to be open about getting tested with all of my partners.  I showed him my negative when we met, and he told me he was neg and I trusted him.  As luck has it I was on a year long cortisone treatment for UC (being HIV+ and not knowing) so when I got tested My CD4 count were on 120, meaning AIDS, then Lymphoma, chemotherapy, then colon cancer, chemotherapy, radiation.  Now a year and a half later, my bone marrow is finally left alone and I should start on my way to recovery.  But all along my Atripla kept me a little over 200 (my lowest) during all that time and the most important part is that I continue to have my VL < so it means that start to recover again.  My cancer is gone, my UC is in remission and for some odd reason my HIV is the least of my worries for as long as I keep my attitude in good spirits.

Be healthy....and you will be well...     
Negative on Feb. 3, 2008, Positive Elyssa Feb. 3, 2009
Feb. 11, 09 cd4 120, VL 267,000
Feb. 17, 09 Prophylaxis SMZ and Azytromicin
March 2, 09 Atripla and prophylaxis
May 09, VL UD, CD4 515
July 09, Lymphoma. Started Chemo every week, 13 weeks
September 09, VL UD, CD4 310
December 09, VL UD, CD4 414
January 10, UC flare, Lymphoma, Colon Cancer
Chemotherapy treatment & Radiation
July 2010, VL UD, CD4 234
August 2010, Cancer Free
Nov 2010, VL UD, CD4 204, Brain CT, Liver, Lungs, Kidney, Colon ans Lymph nodes Cancer Free!

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #22 on: December 04, 2010, 02:40:01 AM »
Honestly this thread feels a little bit like "they have a place where they can be free of us, why can't we have a place where we can be free of them?".  I still read the LTS forums and if I want to partake in the conversation I just PM anyone.  Usually though the topics are of little interest to me other than wellwishing the folks suffering from complications due to the old meds.

nychope1

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #23 on: December 04, 2010, 04:19:34 AM »
"Don't cry, ShopGirl"  ;)

The "award" cannot be accepted online. You are expected to host a party in The City where we will present it to you. And, we expect Carrie Bradshaw and her friends to be present.

A party huh? I can produce a tacky Carrie Bradshaw and expect her to have an adams apple.

Now a PSA to the newly infected. The newly diagnosed. The new to this forum. The partakers in this thread: I don't want to open an old wound but feel a responsibility to clarify a popular new saying that I coined that was completely misinterpreted and, in some cases, used as a tool to make false points. To be fair, unless one goes way back on some threads yesterday you may have missed why I originally used it.

The famous "no big deal" was used to respond to a member who was nervous about taking meds. He was freaking, as I did a short time ago shortly before starting meds. Ya know, will I get lipo, will I become psychotic over night, will I grow a babies arm out of my back. The questions we run through our minds over and over again. So I used "no big deal" to ease and take some of the nervousness and apprehension out of the equation.

No words help that feeling until you just do it and find out yourself. The words "no big deal" applied to taking the meds. Not the meds themselves. That is important. Taking the meds. Not the meds themselves and definitely not HIV. No where and at no time did I ever say HIV is no big deal. It is.

Meds are a big deal yes. I do believe any substance you put in your body everyday for possible life is a big deal. If you are in this forum I assume you are now positive and that is the message from me to you. If you are not positive and have nothing better to do than hang around this joint, meds are a big deal and if you don't need them don't end up having to take them.

Now having clarified that, though if my experience here proves anything it will again be taken the wrong way, I want to also say this:
I don't mind taking meds personally. I've been drinking for thirty years. I smoked in the past. I did recreational drugs. I love red meat. I've been polluting my body with one thing or another forever. Maybe that's why I have tolerated these meds so well. And for me taking them is no big deal. I have no choice. That's what sucks.  I don't care what these meds will do to me if I am still on them in twenty or thirty years. As long as I am healthy now. I just don't like having to do something. That's me. I do believe that these meds may actually save me from myself. I have limited my beer and bourbon and am on a better schedule and just may live longer than I otherwise might have. Then again I ride motorcycles with no helmet in states with no helmet laws and never wear seat belts. Anything can happen. I made it this far and I look pretty damn good if I do say so myself. 

To wrap up: to those who are thinking about the bad things that will happen the night you take your meds; You may not sleep well. You may feel crappy as you adjust. You may need to give it a few days. You may have to change them eventually. But I promise no babies arms growing out of your back, no mental ward, no facial problems and no big deal. Respect the meds but don't be afraid of them. They are your new friends. They may actually help you sleep. They help me sleep though I stayed up too late tonight.

If you have friends that are bb'ing tell them their luck will run out and they are playing with fire. They don't want this. Be a leader and be tough and tell them. If you think you know someone who may be infected drive it home that the sooner they find out the healthier they will be. Early detection means so much. Do you really want a friend to be in this forum and have to read this crap by someone like me? Yikes!

Fuck.. I got to get back to bed. This is Night number 28 on Atripla. Can this just be one of those bad dreams? Possibly.



Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #24 on: December 04, 2010, 05:23:55 AM »
@Danny: Sorry to hear about all the added health issues that you have to deal with in addition to HIV. That has to totally bite. I hope things continue to get better for you. As to your partner, it's very heartening to hear from someone else who's in a committed relationship despite HIV. Personally, I think (know?) that I'm letting the stigma of HIV prevent me from getting "out there" and getting "caught" despite the fact that I'm supposedly a pretty "good catch" (still not sure what that means  :P ). I think that, on one level, not "mingling" is one way of not having to be subjected to possible rejection. Of course, it also means not being available if the right guy is ready and looking. A bit of a self-created catch-22.

Pre-HIV, I was pretty ignorant of the disease. I only "dated" one guy who was positive and it was for a very short time (I'm not sure how long it would have lasted, had he not brought coke into my house - loooong story). I do remember, though, that I was always very scared (almost petrified) of catching it. Now, the shoe is on the other foot, and in a lot of ways, I empathize with the negative folks that keep their distance. Of course, I don't agree with it (now), and wish they could reach the level of understanding of the relative risks that I have developed, but they don't have the same vested interest in understanding that I have. Still, it's nice to hear from the second person this week that there are others out there who can look past it and I'm happy for you.

@Hope: don't forget your shovel!  ;) (and you're sexy lil weatherman)

@NYC: LOL...we're gonna have to change your moniker to NBD (No Big Deal). I think some folks might finally be getting what you were trying to say (others never will because they don't want to). I think that far too often it's easier to just jump on someone rather than to try to figure out what their point of view is in order to properly translate a written statement. If more people would first assume good intentions from an author instead of assuming they are naive, delusional, etc. they would have an easier time understanding the overall message. Sadly, one form of self-therapy seems to be "feel better by making others feel worse". We see that type of personality everywhere. I've always suspected that those individuals must have much sadder lives than I and try to give them a wide berth.

I try (not always successfully) to assume that most people are, by nature, good. It can be pretty surprising how, if one looks at things from that perspective, a lot of misunderstandings can be avoided. If someone says something I find offensive, I try to determine if they woke up that day with the sole intent of offending me or if I'm over reacting. If I'm not sure, I ask them. I don't just play the "race" card or whatever other card is appropriate. I think everyone deserves the opportunity to prove that, "Yes, Virginia, there are buttholes in the World". Sadly, many still opt to provide that proof. That's why God gave us the ability to ignore people.  :-\

For the record, if I piss anyone off, it was probably unintentional. Feel free to call me on it so I can apologize and explain myself. If I tell you to go pound sand, you were right the first time  ;)

I'm thinking about "going out" tomorrow night....If I don't pretty soon, I'm going to have to call the blacksmith and have him send Pip over  :)
« Last Edit: December 04, 2010, 05:34:36 AM by ElZorro »

Offline veritas

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #25 on: December 04, 2010, 07:16:19 AM »

Just wanted to let you guys know, I, for one(as a LTS), found this thread to be refreshing. I admiire the way you guys are handling your infection. You guys are upbeat with genuine hope for the future (the way it should be) and a great reparte. A stock contrast to the early days of the infection. The disease is changing and "That's a GOOD THING!". Keep the upbeat attitude and you'll all do fine.

So now, since Z wanted to change my moniker, I'll "stealth" away.

Stay healthy!

v

Offline Dachshund

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #26 on: December 04, 2010, 08:35:14 AM »
So how long is shelf life for a noob? A month, six weeks, a year? Can a new noob request that an "older" noob refrain from posting in the newer noob's news? How much new could a new noob knew...

Offline bmancanfly

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #27 on: December 04, 2010, 10:42:23 AM »
I'd like to second what veritas said.   Stay positive.

How much new could a new noob knew...

lol
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

 Bertrand Russell

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #28 on: December 04, 2010, 12:04:34 PM »
Just wanted to let you guys know, I, for one(as a LTS), found this thread to be refreshing. I admiire the way you guys are handling your infection. You guys are upbeat with genuine hope for the future (the way it should be) and a great reparte. A stock contrast to the early days of the infection. The disease is changing and "That's a GOOD THING!". Keep the upbeat attitude and you'll all do fine.

So now, since Z wanted to change my moniker, I'll "stealth" away.

Stay healthy!

v

Thanks, V, we've gotta get someone to make you a costume.

In my mind's eye, I picture him swooping in with a giant "V" emblazoned on his chest. Maybe it stands for Veritas de hiV?  It's always very refreshing to read his posts and to realize that, despite having been through the worst, he still looks for the best. I think he's a realist and recognizes that every cup that is half empty is also half full and, as such, is capable of quenching thirst.  Ooh Rah, V - The Stealth Avenger  ;)

@Dach:  ;D  

@BMan: That's gotta be the general plan, right? Remain pozitive. I used to answer the question "are you sure" with responses like "I'm absolutely positive". It's a bit weird how, now, I don't ever use that particular word and I abolutely recognize when I'm filtering my words in a conversation. It's almost like I'd be broadcasting my status by saying it (which is silly, of course).  

I'm looking forward to the ability to say "be positive" or "stay positive" or "I'm positive" without it bringing HIV into my train of thought. Similarly, my mom's favorite goodbye line is always "I love you, be safe". Every time she says that, now, I have to refrain from saying "it's a bit late for that, Mom".  :-\

nychope1

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #29 on: December 04, 2010, 12:50:05 PM »
El Z.... I like that NBD. It sounds hip. I can start a music career.

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #30 on: December 04, 2010, 12:55:00 PM »
An HIV Rap?  :P  I sort of saw that coming from your acceptance speech (although you thanked God, and I think "Thank you, Jesus" is more the standard)

I'm still waiting for an answer to an earlier question. Namely, what's the prevalence of HIV up in NYC and how is that impacting your adjustment? Are (gay) people more accepting/educated about it than other places?

nychope1

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #31 on: December 04, 2010, 01:16:48 PM »
An HIV Rap?  :P  I sort of saw that coming from your acceptance speech (although you thanked God, and I think "Thank you, Jesus" is more the standard)

I'm still waiting for an answer to an earlier question. Namely, what's the prevalence of HIV up in NYC and how is that impacting your adjustment? Are (gay) people more accepting/educated about it than other places?

Well, Z... that is a superb question. Without a doubt it is not much of a stigma here to be gay. At all. The whole city is gay. It is a very progressive and liberal place. I forget that sometimes. It is just taken for granted I suppose. As well, there is a tremendous amount of support here in Manhattan for HIV + folks. I mean this is where it was ground zero. The West Village was completely decimated in the 80's. It actually changed the demographic of the area to what it is now. Not to many gays and lesbians but a whole lot of uber rich families and celebrities. The gay folks who owned that area died.

Years ago volunteered for "In God's Love We Deliver" a organization that was founded by David Geffen that prepares and delivers food to home bound AIDS patients. I don't have to tell you what I used to witness. Tough stuff.

Don't forget also that this is a big entertainment and art city. So we are in general more sensitive and protective of that community. It s our life's blood in many ways.

The doctors and nurses and medical infrastructure is superb in my opinion and I have a wonderful doctor who is partly to blame for my nauseating hopeful attitude.

So yes... I would imagine that all things being what they are there is a large gay population and a large HIV population. I don't feel stigmatized here as I probably might in another town. Though I don't let anyone know either. But I would be like that if I had cancer or anything else. Friends are fine but that's it.
 

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #32 on: December 04, 2010, 01:26:16 PM »
Is there a good VA hospital? Can you build a dome over the city and keep the temperature at a constant 78-85 degrees?  ;)

I watched the two Sex in the City movies recently (I never really got into the series, but I enjoyed the movies). The whole city lifestyle looks like it would be fun. So much to do, so many options. I probably should have lived up there at some time in my life. I can't complain, though, I lived in Honolulu for 3 years  ::)

Right now, I'm seriously considering a move to Ft Lauderdale/Miami (like past trips to NYC, I've only been there for business and didn't really have the chances to explore). I should be working in SFla on a project next year and I'm gonna use that as an opportunity to scout out the area. It's probably the better choice, because there would be no need for a dome  ;)

What part of Florida do you come to during your summer stays?

nychope1

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #33 on: December 04, 2010, 01:34:04 PM »
There is a VA hospital right near me. A good one too.
I never watched the Sex and the City stuff. I'm not that type  ;)

It is a great town and I've lived in Manhattan over twenty years. Without getting too personal here I own a place on the beach near Ft. Lauderdale and am strongly considering moving down full time.

As much as I love this town it has changed it is very expensive and I don't like the cold really. I really like Florida and am always healthier when I am there. I like living outdoors. The quality of life is better all around.

So I may just be moving there within the year.

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #34 on: December 04, 2010, 01:45:28 PM »
That's probably not too personal. It's a big city...no one will be able to find your house if it gets down to picketing  ;)

The more I think about it, the more I think the geography that one lives in probably does have a huge impact on the acclimation process. It makes sense. The more people are aware of it, the more educated they likely are about it. One could expect that education would impact acceptance. I know from when I used to go out and "strut" a couple of years ago, it was still a source of gossip here, where some bitchy queen would be sure to whisper "he's sick" etc. if they had the chance. That's not gonna be me. I'm not in a hurry to walk around with a red H on my forehead. Sometimes, though, I think it would be an amazingly sense of freedom to just put on one of Annie Lennox's T-Shirts and go to the grocery store.  

I'm a freak, dude! I'll probably be arguing with myself within the next two years (and losing the arguments)...I'm headed for shut-in status...lol

nychope1

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #35 on: December 04, 2010, 01:54:28 PM »
HA! Bitchy queens no their place in this town.

No but really the nice thing about NYC there isn't a gay ghetto if you will besides Chelsea. Most of the people here are woven into the fabric pretty thoroughly.

I have to scram.. Later.

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #36 on: December 04, 2010, 03:23:35 PM »
Right now, I'm seriously considering a move to Ft Lauderdale/Miami (like past trips to NYC, I've only been there for business and didn't really have the chances to explore). I should be working in SFla on a project next year and I'm gonna use that as an opportunity to scout out the area. It's probably the better choice, because there would be no need for a dome  ;)

What part of Florida do you come to during your summer stays?

Miami/Fort Lauderdale is where it is at --- to me it is second only to NYC (I would live in NYC in a second if I could get past the winters).

BTW, we are expecting it to get down to 46 here as a low mid-week (but that is a rarity - only one or two days a year)
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #37 on: December 04, 2010, 03:42:24 PM »
Soooo....do you have room for my 3 cats, too??  ;)

If it's gonna get that cold on your side of the state, I guess we are going to get snow over here  ::)  Remember last year when it snowed outside of Orlando?

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #38 on: December 04, 2010, 03:46:51 PM »
LOL  on the cats

Yeah - it's nice out now - about 73 and sunny - but I had the heat on last night for a bit.  I remember when they had that light snow in Orlando - the parents live in Ocala (about an hour north of Orlando) and I try to avoid going up that way this time of year. 

Soooo....do you have room for my 3 cats, too??  ;)

If it's gonna get that cold on your side of the state, I guess we are going to get snow over here  ::)  Remember last year when it snowed outside of Orlando?
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #39 on: December 04, 2010, 03:51:15 PM »
I am posting in this thread, dick-sniffers.

MtD

/edited in honour of El Zorro/
« Last Edit: December 04, 2010, 04:12:54 PM by Matty the Damned »

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #40 on: December 04, 2010, 03:53:03 PM »
I am posting in this thread.

MtD

Well..... I NEVER...

Okay, maybe once or twice, but I didn't like it ---

Okay, I liked it a little  :o
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #41 on: December 04, 2010, 04:02:51 PM »
I am posting in this thread.
MtD

It wouldn't be a valid thread without something from Matty. But, I think you left off "bitches"  ;)

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #42 on: December 04, 2010, 04:13:13 PM »
It wouldn't be a valid thread without something from Matty. But, I think you left off "bitches"  ;)

Fixed.

MtD

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #43 on: December 04, 2010, 04:16:16 PM »
Fixed.
MtD

I partied with some Aussie sailors in Waikiki when I was stationed there. The next night one of them was "missing" from our party because he'd ended up in the brig for showing up to his post drunk. Nobody thought anything about it.

I love Austrailians! Everyone I have ever met was a trip!

nychope1

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #44 on: December 04, 2010, 09:03:54 PM »
Ft. Lauderdale is fun but certainly has its own vibe. BIG drinkers in FT. L. Great Happy Hours.
I find the only draw back to living in Florida is having to drive after drinking. It really puts a damper on things. We don't have that problem in Manhattan.

Offline Maelrod

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #45 on: December 04, 2010, 11:38:16 PM »
Hi Nychope1 >:(: What's u think about south beach. I drank the best mojittos than ever. U get drunk w 3 of them, they are so big.  
« Last Edit: December 04, 2010, 11:42:07 PM by Maelrod »
Is better STOp living in the past, the I SHOULDn't doesn't exist.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #46 on: December 05, 2010, 05:53:28 AM »
I partied with some Aussie sailors in Waikiki when I was stationed there. The next night one of them was "missing" from our party because he'd ended up in the brig for showing up to his post drunk. Nobody thought anything about it.

I love Austrailians! Everyone I have ever met was a trip!

Fascinating. Tell me, can you be any more of a suck up?

MtD

Offline ElZorro

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #47 on: December 05, 2010, 09:08:28 AM »
Fascinating. Tell me, can you be any more of a suck up?

MtD

Yeah, that was probably pretty boring. To clarify though, the "nobody" was all of his fellow aussies. We American GIs were amazed at the cavalier attitude. They worked hard and they partied hard and we had some very memorable times with them.

 ;D  


Offline Ann

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #48 on: December 05, 2010, 11:15:02 AM »


EZ, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but yes, your ass looks fat in that. :o
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: "Newbie" Thread #1
« Reply #49 on: December 05, 2010, 11:16:50 AM »
Fascinating. Tell me, can you be any more of a suck up?

MtD

Don't be jealous that some people are better at sucking than you are.

 


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