Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 02, 2014, 03:04:15 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 640733
  • Total Topics: 48671
  • Online Today: 247
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 5
Guests: 144
Total: 149

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Sometimes it hits me hard  (Read 1970 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline newby05

  • Member
  • Posts: 41
Sometimes it hits me hard
« on: November 24, 2010, 05:33:53 PM »
Most days I am content with my diagnosis while living a pretty normal life. Then like a head on collision it hits me that I have HIV. I beat myself up emotionally for what I have done to myself. The emotional pain lasts for a bit....I begin to worry, get butterflies in my stomach, and cry for a while. Eventually, the anxiety turns to normal again and the cycle continues. I am wondering if anxiety meds would help me out with this. Does anyone else have bouts or episodes of such feelings?

Offline madbrain

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,208
  • No longer an active member
    • My personal site
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2010, 05:44:36 PM »
Most days I am content with my diagnosis while living a pretty normal life. Then like a head on collision it hits me that I have HIV. I beat myself up emotionally for what I have done to myself. The emotional pain lasts for a bit....I begin to worry, get butterflies in my stomach, and cry for a while. Eventually, the anxiety turns to normal again and the cycle continues. I am wondering if anxiety meds would help me out with this. Does anyone else have bouts or episodes of such feelings?

Yes, anxiety and/or antidepressant meds can help. In conjunction with counseling.


Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2010, 08:15:38 PM »
Quote
Yes, anxiety and/or antidepressant meds can help.

Alternatively, it's just a virus, whatever anyone else says.

Talking with someone, yes, helpful, formally or informally. HIV still has a great social valuation.

But in the end it's just a virus, and it's up to us to decide to live this truth and tell people so.

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2010, 08:25:20 PM »
Newby, if you're still on Atripla, it is quite possible that the Sustiva component of the pill is what is causing this. It sounds like classic Sustiva mood-swings. Just because you've been on it for a few years doesn't mean this type of side effect can't come on even if you hadn't had it before. You may want to discuss a med switch with your doctor. Antidepressants and anti-stress meds often come with their own side effects and don't always help.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline newby05

  • Member
  • Posts: 41
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2010, 11:06:24 PM »
Thanks for the replies, everyone. Yes, I am still on Atripla. Who would have thought a med that is so convenient and powerful could cause such mood swings. Thanks for the heads up. I feel a comfort being able to post on this site and have interaction with so many nice people. Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Offline findingaway

  • Member
  • Posts: 22
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #5 on: November 25, 2010, 01:58:30 AM »
I understand that feeling all the more. I generally am in a great mood and trying to come to terms with what I have done with my life. Other days, i just break down. It has happened more lately than in the past couple of months. I don't know what to do with it. I am guessing it is the holidays, being away from my family and true friends. I don't know. But I understand what you are going through. It is a bitch. But I have hope for everyone on here that we can make it through it.

Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #6 on: November 25, 2010, 05:39:22 AM »
Does anyone else have bouts or episodes of such feelings?
Yes!  I had a bad bout last week.  It gets easier, but doesn't always go away.  Talking is good.  Getting it out of the system, seems to help loads.


Offline elf

  • Member
  • Posts: 612
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #7 on: November 25, 2010, 09:28:30 PM »
I just take my pills and ignore it. Otherwise I would be getting a psychosis with all people wanting me to die...
Most people are stuck in the 1980ies, and people who do know about HAART think it's a symptomatic therapy for a less painful death.  ???

I rarely feel lonely and sad, once a month I guess, usually when it's late, and I'm tired, but the next morning I'm perfectly ok. Sleep can help.  8)
« Last Edit: November 25, 2010, 09:32:50 PM by elf »

Offline wtfimpoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 418
  • Let's make biscuits!
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #8 on: November 25, 2010, 10:20:43 PM »
Most days I am content with my diagnosis while living a pretty normal life. Then like a head on collision it hits me that I have HIV. I beat myself up emotionally for what I have done to myself.

We're all human.  We all make mistakes.  Unless you've been abstinate or went bugchasing, your status is to some degree or other an expression of luck.  Its basically a matter of luck that your partner was or wasn't poz.  Its luck that the condom did or didn't break.  Its luck that you did or didn't trick with some psychopath who took it off.  Its luck that the virus did or did not take hold.  Have you SEEN some of the ridiculous shit people do and manage to stay negative FOR YEARS?  Check Craigslist...there's a whole swathe of the population whose prevention strategy is to serosort complete strangers using questions like "are you clean".  AND THEY'RE STILL NEGATIVE!!!  Do you think any of those jackasses are really doing anything FOR themselves to remain negative?  No, they're doing absolutely NOTHING, its complete and utter luck.  Likewise, you didn't do anything TO yourself.   

Part of the problem with our desire to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions is that we begin to believe we somehow deserve what has happened.  Guilt and blame materialize when they're not fair.  Perversely, we carry this belief into the assumption that others who aren't going through the same problems must have done something better, that they must in fact BE better.  HIV is an instance where that couldn't be further from the truth.  Yeah, you probably could've done things a lot differently, but so could a lot of other people who didn't get infected.  What about all the straight people on here for whom HIV statistically ranked below an auto accident, but they still got it.  Did they DO anything to themselves?  At the end of the day, its a virus, and you just got unlucky.  Stop raking yourself over the coals for what you "did" to yourself.     
09/01/2009-neg
mid april, 2010, "flu like illness".
06/01/2010-weakly reactive ELISA, indeterminant WB
06/06/2010-reactive ELISA, confirmed positive.

DATE       CD4     %     VL
07/15/10  423     33    88k
08/28/10  489     19    189k
09/06/10-Started ATRIPLA
09/15/10  420     38    1400
11/21/10  517     25    51

Offline elf

  • Member
  • Posts: 612
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2010, 10:19:13 AM »
I would say: I'm clean but we should use a condom because I don't believe you.  ;D
When in Rome, do as the Romans do...I only trust Dana Scully and remember what she said: Trust no one.  ;D
« Last Edit: November 26, 2010, 10:21:36 AM by elf »

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Sometimes it hits me hard
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2010, 12:59:10 PM »
Have you SEEN some of the ridiculous shit people do and manage to stay negative FOR YEARS?  Check Craigslist...there's a whole swathe of the population whose prevention strategy is to serosort complete strangers using questions like "are you clean".  AND THEY'RE STILL NEGATIVE!!!  Do you think any of those jackasses are really doing anything FOR themselves to remain negative?  No, they're doing absolutely NOTHING, its complete and utter luck.   

And how many of those "jackasses" do you think actually accurately KNOW their status? And how many of them are in denial? How many of them are outright lying? I'm willing to bet it's a pretty high percentage. Just because some "jackass" writes on their Craigslist profile "DDF, UB2" doesn't make it true. Isn't believing that crap how many of us got here?

While a "total" top might get away with barebacking men (or women) they've met over the internet for years or even for their whole lives, you can bet someone who is a "total" bottom or even bottoms occasionally is going to end up poz sooner rather than later if they're barebacking random people off Craigslist.

Luck may have a little bit to do with whether or not a person becomes infected, but if you're bareback bottoming, then your luck will most certainly run out. It's like playing roulette of an Eastern European persuasion. I was with a negative guy for 18 months before I was diagnosed and it was luck that he wasn't infected during that time. We used condoms after (for another six and a half years) and he's still negative. Luck had NOTHING to do with that, it was purely down to condom use.

And please, can we stop referring to a negative hiv status as being "clean"? I know people elsewhere do it, but do we have to do it here too? It's so demeaning when you're poz. I'm clean too, or at least I will be in a half-hour when I go take a shower before I go out for the evening. I'm not dirty, I have hiv. It's just a damn virus, people!
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.